by Amelia Judd
She’d left the café and started working full-time at SAS. Well, almost full-time. She still slipped away two afternoons a week to help Mrs. D., Lillian, Margaret, and Harry.
As long as she ignored the fact that the guy she loved had ditched both her and the unborn child she hadn’t figured out how to tell him about, things were going fine. Of course, it was damn hard to ignore that fact when her bestie kept badgering her about telling said idiot about the pregnancy.
“You wouldn’t have to handle it by yourself if you would just tell Logan you’re carrying his baby. And stop rolling your eyes at me. You know I’m right.”
“Jeez, I’m not rolling my eyes,” Kat lied, rolling her eyes again. “And I am going to tell him. I’m just taking my time. I wanna, you know”— she clicked her tongue—“do it right. Problem is, I haven’t been able to find a line of ‘Guess-what! You knocked me up!’ greeting cards.” She shrugged. “I’m going to look on Amazon later. They carry everything.”
“That’s it. I’m flying to Silver Bay tomorrow.” Sage’s voice rang with a scary level of determination. “It kills me to hear you trying to hide your pain behind sarcasm and jokes. I’ll catch the morning flight and be there by tomorrow night. We’ll figure this out together.”
“Chill out. I left Logan a voicemail a few weeks ago saying I needed to talk to him. I’ll tell him about the baby whenever he bothers to call me back.” Kat tightened her grip on her phone and started nervously tapping her fingers on one of the numerous parenting books scattered on the kitchen island. “I know you want to help, and I love you for it, but if you rushed here every time I said something sarcastic, you’d have to catch a flight north every other day. Maybe more. I really am okay. Or I will be someday. I think,” she added lamely.
“Do you love him?”
Kat thought about it a beat before answering. “Yeah. I love him.”
“Does he know that?”
“Doesn’t matter. He left when I asked him to stay.”
“If he knew—”
“The last thing I want is for him to stay with me out of pity or obligation.” Frustration and pride shook her words but strengthened her resolve.
“But—”
“Discussion closed. Now please stop worrying about me and go back to whatever you were doing before you called.” Eager to change the subject, Kat rushed on, knowing exactly how to disorient her overly proper friend. “What were you and my brother up to today? Another round of Captain Pax and his Saucy Wench?”
Sage let out a choked gasp.
Kat grimaced. “Oh my God, you were!” Eww. Major backfire! A shiver of grossness ran down her spine. “Why would you tell me that?”
“I didn’t tell you. You guessed. Besides we didn’t even do that today.”
“Yeah, but now I know you have done it.” Kat pounded her forehead with the heel of her hand. “I’ll never be able to forget that visual.”
“I’ve traumatized you,” Sage teased, her tone rich with amusement. “Now I’m definitely flying back to help.”
“Appreciated but not needed. Save the visit for after the kiddo is born. I’ve been reading some books on babies, and there’s some seriously scary shit in there. Did you know they eat and poop every seven and a half minutes and only sleep for half an hour at a time until they’re like four years old?”
“That can’t possibly be true.”
“My numbers may be a bit off.” Kat dismissed Sage’s skepticism with a flick of her wrist and started pacing nervous laps around the living room and kitchen. “But you get my point. Plus, there are a shit-ton of experts preaching theories on how to raise a kid and nobody can agree on which one is right. The only frickin’ thing they agree on is if you do it wrong, you’ll screw the kid up for life.”
“You’re not going to screw your kid up,” Sage said matter-of-factly.
“Yeah, right,” Kat groused. “Did you know I’m not supposed to swear around the kid? And when did ‘stupid’ become a cuss word? I let that little beauty fly in the grocery store line a week ago, and some woman covered her kid’s ears, nailed me with the stink-eye, and said she doesn’t use that word in front of children.” She scrunched her eyes closed and collapsed onto the couch, her emotions downshifting in one giant hormonal swing. “I’m going to be a horrible mother.”
“You’re going to be a wonderful mom.”
“How can you say that?” Her voice shook and eyes filled with tears. Frickin’ out-of-control emotions. “And I’m not being sarcastic this time. I really, really want a reason to believe you.”
“Because you’re a wonderful friend, sister, and daughter. Becoming an amazing mother will be a natural transition for you.”
“I guess my total awesomeness went unnoticed by Logan.”
“It’s his loss, the jerkface,” Sage declared firmly as only a best friend could.
Kat snorted. The huge piece of her heart that Logan had ripped out and taken with him sure as hell felt like her loss. Yes, she would have her baby, her home, her job, her friends, and her family. And she loved them all, but without Logan her life would never be full.
“I gotta go. Tell everyone at La Vida I said hey, and I’ll call you soon.” She disconnected before the tears slipping down her cheeks turned into an all-out cryfest.
For the millionth time, she wondered what Logan was doing right now. She knew he wasn’t in Costa Rica or Silver Bay, which left pretty much anywhere else in the world as a possibility. Did he miss her or had she already been replaced? Did he even think about her? What if he’d deep-sixed thoughts of her like all his other easily forgotten romantic liaisons?
The idea compressed what was left of her heart into a tight, painful knot. She ground the heel of her hand into her aching chest. As much as she hated the thought of Logan forgetting her, she hated the thought of being his latest and greatest mistake even more. And she knew once he got around to calling her back and she filled him in on his impending fatherhood, he’d never be able to forget her—even if he wished he could.
•••
The fist slammed into Logan’s face with bone-crunching effectiveness, snapping his head back and igniting a blaze of lights behind his eyelids. He stumbled back to stop from landing on his arse.
Damn. He’d forgotten how hard Pax could punch.
Logan wiped the back of his hand across the spew of blood coming from his mouth. “Hey, mate. Good to see you too.”
Pax shoved past him, charged into the shitty Chicago flat, and scanned the small room with a sneer. “So this is what you left my sister for?” He jerked his arm toward the only stuff in the place—a threadbare chair, a beat-up table, and a saggy mattress shoved into the corner. “Three months. You walked away from her three months ago, and this is all you have to show for it? What the hell is wrong with you?”
Logan swiped more blood from his lips and shrugged.
Glaring, Pax shook his head with disappointment and rage burning in his eyes. “This life of yours … never letting anyone close, never building a future, never giving a fuck about anything for long. Is that really who you are? Because, honest to God, I thought you were better than that.”
“Nice speech, but you’re wasting your breath.” Logan dropped into the sole chair in the room and stretched his legs out in front of him. “I’m surprised to see you.” He figured Pax would be thrilled to have a bloke like him out of his sister’s life.
“It took a large check to a PI after you changed your phone number, but I wasn’t giving up until I had the chance to tell you what an enormous fuck-up you are in person,” Pax growled. “And I wanted to slam my fist into that pretty-boy face of yours.” He flexed his right hand like he was making sure it still worked in case he decided to punch him again. “It was worth every damn penny, by the way.”
Logan rubbed his jaw and gave a mirthless chuckle. “Glad you enjoyed it, mate. Maybe someday you’ll learn to hit hard enough to actually do some damage.”
“If you don’t get your ass to
Silver Bay and beg Kat to take you back, I’ll do a hell of a lot more damage. Goddammit, Logan, it’s almost Christmas. Do you want Kat spending it alone and—” Paxton abruptly snapped his mouth closed, his jaw tightening. He drew in a deep breath before repeating, “Do you want her spending it alone?”
Logan snorted. “I take it Kat didn’t tell you anything about our last conversation because she made it clear she preferred being alone.”
“She didn’t tell me anything,” Pax snarled. “I should fucking kill you for using my sister for sex. Was she just another easy lay to you?”
Logan shot to his feet and charged toward Pax. He had a couple inches on the bastard and would happily use that advantage to beat the shit out of him. He stopped less than a foot away from Pax, pissed off and ready to fight. “Watch your fucking mouth, mate, or I’m going start hitting back.”
Pax stilled, confusion then surprise flashing across his features. “Holy shit. You love her.”
“Yeah, I bloody well love her,” Logan shot back. “Why do you think I left? I’m trying to do the right thing.”
“How is walking away the right thing?”
“I can’t give her an impressive last name or buy her a house like the one you two grew up in. I don’t have a fancy degree, and the biggest inheritance in my future is Mr. Cuddles, my mum’s mangy cat with a nasty personality.”
“You know Kat doesn’t give a shit about money.”
“It’s not just money. Don’t you get it? I’ve got nothing to offer her, nothing she needs.”
“You’re kidding me, right? You don’t see it?” Pax stared at Logan like he was a massive idiot, then shoved a hand through his hair and made a face. “Shit. You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Love, jackass,” Pax snapped. “Love is what she needs, and you can give that to her. The way I look at it, you have two choices. You can walk away from the best thing that ever happened to you—leaving Kat heartbroken, alone, and thinking she wasn’t enough to make you stay … ” He walked to the door and paused.
Logan ground his teeth, his chest constricting in pain.
“ … or you can stop being so fucking pathetic, tell her you love her, and beg her to give you a second chance. Worst case scenario, she says no and you’re right back here—alone and depressing as fuck—but at least she’ll know you loved her enough to try. And who knows?” Pax shrugged. “She might say yes, and you might not suck at being in it for the long haul. And one day you might even get your head out of your ass long enough to realize that you need her a hell of a lot more than she needs you.”
Pax stomped out of the apartment and slammed the door behind him so hard the flimsy walls shook. “Dramatic bastard,” Logan muttered, trying to ignore the hollow ache in his chest.
But Pax was right about one thing: Logan had nothing more to lose. He’d left everything—his heart and his soul—behind with Kat. If there was a shot, no matter how slim, that she’d say yes to a future with him, then he had to take it. If nothing else, Kat deserved to know he loved her.
A shiver of unease snaked down his spine at the thought of how she’d react to seeing him again. Christ, she was going to eat him alive. Kat may be tiny, but she was fierce. And he’d not only been stupid enough to hurt her, he’d also been foolish enough to fall in love with her. He should have known better than to tangle with a tiger.
He never stood a chance of coming out of it unscathed.
Chapter 14
WITH a grunt, Kat scooped up the last shovelful of snow and dumped it onto the large pile next to her. It was dusk on a cold December night, and the snow had finally stopped falling long enough for her to clear the sidewalk.
She had a sidewalk now. Actually she had a lot more than a sidewalk; she’d bought an updated two-story house in downtown Silver Bay a month ago. Shoveling snow wasn’t the favorite task she’d acquired as a homeowner, but it had to be done.
“Need a hand?”
Kat straightened at the sound of the familiar male voice behind her. She jabbed the shovel into a pile of snow thick enough to hold it upright, slipped off a glove, and smoothed the stray dark hairs from her face as she turned around with a grin.
“Impressive timing. Did you wait until I was done before offering?”
“Nope.” John grinned back at her. “I decided to stop by after I dug out Mrs. Dobolek’s driveway. Looks like I should have come here first.”
“Don’t be silly. Mrs. D. needs help shoveling. I don’t. Besides, I think she likes you better than she likes me. Ever since you started helping her, she looks disappointed whenever I show up instead.”
Kat grabbed the large container of environmentally friendly de-icer and started sprinkling it on the sidewalk. “Do you want to come inside for a cup of hot chocolate when I’m done?”
“Absolutely,” John said, gently placing his hand on her shoulder and lifting the container away from her. “I’ll finish up out here. You start on the drinks.”
“Yeah, sure,” Kat mumbled, tucking her chin down and turning away before he saw the tears in her eyes.
She still hadn’t gotten used to the mass of unruly pregnancy hormones coursing through her system. In the past, a man trying to do something for her because she was a small female would have ticked her off. Now the simple gesture of helping her clean the sidewalk had her crying like an idiot.
She stepped into her foyer and stripped off her snow gear, thankful that under her coat she had on a super-sized black hoodie Logan had left behind in his haste to leave. Being about five sizes too big for her, the yards of extra fabric hid her expanding belly as much as possible. Of course, at this stage on her pregnancy, she wasn’t going to be able to dodge curious questions from concerned citizens much longer.
She blew out a sigh and hooked her snow gear on the rack strategically hung over the floor heater. She’d put a lot of time and effort into making sure everything about her new place was perfect for her and her kiddo.
Her home sat on a pretty lot with some sort of big shady tree in the front and a secure looking fence enclosing the backyard. She’d bought the place from McKenna Wade, one of Claire’s childhood girlfriends. Mac had been remodeling homes for a couple of years, and she’d spent over six months working on this one. Mac had opened up the floor plan, put down hardwood floors, and gutted the kitchen. From the inviting great room with a wood-burning fireplace to the modern kitchen with enough space to hold an oversized table, Kat loved everything about her new place.
She turned on the Christmas-tree lights and her favorite holiday music playlist as she crossed through the great room to the kitchen. By the time she had the mugs of chocolate ready and brimming with marshmallows, John stepped inside and hung his winter gear next to hers.
“Take a load off,” Kat said, nodding toward her newly purchased couch as “White Christmas” started to play through her speakers in the living room.
John scanned the room as he sat down. “I can’t believe all you’ve done in the past few months. Bought and furnished a house as well as taken over SAS full-time. How’s that going, by the way?”
“SAS is great.” She handed him a mug and sat in the leather chair perpendicular to the couch. “Both sets of seniors—the high schoolers and the elderly—seem to be enjoying each other’s company. In fact, I’m not sure which is more entertained by the interaction. Two students stopped by Harry’s house last week to help him set up a new printer, and somehow they got on the subject of fishing.” Kat chuckled at the thought. “I don’t know the details, but Harry told them about some sort of homemade lure that never fails. They’re going back in the spring so he can show them how to make them.”
“Probably the Jenkin twins. They’re crazy about fishing.” John took a sip of hot chocolate. “You’re doing a good thing.”
“Thanks.” She grinned. “It’s really fun bringing these two groups together. But there are some things the high schoolers just can’t
do. They’re great at mowing lawns, raking leaves, and helping with electronics. But we can’t ask them to drive to doctor’s appointments or pick up medication—two requests we get a lot. So we’re going to expand into the community to bring adults in to help as well.”
“Count me in,” John said. “Consider Mrs. Dobolek’s driveway the first of many tasks.”
“Has there ever been a cause, a kid, or a critter that you haven’t volunteered to help?” she teased.
“Absolutely. I hate bees.” He gave an exaggerated shiver. “I’ll take off in a dead sprint if I hear or see one.”
“And you admit that?”
“Can’t exactly hide it when half the town has seen me running around blindly swatting the air around my head.”
“I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but Mac said she removed a nest of bees living under the deck.”
“You still bought this place?” he asked with a tongue-in-cheek expression.
“Yep. I love it here. There are three bedrooms up and a full basement down.”
“That’s a lot of space for one person,” he said with a meaningful look.
“I guess.” She shrugged a shoulder and pretended to find the inside of her mug deeply interesting. She wasn’t ashamed of her pregnancy—she just didn’t want to talk about Logan. And any discussion about her baby would naturally lead to her baby’s father.
“Kat,” John said, waiting to continue until she met his eye. “Are you pregnant?”
She cocked an eyebrow. “I heard you weren’t supposed to ask a woman that question unless you could actually see a baby coming out of her.”
