Songbird

by Maya Banks

  the ranch. Emily avoided the gazes of Greer and Taggert. She needed all the courage she could muster, and she wasn’t going to waste it on a few stolen glances.

  The hands filed inside just as the first rays of light filtered through the kitchen window. The foreman Rand stopped at Emily’s stool and smiled at her.

  “It’s good to see you again, Miss Emily. It’s been a long time.”

  She smiled. Rand had always been polite, extremely courteous and shy around her.

  “Hello, Rand.”

  “Will you be visiting long?”

  She stilled, unsure of how to answer his question. Of course he’d assume she was visiting. The ranch had never actually been her home even if she’d spent most of her time here when she was younger.

  “She’s not leaving,” Taggert said in his don’t-argue-with-me voice.

  It certainly seemed as if he were sending her a message rather than answering Rand’s innocent question.

  Rand smiled and nodded. “Welcome home, then.”

  “Thank you.”

  The hands called out their greetings, some of them echoing Rand’s welcome home. There weren’t any new faces. The most recent hire had been years ago when Emily was still a permanent fixture at the ranch.

  Taggert and Greer were good men to work for. Their hands’ longevity was a testament to that.

  Taggert’s words lingered in her mind. He didn’t want her to go. Greer didn’t want her to go. But did she have a future here? And in what capacity did they want her to stay? Greer had been blunt. He wanted her. What did she want? What did she need?

  God, but she missed Sean’s smile. His understanding. The way he made love to her. The way he made her feel. She tried so hard not to feel guilty. He wouldn’t want her to. He’d be the last person to want her to languish over his memory. Unfortunately, knowing it and practicing it were not the same. Not when every waking moment reminded her that if she’d made different decisions so many lives wouldn’t have changed.

  Lost in thought, she ate quietly, not really listening to the conversation around her. One by one, the hands got up, collected their sack lunches and disappeared out the back door to go to work.

  “Make me a list, Buck, and we’ll pick up what you need while we’re in town,” Taggert said as he leaned back in his seat.

  She blinked when Greer turned toward her.

  “Go get dressed, Emmy,” he said. “You can ride in with us and do your shopping.”

  Chapter Eight

  When Greer had first suggested replacing her wardrobe, she hadn’t considered that it would mean going into Creed’s Pass. She hadn’t set foot in the town since she’d fled after Sean’s death.

  Now she stood in front of the small all-purpose mercantile, her fists clenched at her sides as she glanced furtively down the main stretch of town.

  Her gaze alighted on Tilly’s motel, and she flinched, closing her eyes in pain as that night came back. Her and Sean laughing. Walking along hand in hand from the corner café after dinner, returning to their room.

  They hadn’t stayed at the ranch. They never did. Not since they’d married and the visits back had been so awkward. That was her fault. It was she who couldn’t bear to face Taggert and Greer and pretend that nothing had ever happened.

  The man had come out of nowhere, the knife glinting in the light from the streetlamps. Sean stepped in front of her to fend off the attack and took the blade to his chest.

  The attacker’s hand wrapped around her throat, squeezing as she screamed until he silenced her.

  Alerted by her screams, several nearby people rushed into the street. Her attacker had dropped her but not the knife, and then he’d run. Never to be found. Was he still out there?

  She’d dropped to Sean’s inert figure, her hands pressing against the terrible wound in his chest. Blood, so much of it, spilled onto the street.

  He’d known. God, he’d known. He looked up at her with such love in his eyes. Then he’d told her he loved her before taking his last breath.

  Her breath released in a silent stutter, and she squeezed her eyes shut, determined not to lose her composure.

  “Emmy?”

  Taggert’s concerned voice reached past the oppressive weight of her grief. She turned to see him standing there, his dark eyes filled with so much understanding it was nearly her undoing.

  “I should have thought,” he said. “We’ve been back into town so many times that I forgot this is your first time back.”

  She shook her head as if somehow she could deny the agony that stabbed as sharp and as deep as the knife that had ended Sean’s life.

  “I’m okay,” she managed to get out. “Let’s go in.”

  He touched her arm reassuringly, and Greer opened the door so they could walk in.

  She couldn’t muster much enthusiasm for clothes shopping. She chose a few pairs of jeans and simple T-shirts and browsed the two racks of dressier clothing, which were nothing more than nicer western shirts and a few denim skirts.

  Wanting to be done with it, she piled the clothing over her arm and headed for the cashier. She stopped short when she saw her father standing at the register paying for his purchases.

  His gaze swept over her. There was a brief flicker of recognition, but he turned away as if she were nothing more than a stranger. No acknowledgement, no greeting.

  A knot formed in her throat. It shouldn’t hurt. It shouldn’t bother her one iota that the unfeeling bastard had snubbed her. He’d made his feelings plain a long time ago. She was dead to him. She just hadn’t expected him to act as if she were nothing at all.

  Why should it be easy for him? Why should he get away with acting like an ass? She’d done nothing to deserve his scorn, and she was tired of feeling guilt for perceived wrongs. There were plenty of real ones without adding the imaginary kind.

  “Dad,” she said evenly.

  He froze, and for a moment, she thought he’d look at her again. His shoulders stiff, he collected his sack from the counter and turned away to walk toward the door.

  “Nice to see you too,” she called.

  He didn’t miss a step.

  “Emmy, don’t,” Greer said, his voice hard. “Don’t put yourself through that. He’s an unforgiving bastard, and he’s not worth your breath.”

  Her gaze followed her father until he disappeared from view. It shouldn’t hurt. No. But it did. Her own family didn’t accept her. Didn’t want her.

  Taggert stepped in front of her, blocking her view of her father’s departure. He touched her cheek with gentle fingers, his eyes soft as he looked down at her.

  “Don’t torture yourself, sweet pea.”

  She nodded her agreement and turned to toss her clothing onto the counter.

  “Glad you’re back home, Emily,” Will Ludlow said with a smile as he rang up the items.

  “Thank you, Will.”

  At least the townspeople didn’t seem to blame her for bringing violence into their small, tight-knit community. In her more paranoid musings, she’d wondered if they’d welcome her back or want her to stay away. Nothing ever happened in Creed’s Pass. Until the day a crazy fan took his obsession too far.

  Greer collected her bags for her, and the three of them walked outside.

  “I need to drop our grocery order off and then we’ll have some time to kill before it’s ready. Want to go eat at the café?” Taggert asked.

  Emily froze. Her fingers were icicles against her arms, and she gripped tight, trying to infuse them with warmth.

  She shook her head. No, she didn’t want to go back there. It was the last place she and Sean had been together.

  “Can we just go?” she whispered.

  “I can send one of the hands back for the supplies,” Greer murmured.

  Taggert put an arm around Emily’s shoulders and directed her toward the truck.

  She sat staring out the window on the drive home. The scenery passed in a blur, not really registering in her consciousness.
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br />   “Why does he hate me so much? He’s always hated me.”

  “Forget him,” Taggert growled.

  She shivered as she remembered the sting of her father’s belt. Never would she forget the helpless rage he invoked in her. She hated that trapped-animal feeling. He’d treated her no better than an animal to be kicked when its master was displeased.

  “What are you thinking about, Emmy?” Greer asked softly from the backseat.

  “His belt,” she said honestly before she could think better of it.

  “His what?” Taggert demanded.

  She shook her head and turned away to look out the window once more.

  Greer scooted forward, draping his arms across the backs of the two front seats. “Talk to me, Emily. What the hell did you mean?”

  She closed her eyes and curled her fingers into tight fists. Maybe it was time they knew the truth. Maybe then they wouldn’t think she’d recklessly run off with Sean because she was in a pique over their rejection.

  “The day I came over…” She swallowed. She hadn’t realized how painful it would be to revisit this part of her past. “My father had beaten me because Sean took me to talent night over at the honkeytonk. It was the night I met Frank.”

  “He beat you?” Greer asked in a horrified voice.

  “What are we talking about here, Emily?” Taggert demanded.

  “Please, just let me finish,” she begged.

  They fell silent but their faces were masks of anger, their lips drawn into tight lines.

  “I just wanted to get away so I worked up the courage to tell you how I felt. I was young and stupid. I didn’t really think through it all. And then when you sent me away I went home to another beating. This time he didn’t just use a belt.”

  “Son of a bitch!” Greer spit out.

  “Sean came over to see me. I didn’t want him to know, but my father had gone into town and Sean came in anyway. He was so angry. I’ve never seen him so angry. He told me he’d never let me stay another night in that house. He wanted to take me back to the ranch so I told him what happened and that I couldn’t go back there.”

  She closed her eyes, tears slipping silently down her cheeks as she remembered the events of that night.

  “He packed me a bag and then told me he loved me, that he’d always love me and take care of me and that we were going to Vegas to get married and that I was going to call Frank and tell him I wanted to talk about my career.”

  She turned in her seat so she could see both Taggert and Greer and they could see her. “I didn’t marry Sean to get back at you. I didn’t do it to punish you, and I didn’t do it in some fit of childish temper. I loved him just like I loved you. I’d always loved him. I couldn’t stay there with my father anymore, and when you told me we couldn’t be together there was no reason for me to stay in Creed’s Pass any longer.”

  “Goddamn it!” Taggert exploded, his hands pounding the steering wheel. He braked hard and pulled the truck to the side of the road, and then he sat there, hands locked on the column, his jaw clenching and unclenching spasmodically.

  To her shock, when he finally turned to her, tears burned bright in his eyes.

  “Why didn’t you tell us, Emmy? Why would you keep something like that from us? Why?”

  “I didn’t want anyone to know,” she said painfully. “I didn’t want Sean to know.”

  “We could have helped you. We would have taken you out of there,” Greer rasped. “We would have never let you stay there if we’d known. Yes, he’s an uptight asshole. Everyone knows that. We knew he made your life hell with his narrow-minded bullshit, but goddamn it, Emily, we would have never let you stay there if we knew his abuse was physical.”

  “He was my legal guardian,” she said in a shaky voice. “What could you have done? He was my father.”

  “Bullshit,” Taggert swore. “I would have killed the bastard for ever touching you.”

  “How many times?” Greer gritted out.

  She didn’t pretend to misunderstand the question. “Whenever I displeased him,” she said dully.

  Taggert turned away, his face ravaged by grief. “I’m going to kill him. So help me, I’m going to hunt him down and kill him.”

  Emily put her hand on his arm. “No, please, Taggert. He can’t hurt me anymore. Just leave it be. I wouldn’t have told you at all, but I wanted you to understand why I married Sean. I wasn’t trying to punish you and Greer. I loved Sean with all my heart, and I’ll never be able to forgive myself for all the sacrifices he made. I was the reason he died, Tagg. Not you.”

  The interior of the truck closed in on her. Hot and suffocating. She needed air. She needed to breathe. She needed to get away from the horror etched into Greer’s and Taggert’s faces.

  Fumbling with the door, she yanked the handle and nearly fell out in her haste to get away. Ignoring Greer’s shout, she stumbled into the ditch, crossed it and leaned on an old wooden post that was barely holding up the barbed wire fence.

  She bent over as her stomach rolled and clenched violently. She gagged once and went to her knees, breathing heavily through her nose to control the overwhelming nausea.

  Enough. It was enough. She was so tired of pain. Tired of never feeling like she was going to live again. Happiness seemed like a once-upon-a-time story that never made it to the end.

  “Emmy, Emmy, please baby, don’t cry.”

  Greer wrapped his arms around her as he knelt beside her on the hard ground.

  “I just want it all to go away,” she said. “I can’t do this anymore, Greer. I can’t.”

  Taggert dropped down on her other side, his hand tangling in her hair as he pulled her head to his shoulder.

  “Come home with us, Emily. It’ll be okay, I swear it. We’ll get through this. Together. We’re never leaving you.”

  She raised her head to look at him at the same time he lowered his lips. They met in a heated rush, and she tasted tears—his or hers?

  His hands moved clumsily over her cheeks until he cupped her face. He deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding like warm velvet over hers.

  It was urgent, it was calm. It was anguished and loving. Salt lingered on their lips, and she knew it was a mixture of both their tears.

  “I love you,” Taggert whispered in an aching voice. “I love you so damn much, Emily. I need you. Please let us take you home.”

  Greer’s hands ran over her shoulders, and he squeezed reassuringly. Then his mouth caressed the curve of her neck as his fingers slid the strands of her hair out of his way.

  She dared not breathe. She didn’t dare hope. So much had been taken from her she refused to believe that what she wanted most was within her grasp. And then she remembered the price she’d had to pay to have it.

  “Don’t think, Emmy. Don’t analyze. Let us take you home. We need to talk,” Greer said quietly against her ear. He kissed her hair and stood, urging her to her feet.

  Taggert rose and reached for her hand. For a moment he stood rubbing his thumb in a pattern over her knuckles. The slight calluses on his fingers rasped over her skin, and she trembled in his hold.

  Her mouth quivered, and she resisted the urge to rub her hand across her swollen lips. She could still feel his mouth on hers. Tender. So much intensity just waiting to burst free.

  Did she have the courage to face them again? Trust them with her heart? As she stared into Taggert’s eyes, she was filled with so many conflicting emotions. Fear. Joy. Sadness. Hope. Love… So much love. It hurt every bit as much as her grief. She wanted to be able to express her love, but she was terrified, and it felt like a betrayal of Sean.

  Taggert lowered his head again and touched his lips to hers in a simple, heartfelt gesture she felt to her core.

  “Come home, Emmy. That’s the first step.”