In A Heartbeat (HQR Superromance)

by Janice Kay Johnson

  “Nice image.” Suddenly, they were smiling at each other. Damn, she was beautiful, her dark blue eyes sparkling, her cheeks pink, her lips soft as they curved. Best of all, he could tell she was as captivated as he was. An offer from Amazon to buy any company in his portfolio for a billion dollars couldn’t have distracted him right now.

  “Anna.” His voice came out deep and ragged.

  “Yes?” she said, barely above a whisper. He’d swear she had swayed forward.

  The thunder of feet had him jerking.

  “I hear a car!” Molly yelled. “I bet Grandma and Grandpa are here.”

  He blinked a couple times, trying to bring his brain back online. Anna gave her head a small shake. He hadn’t heard an engine, but now car doors were slamming.

  He had to clear his throat before he said, “I think you’re right. Shall we go out and meet them?”

  She bounced up and down. “Yes! Come on, Daddy.”

  “So much for changing clothes,” Anna murmured.

  Nate swept her with another hungry gaze. “They’ll think you’re as beautiful as I do.”

  Her tremulous smile made him wish his parents weren’t here. And maybe not the kids, either, come to think of it.

  He groaned and slid off the stool to follow his eager daughter to the front door.

  * * *

  THE SUN WAS getting low at eight that evening, but still close to an hour from setting. The two men and Josh stood at the end of the dock, Nate’s father now holding the remote that controlled the small speedboat. Molly had gone with them and sat with her bare feet dangling off the dock, but seemed less entranced by the roar of the small boat skipping over the waves.

  Watching them just like Anna was, Mary Kendrick laughed. “At heart, those men aren’t a day older than Josh.”

  Anna smiled. “You know Nate gave the thing to Josh. He was so enthusiastic, I could tell he wanted to play with it, too.”

  “I’m surprised he hadn’t already given Molly one.”

  “Oh, he and Josh may end up with a whole flotilla, but Molly has never shown the least interest in anything with a motor.” She’d seen Josh huddled with Nate the other day as they talked about the other models of remote-controlled boats available. “Did you know there’s a submarine?” she asked.

  Mary chuckled again. “You’d never find that one if the remote quits on you.”

  Anna felt a lot more comfortable with his mother than she’d anticipated. She’d been warm and natural with Josh and Jenna, unfazed by a five-year-old’s unceasing chatter. In fact, Jenna had worn herself out, for once, and presently cuddled sleepily on Anna’s lap.

  “My other son, Adam, has two girls,” Mary said. “His wife is pregnant again, and I think Adam hopes for a boy. He’s stationed at Fort Bragg, back east. I wish we saw more of them.”

  “I understand,” Anna said softly. “I’d hate having one of my kids living on the other side of the country, or even abroad.”

  “It may happen.”

  “I know.”

  After a quiet interlude, Mary spoke again. “I have to tell you how glad I am that you’ve been here for Molly, and for Nate.”

  Hearing the hint of a question, Anna said, “He’s been amazingly supportive of us, too. He turned overnight into a soccer dad for Josh.” Hearing how that sounded, she said hastily, “I don’t mean the dad part. Just that Nate had fun rooting for him at games, and it meant a lot to Josh.”

  Mary’s lips curved. “I don’t know. He looks a lot like a dad right now.”

  He did. Josh had regained control of the remote and was bringing the boat in, slowing it until it bumped gently against the floating dock. Nate’s hand rested on his shoulder, in that way he had, as he said something that had Josh grinning at him.

  “I’m sorry about all this turmoil with Sonja,” Mary murmured.

  “It’s been so hard on Molly. Especially now, when we don’t even know what’s happening with Sonja...” Anna shook her head.

  “Nate said the two of you haven’t talked about how to handle it when she does reappear.”

  The two of you? When he said that, had he even been conscious that he’d automatically included her, as if they were a unit?

  Why would he, when they were?

  The thought staggered her. She’d been telling herself they weren’t quite a family, that they were pretending, but where was the pretense? When she needed Nate, he was there. Always. When he needed her, she had never let him down. Never would. All three children had complete faith in the two adults who were their parents, in every way that mattered.

  Her eyes focused again, to see Nate’s father crouch to lift the boat from the water. Once he’d straightened, Molly accepted her grandfather’s hand and scrambled to her feet. The four started toward the shore and the steps that led up to the covered terrace.

  Of course, it was Nate who drew Anna’s eyes, his confident stride shortened for the kids’ sake, contentment on the lean face she had so often considered inscrutable in those first months. It wasn’t only that she’d learned to read him—he had let her see him.

  She did want this life with him, even if the sheer perfection of it scared her, too. But her throat tightened as she thought, I do want it. I do. What’s more, it was right there in her hands. She just hadn’t seen that.

  Nate looked up just then, his gaze locking on her. It stayed there as he climbed the steps.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  NATE SAW HIS opportunity the next morning.

  Once breakfast was over, Anna rose from the table and immediately started to stack dirty dishes.

  His mother intervened. “The least I can do is clean up.”

  Naturally, Anna protested, but she didn’t get anywhere. His mother removed the plates from her hands. “Relax.”

  Nate moved in on her. He was nervous but determined, and if he didn’t talk to her now, she’d make plans for the entire day and evening. He took her arm and drew her toward the living room. “Come on. I want to talk to you about something.”

  Looking surprised but curious, she went with him. “Is it Sonja?”

  “No. Until we know more, how can we make any decisions?” He hadn’t heard a word about her, and right this minute he didn’t give a damn. “All I know is I want to shield Molly as much as we can.”

  As soon as he knew he was out of earshot of his parents, he stopped with his back to them and cleared his throat. Just say it. “Mom and Dad offered to stay another night to watch the kids so you and I can go out.” More accurately, he’d asked them, but Anna didn’t have to know that. “I...had an idea, although if you’d like to go to a good restaurant, I’d enjoy that, too.”

  “Is this that romantic night out?”

  Was that tart or teasing? He couldn’t tell. “Ah...yes.” His usual certainty had deserted him. “Except I was thinking of something a little less fancy.”

  She eyed him. “What?”

  “A picnic dinner.” He smiled a little wryly. “Not that any of the parks have a better view than we do here, but I wouldn’t mind some privacy.”

  “From our kids.” Her hesitation kept his adrenaline running high. Then she smiled, actually looking a little shy. “That sounds wonderful. I’d like that. Oh. Should I—”

  Hiding the effects of the crash from the release of tension, he said, “Cook? Not a chance. I’ll surprise you.”

  * * *

  TAKING A WOMAN out for a candlelit dinner at one of the highly reviewed restaurants in Seattle or Bellevue would have been easier than this, Nate decided. He’d spent a lot of time online, and finally settled on a menu from Chutneys, a favorite Indian restaurant, and ordered in time to let him pick up the food and return to the house for Anna.

  Now to hope that the park wasn’t jammed with kids running around yelling or sullen teenagers playing loud music. And that Anna
actually would prefer his version of a picnic.

  Personally, he liked the idea of being able to hold hands with her as they took a walk on the waterfront while the sun set. Find a place they truly were alone to kiss her.

  His parents and the kids all lined up on the front porch to beam at them when they left. Anna laughed as he held open the car door for her. “This is embarrassing.” Even so, she blew a kiss at the kids before she slid in and he closed the door.

  He got in. “I gather they’re all going out, too?”

  “For pizza and movies. Your mother is taking Jenna to the new animated Disney movie, while your dad gets to go with Molly and Josh to something a little more sophisticated.”

  Heading up the driveway, Nate said, “I wonder if Dad has ever seen a kids’ movie.”

  “He didn’t take you and Adam?”

  “No, he was a workaholic.” Hearing himself, Nate grimaced. “My mother is a patient woman.”

  “I like them both.”

  Thank God, she hadn’t said something like, It takes one to know one. Or else, I guess you learned at your father’s knee. Sonja wouldn’t have been able to resist and add a little barb to the words.

  He said simply, “I’m glad,” then made a left onto Shoreland Drive.

  “Where are we going?”

  He laughed. “Not far.” The drive didn’t take five minutes. Meydenbauer Beach Park was his favorite of the nearby waterfront parks, having paved trails, a curve of sandy beach, a grassy slope and scattered picnic tables and benches.

  When he turned into the park, Anna was the one to laugh. “We could have walked.”

  “Yeah, but then Mom and Dad would have known where we were going. Dad might have thought it would be funny for them all to pop in to be sure we were having a good time.”

  “Really?”

  “Really. His sense of humor can be irritating.”

  The parking lot, he was glad to see, held only scattered vehicles. He and Anna wouldn’t have any trouble finding chances to be alone.

  He popped the trunk. “I hope you like Indian food.”

  “I love it.” She inhaled with apparent pleasure. “It probably goes without saying that I haven’t had it in ages.”

  Why hadn’t he found a babysitter a lot sooner and taken Anna out to dinner, movies, the theater? But he knew—they’d been maintaining the not-so-convincing fiction that she was an employee, he the boss.

  They strolled across the lawn to a picnic table close to the water’s edge, and he began setting out their meal. He studied her surreptitiously, pleased that she’d dressed up a little in a sundress with a swirly skirt that would allow her to sit cross-legged on the grass. Her sandals could be easily kicked off, too, and her shiny blond hair was gathered in a messy bun with an elastic that would be easy to remove.

  Nate wanted to believe she wouldn’t have accepted his invitation if she wasn’t prepared to accept him, too, but he couldn’t be sure, not after the disaster that was his last proposal. He wanted to ask now but had resolved not to ruin their dinner. While they ate, he’d stay away from the subject of their future.

  “Mmm, chicken tikka masala.” Anna had opened the first container and was peering in.

  He opened containers, identifying the rest of the items on the menu. He hoped there was enough variety. “I thought, for once, a white wine would be good.”

  Seeing the plastic wineglasses, Anna laughed. “You’re right. This looks so good, Nate. Thank you.”

  They sat side by side, looking out over the lake, unusually still, shimmering instead of dancing. As they ate, his upper arm brushed hers. He told her some funny stories from work, and she did the same from her classroom. They steered clear of the topic of their kids.

  Not until they were almost done did Nate ask if she’d had any response to job applications.

  Anna’s sidelong glance was wary. “I had a Skype interview Friday. With, um, a school district in Eugene.”

  In Oregon. So she’d gone ahead and applied out of the area. Was this when she told him, regretfully, that she thought it would be better for her and her kids to move away? To leave him and Molly behind?

  But she went on, talking fast, “The teacher I work directly for told me she thinks I’ll hear from Human Resources this week. I’ll get first crack at one of the positions they have open since I’m already an employee. And teachers I worked with gave me really great recommendations.”

  “This is in Bellevue?”

  She nodded and he could breathe again. She wouldn’t have told him that if she weren’t willing to stay, would she?

  “There are other districts within commuting distance.”

  “I could look at Renton, Northshore and Issaquah.”

  “Why don’t you do that,” he said gruffly. “Let’s dump our leftovers and go for a walk.”

  A minute later, they strolled along one of the paths, holding hands. Nate had his eye on a weeping willow ahead.

  “This was nice,” she said.

  “It was.” Except apprehension had tied up his stomach, preventing him from eating much. Come to think of it, she’d picked at her meal, too. Maybe he shouldn’t have bothered spending so much time trying to choose the perfect food to present.

  Her face was half-averted as she looked out over the lake. “This is such a nice night. I’m surprised more people aren’t here.”

  There was that word again: nice. Good sign? Bad sign?

  “It’s Sunday, and a school night.”

  “Don’t remind me,” she said with humor.

  “Just think how soon school lets out.”

  “I caught an older teacher in the break room crossing the day off on the calendar she carries in her purse. There were these rows of black x’s. She asked that I not tell anyone.”

  “The day will come.”

  “I hope not. Except—” She was quiet for a minute. “I have to admit I’ve been dreading the end of school. Because it meant...” She didn’t seem to want to finish.

  He stopped and she did the same, facing him. “Leaving us.”

  Anna gave a funny little nod.

  “Please don’t do that.” His begging hadn’t gone so well last time, but the words jumped out, anyway. His desperate gaze found the willow tree and he started walking again, faster, towing her along.

  “Where are we going? Oh,” she said softly, when he brushed aside a curtain of willow leaves and led her into the shady haven within.

  He took her other hand, too, so that they faced each other with not more than a foot separating them. Just as quietly, he said, “I love you, Anna. I was maybe a little afraid of putting how I felt into words, because I knew how conflicted you were about me. Then when I said something—”

  “I freaked out.”

  A lump in his throat, Nate nodded. “If you need more time to come to trust me, I can give you that. But... I want you to marry me. Not because of the kids,” he finished hoarsely. “Because I love you.”

  * * *

  ANNA WAS TORN between happiness and tears. The happiness was so glorious she wanted to throw herself into his arms. But her vision had become wavery, and her sinuses stung, too.

  His grip tightened. “Anna? You’re crying.”

  “I don’t even know why.” She freed a hand to swipe at her cheeks. Then she gave up and stepped forward to lay her cheek on the soft fabric covering a reassuringly solid chest. When his arms closed around her, she indulged in tears that didn’t last long but left her feeling shaky.

  His hand made soothing circles on her back.

  “I love you,” she whispered. “So much. It’s just been hard. I think... I was afraid I was looking for security, when I’d promised myself I’d take care of us.”

  The hand slid up to knead her nape. “It’s occurred to me that your childhood must have been scary. In a way, you wer
e abandoned over and over.”

  Even when she’d grieved for her mother and then her grandfather, she had felt angry, too, because they’d left her. For the first time, she understood how much that history contributed to her sense of betrayal when Kyle not only died but left her without the security he’d promised her.

  She nodded against Nate’s shoulder. “I wanted the perfect family, and I thought I had it, but it turned out to be a lie. And...I think I blamed myself. It wasn’t you I didn’t trust, it was me. My judgment. So when I caught myself feeling happy with you and the kids, I couldn’t let myself believe in it.”

  His fingers slid into her hair and he tipped her head back. As always, emotion had darkened his eyes. “Can you believe in us?”

  Her smile wobbled, but it was real. “It’s taken a while, but yes. What you said, about not being like Kyle, made me think. This probably sounds weird, but I really like your determination to help Sonja.”

  A nerve jumped in his cheek. “I’d like to leave you with your illusions, but here’s the thing. I let her down. I think, now, I shouldn’t have married her. I didn’t feel anything for her like I do for you. But once we did get married and had a child...I didn’t put much effort into sustaining our relationship. I feel guilty about that.”

  “Did she?”

  For a moment, his eyes appeared unfocused. “I’ve never thought about it like that. It didn’t take her long to become unhappy. If she hadn’t been pregnant...” He shook himself. “Maybe it doesn’t matter anymore. I just don’t want you imagining I’m perfect. I’m a long way from that. There’ll be times I forget promises, break commitments. Get caught up in work and take you for granted.”

  A slow smile curved her lips. This one wasn’t wobbly at all. “I don’t have to let you.”

  His grin made her pulse leap. “No, you don’t.” He lifted his free hand to cup her cheek, bent his head to touch his forehead to hers. “Just...don’t give up on me.” He would hate knowing how shaky he sounded. “I need you, Anna.”

  “I need you, too.”