by S. M. Bowles
Again he took my arm, this time taking just a little more than before and when he gave it back I was sure I felt it slowly spiraling downwards and spreading throughout me. Each drop seemed to be begging and pleading with my body not to give up. Herrik must have felt it too. He gently tugged all the remaining tubes, wires and monitors from wherever they were attached and pushed them all away.
Then his hands softly glided around my shoulders and he sat me up. He waited an indeterminable amount of time for any more signs, the slightest indication that his efforts may have had any greater effect.
"I don't...I don't understand," he sobbed. "It can't be too late! Oh, but Artur warned me...he said...he believed you might be too far gone!" I wasn't sure I was meant to hear his thoughts but for some reason I couldn't avoid them. "It isn't...it isn't too late! I love you, Emily. Please come back to me," his voice urged.
Suddenly I realized that he had never done this before. Herrik had regrettably taken lives but he had never given one back. He had received countless pledges from other vampires and decided whether or not they could make others but never made one himself.
"Maybe," he said aloud, "maybe..." his voice had a strange, hysterical tenor to it and he seemed to be considering some instinctive urge, some inherent, subliminal knowledge. He clutched my hand to his chest. "Emily," his mind called, "I think you need to let go," he said. "I think it needs to be all or nothing. You need to give me your life. I need you to die for me Emily."
"N...n..." I wanted so desperately to deny him but somewhere deep down inside I knew he was right. I had to stop fighting.
Herrik sensed my agreement and cautiously lowered his lips to my neck. I felt them part and the piercing pressure of his teeth as he forced them through the soft flesh that covered my throat. My mind and body frantically wanted to cling to the life he was so determined to take from me but my blood seemed to be rising up and bubbling out far too quickly for me to try to hold on. For a brief moment I sensed the strange ecstasy that Herrik felt as my life ebbed and flowed across his tongue and the ruthless need it created in his body and mind.
I heard his heart roaring with a ferocious determination, its beats thundering in my ears while mine dwindled and the thumps came slower and slower until they were an endless number of seconds apart. Herrik strained to control himself and to not let himself be mesmerized beyond the point where he could not stop. He listened for the fateful sound of my heart stuttering into stillness and the last wispy breath escaping from my lungs. My mouth fell slightly open and when my body went limp with lifelessness Herrik howled manically knowing the finality of what he had done.
He gently laid me down and dazedly slashed his wrist again before cradling my head to the open wound. Minutes later there was still no change and while he wept and prayed Herrik's confidence began to crumble.
My mind seemed to awaken first. It was so cold, I felt so cold! My fingers twitched and when he felt them Herrik unbowed his head and saw the first little tremors of color spreading across my skin.
"Emily!" he cried out undulating from utter desolation to complete joy.
It moved so slowly, his blood snaking through me and reconstructing and reawakening everything it touched. As it gained momentum it created a wave of warmth that spread from my head down to my chest and throughout my limbs. It felt absolutely effervescent, almost ticklish as it crept along and I felt my lips trembling into a faint smile.
I opened my eyes and saw him smiling back at me, "Herrik," I pushed myself up and took his face in my hands. "Oh," I touched him in disbelief. "I can't believe..." I kissed him lightly; his cheeks his lips, his eyes. "I've missed you so much!" I couldn't think of anything to say that would fully express how much I felt at that moment.
Herrik buried his face in my hair, "I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry!"
It was strange hearing his voice, so strange and wondrous because it was more than just words that I heard but the emotions behind them, too. He was broken-hearted for all the mistakes he felt he had made and for the irrevocable outcome that came of them all.
There was nothing I could say that would take any of his sorrow away especially when I was feeling so many of my own private griefs. We were both tormented by all that we had lost.
"I played at being a god, Emily, and I failed miserably. I tried to create a world that was never meant to be and I have paid dearly for it. How will anyone ever forgive me?"
Somehow I sensed that there was something in his thoughts that he was keeping from me.
"There is...there are, many...so many things..." he sighed.
I kissed him, "I'm sure you have very good reasons for not telling me, so I will not ask, but Herrik," I forced him to meet my eyes, "I love you and I forgive you. I still believe in you and what you are trying to do."
He was shaking his head.
"And I am sure Artur believes in you, too, and Daemon and Avery along with everyone else who fought beside you."
"No. It's over Emily. I don't have the strength, I've lost the will."
I didn't know what to say. I pulled him close and hugged him tight, "You will find it again. I know you will."
He was so tense and overwhelmed by everything that had happened. He took a deep breath of my hair and let it all out then I felt Herrik's fingers running up and down my spine. It was a subtle, innocent touch but it felt absolutely invigorating and I found myself arching into it longingly.
"Oh, Emily!" he whispered. "I love you. You are the only thing that has made any of this worth it. I can never be without you again." He pulled back, his expression intense but solemn and sure, "I need you," he confessed. "You are a part of me in a way no one else will ever or could ever be."
I couldn't find any words to express all the emotions that were washing over me.
"You don't need to say anything. I see it, here," he kissed me, "in your eyes, and feel it here," he laid his hand over my heart. "Nothing will ever come between us again."
Then everything around us just melted away. We were still in Herrik's bedroom but suddenly it was bright and soft and beautiful. There were flowers tucked into elaborate vases on every free surface and soft music playing in the background. The bed was spread with white linens that were so soft and cool and smooth that I couldn't resist running my toes back and forth across them while marveling at the sensation.
Herrik was smiling as I laid my hands on the downy comforter and they disappeared as they plunged into its depths. Then I noticed that I was no longer in the dingy hospital scrubs I had returned to Haeven in but I was draped in a gauzy, fitted gown that clung to my figure from my shoulders on down. Herrik had changed, too. He wasn't the gaunt, unkempt mourner he had been a moment ago but was a clean-shaven, well-dressed rogue with an impish gleam in his eye.
I shuffled towards him but when I tried to kiss him he laid his fingers over my lips. "Not like this, not this time."
I frowned and shook my head not understanding.
"Let me," he said, "let me show you how much you mean to me, how much I love you."
He held his hand out and helped me up from the bed. I was reluctant but only because of my own yearning. His fingertips caressed my face and neck while his lips traced the rounds of my cheeks and the curve of my throat. I felt him take a little nip and it sent a shockwave of pleasure rippling through me.
"Herrik," I moaned.
By then he had me completely under his spell and my will to resist was demolished by my desire to feel and savor his touch. It was so different than the other times we had been together, so striking that even the lightest of caresses were utterly satisfying. My arms wound around his neck as he brought his lips to mine. I felt him rake his tongue across my teeth when he kissed me and then the delirious taste of him went flooding down my throat.
Every moment he roamed over a different part of my body, tasting, touching and awakening new and miraculous sensations. I tried to reciprocate but I was too captivated by what he was doing to me to respond with anything more than a
sigh of pleasure or a gasp of ecstasy.
Before l realized it Herrik had undressed me and was urging me back to the bed. He tucked me on top of the covers and sat down on the edge near my feet. From there he worked his way upwards stroking my legs with his lips, hands and tongue. I grasped handfuls of the comforter and clenched my teeth to keep from crying out with the desperate need I felt.
He teased me for what seemed an eternity, his tongue moving expertly in and out and over the soft flesh between my thighs. Somehow he had managed to undress himself and just when my will was about to break from the need to feel him inside me he was there, long and full and hard. It was more exquisite than I remembered, the way Herrik felt, the way he moved.
I couldn't resist or restrain myself any longer. One of my legs tangled itself around him and I matched my efforts to his. I clutched at his chest and his back, ran my hands over the sinewy muscles of his arms. It was too much for either of us and our passion erupted in a seemingly endless wave of satisfaction. Eventually the tide of pleasure subsided and we just lay together catching our breath and softly running our fingertips over each other's bare flesh.
An indefinite amount of time passed then Herrik surprised me by saying, "I think you just helped me find my will."
"Oh," I said confusedly.
"You are my will, Emily. I can’t imagine what would happen to you if I let Haeven go, what would become of you. I can’t let you live that way,” he sighed and kissed my cheek, “the way so many of us once did. I must make it work…for you and for Penny and for everyone here now and all those who may happen to come after you.”
It filled me with happiness, knowing how deep his concern was for me, “I’ll help you, Herrik, however I can. I’ll be by your side every step of the way.”
Chapter 25
For the next few days I kept to Herrik's apartment. It was hard to accept that I was actually one of them and I was terribly nervous about how the people of Haeven would react. Herrik was very understanding and did whatever he could to make sure that I was comfortable and had everything I needed. During his free time he would patiently teach me to control my new abilities and all the strange sensations that came along with them. We spent nearly all our time together the only exceptions being when he was needed to settle some concern or other. Then he would slip out and while he was gone I would spend the time practicing and getting used to what I was.
Occasionally I had spells of grief and regret for all that had happened but Herrik would inevitably find some way to lift me up; usually by saying something like, "We must learn from the past, not live in it. Otherwise we will miss out on all the things that are right here in front of us," then he would smile and kiss me and his loving touch would whisk away whatever sorrows were burdening me.
If we happened to be apart during these spells Herrik would be sure to open his mind to me so it felt like he was still with me, like a shadow or a phantom. I would feel him loving me, encouraging me and bolstering me against all of the inevitable sadnesses and endless worries that came along with such a drastic change.
Eventually, Artur, Avery and the others came back. I sensed that they were coming a day or so before they actually arrived and when they returned it finally made Haeven feel like my home again. Herrik went to meet them at the elevator and invited them all to his apartment once they had each gotten a chance to get settled.
Within a day or so they all came, almost as if they were summoned. First Artur then Daemon and Penny arrived. Davit came alone as did Avery then not long after Wyatt and Merry showed up as well. Colin was the last to arrive and though I sensed that he was alone, he actually had someone with him. Once they were all gathered Herrik brought me out to meet them all anew. I saw them before any of them saw me, sitting around the expansive fireplace and talking quietly amongst themselves. As I drew near whatever they were saying to one another died on their lips.
Ares leapt up and bounded towards me nearly knocking me over with his exuberance. Almost collectively they turned to me and I met their eyes one by one but spoke to Ares first, "Oh! I never thought I would see you again!" I buried my face in his fur.
"He's one tough cookie!" Colin chuckled. "It took some," he cleared his throat, "coaxing but he's as good as new, aren't you buddy?" Ares pulled away and returned to Colin's side.
It grew immensely quiet and for the longest time I just stood there smiling, waiting for someone, any one of them to say something or to throw their arms around me and make me feel less like a stranger to them all.
"My goodness, Emily!" Artur was the first to exclaim his eyes bright and keen. "It's...oh! You look...clearly this is what you were meant to be!" he quickly stood up and came to me. Artur took my hands and held them wide and studied me from head to toe. "Amazing," he smiled then leaned in and kissed my cheeks first one then the other.
I felt tears spring into my eyes I was so happy to see him and despite my wishes that Artur would do it first I was the one who threw my arms around him.
"Oh," I realized, "they are...afraid," I thought, "but why?" I couldn't imagine.
"There, there," I could feel Artur's smile against my cheek. "It's not that, Emily! No one believed...and...It's just too good to be true that you have survived so much!"
I opened my eyes and looked over his shoulder and the others had gotten up and moved closer. They were all nodding their assent. Artur stepped aside and one after the other they came to me and told me with words and thoughts how grateful they were to see me again especially Penny and Avery who had been a part of my life since the moment I arrived in Haeven. I thought my heart would burst from all the love I felt from them and for them. Herrik watched as the scene unfolded and once he was satisfied that the initial shock was over he came up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders. He kissed my cheek and motioned me to a chair where we could both sit close but comfortably.
"Thank you all for coming," Herrik said.
"Yes. Yes! Thank you for everything," I looked pointedly at Artur knowing all the trouble he had gone through to take care of my family and to bring Herrik and I back together. Artur shook his head and though I saw a hint of a smile refused to let me say anything more about it.
We had plenty of other things to discuss anyway and while Herrik and I listened intently each of them told their stories both individually as well as collectively. It was unimaginable what we had all been through, Herrik especially. I thought my heart would break when he confessed all that he was forced to witness and endure under Freya’s power.
"When it was over," he said, "I swore I would take Haeven apart brick by brick in order to prevent something like this from ever happening again. It was a mistake, my mistake..."
"No!" Artur stood up angrily and started cursing at Herrik before he fully understood what Herrik was actually saying.
The others looked equally dismayed until he laughed and assured them all that that was no longer his plan, "But we must do something. I asked you all here today hoping for your thoughts and ideas; that together we could come up with a plan if not a solution. Haeven is your home..." Herrik paused when he saw the sudden change in Daemon's expression. "You're not staying," I felt Herrik's disappointment as if it were my own.
There was no sense in trying to deny it, "Penny and I are leaving. Eventually," he quickly added. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to tell you like this. We...we need some time...some time to ourselves," Daemon laid his hand on Penny's knee, "We have a lot of catching up to do," he smiled suggestively and his eyes were full of light as he spoke, "but we'll stay as long as we can."
Wyatt shifted nervously and cleared his throat, "I appreciate the opportunity, and man! This place is the balls...uh...just incredible but I...uh...it's just not me," he shook his head.
I looked at Merry and knowing they had a relationship was aghast at the idea of losing her, too. We hardly knew one another but I felt like we were destined to be friends. I was deeply saddened to learn that I was wrong. Herrik took my hand and absently began caressin
g it while I shook my head in disbelief.
"We've been growing apart for a while now," Merry whispered but we all heard her soft voice. I perked up anxious to hear what would come next.
"Yeah," Wyatt mumbled. "Well, I guess I'll be on my way."
"Just like that!" I thought.
I lifted my head and searched their faces but there didn't seem to be any animosity between Wyatt and Merry. I wondered if their parting had been predetermined before they even got to Herrik's. It seemed like they may have anticipated the reason for the visit and already discussed each other's sentiments about whether or not to stay.
Merry stood up and they hugged briefly. Wyatt brushed her hair back over her shoulder and kissed her cheek. He looked around the room and though I couldn't have been sure it seemed like his eyes lingered a long moment on Avery before turning back to the group and saying, "Take good care of her."
Wyatt shook each of the men's hands, Herrik asked him if there was anything we could do to repay him and let him know that he was always welcome, any time, under any circumstances. Wyatt just shrugged then nodded to myself and Penny, he ruffled Ares ears then slowly walked away.
Everyone was so still and in the quiet they each considered what had just happened. A moment ago I had been filled with the joy of seeing all the people I loved most and now I was heartbroken realizing that it was all so fleeting. I looked up at Herrik who smiled weakly and sighed. I laid my head on his shoulder and tried not to think about the future.
"I'm sorry Herrik. I don't see any other options," Artur was the first to break the silence. "It has to be you. It must be you. From the moment we started this you were the only choice. You lured them here, you taught them a better way and you gave them a means for absolution. You are the only one they will trust to wield that kind of influence and power," Artur insisted.
"No," Herrik shook his head in denial. "No one alone should be trusted with so much and for so many."
"What would you suggest then?" Artur was thoroughly confused.
