Smoldered

by Rachel Blaufeld

  Then they came flowing again. They being the tears that found themselves dripping so easily lately from my eyes.

  “Oh God,” I muttered.

  “That’s not all of it, Nat.” Sienna let out a long sigh and went on. “Geez, there are so many lies and holes to the story going on here. Your kid, Mike’s sudden mood swings and drinking, and then the real kicker. Not knowing Asher was back yet from here, I saw some lights on his house, so I popped over, only to discover him staring at a bunch of lines of coke on his table while Penny tried to—”

  I couldn’t let her continue. “Penny is a bitch! Don’t even tell me anything more about her…and Ash.”

  “I know you don’t like her. You shouldn’t, but let me finish. She was trying to talk Ash out of going down that path again. He was shaking, his shirt soaked through with sweat, red rimming his beautiful big silver eyes—”

  “That was the coke,” I spat out as disappointment in Asher washed over me.

  “Actually no. No, it wasn’t, Natalie. He hadn’t even touched the stuff yet. The shaking was from meeting his father. A man with his silver eyes, claiming to be Petey’s emergency contact, showed up in the hospital. It all makes a lot more sense—coming off of discovering he had a son. I never thought Ash would be such a mess over meeting the man who deserted him, but life has a weird way of coming full circle. Can you believe it?” She grabbed her forehead as she finished speaking.

  “His dad? Quinn’s grandpa? They all have the same eyes?” I was stunned, confused, reeling into a dark abyss of my own thoughts, wondering what this meant for Asher, Quinn, and Petey. How did this all tie in with my good friend and protector, Petey?

  Realizing she had been squeezing me tight during the whole exchange, I moved out of Sienna’s arms and braced myself against the wall, leaning my head against the cool concrete. “Petey? How is he?”

  “Bad. Banged up. Lots of recuperating to do, but alive.”

  My head felt ready to explode with what I was going to ask next, my consonants and vowels getting jumbled in my windpipe like a bowl of alphabet soup. Not sure it was going to come out right or even make sense, I paused, breathed, paused some more. “And Ash? Who is with him now?”

  “Nobody. When he saw me, he took his hand and swiped the cocaine off the table, making an expensive mess on the floor, before throwing Penny out. She wasn’t who he wanted.”

  “Oh, please.”

  “She’s not what he wants. He doesn’t know what he wants. Look, he’s a man, Natalie. One who’s been torn up inside all his life, part tough, the other half gentle and sensitive. He’s never had the real love of a woman, you know that. Read into the threesome thing—he was searching and getting more lost—and his avoidance of you right now. He needs you, but is afraid to ask for you. Of course, he would be. I knew this without even knowing you were the mother of his child. Which is why I spent half the night lying on the floor with his head in my lap before coming here to get you with my tail between my legs.”

  Sienna took a deep breath. “Look, you and I were never close, nor were we enemies. I should have paid more attention to your affair with Ash, talked to him more, encouraged him to do the right thing earlier. I’m really sorry for that, but I’m here now.”

  I shook my head, new tears coming, merging with old dried-up ones. I couldn’t speak anymore. Nothing could come out. Pulling my cell out of my pocket, I texted Lynx. She was at the beach, but I didn’t care. Now was her time to pay me back for all the shit she had helped orchestrate.

  The Big Bad Wolf

  Asher

  Las Vegas

  THE LANDLINE started ringing but I ignored it. Eventually it stopped, then immediately began to ring again. I sat up from lying on the couch for way too fucking long and took stock of my surroundings. There was a fine layer of coke on the kitchen floor, the air-conditioning was blasting yet I couldn’t stop sweating, a table or two were turned over, mail was spread across the bar with half of it fallen on the floor, and I stank like a pig.

  I stood to get the phone.

  “Yeah?”

  “Asher, it’s Mike.”

  “I know. Got caller ID.”

  “Where’s your cell? I’ve been trying to call you for hours.”

  “It’s here. In a million pieces.”

  “Well, glad I got you. Petey’s up. Dude is awake, tolerating pain, talking to PT right now. He’s gonna move to a rehab place in a few days.”

  “Good. That’s good. Tell him I’ll see him…there.”

  Maybe.

  I walked over to the mirror in the hallway, holding the phone between my neck and my ear while I took in my greasy hair, dark black circles under my tired eyes, and my ratty, sweat-soaked T-shirt. I was a fucking mess. Counting backward in my head, I realized it had been four days since I got back from Miami. Ninety-six hours since I deserted Natalie for Petey, the little shit, and met with my worst enemy yet. Fate was a terrible cunt, a mean son of a bitch.

  “You there, Ash?”

  “Here.”

  “You two—you gotta talk, man. Petey knows some shit.”

  “I gathered as much, Mikey-boy, considering my dad’s his emergency contact.”

  “Why don’t you come over here?”

  “Nah. Not ready for that. Maybe never.”

  “I feel you. Petey can wait. Want me to come over? Is Lila there with you?”

  “Nope, don’t need you or Li. I don’t even know where she is, now that you mention it. Saw her a few days ago, and she’s been a ghost. Listen, I’m fine. I gotta roll.”

  “I’m gonna let you go now, Ash, but not forever. I’m gonna be hounding you. Nothing you can do about that.”

  “Later.”

  “Sooner than later,” he said before disconnecting the call.

  I set the phone back in the charger. Okay, slammed it back in before heading to take a shower. It was the least I could do; I couldn’t even stand smelling myself.

  AS I threw my shirt off my back while walking up the stairs, the bell at the side door started to ring. I tore my jeans off on the top landing, leaving me totally nude as I headed straight toward my master bath, and ignored the ongoing bell. No one ever came in through the side door but Lila, and she knew the code. If she needed me, she knew how to get me.

  Screw her.

  I reached into the shower and turned on the water, knowing it needed a minute or two to heat up. My mouth tasted like a sewer, so I brushed my teeth, looking anywhere but in the mirror.

  Hot water rushed from the rain head and I stepped in—letting it pour down on me, baptize my sins, take away all the bad shit I’d ever felt, wash my soul, and cleanse my heart of feelings. Not only was I cleaning my body of the days-old odor, but cleaning my life. The good and the bad, the nasty and the even more evil, everything.

  I tilted my head back, allowing the water to cascade down my hair and over my shoulders as I took stock of my life. My hard fucking life with no dad, a mom who up and left, neighbors who took me in and did the best they could, a giant missed opportunity with Natalie, two decades of meaningless sex and threesomes, too much drugs and alcohol, a kid who didn’t know me, and the only decent thing to come out of it all was I owned the best strip club west of the Mississippi.

  Ha—what a joke.

  Despair took me over as I slid down the tiles. When my ass connected with the wet floor, I dropped my head back against the wall. I sat there with my eyes glued shut, desperately trying to erase the last twenty years of my life with scalding hot water.

  Pretty sure I was close to falling asleep when my head whipped up and flung back at hearing the shower door slam open.

  “What the fuck?”

  Standing there in front of me, her eyes wild with fury and desperation, wearing a pair of leggings and a big, old ripped sweatshirt, her hair tied up in a ponytail that flicked from left and right as she took in my predicament, was Natalie.

  Throwing her arms in the air, she yelled, “What the fuck to you? I thought you were d
ead, Asher. I was ringing the doorbell over and over, scared to death at what you had done on the other side of it. Jesus! Sienna let me in—the last she saw you was with an eight-ball spread all over the floor. What the hell was I supposed to do when you didn’t answer.”

  She turned around and slammed her hand into the bathroom counter while taking in her wild appearance in the mirror.

  “Nat.” I stood up and leaned back into the shower, but didn’t have the courage or strength to move and shut the water. Natalie was there, in my bathroom. She’d come for me.

  Whipping back around, she came close again and stepped into the shower fully clothed, wrapping her arms around me, rubbing one hand up and down my back as she kissed my cheek. I ran my hand down my thigh and pinched my leg, pretty fucking sure I was hallucinating. Nope.

  “Asher, baby. You can’t do this to yourself. Look at you—you’re a mess,” she whispered into my cheek, her breath catching my ear.

  “I saw my dad,” I said, suddenly finding myself a man of few words.

  “I know.” She reached her hand down and squeezed mine.

  “I’m like him. Deadbeat dad. Don’t know my kid. When I saw him, I got a good look at what I’ll be like in twenty more years. Lonely, missing life, and watching it all go right by me.”

  Natalie moved our clasped hands up to rest on my heart and looked at me with soft eyes. “No, Asher, you’re not. I never told you about Quinn. That’s on me. I’ve loved you since I was a little girl, and I wanted you to love me back my whole life. And I was so stupid, thinking that night after the threesome with Shayla, that maybe you’d love me back. I didn’t think things through, and I ended up knocked up and alone.”

  She edged even closer as she went on. “Then I couldn’t make myself part with the only piece of you I had left—Quinn. I spent years avoiding you, and then that one night, when you and I ended up in the private room at the Leop, it was over for me before it started. I realized it didn’t matter how many bartenders there were to eat lunch with, none of them would be you. When you took me as your lover, I decided I would take you any way I could have you. I was so afraid telling you about my secret would ruin everything, take away the tiny piece of you I had.”

  I brushed my lips along the side of her face, breathing in the scent of her, inhaling my life back as I thought about what she’d just said. “I wanted you to love me back my whole life.”

  “You’re not a deadbeat,” she whispered. “You didn’t even know you had a kid, Ash. I’m the bitch in this scenario. I kept him from you, and I know it doesn’t make anything right, but I’m here for you now. You don’t have to love me back or anything. I’m here as your friend, lover, a shoulder to lean on, whatever you need.”

  What? Is she nuts?

  “Shhh,” I said as I turned us so her back was to the wall. Begrudgingly, I unhooked our hands, but used mine to lift her sweatshirt off, tossing the sopping fabric out of the shower before unclasping her bra. I slid my hands up her body, worshipping each curvy inch, taking stock of the beauty in front of me. I stared at her gorgeous nipples for a long while, afraid for our eyes to meet, and then I lifted my gaze. Swimming with tears, her eyes were two tiny shining embers of green, burning strong for me, welcoming me home.

  “I love you, Natalie. Probably always have, little doll. Just didn’t know it, but I do—now.”

  My mouth crashed into hers before she could say anything, my tongue diving in, tangling with hers. I couldn’t get deep enough. I’d never had the love of a woman in all my life, and now in my shower, here was the best woman I ever knew—telling me she loved me. We had a connection, a son, and I loved him, even though I’d never spoken a word to him. He was mine.

  Like the woman I was kissing.

  My whole body hummed for the woman in my arms; there was no hiding my hard cock. Pulling back for a second, I reached down and ripped Natalie’s soaked leggings off, tearing off her tiny thong. As I brought my lips back down on her mouth, I lifted her ass up, and her legs immediately wrapped around me. I moved us to the center of the shower, allowing the water to fall all around us, now washing away our combined pasts, and making this a fresh start.

  She leaned back and looked at me. “Asher, I don’t need you just to say it back.”

  “Shut up, Natalie. Be quiet and keep kissing me.” I grabbed her ass even tighter, pulling her into my erection, rubbing my dick along her core, hitting the sensitive spots. God, I needed the woman.

  Turning off the water, I walked us out into the bedroom, then pulled the covers back and laid our wet bodies on top of the sheets, hiking Natalie’s knees up to my hips. I held my weight on one elbow, but couldn’t bring myself to move from being on top of her. Finally, the feel of her wetness on my cock, the smell of her arousal drifting through the air forced me to move down her curves and take a taste.

  Settling on the floor in front of her, completely submissive on my knees as I worshipped the woman in front of me, I placed my tongue on her heat and started slowly licking, sucking, and swirling. Her little body bucked in my face, reaching for more, begging without any words for speed and friction, crying for a release, and I gave it to her. Twice I gave it to her, and she screamed my name the whole time. Each time she did, my erection felt like it grew a little larger.

  Finally I crawled back up her body, my mouth lingering along her abdomen as it made its way back to her tits, taking each of her taut pink nipples inside it in turn, grabbing like a greedy kid with grubby hands in a candy store, unable to settle myself into reality.

  Natalie in my bed, naked, loving me.

  We were the only two there in bed, and I was harder than I’d ever been before. No need for anyone else. Ever. Natalie was all I needed. It had always been there in my mind, but I didn’t see it. I’d told her that being with her was different, but the intensity of us felt greater at that exact moment.

  “Nat, doll, you’re it for me. Just you.” I grabbed her hand and brought it down to feel me and she squeezed tightly, the way I always loved it. I leaned my head back and hissed, “Yes.”

  Looming over her, I said, “Just you, that’s it. Do you understand me?” I was so ready to enter her, but waiting to make sure she got me.

  She nodded and with that, I was deep inside her, my length getting lost in her tightness. Christ, I felt her pulsing around me, still riding a few aftershocks, squeezing my dick, making it hard for me not to blow my load.

  I moved gently and slowly at first, building friction and heat, but there was only so long I could take the slow pace. Natalie moaned, speaking my name in a raspy voice, and I was a goner. As I began to pound into her, she stretched one leg up to hook over my shoulder as the other one stayed tight around my waist.

  “Look at me,” I demanded.

  She opened her eyes, tossing her head back on the rumpled comforter. I leaned down and ran my tongue along the outline of her lips before giving her a long kiss, letting up on the pace for a minute. She extended her arms, pushing me up, giving me more leverage. My hand went to her hip for purchase, and I began pumping into her.

  “Harder, Ash.”

  She didn’t have to ask me twice. I obliged. Sweat ran down my back and I was burning up, as if a fever was running through my body.

  Her whole body began to shiver under mine and she came hard, her pussy squeezing my dick like a vice. I followed right behind, yelling, “Love you, Nat,” as I came down from the high of Natalie.

  We lay there for a long time in silence, tangled up in each other, letting our breathing settle.

  Finally, I asked what I needed to know. “Where’s my son, Nat? It’s time for me to meet him.”

  Intermission Over

  Natalie

  “IN FLORIDA. With Lynx,” I said. I was snuggled into Asher’s neck, legs intertwined, our naked bodies refusing to separate of their own volition when he asked about his son.

  “What? Why?” Asher’s voice was a bit raised as he sat up on one elbow.

  I took my arm, drawing th
e man who said he loved me down toward the bed, coaxing him closer. “Well, when Sienna—I guess you all call her Lila now—showed up at my door, she said you were in bad shape. I wasn’t sure how you would react to me coming back, so I left Quinn with Lynx. They’re fine.”

  I was tracing figure eights on his arm, which was now thrown across my side.

  He brought his hand to my cheek and smoothed his palm over it, his eyes now a clear metallic silver, looking right into my soul, setting tiny fires in my heart. “Nat, I can see how you would think that…I didn’t mean to walk away from you. It’s just that Petey got hurt, and I felt like I was spinning my wheels down in Florida, like I didn’t deserve to meet Quinn. I should have never given up, but one thing you can be sure of—I’ve wanted you to come back since you left, and now that you’re here, I’m not letting you go anywhere.”

  Tears burned behind my eyes as reality settled in my gut. Asher wanted me with him, something I had dreamed about as long as I could dream.

  Turning toward him, I planned to say sweet words, a declaration of my adoration, but Asher lightly slapped my butt and jumped up, throwing his jeans on.

  “Come on,” he said.

  “Where? What are you doing?” I sat up, grabbing the blanket and wrapping it around me.

  Of course, Asher leaned in and pulled the blanket down, taking a quick second to pinch my nipple and tug on the ring, before saying, “To Florida. I got a son to meet.”

  I was speechless. There was no reason to stall, Quinn had to meet Asher sooner than later, but I was secretly shaking inside, afraid of how my son would react. Thankfully, Asher had made his way into his walk-in closet, buying me some valuable time to think.

  “Um, Asher. Quinn may get really angry with me for keeping this from him. I don’t think we should rush,” I said as he walked back toward me, throwing on a dark blue T-shirt. God, his eyes are amazing with that color.

  “Doll, he’s not gonna be mad because I’m not gonna let him. This is on me. I didn’t give you any reason to think that I wanted to be a dad. You didn’t have any other choice than to keep Quinn from me. Now, he’s got to know that first and foremost. Straight up. I got to take responsibility for that. Second, he needs to know that now that I know about him, I’m never letting him go. He’s my boy.”