by Nikki Ash
At first I’m in shock, but when I feel the way his lips move against mine, I can’t help but give in to him. It just feels right. After a few seconds, he lifts me into his arms and I wrap my ankles around the back of him. Words might be being spoken, but I can’t hear a damn thing that is being said. The only thing I can focus on are Cooper’s hands on my ass and the delicious smell of his cologne invading my nostrils and hitting me right between my legs.
The next thing I know, we’re moving down the hallway and into a bedroom. Cooper sits on the bed with me still in his arms and tells me he’s thought about me often and regrets not getting my number. Hearing this from him sends my heart soaring. It gives me hope that when I tell him about our daughter, he’ll be accepting of her. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about this man. I know I haven’t spent enough time with him, but when I’m with him it feels like all the pieces of the puzzle are put together.
When I tell him I’ve thought about him as well and make a joke about not knowing what the hell to call him since he has so many names, he laughs and then tells me I can call him whatever I want as long as I’m naked and in his arms.
Watching him go from the intense fighter in the ring to this sweet, funny guy makes me laugh. I love the many sides of Cooper. He graces me with the most beautiful smile before we go back to kissing. The need between my legs is getting so intense I can’t help but try to relieve some of the tension by rubbing up against him. Jesus, I’m like a damn dog in heat! He must realize what I’m trying to do because he flips us both over and pins my body under his.
While continuing to kiss me, Cooper moves his hand down my body and grabs the material of my dress to pull it up. Once it makes it almost to my stomach, I remember that if he looks at my stomach he’ll see the scar from my cesarean as well as my stretch marks. As much as I know I need to tell him about Bella, I just want a few minutes for whatever is happening to be just about Cooper and me. Once he finds out about our daughter everything will change.
Afraid of him seeing what’s under my dress, I grab his hand to stop him and he stills. I must’ve sent him mixed signals by doing this because he completely freezes and drops his gaze to mine. Needing to save this without explaining, I do the only thing I can think of and take control.
I slide out from under him and push him down onto his back. He looks confused, but once I move my hands down his shirt and to his pants, his expression goes from confused to pure want.
I move his shirt up enough so I can undo his belt and unbutton his jeans. I unzip his pants and look up at him, silently asking him to lift up so I can pull his pants down. He understands what I want and lifts up while I grab the top of his jeans and yank them down, taking his boxers with them.
Once his cock is free it springs up hard as steel. So many times, I got myself off remembering the taste of this perfect cock in my mouth.
Taking his shaft in my hand, I wrap my lips around it, taking the entire member into my mouth until it hits the back of my throat, causing me to gag for a second.
He goes to stop me when he hears me gag, but I shake my head and go back down again. I start bobbing my head up and down, getting it soaking wet with my saliva. His dick is hard as granite, and I know he must be close because I can taste the precum on my tongue.
Entwining his fingers into my hair tightly, he pulls my face up to his. “Slow and easy, baby. I’ve been fantasizing about this very moment for too damn long for this to end so soon. I need to take my time and get to know your body all over again.”
When he says shit like this, my body comes alive.
“I need to be inside you, baby girl. Please.”
His words have me dripping wet. I remove my panties and get on top of him, bunching my dress up so it isn’t in the way, but is still covering my belly and scar.
Since I haven’t been with anybody but Cooper I know I’m clean, and although I don’t consider Bella a mistake, I decided that getting on the shot would ensure I never get pregnant until I’m ready to again.
I hover above his dick, waiting to see if he wants to use protection, when he grabs hold of my waist and slams me down onto him. My core expands and stretches, taking me a few seconds to adjust to his size.
“Fuck, Liz! You’re so tight. It is like you were made for me.”
If he only knew that he’s the only guy who has ever been inside me.
I lean forward, putting my hands on his shoulders to steady myself, when Cooper stills and then raises his hand up from around my waist to my neck.
“You’re wearing it. You’re wearing the necklace I gave you five years ago.” He says this with such amazement in his tone.
“Yes,” I choke out. “I’ve worn it every day since the day I received it.”
Pulling my face down to his, he kisses me with such passion that when he pulls away I swear my lips are bruised.
He moves his hands back to my waist and uses his ass to lift up, pumping into me from underneath. The feeling of him in me is amazing. I don’t know how I went five years without this.
“Baby girl, you’re too tight and too wet on my cock. I’m not going to last. I need you to rub on your clit. I need you to come for me.”
I move my thumb to my pussy and gather up the wetness he’s created, and move it to my sensitive nub. I begin rubbing it in circles while he hits some crazy spot deep within me with the tip of his cock.
“Oh, my God. Right there. Please don’t stop.” Between the friction of my finger to my clit and his cock filling me so completely, I know I’m about to have a huge orgasm. It keeps building, and what feels like seconds later, I lose it. My body tightens before it releases, and it feels like I’m going to blackout from sensory overload. I scream out Cooper’s name over and over again, clearly forgetting where we are.
He must suddenly remember because all too quickly, he’s pulling my face down to him and swallowing my cries with his mouth.
Cooper waits for me to ride out my orgasm then flips me over onto my back, his hands on either side of my face, as he starts drilling his cock into me with a punishing rhythm. Within minutes, he finds his own release, pulling out, and coming in his hand.
I look down at him and he chuckles. “We didn’t have the whole protection conversation so I didn’t want to assume you’re covered. I wouldn’t be much of a gentleman to knock you up the first time I get back between your legs.”
He gives me that damn wink and stalks off to the bathroom that’s attached to the room. A few minutes later he comes back with a small, wet washcloth and wipes between my legs to clean me up. I feel myself blush at this action, as if him doing this is even more intimate than what we just did.
“C’mon baby, don’t get shy on me now.”
I smile at him and then get up to go use the bathroom. I grab my panties and put them back on while I go pee. I flush the toilet and wash my hands. Looking in the mirror I see my reflection. My face is flushed, my hair is a mess, and my eyeliner is smudged, but I can honestly say I can’t remember the last time I looked and felt this content and satisfied and… taken care of. I know what, or I should say who, caused this look and this feeling in me. Cooper. He invokes these feelings inside me that nobody else ever has.
I just want to cuddle up in his arms and never lose the way I feel in this moment. Now I just have to pray when I tell him about Bella he won’t run the other way.
I walk out of the room, and find him sitting on the end of the bed dressed again. I take a second to watch him and notice his head is in his hands and he’s slumped over. My initial thought is, did I do something wrong? Does he regret this?
He must sense my presence because he looks up and tries to play it off by smiling way too big, but it’s too late because I already saw. I wait for him to explain, and when he doesn’t, I go over and sit next to him. I want so badly to put my arms around him or take his hand, but I have no idea where his head’s at so I sit close but refrain from touching him.
I swallow the thick lump in my thro
at and summon up the courage to ask what I’m thinking. “Cooper, did I do something wrong? I mean, do you regret what we just did?”
His head flies, and his eyes meet mine, his expression softening. “Why would you even think that? Of course, you didn’t do anything wrong. I could never regret being with you. It was perfect. You’re perfect.”
I hear the words he’s saying, but the thickness of his voice tells me something’s wrong regardless of him trying to convince me otherwise. Now my mind is running all over the place. Does he have a girlfriend? Did he just cheat on her? Oh, God. Am I a homewrecker?
Going against my initial instincts, I take his hand and put it into mine, needing to touch him in some way. He looks at our joined hands and gives me a small smile.
“Liz, there’s something…”
“Cooper, I need to…”
We both laugh, but I can feel the uneasiness between us. It’s like a wall is being put up and I can’t get over it fast enough to get to his side.
“You go first.” He’s clearly upset and I think I’ll explode if I don’t find out why he’s done a complete one-eighty.
He sucks in a deep breath and releases it with a sigh. This can’t be good. My heart feels as though it’s going to implode in my chest while I wait impatiently for him to speak.
“Liz, when we met five years ago I wasn’t looking for love. As you can see now, I’m a fighter. It’s my entire world. I told you a little bit about my dad during our time together, but there’s so much more to it. I won’t get into all the details, but what you need to understand is, I can’t give you what you deserve.”
My hands begin to shake and the lump in my throat is back. I can see where this is going, and it’s clear we’re not on the same page at all. Even if he doesn’t want me, all I can hope for is he’ll at least want our daughter. I hope he doesn’t think I was trying to trap him. What if he doesn’t want her? How will I tell her that her father doesn’t want her? I need to calm down. I’m getting ahead of myself. He hasn’t said anything yet.
“I never thought in a million years I would ever see you again. The connection we shared in Miami ruined me, baby girl. You ruined me. If I was looking for love, I’m pretty damn sure you would be it. No, I am damn sure you would be it. You’re beautiful and sweet and so damn innocent. How you’re still single is crazy. Some guy is going to figure out how amazing you are one day, and when he does, he’ll grab hold of you and never let go. The problem is I’m not looking for love and I’m not the guy for you. I don’t do commitment and I’m not husband or father material. I don’t plan to ever be in a relationship where the girl requires either of those roles from me.”
The entire time he’s saying all this, his head is down like he’s ashamed of himself and can’t look me in my eyes. Finally, he looks up and gives me the saddest smile I’ve ever witnessed, and my heart plummets into the pit of my stomach. My heart beats erratically, making me feel as if I’m having a mini heart attack. He doesn’t stop there though, so I try to remain calm to hear him out.
“When we hooked up in Miami, we both knew it was a one-time thing, but then when I saw you tonight at the fight, my head started to spin. I never thought about what I would do if I saw you again. I reacted without thinking. What we did tonight was wrong. The fact is you deserve the entire world. You deserve the husband and kids and goddamned white picket fence and the happily ever after, and I can’t give you any of that. I never should’ve touched you knowing I have no intention of being with you in any way but physical.”
“Why can’t you?” That’s the only thing that comes out of my mouth in response to what he just said. Is it that he doesn’t want any of that or is there something stopping him from being able to have it all?
He lets out long sigh and says the words I was praying he wouldn’t say. “I don’t want any of that.” I can feel a panic attack coming on, my heart shattering into a million pieces. The air is leaving my lungs, and it’s hard to breathe. I need to get out of here before he sees me lose it.
He doesn’t want it.
He doesn’t want me.
He doesn’t want our little girl.
He doesn’t want to be a part of our lives.
I get up slowly from the bed and will my body to hold back the tears that are forming. “I understand.”
As I head out of the door, I pray he doesn’t try to stop me because I don’t think I can hold my emotions in much longer.
I’m out door and hear him calling my name, but I don’t stop. I can’t stop. I don’t know how I read this all wrong. I’m definitely no expert in the love department, but I was way off. We aren’t just on different pages… we aren’t even reading the same book. I don’t think we’re even browsing the same genre at this point. It’s like I’m in fantasy and he’s in non-fiction.
I walk quickly through the house looking for Kayla. I need her and I need to get out of here now. I need to go pick up my daughter and hold her.
I find Kayla standing outside with Bentley by the bonfire. She’s laughing and touching his chest while he rubs his hand up and down her arm. Are they on the same page? They’re both smiling and laughing but apparently that doesn’t mean anything because Cooper and I were laughing and smiling and now my heart is breaking. At least he was honest with me and didn’t lead me on, but maybe he should’ve told me all this before we had sex. At the same time, I’m glad I had this time with him. I refuse to regret it.
The truth is I’m not even mad, I’m just sad. I really just need to get out of here. Only a few more minutes. I need to hold it together for a few more minutes and then I can let go.
Bentley spots me coming over and nods my way. Kayla looks behind her and I know she can see the pained look in my face because she drops her hand from Bentley and runs over to me.
“What the hell happened, Liz? What did he do to you?”
“I can’t talk about this here. Please. I need to leave. If you want to stay, it’s fine. I don’t want to ruin your…”
Kayla doesn’t even let me finish the sentence before she cuts me off. “Stop! Stop it right now. You know damn well I have your back and there’s no way I would ever stay at this party or anywhere else for that matter when you need me. Let’s go.”
She takes my hand and pulls me alongside of her to the car in silence.
As we’re walking down the driveway, I hear Cooper scream my name once again. I attempt to run, but he catches up quickly. I get to the car and turn around to see him standing right in front of me. I can’t say anything. I’m choking back the tears, and if I say a single word, the tears are going to release.
Cooper looks at me like I’m the one who just broke his heart as he lifts his hand up to my face to touch it. It’s then I feel it, the wetness he’s wiping off my cheek. Damn traitor tears. He wipes one on the other cheek away and chokes out, “I’m sorry.” No sooner are the words out of his mouth, his back is turned to me as he walks away.
I want to scream at him, run up behind him and pound on his back. I want him to take back every word he said in the last ten minutes. I can handle him not wanting me. I can handle not having him. Yes, it hurts like hell, but I can handle it. I’m strong and know I can make it through anything, but the fact he doesn’t want our daughter drives a sword right through my heart.
However, I don’t go over to him, and I don’t scream at him. I accept his decision because I would rather know now how he feels than take a chance of him hurting our daughter. It’s for the best that it’s over before it even began.
I get into the car and wait until Kayla is out of the driveway to cry. I cry for my little girl. I cry for the fact that she has a father who doesn’t want her. I cry for my innocent, sweet angel who’ll never know a father’s love. For years, I wished to run into him so I could tell him he has a daughter. Well, you know what they say, be careful what you wish for…
While we’re driving, Kayla tells me it’s probably best to leave Bella with Ashley for the night. It’s already after two in
the morning and picking her up would mean waking everybody up in the house. As much as I want Bella in my arms, I agree with her, so we head to our apartment.
We get home and I’m surprised Kayla hasn’t jumped on me to tell her what’s happened yet. I get in the shower and let the hot water burn my skin. I grab my loofa and squirt some soap onto it, scrubbing down my body and wishing I could scrub away all the hurt I feel inside me right now.
When I can’t take the pain in my chest anymore, I sink down to the floor of the shower, letting the water beat into the back of my skull. I close my eyes and let the tears fall as I make a new wish—to go back five hours and not see Cooper because then I can have it in my head that my daughter’s father doesn’t see her because he doesn’t know about her, not because he doesn’t want her. I make a deal with myself. When I get out of the shower, I’m going to start fresh. Looking back it’s almost like I put my life on hold in hope one day Cooper would come back. Now that I know how he feels, it’s time to move forward. I refuse to be some pathetic woman who wants a man who doesn’t want her back.
Kayla knocks on the door and I realize the water’s gone cold. I stand, turn the water off, and get out. I look in the mirror and promise myself I’ll never cry over Cooper again.
Hearing the knocking still coming through the door, I yell out that I’ll be out in a second, then grab a towel, dry myself off, and put on some comfy pajamas.
I take several deep breaths, then head out to the living room where I find my best friend sitting on the sofa with two pints of our favorite Sorbet ice cream and a bottle of sweet white wine. She hands me a spoon and pours us each a glass. Ice cream and white wine is our thing. For a second, the urge to cry again hits me, but when I look at Kayla, I remember that while Cooper may not want us, I’m surrounded by people who do.
We sit in comfortable silence, eating our ice cream and sipping our wine, when she finally brings the subject up. “So, what happened? You guys were practically dry humping in the living room before you went to the bedroom. You come out and it’s like somebody just told you there’s no Santa Claus.”
