by D. Kelly
“Ready?” Cassidy asks, reappearing with a smile, once again taking my hand. My parents are waiting at the bottom of the stairs. My dad greets all three of us with hugs and my mom kisses each of us on the cheek. She pauses for a moment when she comes to Cassidy and pulls her into a hug.
That’s new.
“Zachary, I need a drink. Preferably a double scotch on the rocks if you have it.”
“Of course, Mother. Dad, can I get you something?”
“Just a water, please. Thank you.”
Cassidy comes with me to get the drinks. “Your dad seems happy but on edge.”
I nod. “I know, and my mother only drinks scotch when it’s been a hell of a day.” Working quietly together, we gather the drinks and Cassidy also pulls some sliced fruit out and puts it on a tray with plates and utensils.
She’s always so thoughtful.
“Ready?” I ask one final time and she nods.
Here we go.
My parents are sitting on the couch so I intentionally guide Cassidy to the chairs across the room. A little distance never hurt anyone. Rylee looks lost—not sure if she should stay or go. My dad at least has the decency to put her out of her misery.
“Sit down, Rylee. You should hear this, too.”
Rylee sits on the farthest end of the couch, as close to Cassidy and myself as she can get. My mother has already finished her drink and is sitting back as elegantly as she can. My dad, on the other hand, leans forward and opens the discussion.
“Priscilla and I were up talking all night last night. Most of what we discussed is private and will remain private. There are things children just don’t need to know about their parents. I know you’re all curious to see if we’ve made up.”
He looks to her briefly and then back to us. “There’s no easy answer for that so for now, let your mother talk and maybe we’ll circle back around to the topic of her and I later this evening.”
That sounds ominous.
“Being as candid as possible is the best place to start, I suppose,” my mother begins as she adjusts her posture to be sitting as straight as possible. I’d love to see her relax someday.
“I owe the three of you an enormous apology. Cassidy, darling, I owe you the biggest one of all.”
Darling? Since when is Cassidy her darling?
“Your father told me he filled you all in on most things the other night. There were some details, however, he was still unaware of. I’m not even sure how or where to start with this so I guess maybe the beginning would be the most appropriate.”
My dad squeezes my mom’s hand, encouraging her to continue. At least that’s a good sign.
“I had the best mother in the world. She was loving and caring and supported us both after my dad passed away. Growing up in a trailer park never really bothered me much. It was affordable and comfortable. As I got older, I began to notice all the things I didn’t have and yet it still didn’t get to me. It wasn’t until I was out of high school and had to get a job that I really felt resentful toward my mom. I wanted to go to college and make something of myself. In high school, I did okay but I never really applied myself the way I should have. Scholarships didn’t come for me the way I’d hoped they would. Even with a partial scholarship I couldn’t afford school.”
“Go on,” my dad encourages her when she pauses.
“The day I met your father, my life changed for the better. He pulled up in his fancy car and smiled at me in a way no one had ever smiled at me before. My heart leaped in my chest and my palms began to sweat. I tried to play it off but my mother could see right through me. She invited him to stay for a drink and so began our journey together.
“I had no clue what I was in for when he told me he wanted me to meet his mother. I put on the nicest dress I had and did my hair, makeup, and nails. My nerves were shot and when he proudly introduced me to her, I felt like the scum on the bottom of her shoe. My best dress looked like a rag compared to how flawless she was.”
“I never thought that, Priscilla. You were always the most beautiful girl in the world to me,” my dad says, choked up with emotion.
“After dinner, your father ran out to pick up some ice cream at her request. She insisted I stay and keep her company. Shortly after he left, she asked me how much it would cost to never see her son again. I’ll never forget her words to me. ‘You can shine a penny up and make it look pretty but after all your hard work it’s still only a penny.’ I was stunned but I was determined. I let her know there was no amount of money in the world to convince me to let your father go.
“I’d never been in love but I’d read many a romance novel and I had just begun living my own fairy tale. I spent years learning the proper ways and sucking up to your grandmother. She never liked me but she accepted me and molded me into something she was proud of. Something she swore to me your father was looking for. We had many conversations filled with details of what your father had confessed to her he was looking for in a wife. She convinced me it was just the way it was done in families like hers. The men would confess to the family matriarch and in return, she would guide the wife in the proper direction. However, it was really bad form to discuss it with your husband. Matters such as those required a delicate touch of a woman. I bought it all, hook, line, and sinker.”
“It never happened,” my dad clarifies to us, “and I never knew until last night.”
Holy shit.
“Needless to say, we had quite an eye-opening discussion last night,” my mother says with a small shake of her head. As usual, her features remain stoic but her eyes reveal how sad she truly is. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her sad unless someone has died. Even so, this seems more severe.
“Cassidy, when you first came home with Rylee and Zachary, you were just the cutest little thing. You seemed afraid to touch anything and I wasn’t sure if it was from the fear you might break something or you might get in trouble for it. It reminded me of how I felt the first time I walked in to Paul’s mother’s house. I told Bea to do everything she could to make you feel at home.”
Bea was our nanny growing up. She was only with us until we were about nine, I think, if I remember correctly. We visited with her often after she left until she passed away a few years ago.
“Over the next few months, I watched you as inconspicuously as possible when you were over. There was something about you but I couldn’t put my finger on what. It was just so familiar to me. It wasn’t until after I visited your parents for the first time that I figured it out. I guess that was about seven months or so after the kids brought you home the first time. I’d gone down the street to see if you could spend a few days with us for their birthday. We wanted to throw a party and then take them on a trip to Disneyland. I could tell by your clothes your parents didn’t spend a lot of money on you. Not that you looked bad, but I had no clue what their financial situation was since they inherited the house from your grandmother.
“In any case, I was hoping to feel them out and figure out a way to tell them the trip was our treat without offending them. Your mother answered the door and immediately, I knew why you seemed so familiar to me. She was obviously intoxicated and stumbled over her words. John was yelling for her from inside the house and by the time he found her talking to me at the door, he was furious. When I told him why I was there his eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. The relief that flooded through me in that moment was unexpected but I was elated he agreed to let you come with us. We exchanged phone numbers and I went back home and got drunk for the first time in years.”
What does Cassidy’s mom have to do with any of this?
Cassidy’s grip on my hand tightens and Rylee curls up onto the couch, pulling her knees to her chest.
“It’s not that I recognized Deidre, it’s that I recognized the fear and defeat in her features. Growing up, my best friend, Judy, had an alcoholic father. Her mother, Patty, carried herself the same way Deidre does. That’s why you always seemed so familiar to me, C
assidy. So many of your mannerisms were just like Judy’s. When we were eleven. her dad was on the worst bender any of us had ever seen. For years, he had beaten the both of them and time and time again the police were called out, but it never did any good. Living in a trailer park in the worst part of town has its pitfalls in more ways than one. Important things like protecting people fall through the cracks.”
She pauses for an extended period of time. “Zack, why don’t you get your mother another drink?” my dad says, never once taking his eyes off his wife. After refilling her drink as quickly as possible, I hand it back to her.
“Thank you, Zachary,” she murmurs as she takes a sip and then a gulp.
“It was the third time that week we’d called the police on them. I was so worried about Judy. My mom had tried to get Patty to leave him for years. We heard a huge crash so mom and I both ran next door, knowing it was a bad idea but we couldn’t just leave them there. It was so chaotic. All the furniture was dumped over and Patty was on the floor. There was blood everywhere and Judy was screaming. In an instant, he crossed the room, picked Judy up, and threw her against the wall. Before my mom could stop me, I ran to her and tried to wake her up but she wasn’t moving.
“My mom yelled something at him but I was in shock and never heard what it was. He made a beeline for the door and that’s when the police finally strolled in. You know, I don’t even remember his name but I’ll never forget the look on his face when he was arrested for murder and assault. Patty was gone and Judy had a fractured skull and spine. She was in the hospital for a few months and ended up being released to an aunt in Kansas. I never saw her again.
“My mother and I both spent years feeling like we’d failed Patty and Judy, so when I realized you were in the same situation, I didn’t know what to do. It was another part of my past I’d never told Paul about. Since I didn’t have any proof you were being hurt, I didn’t bring it up. Paul and I decided to just keep a careful watch on you from then on out. It wasn’t until the night in the hospital I had any proof of what he’d been doing to you.”
She finishes off her drink and looks directly at Cassidy.
“I’m truly sorry for what happened after the night I found out. I’ve known for a long time I was in the wrong for how I had been treating you. This is where it gets a little complicated. Just like my mother knew I was in love with Paul, and he was it for me, I knew you were the one and only for Zachary.
“My own doubts and insecurities started working their way into the picture. If my past had been exposed… living in a trailer park, being best friends with a murderer’s family, being poor... it would have tarnished the Stafford name. This legacy I’d been groomed relentlessly over the years by Paul’s mom to protect at all costs. Not only that, but it would have been a personal embarrassment, and I would have been so ashamed to have brought all that into such a prestigious family.
“When I started giving you subtle or not so subtle hints and personal slams, it was when those insecurities got the best of me. Half of my taunting was because of my own fear and the other half was because I never wanted you to go through what I did. You’d been through more than enough and you deserved better.”
“I don’t understand, Mom,” Rylee snaps at her. “Why would she have to go through any of that? I never did!”
“Simply because Zachary is the male heir and specific things are expected of their wives. You’ll always be a part of this family, Rylee, but you’ll be marrying into a different one.”
“You make it sound like we’re part of royalty or something. We’re just people. Granted, people with a lot of money, but still… this isn’t the dark ages.” Ry’s pissed and I don’t blame her. I’m still waiting to hear how she was protecting us.
“Imagine learning something from a young age and every single day it’s drilled into your head. Even though you know in your heart of hearts it can’t be true, all the circumstances around you dictate it is indeed true. That’s how it was when I joined the Stafford family as Paul’s wife. His mother drilled into my head every chance she got how things were supposed to be. Yet, at night when I was lying in bed with my husband, I was never able to connect the dots. We were deeply in love. Why wouldn’t he talk to me? Why did everything have to go through his mother? There were a thousand questions a day I wanted to ask him and could not for fear of his answers.
“I’d come to the point where I spent so much time with your grandmother, I believed everything she was saying had to be true. She had no reason at all to lie to me about such things. So I did everything in my power to learn everything Stafford and be the best wife and mother I could be. I didn’t want a marriage like hers. I wanted a marriage full of love and happiness but in the midst of working to achieve that goal, I lost myself, and even worse, I neglected all the love I was so excited to have. The only place I ever felt like myself was lying in bed in your father’s arms at night.”
This is sad. Who would have thought my strong, fierce mom had been afraid of losing her family?
“When your father came to me for money, I didn’t hesitate to pay him off or to get him to sign the NDA. But after that interaction with him, I was worried about you, Cassidy. I wasn’t sure if your delicate soul could take any more stress. I know I’m not the best at showing my emotions to any of you, but I’ve loved you since you were just a little girl. We all have.
“Over the years, we tried acclimating you into our family but there were things you didn’t take to. You couldn’t care less about fashion or who’s who of high society, you just loved my children. As a mother, I was unbelievably proud of you but the fear of making you have to conform to the Stafford way of life was eating at me and I handled it extremely poorly. Having been in your position once upon a time, I knew how it felt to lose yourself and succumb to this life. Being rich is not all it’s cracked up to be. In fact, it’s a lot of hard work putting on a façade day in and day out, never truly being yourself.
“Cassidy, I wanted better for you. I never wanted you to grow up to be me. You’re a fighter. All those years you went through hell and you still came out as someone who will put the needs of others in front of your own and I used that knowledge to my fullest advantage. I played on your insecurities in hopes you could get out before it was too late. But the one thing I forgot was the most important thing of all. We don’t choose who we love and when we have true love in our grasp, we’ll fight like hell before ever letting it go.
“In my own way, I was fighting for you, sweet girl. Knowing my son would hate me was worth the risk because I knew deep in my heart that if he knew why I was doing it, that I was saving you, he could never truly hate me. Of course, there’s no denying I was worried about your dad smearing the Stafford name. He’s the reason why my assaults against you became almost relentless. Not just because I knew he could ruin us but because he could ruin you. I wanted you to get far away from him and never come back. I’ve considered you my daughter for a very long time, Cassidy Pope, and I hope one day you can forgive me. That all of you can forgive me.”
Cassidy and Rylee are crying and my dad is hugging my mom something fierce. How could we all have been so oblivious to everything? All these years my mom was hurting almost as much as Cassidy and we never noticed. My dad loves her more than life and he was never able to get it out of her because she was afraid she was going to lose him.
Suddenly, Cassidy stands and marches the ten feet or so to my mother. My dad lets her go and my mother rises to accept her wrath from Cassidy. She squares her shoulders and meets Cassidy’s glare with one of her own.
“Priscilla, you don’t need my forgiveness because there is nothing to forgive you for. You did what you thought was best for us all. That’s all a mother can do. It’s more than my mother ever did. All you need to do is forgive yourself.” And with those words Cassidy pulls her into the biggest hug I think I’ve ever seen. A sob escapes my mother’s mouth and soon she’s crying, too.
I watch as my dad blinks back his tears an
d I finally feel a bit of relief. Looking to Rylee, she nods her head, understanding my unspoken words and we both stand and go to our mom. Cassidy releases her and Rylee hugs her next.
“Next time you have to talk to us, Mom. We just always thought you were going through early menopause or something and that’s why you could be so nasty.” Leave it to Ry to make this situation lighter.
When they break apart, my mom looks at me hesitantly. The last time I saw her, I said a lot of hurtful things. “Zachary,” she begins to speak as I pull her into my embrace.
“It’s okay, Mom, I get it. I don’t like it, but I understand and I forgive you.” My dad takes us all in from the couch and smiles. He’ll forgive her, too. I know he will. As I release her, she looks at us all with trepidation.
“There’s one more thing we need to discuss,” she says, taking her seat next to my dad and his arm goes around her immediately. This time, we all pile onto the couch next to them, waiting for her to speak.
“After your father left, I did something I should have done a long time ago but wasn’t in the position to do. Something I’ve felt guilty about for too many years.”
My dad squeezes her shoulder, encouraging her to continue.
“I called my friend, the police chief, and asked for a favor. He was kind enough to send me two of his best officers and we marched down to your house together. They banged on the door until your father opened it up and promptly detained him while I went and found your mother.”
Cassidy gasps and curls her feet up under her, waiting for the rest of the story.
“When I was eleven, I was helpless to save Judy and Patty from what they went through. I’m no longer helpless. Far from it, in fact. So I dragged your mother out of bed, got her into the shower, had her put on some clean clothes, and brewed two extra strong pots of coffee.”
“Seriously, Mom?” exclaims Ry.
“Completely. Then I told your mother my story and told her she’d spent too many years neglecting her life and her daughter. I offered to pay her stay in rehab and to give her a million dollars when she gets out to start her life over. The only contingency is while she’s in rehab, she has to divorce your father.”
