Nowhere Left to Hide (The Royal Trilogy Book 3)

by Kat Mizera

  “You want to talk about it?” Toli pressed, watching him carefully.

  “Nah. I want to hang out with my family for a week, and then head back to…Anchorage.” He tried to hide his distaste but his brother knew him too well and his eyebrows instantly shot up.

  “I’ve heard rumors it’s a rough room,” was all Toli said.

  “Not as bad as some, a lot worse than others,” Sergei muttered.

  “That bad?” Toli looked surprised.

  “It’s honestly like nothing I’ve ever experienced as a professional.”

  “Will you stay?”

  “I’ve had feelers out but I think I’m stuck in Anchorage for at least one full season.”

  “You want me to talk to Mr. Finch? Find a way to get you on the Sidewinders?”

  Sergei shook his head. “Nah. That would scream nepotism and I can handle almost anything for a year. Assuming I can find a nanny for Niko.”

  “Speaking of which, I think I have a solution for that.”

  “You do?”

  “Yes. Our friend—”

  He was cut off as the front door opened and a cheerful female voice called out, “Lucy—I’m ho-ome!”

  “Who’s Lucy?” Sergei frowned as Niko bolted for the front door.

  “Mama D!”

  “Hey, kiddo!” A tall blonde came around the corner, her face nuzzled in Niko’s tummy as she carried him.

  “What did he call you?” Sergei stood up, a scowl creasing his face.

  “Excuse me?” The blonde slowly put Niko down and scowled right back.

  “Did he call you Mama?” Sergei demanded.

  She arched her brows and fixed big green eyes on him. “Yes. Mama D—for Danielle.”

  “You’re not his mother.”

  “Sergei—” Toli began.

  “We’re both well aware of that.” Her eyes flashed with annoyance. “It’s a nickname.”

  “Daddy?” Niko looked distressed as he watched them.

  “It’s okay, sweetie.” Tessa swooped in and grabbed Niko’s hand. “Let’s get a snack.”

  Sergei whirled on Toli once his son was out of earshot. “You let him call her Mama? What the fuck?”

  “It’s not—” Toli tried again.

  “We didn’t let him,” Dani interjected with a dark frown, folding her arms across her chest. “We tried to guide him to Auntie D and he refused. For some reason, he hung on to Mama D and we decided to let him get past it on his own instead of calling attention to it like you’re doing now.”

  The look she was giving him would have made his dick hard under any other circumstances as he took in big green eyes currently sparking with anger, pink lips pursed in annoyance and a taut, gorgeous body poised for a fight… But not today. Today he was pissed. Today he wanted somebody to take out his frustrations on and hearing his son call this stranger Mama poked him in just the wrong way.

  “He’s my son,” he growled, giving her an equally distasteful look as his lusty thoughts turned dark.

  “No shit, sherlock.” She narrowed her eyes. “What does that have to do with anything?”

  “In case you weren’t aware, he has a mother and—”

  “Unfortunately, he doesn’t anymore,” she snipped, tossing her long blond hair. “And based on the fact you dumped him here on your brother’s wife, he doesn’t have much of a father, either.”

  “Who the hell do you think you are?” Sergei took a step toward her but Toli quickly planted himself between them, shaking his head, even though Danielle never flinched. Before anyone could say anything, Tessa came back into the room glaring at them.

  “Sergei, what on earth is wrong with you?” she asked in disbelief. “We tried to get him to call her something else and he refused. We thought it would only make it worse if we kept correcting him, so we stopped. I’m sorry if that bothers you, but it’s not Dani’s fault, so please stop yelling at her.”

  No one said anything for a moment as Tessa fixed the brothers with a look of disapproval.

  “I have things to do,” Dani muttered, picking up her purse. “Tessa, call me tomorrow. Bye, Toli.” She walked out the front door and slammed it behind her.

  “If I lose the best helper I’ve ever had because you two are stupid, I’m going to be pissed!” Tessa snapped.

  “I tried to tell him,” Toli protested.

  “Well, you weren’t quick enough and he hurt her feelings.” Tessa shook her head. “Neither of you should get any meatloaf tonight.”

  “Hey, what did I do?” Toli called after her, a smile of affection on his lips as he watched her go.

  Tessa chuckled as she disappeared around the corner.

  “He can’t call a woman I don’t even know Mama,” Sergei grumbled, following Toli out to the back patio.

  “You could have handled that four hundred and seventy-two different ways,” Toli said, twisting the top off a beer and taking a long pull before switching to their native Russian. “What was that about? And don’t give me any bullshit about how he can’t call anyone Mama but Tatiana. She’s been gone nearly two years. He doesn’t even remember her—” He held up a hand when Sergei started to say something. “I loved her, too. I miss her. Not like you do, but I knew her most of my life, and I watched her die just like you did. There’s nothing fair about it and I’m not trying to tell you how to grieve, but you can’t expect Niko to mourn like you do. He’s three. All he knows are her pictures. He tried calling Tessa Mama T, but we changed that to Auntie T and it stuck. For whatever reason, we couldn’t dissuade him with Dani. Yelling at her like that was uncalled for.”

  Sergei let out a long, frustrated breath. He wanted to yell some more, tell all of them to fuck off and kiss his ass, but that wouldn’t be the right thing to do. Not only were they family, they’d gotten him through the darkest days of his life after his wife had been murdered, and Tessa had dropped everything more than once to help him with Niko. No, it wouldn’t be right to take his anger out on them no matter how much he wanted to. And now that he’d calmed down a little, he realized he shouldn’t have gone after Dani, either. Tessa had mentioned Zakk’s sister helping out on more than one occasion and now he was a little embarrassed by how he’d behaved.

  “Are you going to talk to me?” Toli asked quietly, meeting his eyes.

  Sergei gave an impatient little shrug. “I’ll apologize to her. It caught me off guard.”

  “I don’t care about that.” Toli grunted. “I mean, I do, but not right this minute. I want to know what’s wrong. You miss Tatiana, you’re not thrilled playing in Alaska, and being a single dad is rough. You have every right to be on edge, but not here, in my house—this should be where you can relax. What happened to set you off?”

  “Nothing specific,” Sergei admitted, “but I hold it in all the time. The anger, the frustration, the pain… There’s nowhere else to let loose. I have to focus on hockey. When I’m not playing, I’ve got to be a dad to Niko, which is all-encompassing. Then Boston traded me to fucking Alaska. I had to sell the house, make sure everything was packed up, dump my kid with family, and move to fucking Anchorage. I’m constantly on guard because the new team is a mess. On top of all that, they had a shit season and we didn’t make the playoffs. I’ve been living in a shithole corporate apartment and couldn’t find a house I liked. I haven’t had time to melt down or let off steam or get my shit together. I took a little time off when she died, but sitting at home grieving wasn’t good for me and it definitely wasn’t good for Niko. Fast forward about eighteen months and I’m still struggling.”

  “And because we’re men we don’t think we can admit weakness,” his brother responded wryly.

  Sergei managed a faint smile, taking a pull from his beer and staring off into space. “Maybe I’m a little jealous, you know? You have it all—the beautiful wife, the kids, the skyrocketing career… I don’t have anything except that little boy in there. Maybe that’s why I lost my shit when I heard him call someone I didn’t know Mama.”


  “What can I do?” Toli asked quietly.

  “I don’t know. Probably nothing.”

  They were quiet for a while, sipping their beers and watching the sun get a little lower in the sky. Finally, Toli glanced over at him. “Stay a while,” he suggested softly.

  “What?”

  “What is there for you in Anchorage? Right now, you need your family, and I hate to say this, but Niko needs his aunts and uncles, his cousins, and the people he’s met here. If the team out there isn’t like a family to you, then borrow mine. Until you’re strong again.” He rested a hand on Sergei’s shoulder, though he didn’t look at him. “I know it’s hard for you to ask for help, so I’m going to give it to you. The Sidewinders have become family to me, and you already have a relationship with many of them. Stay here with us; take some time to heal. Let Tessa and the other wives mother Niko—he knows they’re not Mommy. He doesn’t understand it, but he knows. Tatiana will always be his mother, but since she can’t be here, let him get that kind of love elsewhere.”

  Sergei swallowed hard, swiping at something that was making his eyes scratchy.

  “Fuck, Toli.” Sergei couldn’t articulate anything else.

  “I know.” Toli squeezed his shoulder as he got to his feet. “Now I’m going to go inside and sweet-talk my wife until she lets us have meatloaf for dinner.”

  “Thank you.”

  Toli just smiled.

  For a while, Sergei didn’t move. Long after his beer was empty and Toli stuck his head out to tell him dinner was ready, he sat in the lounge chair staring at the crystalline waters of the pool and the slowly setting sun. It was as close as he’d come to relaxed in nearly two years. It had been nineteen months since his wife had died, and sometimes it seemed like yesterday. He still saw her smile in his dreams, but when he was awake, it was harder. He had to focus to picture her face, and those were the times guilt overwhelmed him.

  She’d died to protect him, and it still haunted him. He should have stopped her—he’d known her father hated him—but living in the U.S., far away from his father-in-law’s involvement with the Russian mafia, he’d dropped his guard. She’d paid for it with her life, and though he didn’t think she would be happy knowing how difficult it had been for him to move on, he didn’t know how. She and Niko had been his life outside of hockey, and there had never been a scenario where he was going to raise his son on his own. Her death had thrown him for a loop emotionally, mentally, and in a lot of ways, professionally. At this point, he had no choice but to accept Toli’s offer of help. Whatever stage of grief this was, it sucked balls. Maybe the comfort of his family was what had been missing all along. God knew he needed something, because he wasn’t handling it on his own.

  If you enjoyed this excerpt from DEFENDING DANI, check out the Alaska Blizzard series and grab your copy today!

  www.KatMizera.com/books