Sasha's Dilemma (The Dilemma Series)

by Smith, T. L

  He lets go of my breast and takes my shirt off. Once he has done that, he trails kisses all the way down to my jeans, and then starts undoing them. I help by kicking my legs out of them. Quickly he undoes his jeans and slips them off but leaves his shirt on. He crawls up my legs and places butterfly kisses all the way to my inner thighs. I feel his hot breath right at my core and I can’t take the punishment anymore. I need and want it all in one.

  I grab his head and force him down. He has his way with me, knowing all the right spots and exactly how to make me squirm. After giving me my first orgasm, I feel him at my entrance. He looks me in the eyes before he forcefully slams right into me. I throw my head back and scream as he continues the painful, but blissful onslaught until he collapses on top of me.

  “Fuck, I’ve missed your sweet taste and that beautiful pussy.”

  I don’t answer him. I just lay there thinking “What the fuck have I done?” I’ve given myself to him once again. I try to get up, but he pulls me back down, cradles me in his arms, and tangles our legs together so I can’t escape.

  “Don’t overthink it, Sash. You were always mine and you overthinking things won’t change that fact.”

  I know he’s right. I just wish it weren’t true. I don’t want to be hurt again, and this man has enough power to break me.

  Chapter 23

  I lay here with him and do exactly what he accused me of, overthink everything. I honestly do believe he loves me. Even in sleep, he’s holding me like he’s afraid I’m going to escape. I guess the only way to see if he will hurt me again is to give it a go. But I’m shit scared as to where this rollercoaster with Josh will take me.

  I look at his sleeping form and take in the true beauty of this man. He is a sight to behold. He has the perfect facial features, beautiful lips that can make a girl go crazy, and a smashing body that you see in fashion magazines; except Josh’s is way more manly than the men in magazines.

  I look down at the tattoo he had done for me. I’m surprised he never covered it or had it removed. I slide my fingers across his chest and outline the words that show his love for me. Even after watching my mom for all those years, I still believe in true love, and I think he is mine. But I also believe that if you lose your true love, no matter how much it hurts, you can fall in love again. Maybe if you’re lucky, it’s possible to have more than one true love in your lifetime. I believe I could have fallen in love with Brax if given time, but I had already given my heart to someone else and he never returned it.

  I feel him stir next to me. He opens his eyes and stares at me for a while in silence as if he thinks it will break the spell we’re under.

  “How come you still have this?” I say, tracing the tattoo.

  “Just because you were unsure of us, Sash, doesn’t mean I was.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “Because when I look into your eyes, all I see is beauty. And that beauty is all mine whether you admit it now or later.”

  He never gave up on me. He was just biding his time until I realised that I love him, too.

  “Will you consider giving us another go?” Josh asks, looking down at me still lying on his chest.

  “I really do want to, Josh, but… how can I be sure you won’t hurt me again like last time?”

  “I swear to you, Sash, I would never intentionally hurt you in anyway.”

  I can hear the truth in his words, but I’m willing to give him a chance.

  “Okay... I’ll try.” I’m afraid this is going to be a mistake, but I’m hopeful at the same time.

  “You’re really going to give us another chance?” he says, sounding hopeful.

  “Yes, Josh, but so help me God, if you hurt me again, I will rip your balls off.”

  “Honey, I will hand them to you on a platter, no ripping necessary.”

  With that, he worships by body two more times that night. He whispers sweet nothings to me all night long, and I’ve never felt so loved.

  I wake and realise if I don’t get going now, I’m going to miss my shift at the hospital. I get up, frantically trying to find my clothes.

  “You weren’t running again, were you?” he says with a hint of disappointment in his eyes.

  “No, you idiot. I’m gonna be late for work, and I can’t find my bloody undies.”

  I let out a scream as he picks me up and throws me on the bed.

  “Can’t you have a sickie today and spend time with me?”

  I look up at him, and I am really contemplating it. He is looking at me with those big blue eyes pleading with me to say yes. But I know I need to go and not give in to him all the time. Otherwise, all of what has happened would be for nothing.

  “I can’t, but I can text you when I have finished.”

  “Sash, you’re breaking my heart here by leaving. What is a man to do, hmmm?”

  I grab a pillow and throw it at him for being a smartass.

  “Seriously, I’m going to be late as it is. I need to go.”

  “Okay, just give me some sugar first.”

  He slowly lets his lips touch mine. It’s not as powerful as the kiss from yesterday, but it still has the same effect. I feel my knees getting weak and my belly getting excited with anticipation for what follows this kiss. Before it gets that far, I back away and give him a final peck on the lips and leave.

  I finish my shift at the hospital and Brax is waiting there for me like usual. I didn’t even consider him yesterday when I was with Josh, and now I’m going to have to face the music.

  “Hey, Brax.”

  He pulls me into a hug and kisses the top of my head. “Hey, Sash, missed you yesterday.”

  Even though I haven’t been seeing him for long, I can’t ignore the pull he has over me. We get into his car and talk about work until we pull up at my apartment, and I know it’s time. “Brax, I think we need to talk,” I tell him.

  He nods his head and follows me inside. I explain to him how last night I met up with Josh, and how we have decided to start seeing each other again. He doesn’t speak or interrupt me one bit. I finally find the courage to look up at him once I’ve finished. He has a confused look on his face as if he can’t believe what I just told him.

  “Look, Sasha, I get it. He is your first love. You need to see where it should have gone and now you get that opportunity. I know we weren’t anything serious, but I was hoping to be more and I care about you. Just promise me, if he hurts you again, you won’t go back.”

  I nod my head in agreement, and then walk him to the door. He turns and kisses me like it’s the last time he will ever see me. I hope it’s not, because whether it worked out or not between us, he is a great man.

  “I’ve wanted to do that for a while,” he says in a husky voice. “Goodbye, Sash.”

  I watch him walk away and wonder if I made the right choice. This isn’t like with Dylan, where I knew we weren’t fit together, but wanted to try it anyway. With Brax, he inspires hope and love.

  Not long after he leaves, I hear my cousins let themselves in and go straight to my fridge.

  “What are you doing?” I demand.

  All four turn around, shrug their shoulders, and then go back to raiding my kitchen. The twins walk out with a sandwich and sit next to me on the couch.

  “Hey, cuz, what’s happening?” Kyle asks around a mouthful of food.

  “Can you at least wait to talk to me until you’ve finished what’s in that gob of yours?”

  “Oh, snap! Ha, you got told off by a girl,” Ryan snickers at his brother.

  They start bickering and punching each other’s arms like teenagers. I wonder how either of them ever get a woman.

  “Hey, so we came for movie night. Where’s Brax?” Ryan asks me.

  “I’m not seeing him anymore,” I tell them.

  All four heads turn towards me, but before I can say anything else, there is another knock on my door. I shrug my shoulders at the boys and get up to answer it. I swing the door open and find Josh standing
there staring me up and down.

  “Well, hello there,” he greets me in his sexy voice.

  He leans in and kisses me on the cheek. He notices the noises coming from inside my apartment. “You have company?” He raises his eyebrows like ‘who the hell do you have here,’ and that’s when the twins walk over and stare at Josh.

  “Who’s this?” they ask in unison. I turn to introduce them and see Josh glaring at them. I give him a scowl.

  “Josh, these are my annoying cousins, Kyle and Ryan. Boys, this is Josh.”

  They shake hands and the boys invite him in for movie night, which I guess I’m having now whether I like it or not. He follows them in and I shut the door behind them. I hear Brandon say hello and introduce Alan. I hear them all chatting while I head to the kitchen.

  Brandon comes in not long after, and immediately asks, “You sure about this, Sasha?”

  “What are you talking about? Josh?”

  He nods his head and stares at me.

  “I’m not completely sure, but I know my feelings for him are stronger than any I’ve had for anyone else,” I tell him honestly.

  “But is that enough? I just don’t want to see you hurt again. It took you ages to talk about it, and finally get out of staying at home all the time.”

  “I know, but I really need to try.”

  “Well, if he does hurt you, he isn’t just messing with you. He will have to answer to all four of us, and I will make sure he understands that.”

  Chapter 24

  Movie night turned out to be great. All the boys got along. By the end of the night, they had all decided they wanted to stop in at his tattoo shop and get a tattoo. Josh gave them his mobile number and told them to contact him whenever they were ready. This impressed them and I got a thumbs up by all, even Brandon. Josh couldn’t keep his hands off me all night. They were either on my thigh or holding my hand. It was a simple gesture but very sweet, and the boys approved, which means a lot to me. I love them like brothers and their opinion matters to me.

  The next morning, we are lying in bed snuggling, when Josh informs me, “I have to head back today, Sasha, but I don’t want that to change anything between us. I’ll be back in two weeks.”

  I foolishly didn’t even consider when he would be leaving. It was too soon. It hurts knowing I just got him back, yet he is leaving already, not that I will admit that to him.

  He must have seen the expression on my face because he instantly grabs me and drags my body so I’m lying on top of him.

  “Hey.” He grabs my face, looks me in the eyes, and kisses me. “You know I don’t want to leave you. God, the last thing I want to do is leave now that I have you back, but I need to sort some stuff out at the shop. I can’t let Pixie run the show; otherwise, I won’t have a business left.”

  He laughs at that and returns to kissing me. We make love again before he leaves. When I walk him to the door, it hurts to watch him go.

  He turns as he’s leaving and asks, “Hey, I was wondering, is this where you plan on seriously staying, or would you consider coming back home?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “Okay, I guess that’s better than a no. I’ll miss you and I’ll call you as soon as I’m home.”

  Once Josh is gone, I’m not sure what to do with the rest of my day. I decide to call Lola and talk to her.

  “Hey,” I say when she answers.

  “Hey, sis.” She sounds happy to hear from me, which puts a smile on face.

  “How’s work going?” I ask.

  “Oh, come on, Sash, you didn’t call to talk about work. What’s up?”

  “Just wanted you to be the first to know that I decided to give things a go with Josh again.”

  “Oh…. okay, I was not expecting that bombshell,” she says, sounding more than a little shocked.

  “I know. What happened back then hurt me a lot, but it was mainly the trust that was broken. I think we have hashed things out enough.”

  “I’m glad, Sasha. I really am. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy. I’ve come to really like Josh. I can see that he is a good man. He may be a playboy and has a temper, but he is different with you and that’s all that matters.”

  “Thanks, Lola. That means a lot.”

  “So, does this mean you are gonna come back?” she asks, sounding hopeful.

  “I don’t know. I haven’t gotten that far yet. It’s still so new.”

  “It really isn’t. You have known him for a while, and you dated for a few months. You were even ready to move in with him then. Now you’re older and all that shit.” I hear her laughing at herself, and it makes me smile. I really have missed having my sister around.

  “Anyway, on to another topic, how’s Adam?”

  “Ahh, well, that’s a tough one. Some days are better than others, but I think he is trying to be strong for Kasey. Koby’s court date is coming up, and they said it’s looking pretty good; he will go away for a long time. I think once that’s done, it will be better for him. Until then, we just help out as much as we can.”

  I remember hearing of what he did to her and how his obsession only grew. I can’t understand how if you love someone as much as Koby said he did, how he could hurt her so badly.

  “I miss them so much. Brit used to Skype me once a week and kept me updated on Kasey and her life. I loved those chats. I really miss her, Lola.”

  “I know, sis, me too.”

  We’re quiet for a while before either of us speak.

  “How’re the boys? I miss them. Make sure you say hello to them from me,” Lola says, finally breaking the silence.

  “Ha, yeah, they’re good, but annoying the hell out of me and barging in whenever they like. Brandon won’t give me my bloody key back!”

  “Ha ha! You will never see that key again if they have a say in it. You know how they are with you. You’re the baby and they think they’re your brothers, bloody idiots.”

  “Oh, don’t I know it. Actually, they all met Josh last night. That was interesting,” I tell her.

  “Oh, fill me in. How did that go with the brutes and the hottie?”

  “You’re a tool. It was awkward at first, but by the end of the night, they loved him, but still threaten bodily harm if he hurt me.”

  “Ha ha, bloody overprotective cousins. All right, Sasha, I got to go. I have a hot date lined up for tonight, so it’s time for me to go and get my freak on. Catch you later. Love ya guts. Mwah!”

  “Love you, too.”

  Once I get off the phone, I check my emails. I see that there is a message from Rose. She is asking for my address so she can send me an invite to her and Dylan’s wedding. I reply and tell her I miss her and hope everything is going good with them.

  About five months after I left, Rose rang me and said Dylan asked her out on a date. She just wanted to check with me to see if it would bother me. I told her the truth that I didn’t hold feelings for Dylan anymore. She couldn’t have picked a nicer man. Not long after, they moved in together and only six months later he proposed.

  I flew there for their engagement party. I thought it was going to be awkward, but it wasn’t. They make the most beautiful couple and soon they will make a gorgeous husband and wife. They’re both very caring and considerate people, and I couldn’t ask for better friends. Even when things didn’t work out between me and Dylan, I still considered him a friend and he hasn’t disappointed to this day.

  Dylan and I talk regularly, but usually Rose steals the phone to chat to me. She’s always asking about my love life and about work. She is a little mother hen. They’re even talking about having children straight after their honeymoon. I smiled when I heard that. Those two are going to be great parents.

  Chapter 25

  It’s been a long two weeks waiting for Josh to return. We have been on the phone every day chatting back and forth. He told me about the studio here, and is considering moving here if I don’t want to leave. I admitted to him that I’ve seen the studio but n
ever got up the nerve to stop in.

  When I mentioned that, he was quiet for a while before asking, “Would you have ever considered seeing me again?”

  “Well, obviously I did.”

  “Is the reason you never stopped because you didn’t want to cause a scene?”

  “I don’t know. I just thought it would hurt too much seeing you, so I didn’t give it much thought.”

  “I guess I can understand that.”

  I never let myself think about it, but I’ve really missed how we used to be. I’m glad I have him back in my life again.

  I’m now standing in the airport, ready to surprise him. He told me he was going to come straight to my place once he landed, but I thought I would meet him here. When I see him walk off the plane, my heart starts to beat like I’m a teenager seeing a rock star. It’s crazy the effect this man has on me.

  He’s looking down at his phone and doesn’t even see me when he passes. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I’m guessing that’s who he was texting. I walk up behind him and wrap my arms around his midsection, breathing in the smell that is Josh. He turns around, stunned at first, and then lifts me up and wraps my legs around his midsection.

  I feel like we’re in a movie where lovers haven’t seen each other for ages and then end up groping in an airport. I always laughed when I watched those kinds of movies. I never understood it, but now I do. No one else exists for me, just Josh and his beautiful blue eyes.

  He kisses me just how I need to be kissed, hard and passionate. I need the reassurance that it wasn’t just me that has missed him like crazy, that he missed me also. My body feels like a shot of electricity just passed through it. Our mouths break apart, but he doesn’t let me go.

  “Surprise,” I tell him and he gets his trademark smirk.

  “It’s a very lovely surprise, but I really wish I hadn’t seen you until we were at your place because now I can’t put you down. Someone has missed you terribly, too.”