by D. Kelly
I pause momentarily to try and get my emotions in check. “After your dad talked to us the other night, I almost felt sorry for your mom. This is your family. You are Stafford’s, born and raised, but you have no idea how hard it is to try and make yourself fit into that mold. Sure, I was raised mostly with you, like your dad pointed out, but I still went home. When you two were tucked tightly in your beds with hugs and kisses from your loving parents, I was being told how unlovable I was. Reminded the only thing love truly was is a four letter word people use to make themselves feel better about the sins they commit. And that was on a good night. On the bad nights, I was hit with a hand or a belt, sometimes a wooden object… usually a hanger. I was not only told love didn’t exist but the knowledge of it was beaten into me again and again.”
Silent tears are falling down my cheeks. Zack moves in closer to me while Rylee stands, frozen, with her own tears raining down and her hand covering her mouth.
“We all cope in different ways and for me it was getting out of bed every day with a smile on my face. Pushing past the bad and focusing on the good I had ahead of me. A day at school meant I was getting an education that would eventually help me get me away from the monsters who raised me. Spending time with the two of you, enjoying a relaxed environment, was the best. I would spend so much time trying to figure out how love could be so real in your house and so non-existent in my own. It was a puzzle that took years for me to solve.”
Pete hands me a bottle of water and I take a seat at the table and take a sip. They all follow suit and sit surrounding me. Like a family.
“I’ve gotten off track, but my point is, not everyone comes from the kind of family you have. For all her weaknesses, Priscilla loves you both and has always shown you, albeit in her own way, how much you are loved. Maybe she wanted you with someone who had a similar upbringing because she knows how hard it is to fit into your world. Maybe she’s been miserable all these years and didn’t want you to end up with a wife who is just as miserable because she had to give up her dreams, too. Maybe, just maybe, she was trying to spare me the pain she went through in the only way she knew how, or maybe she’s just a bitch. My point is, she had a reason. She told you she thought she was protecting us, and we can afford her the decency of hearing her out.”
It’s so quiet you could hear a pin drop until Pete begins to clap. “Brava, Cassidy. She’s a keeper, Zack. Any girl who has been through hell and back and still looks for the absolute good in people is a gem.”
He eyes Rylee up and down seductively and she blushes. Zack doesn’t notice because his eyes haven’t left mine “You were right. Between the two of them, you’ll never stand a chance. I think that’s a good thing. I’ve got a feeling these two will never steer you wrong. I’ve got to go get some sleep but I’ll see you all tomorrow. Good luck, sunshine,” Pete says as he pats my shoulder.
“I’ll see you out.” Rylee jumps up and follows him to the door. She likes him, I can already tell.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get so depressing on you guys.”
“Don’t ever apologize for expressing your feelings. Not to me and not to anyone. I’ve always known things were hard for you. Over the years, you’ve talked some about the things that happened to you but never as fiercely as this.”
“Well, I didn’t know anything and I feel like an idiot,” Rylee says as she comes back into the room.
“You didn’t know anything because I never wanted you to feel sorry for me.”
“But you told him! I’m supposed to be your best friend.” She feels betrayed; it’s written all over her face.
“She didn’t, Ry, not exactly. At least not at first.”
Zack begins to tell Ry the story of what happened the day I finally admitted to him what was going on even though he knew it long before. I remember it like it was yesterday.
It’s the third time this week Nick has called and said he thought he heard a scream. Both of the other times he was right, so I race down the street on my bike as fast as I can until I get to his house. Leaving my bike on Nick’s lawn, I sneak across Cassidy’s driveway and up into the back yard.
The gate is open, which is odd since her dad doesn’t want anyone in his business and always closes it. As I creep closer, I hear her crying and finally spot her leaning up against the massive dog house in her back yard.
After looking around, I don’t see him but I approach her cautiously since she is so upset. Right away, I notice her knees are scraped up and she has these huge, red welts across her shoulders.
“Cassidy, what happened to you?” I ask her, hoping she will tell me the truth. I may have just turned eight, but even if I wasn’t already aware her dad was hurting her, it wouldn’t be hard to figure out now.
“Zack, you have to go now!” Her voice is barely above a whisper but the urgency in her tone scares me.
“Not unless you come with me. You need help.”
“Cassidy! You better not have moved from where I left you or this will be even worse than you could ever anticipate.” She starts shaking, eyes wide with fear. Her cheeks are tear stained but she is no longer crying. She’s worried… about me.
“Get in the dog house, Zack. Hurry, or I’m going to be in big trouble.”
I know exactly what kind of trouble she will get into, so I duck into the dog house and cover up under a blanket and wait until he leaves again.
“Look what I found, princess. My mother’s favorite wooden hanger. Tell me again why you deserve what’s coming to you.” His tone is so gentle, I’m sure there’s no way he’s going to hit her, but I was wrong.
“Because I told you and mommy I love you,” I hear her say sadly. I wonder how that could be a bad thing but when I hear Cassidy’s blood-chilling screams, all my other thoughts disappear except one. How can I get her out of this? Then I remember the fear in her eyes when she told me to hide. She was trying to stay strong for me, so I had to stay strong for her.
After I hear about seven or so whacks, it stops and so do her screams. Our houses are all so far apart, I doubt anyone would ever hear her. The only reason Nick did is because he’s learned to listen for it.
“Don’t stay out here too late,” her dad mutters as he walks past on his way inside, continuing to talk to himself the entire way there.
Just as I’m getting ready to crawl out and check on her, she climbs in. This time her legs are covered in the meanest reddish purple welts I’ve ever seen.
“Are you okay?” I ask her but I know she isn’t.
She shakes her head and lies down on the blanket, trying to calm her breathing. “I’m going to go get my dad. He can help you.”
“Please, Zack, no. You can’t tell anyone. My mommy says if anyone ever knows what he does, they’ll take me away and I’ll never see them or you and Rylee again.”
I’m torn because I don’t want our best friend to be taken away, but how can she continue to go through that?
“Maybe Rylee can help us figure it out,” I say to her, thinking maybe the two of us can help.
“Not anyone, Zack. That means Rylee, too. Best friends keep secrets. Please don’t say anything.”
It doens’t feel right but she’s so sad and so hurt, I don’t want to make it worse.
“Okay, but I really don’t like the idea.”
“I don’t want to have to go live with strangers, Zack. My mommy says they are worse than my daddy. Pinky swear?”
“Pinky swear,” I tell her, linking my finger in hers. I want to tell her only girls pinky swear and boys spit on it, but she can barely move her arm and with a pinky swear, she doesn’t have to.
After that night, I checked in on her every night before I had to go inside and every morning once I was ready. I swore to myself if I ever saw him do it again, I would do something. I didn’t know what, but I wasn’t going to sit back and watch it happen again. Unfortunately, I never saw it happen again until the night he almost killed her. I’d never felt guiltier for keeping a secret.
“On the one hand, I’m really pissed off you guys never thought you could trust me to help. But on the other hand, I know you were right not to tell me. With my temper, I would have told everyone who would listen.”
“It was my mess, Rylee,” Cassidy tells her gently. “I was embarrassed, ashamed, broken hearted… you name it and I was feeling it. With the two of you, I wanted to be normal. Unfortunately, when Zack found out, it took that normalcy away but in return I found a comfort I’d never had before. If you would have known, too, it would have changed things. You’ll never understand how much it means to me to have had your friendship.”
“What I don’t understand is how did you hide the marks?” Rylee blurts out abruptly.
“Once we got to junior high, he’d mastered hitting without leaving a mark which would bruise. It became a lot more verbal then, which was almost worse. Before that, I wore a lot of long sleeves, jeans, and pajama pants. When I went on trips or vacations with you guys, he was so excited I was leaving. For a week or two before we left, he wouldn’t even look at me. He never wanted anyone to know his dirty secret, either.”
Quiet descends over us as we all think about today’s newest secrets coming out into the open. When my phone rings, we all jump a little as it pierces our silence.
“Hey, Dad.” As I answer my phone, Ry mouths ‘told ya’ and it makes Cassidy giggle. It’s a welcome sound after the heaviness of our previous conversation.
“Zack, how are things?” His tone is laced with innuendo and I give it right back to him.
“Pretty good, how are things with you?”
“Well, that’s actually why I’m calling. I’m sure you know by now your mother told Rylee we’d like to come over today. Would now be a good time?” Before they come, I want to show Cassidy the project Rylee was working on.
“Hold on just a second, Dad. Hey, Ry,” I ask, covering the phone, “how long is the project?”
“It’s about thirty minutes, give or take,” she answers back quickly.
“Dad, why don’t you give us about an hour? Rylee and I have something we need to show Cassidy first.”
“Sounds good, we’ll see you then. This time, make sure you tell Mike we’re coming,” he adds with a laugh. He sounds happy. I hope things are going to work out with them.
“Will do,” I reply as I shut off my phone.
“Come on, you two, let’s go to the theatre room and relive some good memories.” Rylee digs through her purse and pulls out a DVD and a USB stick, holding them both up.
“I wasn’t sure what you wanted so I just brought both.” She shrugs adorably. That’s Rylee, always prepared. Taking the DVD from her, I run up the stairs and get it ready as they slowly follow behind me.
Rylee and I squeeze Cassidy in-between us and I hit play on the video. Over the next thirty minutes, we watch images of our childhood, teen years, and early adulthood flash in front of our eyes.
Rylee watches Cassidy intently, taking in every single emotion crossing her face. My eyes are darting back and forth between her and the photos; this is the first chance I’ve had to see them, as well. When I first had this idea, Cassidy was in a different head space and after the past few days, I wasn’t sure if she would need this after all. After thinking about it, I decided she still needed to see it.
Every picture from every important event my family has ever had is here, starting from when Cassidy first moved in down the street. Each photo has Cassidy in it and each one is labeled. Thankfully, Ry has an amazing memory—she never forgets a name or a face.
One of the rules of the Stafford family is outside of the office, everyone is a friend. When you are with us, you are family. Never is a last name used, never is a title spoken. Cassidy was never one to follow much news or media when we were younger, always preferring to study or get lost in a book. Sure, she would know a huge movie star or singer on sight if she were paying attention. The thing is, Cassidy was always too nervous to really think about who she’s been talking to. She was always just worried about making a good impression.
So, as the pictures go from one to the next, Cassidy tracks the captions with her eyes. All the pictures Rylee found managed to catch Cassidy with a smile, a laugh, a look of love, or carrying on a great conversation. She looks happy in them all.
Her eyes grow wide as she realizes all these years she’s been talking with senators, congressmen and women, owners of giant corporations, singers, producers, record company owners, studio owners, actors, authors. You name them and Cassidy has managed to charm each and every one of them.
All these years, she was convinced she wasn’t worthy of our world, of marrying into a legacy. She’s had no clue she is a one of us in every single way. The only difference between Rylee, Cassidy, and me is our parents. We went to the same schools, took the same classes, had most of the same friends, and socialized at the same events.
The last photo is one of just Cassidy and me at our engagement party. The caption Rylee chose is perfect. It reads “Zachary Stafford and Cassidy Pope, proud co- owners of each other’s heart and soul.”
Once it ends, Cassidy sits in a stunned silence, eyes locked on the blank screen. Rylee gives her a hug and a kiss as the doorbell rings.
Of course, my parents are early.
“I’ll get it,” Rylee says softly. “You two take as much time as you need and I’ll keep our parents busy.”
Cassidy turns to me, eyes shining brightly, with a hint of a smile on her face. “I had no idea,” she announces wondrously.
“I know you didn’t.”
“Why wouldn’t you tell me? All those years…” As her sentence trails off, I think about her question.
“At first, I didn’t know. We were kids, and I had no clue who all those people were, only that some more of my dad’s important friends would be around and I should be on my best behavior. As we got older, it just didn’t faze me. But I knew it would freak you out, as nervous as you always got. You were forever trying to get out of going to the big parties. I guess I figured one day you’d recognize someone and ask.”
She shakes her head in amazement. “Have I really been that closed off from everything?”
“No, Cassidy, not at all. It’s another thing I love about you. Women like Angelica flitter around at these parties and events to hobnob with anyone famous or high up as they can. They figure out who’s who when the event is still months away. You don’t care about those things and never have. Everyone you meet is just another person to you. Do you know how refreshing that is to so many of these people?”
“I could imagine,” she replies softly.
“I’ll admit I was concerned because Bastards and Dangerous showed up at the last party. I definitely thought you’d freak because you were already second-guessing things. When you got the stomach flu and couldn’t make it, I was actually relieved. That was right after we got engaged and had just had another argument about you not feeling like you belonged.”
“I remember that fight, you were so mad at me.” I was really angry with her but even angry, it was still, at most, a very heated discussion.
“Can you see what I see now? What we’ve all seen all along? You don’t just belong in this world, Cassidy, you’re already a part of it.”
“This is going to take some getting used to. I see it, what you guys have been trying to tell me all along. Feeling it is harder.”
“Like love.”
She presses her lips against mine and kisses me tenderly. “Yes, like love. It’s getting better, though. I’m healing, Zack. I’m healing with every breath I take. You’ve given me that, you’ve given me everything.”
I would give her anything her heart could ever desire.
Taking the back of her head in my hand, I pull her close to me and part her lips with my tongue. She moans into me as I kiss her slowly, mercilessly, and lovingly. Feel it, Cassidy. P
lease feel all this love.
If she feels it just once and lets it in all the way, I know she’ll never not feel it again. There’s a soft knock on the door and I groan as I pull away from her.
“Come in,” I call out in an irritated tone.
“Sorry, guys, I tried but you know how mother is. She’s insisting you come down so she can have her say.”
“Are you ready for this?” Cassidy asks, concerned.
“I should be asking you the same thing,” I reply with a smile.
“Come on, we’ll do it together,” she says, standing and pulling my hand into hers.
“God, you guys are too fucking cute for your own good sometimes.” Rylee’s tone is frustrated but the smile on her face says otherwise. Cassidy excuses herself to the restroom before facing the firing squad and Ry shoves into me with her shoulder.
“So, did I do good or what, big brother?”
I wrap my arms around her and spin her around. “You did really well, Ry. Thank you.” Once she’s back on solid ground, I give her a kiss on the top of her head.
“Yeah, well, I had ulterior motives. I want Cassidy to officially be my sister and I’d like some nieces and nephews sometime soon. It’s not like I’m going to have any of my own kids for a while,” she points out with a pout.
“I don’t know, Ry” I say, teasing her. “You might have both Nick and Pete fighting over you by next week.” She snorts loudly as she laughs at that. My sister isn’t afraid to love like Cassidy is, but she’s always been a little jaded about her own happily ever after for some reason. Pete obviously liked her, and I think he’s going to give Nick a run for his money. I’m going to enjoy sitting back and watching that unfold. Ry and Nick both kind of deserve a little angst for lying to me all these years, but only a little bit. Just enough to make it fun for a while. I don’t want any of my friends hurting.
