by Nikki Ash
I have to laugh at that, and then I look at her and scowl, which makes her laugh. When we were nine years old, I spent hours writing my letter to Santa. When Kayla came over to play one day, she saw it on my desk. I asked her if she wrote her letter yet and when she said no and she isn’t going to, I asked her if she believed in Santa. Kayla told me flat out she didn’t believe and that he was fake. It was the first and only fight we ever got into. I told her she was a liar and that I couldn’t be friends with somebody who lies. Santa was real. She told me I was acting like a baby and kept insisting there wasn’t a Santa. I went to my mom and demanded to know the truth. She admitted there was no Santa and I swear I cried for like three days.
“Remember after my mom admitted there was no Santa, what you said to me?”
She thinks for a minute. “Yeah, I told you I wish I would’ve lied and said Santa was real because I hated to see you cry.”
“Well, right now I’m wishing I could’ve been lied to.”
She waits for me to continue, but when I don’t, she prompts me. “Lied to about what?”
I start from the beginning when we went into the room. I tell Kayla how he said he missed me and wished so many times he would’ve gotten my information. I tell her about us making love and how attentive and sweet he was the entire time. She laughs when I tell her how he pulled out and came in his hand because he said it wouldn’t be gentlemanly of him to knock me up.
“Boy, if he only knew that ship has already sailed. Wait, does he know about Bella?”
I breathe in, and let out a cleansing breath, as I prepare to get to the hard part.
“I never got a chance to tell him. After we got cleaned up and dressed, he got all weird on me. It’s like a switch flipped in him, and he went from sweet and flirty to depressed and sad. Before I could tell him about her, he flat out told me he can’t… no, he told me he doesn’t want to offer me any type of future. He said I deserve everything he can’t give me. When I asked him why, he said he doesn’t want to be a husband or a father. I didn’t even know what to say. My heart just broke thinking about one day having to tell Bella her dad isn’t around because he doesn’t want her, so I decided not to tell him. At least then I can be honest and say he doesn’t know about her. After he said all this, I got up and left, and that’s when I found you and you know the rest.”
“So, he doesn’t know that Bella exists?”
“That’s what I just said. What was I supposed to say? ‘Oh, that sucks you don’t want to ever get married or have kids because surprise, you have a daughter.’ Um, no. I wasn’t about to open myself or Bella up for him to tell me flat out he doesn’t want our daughter.”
Kayla stays silent for a minute thinking. “Maybe he only said that because he doesn’t know he has a daughter. Sometimes we don’t know what we want until it’s right in front of us. Maybe if you tell him he has a daughter he’ll change his mind. When he said all this to you, it was strictly hypothetical, right? He wasn’t actually saying he doesn’t want Bella. It’s like when you send me to the grocery store with a list and I end up picking up a ton more junk food than you told me to. You don’t even know you want it and you don’t miss it because you don’t have it, but once I get home and put those yummy brownies on the counter, you can’t help but eat one. No, you didn’t put the brownies on the list, but once it’s right in front of you, you still want it, right? Maybe right now Cooper doesn’t think he wants a kid, but once you show him Bella, I bet he’ll totally want her.”
I stare at her for a second thinking about what she just said then bellow out a laugh so hard, my stomach cramps up. “Did you seriously just compare my daughter to a brownie? We’re talking about a living, breathing, innocent tiny human being. Not a piece of chocolate.”
Kayla laughs and then gets serious. “Well, she is as sweet as a brownie, and once you get to know her, you’re addicted.”
And this is why Kayla’s my best friend. She knows just what to say.
Twelve
Cooper
It’s two in the afternoon and I’m pretty sure death is knocking on my door. After Liz left last night, I tried my hardest to forget about her, but I should’ve known by now, that girl is unforgettable. As proof, several hours and a bottle of Jack later, not only did I not forget about her, but I couldn’t take my mind off her.
At one point my drunken ass wanted to go after her, but Bentley told me to leave it be until I was sober. Being drunk and trying to talk to her wouldn’t help the matter. I finally passed out in Kaden’s guestroom to the smell of Liz’s sweet scent all over the bed.
Now I’m in the gym fighting against Bentley and I’m pretty sure I’m sweating out the entire bottle of Jack through my pores. My head is pounding and I’m close to throwing everything in my stomach up.
“So now that you’re sober, what do you plan to do about Liz?” Bentley asks while throwing a punch to my stomach.
I dodge it, and sigh in relief, almost positive if he’d connected, I would’ve thrown up all over the ring. I stop fighting and bend over panting like I haven’t worked out in years. He walks over and punches me in the arm, while chuckling at my pain. Asshole.
“There’s nothing to do. For one, nothing has changed from last night to today. She deserves to be with a man who can one day marry her and gives her kids. I can’t be that man. I would never want her to go through what my parents have gone through. And two, even if I wanted to take back what I said, it wouldn’t matter because I didn’t get any of her information. I wouldn’t even know how to contact her.”
Bentley looks like he’s going to give me another one of his lectures but changes his mind. “You’re aware her best friend works at this gym, right? And even if she didn’t, I got Kayla’s number last night.”
I shoot my head up. Shit, this is a game changer. How will I ever be able to stay away from her knowing I have access to her? It was easier when I thought by not having her information, the choice was made for me. Now, knowing I can get ahold of her, makes me second-guess everything.
Of course, my dad decides to come over at this moment, and by the look on his face, I can tell he overheard our conversation.
“Bentley, if you want to stay training at this facility, I suggest you make choices that help Liam and not hurt him. I would recommend you throw that number away and both of you focus on what’s important.” First, he points to me. “You have a title fight in six months you need to be training for.”
Then he points to Bentley. “And you need to stop fucking around and take this shit seriously. Any more losses and you’re going to be removed from this team. I can’t have you tainting my gym’s reputation. I signed you up to fight against Dante Cobalt. The fight is in two months. You need to win this. Understand me?”
Bentley looks like he’s about to rip my dad’s throat out, so I jump in and tell him we understand so he’ll walk away. Bentley turns to me, fuming. “Bro, why the hell do you let him talk to you like that? If it wasn’t for your reputation, this gym wouldn’t be doing half as popular as it is. It’s you that brings the people in. Fuck him.”
I get what he’s saying, but it’s pointless to argue with either of them, so I just shrug my shoulders and head to the locker room to try and wash away some of this hangover. I need my mind clear if I’m going to figure out my next move.
Thirteen
Liz
Kayla and I ended up talking through the night while enjoying our ice cream and wine. On my way to Ashley’s to pick up Bella, I can’t stop thinking about what Kayla said to me about Cooper. She’s right in a sense. He doesn’t know he has a daughter. I think I need to tell him about Bella and leave the ball in his court. If he still doesn’t want anything to do with her then at least I can say I tried. I don’t want Bella to grow up one day and think I purposely kept her father from her.
I pull up to Ashley’s house and am barely out of the car, when Bella barrels out of the door, leaving it wide open. She throws herself into my arms, and I pick her up,
holding her tight as she pulls her head back and gives me the most adorable toothy grin. “I missed you sooooo much, Mommy! Did you miss me?”
“You bet I did. I missed you to the farthest, brightest star and back.”
Her eyes go wide before she starts to giggle. “Mommy, you’re so silly. You can’t miss me that much. The stars are like infinity miles away!”
“Well, that’s how much I missed you. Did you have a good time with Tristan?”
“Yes! We played Uno like a gazillion times and I won more times than him.” Her voice goes lower like she’s telling me a secret. “But I saw he was getting sad, so I let him win so he would be happy again.”
I look at my little girl and feel so proud to call myself her mother. She’s so caring and has such a huge heart. I can’t imagine not having this beautiful little miracle in my life. If Cooper doesn’t want her in his life, he’s the one losing out.
She hugs me again and thanks me for letting her spend the night here. I tell her she’s welcome and decide for sure I’m going to tell Cooper about Bella. Whether he wants her in his life or not, he deserves the chance to make the decision.
Then it hits me… I left the party without getting his information again.
After having coffee and chatting with Ashley, we head back home to find Kayla passed out on the couch, limbs sprawled out, looking like she’s barely breathing. This is what happens when she drinks too much.
Bella walks up to her slowly, placing her fingers under Kayla’s nose, and smiles at me.
“Whew! Don’t worry, Mommy, I can feel her tickling my finger. She’s okay.”
I try not to laugh at the fact that my daughter just confirmed Kayla’s not dead.
“Bella, you’re silly. Of course, she’s okay. She just fell asleep on the couch watching TV. Why don’t you bring your backpack to your room and empty it out and I’ll make you some cereal?”
“Ooo-kay, Mom!” She drags her backpack full of toys and clothes she brought to Tristan’s last night down the hallway to her bedroom.
“Hey sleepy-head, wake up!” I yell into Kayla’s ear, causing her to jump a half a mile into the air and grab her chest like it’s about to explode. She looks around and then glares at me.
“Was that necessary? After I stayed up all night comforting you with ice cream and wine, that’s how you repay me?”
I ignore her question and ask the one that’s been on my mind since I left Ashley’s. “You don’t by any chance have any of the guys’ numbers from last night, do you? I made the decision to tell Cooper about Bella and then realized I, once again, didn’t get his damn number.”
“You’re in luck. I just so happened to get Bentley’s number last night.”
“Oh, awesome. Wait a second, you, miss no commitment, miss one-night stand, miss no strings attached, miss never get a guy’s number or give him yours, actually got a guy’s number?”
“Trust me, I didn’t ask for or want it. When I set my phone down on the counter to pour myself a drink, he stole my phone and wouldn’t give it back without calling himself from my number so he could have mine. I was seriously pissed, but it looks like it was for the best, because now I can look in my call log and we can get Cooper’s number from him.”
She gets out her phone and pulls up the number from the recent calls list and hits call. She waits a beat and gets the voicemail. After a few seconds, she hangs up and starts typing on her phone.
“What are you doing?”
“I got his voicemail, so I’m texting Hayley to find out the name of the gym. Okay, here we go. She said it’s called Cooper’s Fight Club and it’s only ten minutes from here. Here’s the address. This should be something you do in person.” She sends the address to my phone and it beeps with the text from her.
“Isn’t it crazy that for the last few months Hayley has been working with these guys and we had no idea?”
“Seriously! To think Cooper was so close this whole time is mind blowing.”
“Okay, just pull the address up on your GPS and head over there.”
I don’t think I can do this in person. It’s one thing to tell him about Bella over the phone where I can’t see his looks, but to tell him in person feels like I’m making myself too vulnerable to him.
Kayla must sense what I’m thinking because she doesn’t give me a chance to protest. She is literally pushing me out the door as she yells for Bella to get her cute butt to the kitchen to help make pancakes.
“Go. Go tell Cooper about Bella and we’ll be here when you get back. I got her. Everything’s going to be fine.” I really hope she’s right.
I follow the directions on my GPS and pull up to what looks like a state of the art gym. The building is huge and looks like it is three stories high. It’s all by itself in its’ own complex. The entire front of the building is made of mirrored glass and there’s a huge sign that reads:
Cooper’s Fight Club
Home of UFC’s own ‘The Rage’
Directly underneath it, is a life size Cooper in a fighting stance in gym shorts and nothing else. He has his hands up in fists and he’s glaring in the photo. It looks so real, it’s scary. I would seriously hate to get on his bad side.
I stand outside of the door for a few minutes, staring at his picture and trying to muster up enough courage to tell the man who told me less than twenty-four hours ago he doesn’t want a wife or kids that he does, in fact, have a kid.
Just when I finally decide to put on my imaginary big girl panties and go inside, the door swings open and almost smacks me in the face. I jump back, immediately recognizing the person holding the door open. It’s the older guy from the other night, no wait, from last night. Jeez has it only been less than a day since the fight? This has seriously been the longest twenty-four hours, ever.
He clears his throat to get my attention and I smile at him. If I’m right, this man could be Bella’s grandfather. He doesn’t smile back, though. In fact, the glare Cooper has on that poster on the wall has nothing on the daggers this man is shooting me with right now. Instinctively, I back up a little and get control of myself.
“Hi, my name is—” I’m not even able to get out my name before this guy cuts me off.
“I know who you are and I know who you’re looking for. You’re wasting your time. He doesn’t want anything to do with you.”
Well, okay then. I try my best to keep a smile on my face. “That may be true, but I need to speak to him nonetheless. It’s very important.”
“Well, he’s not here, and even if he was, he made it clear he doesn’t want to speak to you.”
The way he says it leaves no room for argument, so I simply say okay and walk back to my car. I’m not about to get into a fight with this man. Something about him feels off.
Fourteen
Liz
The rest of the weekend’s spent lazily lounging on the couch while watching movies with Bella. Of course, her latest favorite is Disney’s Maleficent so we have to watch it twice.
The second time we’re watching it, when the mom dies, Bella turns to me with a sad look on her adorable face. “Mommy, if you die, who will take care of me since I don’t have a daddy?”
I look at Kayla and she gives me a small encouraging smile. I really need to tell Cooper about her. This isn’t about anybody but Bella.
“Angel, first of all, I’m not going anywhere. However, if something did happen to me, Auntie Kayla would still be here and so would Grammy and Papa and Uncle Mattie even though they live in Florida. You would never be alone.”
I hope this will satisfy her, but of course it doesn’t. She’s way too inquisitive to accept that answer.
“Okay, Mommy, but where’s my daddy?”
I’ve always known this question was coming, but nothing prepared me for the pleading look in her eyes when she asks it. I’m her mother, which means it’s my job to protect and love her. It’s my job to make sure she always feels wanted and never hurts, especially when I can help it.
“Umm…” I’m totally stalling, having no clue how I’m going to explain any of this to her. Thank God for Kayla’s quick thinking.
“Oh, my goodness! Bella, I just remembered I have all the ingredients to make a batch of fudge brownies. Want to help me?”
Bella’s eyes light up and she jumps up and down cheering, “Yes. Yes. Yes,” forgetting all about the Daddy question for now.
Of course, when Kayla blurted out that she has the ingredients what she really meant was she has no ingredients. So now we’re on our way to the grocery store to pick up the stuff to make the brownies. I want to be annoyed, but I can’t be because she totally saved me. I have no idea what I would’ve said to Bella about her daddy. There’s so much going on in my head, but I know that the first thing I need to do is corner Cooper and tell him he has a daughter, even if he wants nothing to do with me. Once I know whether or not he wants Bella in his life, I can figure out my next move to ensure my daughter doesn’t get hurt.
We walk up and down the baking aisle, gathering all the ingredients to make my mom’s famous fudge brownies. Once we have everything we need, we’re heading to the checkout line, when I hear, “Excuse me Miss, I think your daughter dropped this.”
I turn around to the familiar voice and stare into the same beautiful green eyes my daughter has.
I’m stuck frozen in place as I catch the recognition in his eyes. First, that it’s me he’s speaking to, then at the fact he just referred to Bella as my daughter. His eyes turn cold and hard, his body visibly tensing, as he places all the pieces together in his head.
Slowly, I take the raggedy pink stuffed flamingo from him. “Thank you.”
Luckily, Bella breaks the uncomfortable moment with her sweet little self. “Mommy, my flamingo! I didn’t even see it drop.” She turns to Cooper. “Thank you. I love my flamingo. Mommy gave me it when I was a little, little, tiny baby, and she said it’s very special to her because somebody special gave it to her. You know what else I love?” She doesn’t even wait for him to answer. She just keeps on going in typical Bella fashion.
