by Nikki Ash
“I love Maleficent. It’s my most favorite movie ever. And there’s a dragon in the movie. I want the dragon so he can be friends with my flamingo. I asked my Mommy to buy me the dragon, but she said I have to ask Santa. Do you know how far away Christmas is? Like a gazillion trillion days away. I will die before I get my Maleficent dragon.”
I laugh quietly at her ranting away to Cooper. It’s her favorite movie right now, but by next month it’ll be something entirely different. I must be smiling outwardly because Cooper cocks his head to the side like he’s waiting for me to fill him in.
“She has a different favorite movie every month.”
One of his brows quirks up, and I realize that’s not what he was referring to. Oh, shit. He wants me to address the elephant in the room, or in our case the adorable four-year old standing next to me.
“Mommy, let’s go! You promised we would make Grammy’s brownies. Auntie Kay is waiting for us.”
She grabs my hand to pull me away, ignorant to the silent conversation currently taking place. When I don’t move, she looks up at me with a questioning stare.
Of course, this is the moment when Kayla decides to end her phone call outside and comes walking over oblivious to what’s happening. How she doesn’t see Cooper standing there boggles my mind. The guy is like a damn wall. He takes up so much space, it’s impossible not to notice him.
“Hey Liz, what’s taking so long? I thought for sure you would be done before I got off the phone with my boss. Now I’m craving some vanilla ice cream to go with the brownies.” She laughs but stops when she takes in the intense situation in front of her.
“Oh, fuck,” she spouts out before covering her mouth, remembering there’s a little person right here.
“Ooooohhhhh, Auntie Kay! You said a bad word.” Bella starts wagging her finger at Kayla like I do to her when I’m upset with her. Even though she’s so damn adorable, this does nothing to break the awkwardness surrounding us. Cooper is watching all of this probably thinking we’re nuts.
“Yes, I did. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Bella, why don’t you come help me find the vanilla ice cream to go with our yummy brownies?”
She doesn’t wait for her answer as she grabs Bella’s hand and drags her along, giving us both one last glance before disappearing down the aisle.
“Is she mine?” Well, damn, I guess we’re going to dive right in. There’s no reason to deny it at this point.
“Yes, she’s yours.”
“Did you plan to ever tell me about her?” Is this guy serious right now? Judging by the look on his face, I think he’s dead serious. If looks could kill, I would be in a puddle of blood on the ground right now. Well screw that and screw him. He has no right to be mad at me. I didn’t do anything wrong.
“When would you have liked me to tell you, Cooper? When I found out I was eighteen and pregnant with no way to contact you since you never gave me any information on you? Or how about the other night when you made it clear you wanted nothing to do with ever being a husband or father? Or maybe I should have screamed it from outside your gym when your asshole bodyguard told me that, according to you, I’m not welcome there, and you want nothing to do with me. When should I have told you that we have a daughter? Huh, Cooper?”
His face softens for a second and then goes hard again. “What fucking body guard? You came to the gym? When?”
“I showed up yesterday morning, determined to tell you about Bella, and before I could make it in, some asshole guy, who looks a lot like you, stopped me and said he knew who I was and that you want nothing to do with me, leaving me no choice but to leave. I was planning to try again, but I needed to figure it out in my head how to handle it. None of this is going how I spent the last five years imagining it would. I’d never keep your daughter away from you even if you don’t want anything to do with either of us.”
He looks so pissed I swear smoke is about to come out of his ears. That rage better not be aimed at me. “I can’t believe him. I told him to mind his own business.” I tilt my head to the side confused. Is he talking to me or to himself?
“That must have been my father. He makes it a point to get into my business when it can possibly take my full attention away from fighting. God forbid I do anything that messes with his potential income.”
It’s clear there’s huge animosity between Cooper and his dad and that saddens me. I can’t imagine not having my dad as part of my support system. It doesn’t matter that he lives across the country. He’s there for me in every way that matters, same as my mom. They’ve always been my two biggest cheerleaders supporting me, even from afar.
When I found out I was pregnant with Bella they begged me to move home so they could help me, but I knew if I did, I’d never graduate from college. Bella and I try to visit them a few times a year and they come up to Las Vegas to visit us as often as possible as well. Since we’re long distance, Bella video chats with them on the computer often.
I hear Bella’s excited voice coming back down the aisle and remember we’re having this conversation in the middle of the grocery store.
“Look,” I say quickly before she gets within hearing distance, “I tried to find you when I found out I was pregnant, but I had nothing to go on. When we had sex, I was on the pill. I just didn’t know it wasn’t effective yet. I’ve tried to tell you a few times since I found you, and I’m sorry it never actually came out, but I never intentionally kept this from you. When your dad insisted you wanted nothing to do with me, I thought you told him to say that. I was still going to find you to tell you, though. I get you don’t want to be with me…”
He attempts to interrupt me, but I don’t have time to argue, so I shake my head and continue talking faster.
“…but I would never keep a child from her father. If you want her in your life, we can figure it out, and if you don’t then that’s on you. I get you don’t want kids and a wife and I respect that. I know I should be sorry I messed up with my birth control but I’m not because Bella is my beautiful little miracle. You need to decide what you want and either way I won’t hold it against you. I just don’t want her to know anything until you decide. It would break her heart if she knew you knew about her and didn’t want her. So, think about what you want. None of this is Bella’s fault.”
I grab his phone and dial my number into it and hear the ringing on my phone.
“Here’s my number. Call me when you decide. But Cooper, think hard because she deserves more than a guy to claim her as his just because he thinks it’s what he is supposed to do, and then change his mind later because he doesn’t really want her. You can hurt me all you want, but you will not hurt our daughter.”
And with that, I hand him back his phone and head into the checkout line. He grabs me by my wrist, looks deep into my eyes, and says, “You gave her the flamingo I gave you.” He doesn’t ask. He states it. He remembers.
I nod my head quickly and then he nods back before walking away as Kayla and Bella walk over to join me.
“You okay?” Kayla whispers.
“Yeah, let’s go make some yummy brownies and ice cream.”
“Finally,” Bella huffs out, and we laugh at her impatience.
Fifteen
Cooper
Total. Mind. Fuck. That’s what I feel right now as I watch Liz walk out of the store holding hands with my daughter. Our daughter. Liz and I have a daughter. We created that precious little girl five years ago. I have a daughter that I had no idea about and it’s my own fault for walking away that day and leaving her no way to contact me.
She looks like a perfect, beautiful mixture of Liz and me. She has my green eyes and light brown hair, but it is curly like Liz’s. She has tanned skin just like the both of us, and when she smiles I can see a piece of my mom in her from her happier days.
For the last fifteen years, I’ve told myself a wife and kids will never be in my future. After watching my parents destroy each other and our home, I never want to put anyon
e I care for in that position, which means there has never been any room for love in my life. But looking at that precious little girl and her mother walk away from me makes me want to run after them. I can’t believe my dad actually told her I wanted nothing to do with her. He and I are definitely going to get a few things straight.
I jump in my car and head back to the gym and go straight to his office. He’s finishing up a phone call, so I wait. He looks up at me without a smile and I’m once again reminded of how miserable this guy really is. I don’t think he’s smiled in years. He has no real friends and he hasn’t dated that I know of since my mom. I can’t imagine living my life like this.
“To what do I owe this pleasure, Son? Are you planning on training at all today or are you taking a page from Bentley’s book and are simply here to take up space?”
To think for a second I almost felt sorry for him. The truth is he’s chosen to live this way. He’s chosen to push everyone away, including his own son, and now, without even realizing it, he tried to push away the mother of his granddaughter. I’ve had enough.
“I’m so sick of the way you treat everyone around you. We all bust our ass at this gym yet nothing is ever good enough. You walk around here all high and mighty, putting everybody down. I get Mom cheated on you, but did that make it okay to destroy her? And what the fuck did I ever do to you? I have tried to love you and be a good son to you, but you don’t want love and you sure as hell don’t want me as a son.”
He leans back in his chair, annoyed that I am ranting to him. “What’s got your panties in a twist now, Liam? I don’t have time for this. Get to the point, please.” I hate when he calls me Liam. It’s why all my friends call me Cooper. Since I was little, he would only use my first name when he was upset with me.
“All right, I’ll get to the point. Did you tell Liz I want nothing to do with her and then send her away?”
“Yeah, I did. You don’t need that distraction and she definitely doesn’t need to be coming in this gym looking for you. Keep your pussy where it belongs, in the bedroom!”
It takes everything I have not to punch him in his face. I only refrain myself because I know if I do punch him I’ll be falling into his trap. He’s always looking for a fight.
I do and say the only thing I can, because at the end of the day the only person I can control is myself. “I’m done here. I’m done with you and this fucking gym and I doubt that you even care, but I’m done being your son. Find a new moneymaking machine for this gym. I. Am. Fucking. Done.”
I turn to walk out the door and he calls my name. For a second, I hope he’ll apologize, tell me to come back in, and want to make this right, but I know deep down that’s not his style.
He lifts his chin and says, “Don’t bother coming back when you destroy your entire career over a piece of trashy pussy. You’re a disgrace to this gym and to the UFC. Close the door on your way out.”
I don’t even bother to respond. Instead, I simply shake my head and walk out. He’ll never change and I’m done living my life like this. If his advice is to stay away from Liz, maybe I should do the opposite because I’ll do anything to not end up like him.
I head to the locker room to gather my shit. Once I have it all and am about to leave, Bentley and Kaden come walking in. Seeing all my stuff in my hands, they look from me, to my now open, empty, locker, and back to me again.
“Are you seriously leaving? Where are you going to go?” Kaden asks. I know he’s concerned because he’s under contract with this gym. He can’t train me if I’m not training here.
“I have no idea. I just found out my dad sent Liz away when she came here yesterday to tell me that… get this shit, I have a daughter.”
“Oh, shit.”
“What the fuck.”
“Yeah, I ran into Liz and Bella—that’s her name—at the grocery store. She looks just like me. It’s crazy. Apparently, she was scared to tell me because I pushed her away by telling her I didn’t want a wife or kids the other night. She got the guts to come here to tell me anyway, feeling I should know about my daughter, but my dad decided to be my personal secretary and tell her I didn’t want to see her. He actually sent her away. I went to his office to confront him and not only did he admit to it but he defended his actions. I told him I’m done here. I just can’t do this shit with him anymore.”
Both of them are looking at me with sympathy in their eyes. They’ve seen the shit I’ve gone through with my parents for the last several years.
“So, what are you going to do?” Bentley finally asks.
“I don’t know. I just need some time to think. I’m going to head home and take a few days to figure this all out. Liz told me I’m either all in or all out as far as our daughter goes, and I don’t blame her. Bella deserves to have stability in her life. I need to think about all this. You guys should have seen her. She’s so adorable and so freaking smart, and she has my attitude.”
The guys laugh at that.
I take a deep breath, then release it and continue. “I just don’t know if I can be the dad she deserves. Look at the example I had growing up. A dad barely home, who put his career above his family, then when his wife cheats on him, he lashes out and destroys her entire world, turning her into a drunk. And where does that leave Liz and me? She’s been doing this on her own for four damn years because I walked away without giving her my number. She doesn’t need this shit in her life. She had this image in her head of what it would be like when I found out and I fucked it all up before she could even tell me. I just need to wrap my head around all of this. I don’t want to make their life worse.”
Kaden and Bentley both nod in understanding. I’m sure they want to say something, but they can sense I just can’t deal with it right now.
“I’m gonna head home. I’ll let you guys know what I decide.”
“Bro, you know I got your back. If you’re sure about leaving this gym, I am too.”
I nod and give Bentley a small smile to thank him.
Kaden adds, “You know I can’t leave here, but whatever you need from me, I got you. We’ll figure this out.”
I pat him on this shoulder and thank him, then I walk out of the locker room and out of the gym for what I believe will be the last time.
Sixteen
Cooper
It’s been five days since I walked out of the gym. I haven’t spoken to anybody during that time. I’ve started going for a run in the morning and in the evening down by the lake in my neighborhood. Years of training for hours a day keeps me from being able to just sit at home and do nothing. I’ve had some time to think about what I want to do now that I’m away from my dad and the gym. I’m thinking about joining another training center to get me through this title fight and then taking some time off.
Between all the wins I’ve had over the last ten years, my contract with the UFC, and the several endorsements and sponsorship deals I have, I have a nice cushion in the bank.
It sucks that Kaden won’t be able to train me anymore, but I just can’t be around my dad. His latest stunt was the last straw. I’ve been thinking a lot about Bella and Liz and where I want things to go with them. I need to spend some time getting to know my little girl and her mother. Now that I know I have a daughter, I need to step it up as a dad and make sure I’m nothing like mine. Then there’s Liz and me… there was definitely a connection there between us both times we hooked up, but I don’t know if I fucked it all up beyond repair when I said all that shit to her. When she was going on and on at the store she made a comment about me not wanting to be with her, but she never actually said she doesn’t want to be with me, so maybe there’s still a chance for us to get to know each other.
I glance at my phone ringing and check the caller ID hoping it’s Liz, but it’s just my mom. I send it to voicemail, having too much going on in my head to deal with her right now. I’m not surprised Liz hasn’t reached out to me since the day at the grocery store, but I was still hoping she would. She obvious
ly meant it when she said she was leaving the ball in my court so I’m going to need to call her soon so we can talk.
My phone rings again, and I see it’s my mom, again. I haven’t had a real conversation with her in almost two years. She calls and leaves voicemails occasionally, and I text her back that I’m busy. She doesn’t usually call back to back, so I answer it in case it’s important.
“Hey, Mom, sorry, I was just out running. Everything okay?”
I can hear her sniffling into the phone but she hasn’t said anything yet.
“Mom, are you drunk?”
She starts crying harder. “No, I’m not drunk. If you could ever stand to speak to me for more than five seconds you would know that.”
I cut her off, not having the patience to deal with her right now on top of everything.
“Okay, Mom. If you aren’t drunk then what’s going on? I’m kind of busy right now.”
I can hear her sigh into the phone. “Liam, it’s your father. He had a heart attack.”
“Is he okay?”
“No, sweetie, he’s not. I’m sorry but he didn’t make it. I guess he never updated his emergency contact information, so they called me.”
I sit in the grass and stare out at the lake. I don’t know whether to be happy or sad about this. For years, I wished he would just disappear, but I never wished him dead. He was so damn unhappy all the time. I just wish he could’ve found a way to be happy before passing away. He never even knew he had a granddaughter. Shit, my mom doesn’t even know she has a grandmother.
“How did it happen?”
“The doctor said he was feeling chest pains, so he went to the ER. While running tests he had a heart attack and they couldn’t revive him. The tests they ran afterward said he showed signs of smoke inhalation, which is weird because he doesn’t smoke. They said they found traces of soot in his lungs as well as fluid. They think he might’ve been in a fire and the fluid in his lungs most likely lead to the shortness of breath, which caused him to have respiratory failure. I’m here at the hospital now. Can you come down?”
