by J. L. Berg
“I can try,” I replied timidly.
I always found I became apprehensive when it came to talking over my work with Jane. It was the bluntness of her words because, sometimes, she didn’t hold back. Honestly, I thought it was the whole concept of it all.
I still didn’t think I belonged here.
In this strange new world.
Walking out into my dining room, at those boxes filled with my words, it didn’t seem real.
Knowing millions of people had read them?
Impossible.
Maybe this was the ultimate reason I wanted to hide.
Because I thought, if it somehow did get out there that I was the mastermind behind this decade’s biggest hit, people would look at me and laugh.
They’d walk away, unconvinced.
“I need you to more than try, Kate. Whatever sparked this, you need to find it again.”
I grew quiet.
“I spent the night with Killian,” I admitted.
It had been days since Jane and I last spoke. I had a lot to fill her in on.
I could almost feel her smile through the phone.
“You didn’t?”
“I did, but it’s not what you think. I mean, it’s not totally what you think.”
Silence.
“Why don’t you just try to explain?”
And so I did. I told her about following her advice and how he’d willingly taken me up on my offer.
“I bet he did,” she said.
I described how we’d ended up talking and how I’d told him things I hadn’t told anyone but her.
“And then I fell asleep.”
“You fell asleep?” she exclaimed.
I laughed.
“Yes, I think he let me. Maybe he felt sorry for me. Hell, maybe that’s why he wanted to be friends.”
“He spent a good portion of the night worshipping your breasts, and now, he wants to be friends?”
“I told him I didn’t think I was cut out for a one-night stand. He said that was all he could offer.”
“Oh, Kate,” she said in a sad tone.
“It’s okay. I’ll figure it out. I’m going out with Brian now.”
“What?”
I went on to explain my run-in with my old writing teacher and his divorce.
“I told you he wasn’t that friendly with all of his students.”
“Oh, hush. Anyway, we had a nice time today, but…I don’t know. It wasn’t the same.”
“No spark?” she guessed.
“Maybe a tiny one,” I said. I imagined the good old camping days with my family when my dad would see the faintest flicker of fire and gently blow on it, trying to make something out of nothing. “If I blow on it?”
She laughed once again. “Okay, you work on that. But, in the meantime, maybe spend a little time thinking about that night with Killian. Focus on the way it made you feel. And then, once you’re in the zone—”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. Write the words.”
“Good girl.”
We said our good-byes just when the doorbell rang. I got up, stretching for a moment, before I ran to let Amy in.
“Are you ready for some fun?” I asked Amy.
She greeted me with an armful of take-out food.
“You know, we could have ordered in. You didn’t need to pay for this.”
Setting everything down on the coffee table, she shook her head. “Oh, I didn’t. I mean, I did, but I’m totally adding it to your tab for the night.”
I laughed. “Perfect. Now, where do you want to get started?”
She pointed to the large containers of Chinese. “Food. Obviously.”
“Right. It’s probably better not to mix books and food.”
I’d asked Amy over to assist with the books. Having never actually signed a single book in my life, I didn’t know how to do any of this. Neither did Amy, but I figured two brains were better than one. Plus, I liked having her here.
I went into the kitchen and grabbed plates and utensils for us. Sitting in our usual formation on the couch, we silently dished up a little of everything while I turned on the stereo.
“How did you know Josh was the one? Or at least, someone special?” I asked her after several minutes.
“Hmm,” she said, obviously thinking it over. “I think it was the way he looked at me to start off with.”
She could see I wanted more, so she elaborated, “It wasn’t one specific look but all of them combined. Like, usually, a guy will glance at you—or your boobs”—she laughed— “and that’s it. Maybe there’s a little attraction hidden in there, but with Josh, it was just more. There was a look of concern when I was upset and a different look when I walked into a room, like he wanted to devour me.”
I nodded.
“Jane says my writing has changed since I met Killian,” I murmured, unsure of why I was telling her but needing to talk about it all the same.
“And, now, you’re worried you’ll disappoint her because he’s not around?”
I nodded.
“Was Killian around when you got that publishing deal?” she asked.
“No,” I replied, taking a bite of pork.
“Exactly. No one else earned that publishing contract for you. If Jane is seeing something in your writing, it’s because you put it there, silly. Don’t go giving a guy credit for your genius. We’re far too evolved for that.”
I laughed. She was right.
“But if I did need some”—I coughed— “motivation…”
Her eyes widened, understanding settling in. “Oh, yes. I can help you there. Pull out your laptop. We’ve got some shopping to do.”
His hand slipped underneath the hem of my dress, hovering over my bare skin. I could feel the heat radiating from his body. I was begging for him to touch me.
But he didn’t.
Ever so patient, he waited, staring into my soul, until I gave the command.
Tonight, I was in charge.
“Yes,” I murmured.
“Yes what?” he asked.
“Yes, I want you,” I hesitated before adding, “I want you to touch me.”
His features instantly changed, a wicked grin spreading across his handsome face. “I thought you’d never ask.”
Rather than giving the immediate satisfaction I wanted, he continued to take his time, brushing his fingers over the soft skin of my inner thigh.
I quivered beneath his touch, needing more.
Always needing more.
Inch by painful inch, his hand climbed higher and higher toward its destination, and my breath faltered. My core called out to him, begging for release, but still, he tortured me, never wavering from his pace.
“Please.”.
“Please what, Kate? You need to be specific,” he commanded, his voice rough and oh-so sexy.
“Please, more.”
“More what?”
“I need more!” I screamed, my body so turned on, I couldn’t think straight.
“And I’m more than happy to give it to you. But you’re in charge, remember? I need guidance. What exactly do you need, Kate?”
His pointer finger slowly made a long path between my legs, never committing to anything but making sure to drive me wild all the same.
“Your tongue!” I finally shouted.
“Yes?”
“I want it on me. In me,” I directed, feeling braver than I ever had.
“Good girl.” He grinned seconds before I watched his head disappear between my knees.
I expected release.
What I hadn’t expected was sweet rapture as my body exploded.
“Oh my God!” I screamed, grabbing a pillow to cover my screams.
Still buried between my legs, he intercepted, taking it with his free hand and throwing the pillow to the ground.
His eyes met mine for a second, his mouth slick with my wetness. “Don’t cover your cries. I want to hear them. All of them.”
And then he disappeared, an
d I felt his tongue on me, hot and teeming with need. My back arched as he brought me closer and closer to bliss.
“Say my name, Kate,” he demanded.
My core tightened, and my belly took a free fall.
“Say it!” he yelled.
I opened my mouth, ready to scream my release out, ready to cry his name—
“Killian!” I yelled, the loud beeping of my alarm tossing me out of my dream like a rag doll.
“Wait, what?” I said out loud, looking up at the popcorn ceiling of my apartment.
I was drenched in sweat, my covers tossed on the floor, and I felt…well, I felt horny.
Extremely horny.
My eyes darted over to my nightstand.
It had only been a few days since my online shopping experience with Amy when I was introduced to a whole new world.
Who knew a twenty-two-year-old college student had so much knowledge about vibrators?
Or that you could buy them on Amazon?
Thanks to super-fast shipping, my little battery-operated boyfriend had arrived within a day and had since been residing in the top drawer of my nightstand.
Right next to the stuffed bear my dad had given me when I was five.
Now, that seemed wrong.
Just as I made up my mind, gathered the courage, and began to reach out toward the devious device, my phone started to ring.
“Just my luck,” I grumbled, grabbing my phone before I fell back against the pillows.
I didn’t even bother to look at the caller ID. Who else called me at the butt crack of dawn besides my overworked best friend/literary agent?
“What do you want?” I answered, not even trying to hide my annoyance.
“Are you and Brian dating?” a familiar male voice asked.
I immediately sat up, pulling the phone away from me to look at the caller ID.
Killian Townes.
“What?” I asked, trying to figure out why he was calling me at five in the morning.
And why he cared.
“Did he come home with you on Saturday? What about Wednesday?”
I opened my mouth to answer but then thought about what he’d just asked. “How do you know about Wednesday?”
Silence followed before he answered, “I just do, okay? Are you going to answer me?”
My annoyance grew into something closer to anger. “No. No, I don’t think I am. Because, first of all, it’s none of your business, friend. And, second of all…” I hadn’t really thought of a second reason. “It’s none of your business!”
Before he had a chance to refute, I hung up. Standing up, I looked in the mirror adjacent to my bed.
All week, I’d been taking it slow, wallowing over the lack of spark I had with Brian because I’d screwed things up with Killian.
And, now, he was upset with me.
With me?
Well, screw that.
I was done with Killian Townes. Friends or otherwise.
It was time to move on.
Permanently.
It was the eve of another weekend. I’d made it through an entire workweek, and tonight was all about letting my hair down.
Figuratively, that was.
Because my hair was already down.
I’d agreed to meet Brian downtown at a little place called ChaCha’s. It was a Latin club that had always intimidated me. Jane had dragged me in there several times during college, loving to throw her hips to the salsa music, but I always found myself on the sidelines, unable to find my rhythm or my confidence.
But, tonight, I wasn’t going to be a typical wallflower.
I was going to experience it all.
Brian had been nothing but genuine and kind since we began dating a week ago, and I’d slowly started to warm up to him. After my rather abrupt call from Killian the other day, I knew it was time to move to the next phase with Brian.
The physical one.
I was beyond nervous, but it was nothing a few margaritas couldn’t cure.
Or a new dress.
Playing on my best features, I’d picked out a dress that hugged my waist and accentuated my legs but gave me plenty of room to dance, if I so chose, and topped it off with a nice pair of heels.
I felt like a million bucks when I walked into the club.
Brian agreed.
“Wow, you look fabulous!” he said, placing an arm around me.
He bent down and kissed my cheek. We hadn’t kissed yet—something he hadn’t brought up. Part of me wondered if I should be concerned that he wasn’t trying to get in my pants, but then again, maybe he was just a gentleman.
My arm wrapped around his biceps, returning the affection. “You don’t look so bad yourself,” I replied, flashing a happy smile.
“Come, I’ve reserved a table for us over here,” he said, taking my hand.
Tables in clubs like this were hard to come by. They often came with a hefty price, so I was surprised to see he’d taken the initiative and thought ahead.
“This is so nice,” I said, taking a seat at our secluded booth.
It fit us perfectly, our bodies huddling close together. The black leather stuck to my naked skin, but the view more than made up for it. Dozens of colored lights moved across the dance floor as couples moved and swayed, almost like they were performing just for us.
“They’re so good,” I said, amazed by some of the complicated moves they were pulling off.
“Do you want to try?” he asked, a sense of challenge in his voice.
My lips parted, ready to say no, but I stopped myself.
“Sure,” I answered, clearly surprising him.
He stood, offering a hand. I took a deep breath and accepted.
“You might need to be patient. I haven’t done this before,” I warned him.
“I’ve been told I’m an excellent teacher,” he said, tossing me a wink before he led us to the dance floor.
I laughed, but a part of me stumbled slightly. I knew Brian was flirting, and honestly it was a bit of a relief. I’d been worried Brian didn’t see me in that way and that I was headed down yet another disappointing path.
But did it cause shivers to shoot up my spine? Was I clenching my thighs at the thought?
No.
And that was the issue.
Because I knew, without a doubt, if Killian had just said those exact words to me, I’d be a puddle on the floor.
“Are you ready?” Brian asked, firmly grabbing my waist.
“Lead the way.” I smiled.
It was going to be a long night.
“I THINK IT’S TIME FOR you to get a life,” Liam announced as I continued to track Kate’s movements around town.
She’d been downtown for several hours.
Probably with him.
“Shut up,” I replied, my eyes glued to the screen.
After I’d asked Liam to locate her several times, he’d finally set me up on my own. How? I had no idea, but I now had a little app on my phone that could follow her movements down to a few blocks.
My brother called it his Stalker app.
“You could probably sell this,” I said, briefly looking up.
He grinned. “Right, because I want to be known as the guy who invented the creepy app that allows you to stalk your ex. No, thanks.”
I shook my head. “Okay, so make something else. I know you can.”
He shrugged. “I will. Just not today.”
This was how this particular conversation went every time I approached it.
No motivation. No drive. That was Liam in a nutshell.
While I, on the other hand, was the exact opposite.
Or I had been until I’d become obsessed with a woman named Kate.
I hit refresh one more time. She was on the move.
I sat up in my seat as my eyes concentrated on that little map, following her on the app my brother had created.
“Have you ever thought of maybe, I don’t know, giving up on this story and just dating the girl?
Like a normal person?”
My gaze stretched upward.
He could see the dubious expression taking hold. “Hear me out, okay? You’ve been holed up in this shit-can of a motel room for, what? A week? And, every day, you’ve been contemplating if you’re going to stay or go home. It’s obvious this chick doesn’t want anything to do with you, Killian. She’s moved on—and pretty quickly, I might add—but you’re still here.”
A growl fell from my lips.
He grinned, lifting his arms up in mocked surrender. “Whoa there, Killer. I’m just saying, I think you’ve gotten in too deep to take this all the way. Sometimes, you have to call it quits. Take the higher road and give in to your baser instincts.”
“You think I’d give this all up for a quick fuck?” I spit.
“No,” he argued. “But I do think you’d give it up for love.”
His words hit me like a battering ram.
Love?
I wasn’t in love with Katelyn O’Malley.
I barely knew her.
Yet…
“Shit.”
“Now, he gets it.” Liam laughed.
“Shut up,” I grumbled. “I’m not in love with her.”
“Maybe not yet, but you’re definitely on the way, and if you throw it all away for a stupid job, you’re never going to forgive yourself. And neither will she,” he added.
He was right.
I hated when he was right.
“So, what do I do? Like you said, she’s already moved on,” I reminded him.
“Go fucking get her back,” he commanded.
I stood up, emboldened for maybe the first time since I’d sent Kate away from this very same room. “You’re right!”
“Of course I am. I’m a fucking genius. Now, get the hell out of here.”
“Right,” I said, moving toward the door in a blur.
“Wait.” His hand shot out, stopping me before I could crack open the door. “When was the last time you showered?” he asked before taking a quick look at me. “Or changed your clothes?”
I thought back.
I thought way back.
My brother’s face soured. “Shit, get in the shower before you kill someone with that stank.”
