Smoldered

by Rachel Blaufeld

  Asher went wild with fury and punched a wall, causing blood to ooze from his hands. I whispered to him, “Ash, Quinn is upstairs.” He shook his head, somewhat tempering himself, then grabbed fistfuls of his own hair, pacing like a lion at feeding time.

  “I’m sorry, son.”

  “Don’t you call me that! That’s your son,” Asher said, pointing directly at Petey.

  Nash shook his head. “Don’t blame him. Pete’s been begging me for years to come clean. Think about how hard this was for him. I put him in an awful position, making him watch Natalie and Quinn from a distance while he fell in love with all of you as though you were family—when you actually were his blood family—and he couldn’t say it.”

  “Sounds like a fucking piece of cake to me,” Asher threw back at them.

  “You’re right,” Pete said quietly.

  “So, you up and left my mom—the whore—to raise me alone until she decided to ditch me, to do what exactly? Make a new life? Why didn’t you come back then? When my mother dumped me? Sounds like Ellie, here, kept you in the fucking know.”

  Asher had moved back and found his way by my side once again. Being more careful this time, he leaned gently into me, his anger transferring from his frame into mine.

  My mom stood in the background, taking it all in, obviously afraid to wade in, blatantly pining for Nash from afar. God, she is a sorry excuse for a woman.

  “Not quite. I met Pete’s mom on a blind date, liked her, started to see her regularly. I may have even loved her but, Christ. We started a relationship that resulted in Pete, but couldn’t ever go further because I was too caught up in leaving you all those years before. The only good thing was Pete’s mom was open to me staying close, having a part in his life.”

  Asher turned away, his jaw rigid, his body taut as he shook with anger. Whipping back around, he ground out, “I’ve fucking heard enough for one day. I need you all to clear out and leave me to contact you when I’m ready, which may be never.”

  It felt like a gunshot to my heart. Did he mean me too?

  When I started walking toward the stairs to collect my son, he said, “Not you, Nat. Them,” then cocked his head toward the others. I felt like a sledgehammer had been removed from my chest.

  Nash approached me and asked, “One more thing, if I may?” while looking at his son.

  I looked to Asher too. This was his life being ripped open, I had no business making a decision like that. I didn’t owe Nash a damn thing; this was all Asher’s call. He nodded his head and said, “Make it quick.”

  “This was from me,” he said reaching out to touch my hamsa, telling me something I’d already deduced on my own. “I came to see you when Quinn was born. Looking at his tiny blond head in the nursery and watching you sleep peacefully were some of the happiest moments of my life. I wanted to stay and tell you who I was, but I thought that was selfish of me, just popping up out of the blue, taking your attention. So I left the necklace on your nightstand and ran.”

  Then they fell. The tears.

  “I was so happy when Pete saw you wearing the charm when he first came to work at the Tunnel. I hope it protected you and my grandson for the last few years like it was meant to do.”

  I didn’t answer. I wasn’t sure if it had.

  Nash and Petey turned to leave, but my mom lingered. I said, “You too,” to her, pointing at the door.

  Right before she walked out, I added one more thing. “Mom, it’s up to Asher whether he forgives his father or Pete, but as for you and me, we’re on a long break. A very long one. You played a hand in ruining a young boy’s life. The boy who grew up to be the man I fell in love with, and you still continued to destroy him after you knew he and I created a life. You could have told Asher all this years ago, come clean. You didn’t.”

  I stopped to take a breath, but I had no intention of that being all I said despite the look of horror on my mother’s aging face.

  She opened her mouth to speak and I held up my hand, before I said, “You threw me with him as a kid, then told me not to be with him when I was a woman and had his baby, and finally, asked me to tell him the truth years later, which means you played with mine and Quinn’s life…and for what? To stay in touch with Nash, gossip here and there, play this card and that card with him. Tell him our secrets and then think a reunion would solve all your woes. You need time to think about that, and I don’t know if I will get over this. Plus, I think it’s about high time you got the hell over Nash. Geez, Mom, the dude isn’t into you, and what about Dad? Is this how you disgrace him?”

  With that, I was done and apparently so was my mom. Biting her lip, she crossed her arms over her chest and walked away.

  When the three of them were through the door, Asher locked it, armed the house with the alarm, and came to find me on a stool in the kitchen. His arms wrapped me tight, and he said, “I guess we have our god-awful fucking answers.”

  “Yeah,” I said while trying to stop crying.

  “You know what? None of it matters, Nat. None of it except you, me, and Quinn moving forward. I can’t be held responsible for my mom, or that man who says he’s my dad, but I can take matters into my own hands when it comes to you and my kid.”

  “Thank you.” I buried my face in his T-shirt.

  “For what?” he whispered against my hair as he held my face tight to his hard chest.

  “For loving Quinn right away, for letting me get away with shit, for waiting.”

  “Doll, I love you.”

  I didn’t answer, just stayed tucked tightly in the arms of the one man I always wanted to hold me.

  Moving on Up

  Natalie

  One month later

  THERE WAS no way of avoiding it—I never left Asher’s house after that day we found out the difficult truth about his parents, and the even crazier connection my mom held with it all. The stubborn man picked up his phone, like he had in Miami, and within a handful of phone calls, had made arrangements for all my stuff to be packed and moved over to his house, my apartment to be sublet, and that was that.

  Of course, it annoyed me a little, or to no end, but he said he was going to do it, and who was I to judge? Watching Asher’s heart wrenched from him by my own mother, witnessing him fall to his knees with hurt and suffering, was enough to convince me to give him some leeway.

  Which was why I hadn’t pushed anything with Nash. I was allowing Asher his own play with his father, although I secretly hoped they would bury the hatchet—at least for our son. Now that my mom was out of the picture, he deserved to have one grandparent, and the man seemed like he genuinely wanted a relationship with our child.

  After all, he gave me my hamsa, even bought me a new chain for it recently.

  As for my bitch of a mother, she called a few days after the big blowup and asked if she could explain a bit more.

  Thinking back to the conversation, I should have never even answered her call…

  MY PHONE had rung twice, both times from my mom’s number. After I had hit IGNORE two times, I picked up on the third call.

  “Hello.”

  “Natalie, it’s Mom. Please let me say my piece.”

  “Mom, is that necessary?”

  “Yeah. I mean, I helped you all those years with Quinn, I think I at least deserve that chance.”

  I sighed into the phone and said, “Fine. Go.”

  “I’m sorry, Nat. How was I to know you would actually end up with Asher? He was a childhood crush of yours, and he was always up to no good. When you had that baby, I was torn. I didn’t want you to end up like his mother, abandoned, and who knew what Asher would do when he heard the news, so I agreed with you to cover it up.”

  “But you liked having an excuse to contact Nash?” I put her right on the spot, called her on the carpet with her bullshit.

  “Well, yes, and he deserved to know. There were so many lies. Lies from when he was with Celia, untruths about him and me, and I didn’t want him to live not knowing he had
a grandson.”

  “If that makes you feel better, than tell yourself that, Mom, but the whole thing was devised for your own personal gain. My secret allowed you to talk regularly with Nash, and encouraging me to hide Quinn gave you a reason to touch base with your old flame.”

  A pause, then, “I’m not going to argue, Natalie.”

  “Because you know I’m right. I bet you didn’t come to Miami because of Nash, not because of Grampa. I’m starting not to believe anything you have ever told me, and I’m still on a long break from you.”

  “If that’s what you want, there’s nothing I can do.”

  AND THAT was the end of my facade of a relationship with my mom; she let go that easily. She only wanted to stay close in case we repaired the relationship with Nash.

  Stupid, I wasn’t.

  Pete was a different story. Asher wanted that relationship, and I wanted him to go after it. And he would. When he was ready.

  Now waiting for Quinn to finish his first week of school, I stood out in the blistering dry heat, waiting for the bus to come in our new neighborhood wearing my mom clothes—capri yoga leggings and a tank with flip-flops on my feet. It was what I wore most of the time, now that I no longer danced. I didn’t go back to the stage after that fateful day of truth either.

  I still went into the club, some nights filling in at the bar or just spending time in the back, helping with makeup or clothes. It was a part of me I couldn’t just let go of, couldn’t stay away, and I finally realized that was okay. I loved the club, and I owed it everything.

  I never realized it while I was working there, but those people were my family, the life force that pumped blood through my veins, and I was done with shunning them or what we all did for a living.

  That was an easy choice.

  Likewise, sitting down with Quinn and explaining our new living arrangements, that he would have a mom and a dad under the same roof and we would be sharing a bed, hadn’t been too bad. With him being a few years away from puberty, some of it went over his head, and I was thankful for that.

  With it being the end of summer, we explained he would be able to start the school year fresh at a new school, where he’d already made a ton of friends. With me being home more, he brought them around and took to living in the big house like he had lived in one his whole life.

  Like at the moment, he came barreling off the bus with a friend in tow, ready to go home and play video games or head out in the yard with his buddy. Asher truly meant that his home was Quinn’s and the kid could do whatever he wanted…even eat candy and popcorn in the living room or run through the house soaking wet from water guns.

  His dad just wanted the boy to have what he didn’t.

  Walking up the driveway, Quinn asked, “Hey, Mom. Can Benny stay over at Trish’s tonight with me? Pleeease?”

  Yep, Trish was now living in the carriage house behind Asher’s. A couple of weeks ago, Lila and Carson moved out of the carriage house and bought a house around the corner so they could be close yet still have privacy. Carson had moved to Vegas to be with Lila, but he still traveled for work, so having us nearby was nice for her. And with it being empty, Asher moved Trish right into the carriage house, telling her not to worry about rent, just school. She could watch Quinn when we needed to cover her board. He still “tipped” her every time she stayed with our son, like tonight they were having a sleepover because my man was taking me away for the night. To the Strip.

  “We have to ask his mom, baby, but I’m sure Trish will be fine with it. But remember who’s in charge.”

  “Yeah, I know. Trish is.”

  The two kids ran off into the garage, climbing all around Asher’s bike and my outrageous Cadillac, looking for super soakers.

  I ducked into the house to get ready for my date night.

  Date Night

  Natalie

  WE TOOK the bike. With the wind whipping against my back, my hands wrapped tightly against his abdomen, the scenery slipping by, I thought back to when Asher drove me away from the Leop and to our lunch date at Feralina’s. Both of us were guarded, keeping our true feelings under wraps, sealed up extra tight with duct tape, staples, and safety pins.

  Not wanting to make a commitment to seek out the truth, both of us were happy to stick our heads in the sand, to live our lives in a constant state of denial, unable to see a future. Especially together. Eventually all those lies came unraveled, leaving both of us with new fears. Could we make it? Shove all the shit off to the side and move forward?

  Quinn being a boy about to turn ten years old didn’t allow us to hold on to those fears for long. He was the new glue that bound us together. Well, a third of it. The other two-thirds was all Ash, me, and our mutual commitment to not wallow in our past, or to repeat the mistakes of those who came before us. That was the superglue—our vow not to become our parents or their friends.

  Maybe it didn’t matter that we worked in adult entertainment, if we could find a way to have a solid base? Starting with a family uninterrupted. At least, not anymore.

  After all, we were good people. Asher was golden, even though he liked to think of himself as a bad boy. So did I. He was my bad boy, the one I’d loved since I was three years old.

  As we roared onto the Strip, Asher slowed his speed. I gripped him tighter as I took in the lights of Las Vegas Boulevard, lit up for the whole world to see, beckoning anyone and everyone to come and play. Taking in the view, I suddenly knew what I wanted to do for the night.

  Most people came to the Strip to live out fantasies for a night or two, to shut the door on their real lives and be someone else when they stepped outside their hotel room. Not me. I was living my very own fairy tale, and had no desire to step outside my life and be someone else.

  As we came to a stop at the valet, I whispered naughtily in my man’s ear, “Can we just get room service and stay in?”

  He turned his head and with only a raised eyebrow, asked me if I was sure. I nodded my head.

  “Hell, yeah,” he said and tossed the bike’s key to the valet. Then he dragged me into reception, rushing the front desk person, practically pulling me to the elevator bank as the slot machines rang in the background. As we hurried through the casino, the air around us swirled with booze and excitement while mobs of people enjoyed unrestricted playtime.

  Smiling to myself, I anticipated a little playtime of our own.

  While waiting for the elevator, my man swept his finger across his phone and dialed Feralina’s, canceling our reservation.

  Score one for Natalie.

  With our small overnight bag thrown over his shoulder, Asher rushed me in and out of the elevator, his hand roaming my ass as the elevator rose, then marched me quickly toward our suite as soon as we stepped out of the elevator doors. Opening the suite and pushing me inside, he dropped the bag on the floor and suggested with his body where he wanted me to go.

  And by suggested, I mean he slammed me into the wall, his mouth crushing down on mine, not leaving any room for interpretation.

  Tangling our tongues, my bad boy fucked my mouth, giving me a little preview of what he wanted to do with other parts, other places. I answered him back with my hips pressing forward, searching for his erection, some friction, anything. Moaning down his throat, I made sure the man knew I wanted him.

  Bad.

  Asher broke free from my mouth for a minute to pull off his long-sleeved tee, and I couldn’t help but let out a sigh at the sight of his hard chest. I moved right in, running my tongue along his tattoo, the lightning bolt that had taunted and teased me for years in his office. I moved on to his flat nipple, leaving a path of damp heat from my tongue, followed by the cool blowing whisper of my exhale. He grabbed my ass hard and lifted me, my legs winding their way around him as he walked toward the huge bed.

  After laying me down before him, Asher dipped down and ripped my shirt off. I kicked off my boots and he shimmied my jeans down with little to no patience, until I was spread before him in a wh
ite lace bra and boy shorts. Lifting my elbow up, placing my head in my hand, I watched as Asher unbuttoned his jeans and stepped out of them, showing off all that was him—commando, of course.

  I didn’t have long to admire because the man was between my thighs in an instant, leisurely running his tongue over me. I wanted more, faster and harder, so I picked up my feet and placed them on his shoulders, digging in, urging him on. “Rougher,” I murmured.

  “Nat,” he growled. “You’ll get it when I say you’re gonna get it, doll. Stop pushing me, I’m enjoying,” he said with a wink.

  I leaned up on my elbow again to take in the sight of him between my thighs, and it was forcing my hormones to go wild. But I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. The wink, his gorgeous silver eyes smoldering hot and bright for me, his muscles moving beneath his skin, and his new tattoo along his shoulder blade. It read LITTLE DOLL with a hamsa underneath in a deep black, all the fingers of the hand pointing down, warding off evil.

  When he got it, he’d told me, “You, little doll, are my hamsa, and now I got you right on my back, watching out for me, forcing evil away. Right where you belong.”

  And I had cried.

  Now I couldn’t linger on the sights, though, because the man down there had decided to do what I wanted and picked up his pace with his tongue exactly where I wanted it, his fingers pressed deep inside me, my wetness coating them.

  I exploded hard, grinding into his face the whole time, screaming his name, my feet pressing down harder into his back. Thank God this was Vegas and the rooms were soundproof.

  When he crawled back up my body, I playfully shoved him down to his knees, catching him off guard. As I slithered down his body, he gave a little tug on my nipple rings. I kept them in. Turned out Asher was a huge fan, and so was I, when it was him who was pulling them.

  Leaning over, I took all of the man in my mouth, deepening my pull, dragging my mouth back up his length and adding my hand, sucking on the tip hard and fast while squeezing him. Our time in bed was a little grittier, edgier than most—at least I thought so—but it was us and only us, and I was absolutely fine with that.