by Nikki Ash
I hear a gasp come from the side and turn to see Danielle standing in the doorway. “What do you mean it’s fake? What is wrong with you?”
I’m taken back by the tone of her voice. I thought this would make them all feel better. “Of course it’s fake. I would never disrespect your sister by marrying again. I promised her forever. I promised to protect her. I messed it all up.”
“Oh no, Kaden.” Danielle sits next to me on the couch and takes my hands in hers. “Sure, it hurts to see you move forward knowing my sister never will, but don’t you ever for a second think anything that happened was your fault. You deserve to fall in love again. To be happy. You loved my sister with everything in you, but she’s not here. It’s okay to still love her and move on. It’s okay to love someone else.”
“But… I promised,” I say, choked up with tears. “I promised to love her for my entire life.” I stand, not sure how to deal with the emotions squeezing in my chest.
With a hand on my shoulder, Margarita turns me around and wraps me into a motherly embrace. “But your life isn’t over, Kaden, and you’re still so young. Please, don’t you ever push love away. My daughter would never want you to live alone.”
“Do you love her, Kaden?” Juan asks. “Do you love Ashley?”
I don’t even have to think about it for a second. “Yes, I do. I love her so damn much. It’s just…”
“No,” he cuts me off. “Don’t make up reasons why not to be with her, especially if you’re going to place the blame on my daughter. It’s okay to love, and I know my daughter would never want you to live alone and miserable.”
Danielle and Margarita both pull me into a hug. “You will always be family,” Danielle murmurs.
“We hope you will invite us to the wedding, Kaden. We would love to be there,” Margarita says.
“Thank you, guys. Thank you for everything.”
Once I’m in my car I remember I was supposed to meet Ashely and Tristan at the pool. Fuck! I call Ashley and thankfully she answers on the first ring. “Everything okay?”
I take a calming breath, finally feeling free from the guilt I’ve carried over these last several years.
“Yeah, it is. I’m so sorry. Are you and Tristan still at the pool?”
“We’re about to head back to your parents’ house now.”
“Okay, please tell him I’m sorry. Can you get dressed when you get back? I need to take you somewhere. I’ll have my parents watch Tristan.”
* * *
The car ride is quiet. Ashley doesn’t try to initiate a conversation and neither do I. I pull up to Fairmont Cemetery and can feel Ashley’s eyes on mine while I drive down the dirt road. I’ve only been here once, eleven years ago, but I could never forget my way to where we need to go.
I park on the side, then taking Ashley’s hand, we walk to our destination. When we stop in front of the two headstones, Ashley reads aloud, “Gabrielle Scott.” She gasps, her hand going to her mouth.
“Your tattoo. This is Gabby.” She looks at the headstone to the left. “Gabriel Scott,” she reads aloud. When she doesn’t say anything, I know she’s trying to put it all together. The birth and death date on Gabriel’s plot are both the same. I can feel my heart squeezing in my chest. It hurts so fucking bad. I thought I could keep it all together, but being here for the first time in years is harder than I thought it would be.
Ashley’s hand squeezes mine when she finally puts it altogether. Then she releases my hand to hug me. “I’m so sorry for your loss.” When she pulls back, she has tears in her eyes, but they aren’t the pity look I always pictured. They are full of sadness and love. My eyes burn with unshed tears, and my throat feels like I’ve swallowed a baseball. I pull Ashley back into a tight hug and hold her for a few minutes while I try to get myself together.
“Let’s have a seat. I need to tell you what happened. Why I am the way I am.”
We sit in the grass in front of the two most important people of my past.
* * *
Kaden
Eleven Year Ago
“Left jab… Right jab… Block… Block… Block!”
“I am blocking!”
“You aren’t blocking and if you keep blocking like that you’re going to get your ribs smashed in at the tournament this weekend.”
I hear my phone ring and run over to it. I don’t normally keep my phone on me while I’m teaching an MMA class but these days I have a good reason to keep it on me and everyone understands. I look at the screen and grin at the picture staring back at me of the most beautiful woman in the world.
“Hey Gabby, is everything okay?”
“Yes, but it’s time.”
“It’s time for…?”
“Kaden! It’s time to have this baby!” She giggles into the phone, making me grin harder. I know what she means, but I like to mess with her.
“I’m on my way home to get you.”
“Maybe we should meet at the hospital…”
“No way, Gabs, you’re not driving while in labor. I’ll be right there.”
“Okay, mi amor. I’ll see you soon.”
I hang up and grab my gym bag from the side of mat.
“Gotta go! Gabby is in labor.”
Everybody cheers, wishing us luck, as I run to the car to go get my wife. I get to the house in less than ten minutes and she’s sitting on our porch swing staring down at her belly, probably talking to the baby. She’s always talking to him.
“You ready?”
She looks up and smiles. “I am! I can’t wait to meet this little guy.”
Grabbing her bag from next to her, I hold her arm while she adorably waddles to the car and gets into the passenger seat. I reach over her and buckle her in.
“I can buckle myself in, silly!” She giggles.
I give her a kiss on her cheek and laugh. “I know you can, but you’re in labor. I’m going to make sure you don’t have to do anything but bring this little guy into the world.”
“You spoil me, Kaden. Te amo, baby.”
“I don’t spoil you enough. I love you too, Gabby.”
I back out of the driveway and begin heading to Foothills Hospital. It’s only about fifteen minutes from our house and the hospital her obstetrician delivers at.
“Ohh… Wow!” Gabby holds her stomach.
“Are you okay?” I glance over at her, concerned.
“Yeah, the contractions are just getting stronger. Distract me.”
“Are you rethinking the no-drugs decision yet?”
“Very funny. I’ll let you know once we get there.”
“Okay.” I chuckle, wondering how long it will take for her to start begging for the drugs. Her pain tolerance is probably a three.
“Do you think he will look like me or you?” Gabby asks.
“I hope he looks like you. I hope he has your dark curly hair and your black chocolate chip eyes.”
“No way! My hair is a mess! I hope he has your green eyes with my tanned skin.”
“What are you saying? I’m pale?” I joke.
“No!” She laughs out loud. “Well, yeah… but you know you’re pale!”
“Yeah, but only against your beautiful Venezuelan skin.”
The light turns red and I take a moment to glance over at my wife. She’s smiling at me, excited to finally get to meet our son.
“I bet he’s a beautiful mixture of the both of us,” she says, looking down at her belly once again.
The light switches to green and I press the gas, moving forward slowly into the intersection. There must be some sort of accident because the road in front of us appears to be backed up.
It happens in slow motion yet so fast. In the corner of my eye, I see the tractor-trailer, and he’s coming right at us. He must have run the red light. He’s already too close, and I know it’s too late.
Instinctively, my hand goes over Gabby’s chest to protect her as the tractor-trailer hits the passenger side of the vehicle taking us with him. And then our
vehicle starts rolling.
There are screams.
A crushing sound.
More screams.
And then silence.
The vehicle has stopped rolling and we’re back to being in an upright position. I frantically start shouting to call nine-one-one. With shaky hands, I unbuckle my seatbelt and reach over to Gabby.
“Gabs, are you okay?” I’m shaking her shoulder, trying to wake her up.
She doesn’t say anything. I search her face, but her eyes don’t open. I jump out of the car and run to her side of the vehicle.
“Sir, don’t move her. The ambulance is on its way.”
“She’s in labor!” I yell.
I open her door and reach over to unbuckle her seatbelt. There’s blood everywhere: a huge gash on her forehead, cuts from glass all over her arms and legs, and then I look down and see blood all over the seat.
“Gabby, baby. Hang in there. Help is on the way.” I rub her belly just like she always does and tell our little guy everything will be okay.
The EMTs arrive and within minutes they have Gabby in the ambulance. They ask to check me out, but I refuse treatment. My wife and unborn son are the only things on my mind.
We get to the hospital and they take her back, not allowing me to follow. I take the time to use the nurse’s station’s phone to call our families to let them know what’s happened. They all let me know they’re on their way.
After about an hour of waiting and pacing back and forth, a doctor walks out. “Family of Gabrielle Scott.”
“Yes, I am her husband.”
“I am so sorry but Gabrielle and the baby didn’t make it. The internal bleeding was too severe and she lost too much blood. Her heart stopped and we couldn’t save her.”
“What about our son? Couldn’t you take him out?”
“We attempted to deliver him via cesarean but the impact from the crash was too much. He didn’t survive. I am so sorry.”
I hear our family around me crying. My mom tries to hug me and I let her. I feel numb. This all feels so surreal. Like it’s a bad fucking nightmare. One I will wake up from. Only it’s not. It’s reality, and in this moment, I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up.
“Can I see her?” I ask.
“Yes, you can see her, if you wish to.”
I follow him back to the hospital room, but before the doctor opens the door, he says, “I must warn you. The accident left her banged up. She might not look like the same woman. She’s covered with a sheet. Many don’t wish to remove it, they would rather have the memory of them alive than of them after they have passed away.”
I simply nod then open the door. Gabrielle is lying on the bed with a white sheet covering her body.
I grab a chair from the corner and sit down next to the bed. I don’t know what to say so I do the only thing I can think of. I beg her to come back to me.
“Please Gabs, I’m begging you with everything in me not to leave me. Please! I’m so sorry for not protecting you.”
I push the chair away, so I’m kneeling in front of my wife.
Begging her not to leave me.
Begging God not to let her leave me.
Knowing my begging will do no good.
But still begging.
“We promised each other forever. Dammit, Gabs! Remember our vows. I love you. Please, baby!”
Lifting the side of the sheet up, I place my hand into hers, entwining our fingers and squeeze gently, but she doesn’t squeeze my hand back. I know, no matter how much I beg and plead, she will not squeeze back. She’s leaving me and there’s not a goddamn thing I can do to change it. The truth is, even though she’s right here in front of me, she’s already left.
I promised to protect her and I broke that promise.
Chapter Twenty
Ashley
“You didn’t break your promise. You couldn’t have possibly done anything different, Kaden. You are not to blame.”
Kaden looks at me with sadness in his eyes, hot tears flowing down his cheeks. All these years, he’s been blaming himself for his wife and son’s death. I want to grab ahold of him and shake him until he realizes there was nothing he could have done.
“I know that on some level. I know it was the truck’s fault for running the red light. I know it was bad circumstance, the accident in front of us leaving us in the middle of the intersection. I know all of this, but it doesn’t ease my guilt. I was the one driving. I promised to protect her, and in the car with me driving, she and our son died. The most fucked up part is that the day my son was supposed to be born, he died. He never even got a chance to live.”
“Tell me about her. How you two met, how you fell in love.”
Kaden gives me a small smile. “We met when we were sixteen. We were sophomores. I was at the gym working out, and she decided to try out the gym. I recommended the boxing class to her while she was checking out the calendar. She showed up to the class the next day and asked if I wanted to be her partner.
“We found out we both lived in the same community and went to the same school. I couldn’t believe I never noticed her before. We didn’t really hang out in the same crowds, though. She was a cheerleader and I spent my time at the gym. School wasn’t really my thing. I went there, did what I was supposed to do, then spent my afternoons and weekends at the gym.
“We started dating and became inseparable. After graduation, we got engaged. Gabby went to college here in Denver to get her business degree. She wanted to work with her dad. I got a job training and teaching classes locally. A couple years later, we got married, and then she got pregnant…
“After she died, I tried to live here, but it was hard. I ended up taking a job with Cooper’s dad’s gym. We owned a home in the same neighborhood as our families, but I couldn’t live there anymore. I sold the house and moved in with Coop and Bentley for about four years.
“But even working somewhere else and living somewhere else wasn’t enough. Friends of ours would see me and look at me with pity. I just couldn’t take it anymore. When they decided to move to Las Vegas, I made the choice to move with them. I decided to get my own place, though. I needed to somehow move forward, so I purchased the home I live in now. Caleb was going through his own shit, so Coop asked him to join so he could room with Bentley since Cooper was buying his own place as well. This is my first time coming back to their graves since we buried them.”
“So, this is why you’ve been single and only do one-night stands.” Knowing this is the reason why my best friend doesn’t want to settle down, breaks my heart.
“What if the love I have left to give isn’t enough? What if I go to give my heart to someone and the pieces that are left aren’t enough. If you’re putting together a puzzle and only have half the pieces, can someone really feel satisfied only seeing half the picture?”
“When you find someone who loves you without limitations, she will accept any pieces you give, and her pieces will fit into that same puzzle creating a picture, it may not be perfect, but it will be beautiful nonetheless because it will be your picture. Who needs a corner piece anyway? Tristan always loses them,” I say, rolling my eyes, trying to lighten the mood.
Kaden cracks the smallest, saddest smile, and my heart shatters all over for him. He’s been through the worst thing anybody could ever go through, losing not only his wife, but his unborn son. He’s the most beautiful man on the inside and out, and he deserves the world. Which is why I only have one choice…
“I can’t marry you.”
Kaden turns his head to look at me, his eyes widening. Before he can ask why, I explain.
“I want what you two had. I want a love like that. I met Tyler when I was in college and knew he wasn’t good for me, but I was too young to fully get it. Listening to you tell me about Gabrielle and you, what you had was real love. I want real love. And you deserve real love. You’re an amazing man, Kaden. The fact that you thought you had to stay single for the rest of your life to stay true to
your deceased wife speaks volumes about the person you are. One day you’re going to meet a woman who will knock you off your feet, and she is going to come with all the pieces to the puzzle you’re missing. You’ll fall in love, and while it won’t be the same as what you and Gabby had, it won’t be any less. It’ll just be different. You’re older and wiser, and you’re capable of love.”
I wipe the tears that are falling down my face. I would give anything to experience, even for a short time, the love Kaden and Gabrielle experienced.
“I can’t fake marry you. I can’t let you stand in front of your family and say fake vows. I’m sorry. I have never been married before, and I hope one day, when I get married, I’ll have a love like the one you and your wife had. It sounds like a truly amazing kind of love.”
I get up and head back to the car, not being able to sit here any longer. Kaden never says a word. He drives us back to the house in silence. While he’s driving, I think about everything he told me and everything I said in return. I love Kaden. I love him with all my heart, but I know that if I married him for fake, it would leave me heartbroken in the end. And knowing he’s capable of loving a woman so strongly, I can’t accept just a piece of him. He deserves to meet a woman he can fully give his heart to. I know with all my heart, he would fill all the pieces to my puzzle, but it can’t be one-sided. I can’t put the puzzle together myself. I need his pieces to intertwine with mine.
The rest of the day flies by. Kaden tries to get me alone to speak with me, but I don’t allow it. I’m already too emotional as it is and I don’t want to talk with him under his parents’ roof. I excuse myself to bed early after Tristan is asleep, and Kaden tells me he’ll be in later. He wants to hang out with his parents since it’s our last night here. Tomorrow, after his grandmother’s birthday party, we’ll be taking a late flight home.
* * *
The birthday party is being held in a private room at the country club. The tables are filled with various beautiful flowers, and there must be over a hundred people in attendance. Rose sits in her seat at the head of one of the tables like a queen at her throne while everybody comes over to wish her a happy birthday. She seems more tired today, reminding me why she wants Kaden to marry soon. She wants to be present. I feel bad that I can’t go through with marrying him, but I don’t think deceiving her with a fake marriage would be what she would want for her grandson.
