Lost

by Joy Fielding

  Cindy gasped, grabbed for the phone on the desk before it could ring a second time. “Hello?”

  “Cindy, it’s Ryan,” the voice said evenly. “I’m so sorry, but this is the first chance I’ve had to call you all morning. How’s it going?”

  “Everything’s fine.” Cindy noticed a closet in the far corner of the room. What did they keep in there? “Faith and the baby are both asleep.”

  “That’s good. Look, we’re almost finished here. Shouldn’t take too much longer, and then we’ll head home. Think you can hold out another couple of hours?”

  Cindy checked her watch. A few more hours and it would be almost two o’clock. Her eyes returned to the closet door. “No problem.”

  “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this.”

  “I’ll see you soon.” Cindy hung up the phone, walked to the closet, pulled open the door.

  (Image: Julia, her mouth covered by duct tape, her hands bound behind her back, her feet tied at the ankles, sits naked and shivering in a corner of the closet.)

  The closet was filled with winter clothes, each item freshly cleaned and hanging inside a long plastic bag. Cindy examined each article of clothing—a man’s heavy brown coat, a woman’s purple fleece jacket, men’s wool suits in brown, gray, and navy, a woman’s black dress, a long teal skirt. She rifled through the built-in shelf full of sweaters, extricating a strong-smelling bar of soap from inside the layers of soft wool. By the time she realized someone was watching her, it was too late. Cindy spun around, the bar of soap flying from her hand and landing at Faith Sellick’s feet.

  Faith looked from Cindy to the closet, then back to Cindy, her eyes as cold as steel. “What the hell are you doing?” she asked.

  TWENTY-EIGHT

  “FAITH. I didn’t hear you.”

  “What are you doing here? Where’s Ryan?” Faith shifted from one foot to the other, her toes disappearing into the soft pile of the beige broadloom. She was wearing a pair of red tartan flannel pajamas that were too big for her body and too warm for the weather, although she didn’t seem to notice either. Several hairs drooped lazily into her eyes and she made no effort to push them aside.

  “He had to go to Hamilton. You were sleeping. He didn’t want to wake you.”

  “So he asked you to come over and baby-sit his incompetent wife.”

  “No, of course not. He just wanted you to catch up on your sleep.”

  “What time was this?”

  “Around eight. Apparently he had an important meeting.…”

  “They’re always important.” Faith looked toward the window. “What time is it now?”

  Cindy glanced at her watch. “Almost noon.”

  “So I’ve been unconscious all morning,” Faith noted dully.

  “Obviously you were exhausted.”

  “Kyle …?”

  “Sleeping like a baby,” Cindy said, hoping to elicit a smile. Failing. “I’ve fed him twice, taken him for a walk around the block.…”

  “You’ve been very busy.”

  Cindy cleared her throat, coughed into her hand. “Are you hungry? I could make us some lunch.”

  “You can tell me what you were doing snooping around in my closet.”

  “I’m really sorry about that,” Cindy said, stalling, trying desperately to come up with a believable excuse. “It’s just that I was feeling a little cold, and I thought you might have a sweater I could throw on.”

  Faith’s shoulders relaxed as she rushed to embrace the lie. “It is cold in this house. I keep telling Ryan that, but he insists the temperature’s just right. If it were up to me, I’d do away with air-conditioning altogether.” She pointed to a long yellow sweater hanging from a thick wooden hanger toward the back of the closet. “Try that one.”

  Cindy slipped the luxurious cashmere sweater from its hanger. “That’s better,” she said, the warm wool lying like a sunburn across her back.

  “Color looks good on you.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You should keep it.”

  “What?”

  “It looks better on you than it does on me. You might as well have it.”

  “Oh no. I couldn’t do that.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because it’s yours.”

  Faith shrugged. “Ryan’s in Hamilton, you said?”

  “Actually, he just called, said he should be home in a few hours.”

  “Is Marcy with him?”

  “Marcy?”

  “Orange hair, big boobs, lots of teeth.”

  “Sounds like the woman who picked him up.”

  Faith nodded knowingly. “Marcy Granger. The senior partner’s daughter and Ryan’s close associate.” She verbally underlined the word “close.” “I’m pretty sure they’re having an affair.” She bent down and scooped up the bar of soap. “You think soap really keeps moths away?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve never tried it.”

  “Your husband used to cheat on you all the time, right?” Faith asked.

  Cindy tried not to look too shocked by the question. Had she heard Faith correctly?

  “Sorry. I guess it’s none of my business.”

  “Who told you my husband cheated on me?”

  “You did.”

  “I did?”

  It was Faith’s turn to look flustered. “Last week. When I had tea over at your place.”

  Cindy fought to remember the conversation over tea. She vaguely recalled talk of children, of Faith’s concerns for the future, her calm recitation of family suicides, her concern that Ryan no longer loved her. She remembered clarifying that the Cookie was Tom’s wife, but she had no memory of having mentioned anything about Tom’s assorted infidelities.

  “I’m hungry,” Faith announced. “Did you say something about lunch?”

  Cindy took the soap from Faith’s hands, returned it to the middle of the pile of sweaters, and closed the closet door, her mind racing. If she hadn’t said anything to Faith about Tom’s affairs, who had?

  Julia?

  Questions began racing around Cindy’s brain, like a dog chasing its tail. Was it possible Julia had told Faith about Tom’s indiscretions, even though the two women barely knew one another? Or was it more likely that Julia had confided the information to Ryan during a romantic encounter? Had Ryan then carelessly passed the juicy tidbit along to his wife?

  “I think there’s some leftover tuna in the fridge,” Faith was saying, already halfway down the hall. She stopped in front of the nursery door. “I guess I should check on Kyle,” she said with obvious reluctance, making no attempt to go inside.

  “Why don’t we just let him sleep?” Cindy led Faith down the stairs, hoping for more time alone with her. There was no telling what she might say.

  Relief washed across Faith’s face. “Did he give you a hard time?” she asked, making herself comfortable at the kitchen table while Cindy rifled through her fridge, looking for the tuna.

  “No. He was great. Although he did almost pee in my eye.”

  “I think he does that on purpose.”

  Cindy was about to laugh when it occurred to her that Faith was actually serious. There was a strange flatness to her voice that belied any attempt at humor. Disconcerted, Cindy did a final survey of the contents of the fridge, ultimately abandoning the search for tuna, and emerging with a handful of eggs she hoped were reasonably fresh. “How about I make us an omelet?”

  “With cheese?”

  “Do you have any?”

  “I love cheese,” Faith said, as if this were answer enough.

  “One cheese omelet coming up.” Cindy located a large chunk of old Cheddar at the very back of the fridge, as well as several loose sticks of butter and a container of milk that had never been opened and was one day short of its expiration date. The salt and pepper were in plain sight on the counter, but she had to search through several cupboards for a medium-sized bowl and a frypan. “I think that’s everything,” she told Faith, who said nothing. Nor
did she say anything as Cindy cracked open the eggs, mixed them with the milk, and stirred them in the frypan. Only when Cindy was adding the Cheddar did Faith show any interest in what she was doing.

  “I love cheese,” she said again.

  They ate in silence, Faith cutting her omelet into neat little bits, then slowly chewing and swallowing each piece. Cindy watched her as she ate, wishing she could pick the young woman up by her heels and shake her, as if she were a branch on one of the outside maple trees. How many loose acorns would fall out? Cindy wondered, thinking, Does she know something? Something she’s not telling me?

  Something about Julia?

  “Is there anything new with the investigation?” Faith asked suddenly, as if reading Cindy’s mind. She laid her fork down, pushed her plate into the middle of the table, sat back in her chair, her knife in her right hand.

  “No,” Cindy said. “Nothing new.”

  “It must be horrible for you.”

  “It is.”

  “So many horrible things in this world.” Faith lifted the knife toward her face, checked her reflection in the narrow sliver of stainless steel. “I look like shit,” she said.

  “No, you don’t.”

  “Do you ever wish you could just crawl into bed and never wake up?”

  “Faith …” Cindy began, not sure what to say next.

  “I’m tired.” Faith pushed her chair away from the table, struggled to her feet. “I think I should lie down for a while.” Without another word, she turned and walked purposefully from the room. It was only when Cindy heard her opening the door to the nursery that she realized Faith still had the knife.

  CINDY RACED UP the stairs, the omelet sitting heavy in her stomach, like a large stone, impeding the flow of oxygen to her lungs. Why hadn’t she been paying closer attention? What if she was already too late?

  Too late for what?

  “Faith!” Cindy ran down the hall, Faith’s sweater slipping from her shoulders and sliding off her back. “Faith, wait!”

  A baby’s screams filled the air, followed by the sound of Faith’s tortured cries. Together they shook the floor beneath Cindy’s feet, like a powerful earthquake.

  “No!” Cindy threw herself into the nursery, stopping dead in her tracks at the horrifying sight that greeted her eyes.

  Faith Sellick was standing over her son’s crib, one hand pulling at her hair, her face a twisted mask of grief and fury, the other hand on her baby’s chest, his tiny body convulsing with outrage.

  “Faith, no! What have you done?” Cindy pushed Faith out of the way with such force that Faith lost her footing and fell back against the rocking chair before collapsing to the floor. Cindy scooped the baby from the crib, her eyes frantically searching his white sleeper for blood. But there was no blood on the baby’s sleeper. Just as there was no blood on the sheets. No blood anywhere, Cindy realized with audible relief, seeing the knife lying innocently at the foot of the crib. “What happened in here?” she demanded over Kyle’s continuing howls. “What did you do to him? Tell me!”

  “I didn’t do anything,” Faith cried helplessly. “I was just looking at him, and he opened his eyes and started screaming.”

  “Did you poke him with the knife?”

  “What knife?” Faith asked, her confusion palpable.

  “You didn’t touch him?”

  Faith shook her head, covering her ears with her hands, trying to block out the baby’s cries. “He hates me,” she whimpered. “He hates the sight of me.”

  “He doesn’t hate you.” Cindy returned the screaming baby to his crib, lowered herself to the floor beside Faith.

  “Listen to him.”

  “Babies cry, Faith. It’s what they do.”

  “I can’t stand it when he cries.”

  “I know.” Cindy took Faith in her arms, rocked her back and forth, as earlier she had rocked the woman’s infant son. “I know.”

  “Sometimes when he cries, it feels like my head is going to explode.”

  “I know,” Cindy said again. What else could she say? It was the truth. She did know. There was nothing worse, nothing more heartbreaking, than the sound of your child’s unhappiness. “You need to see a doctor,” she told Faith gently. “I’ll talk to my friends. Find out the name of a good psychiatrist.”

  “You think I’m crazy?”

  “No. I just think you need more help than I can give you.”

  Faith shook her head. “You think I’m crazy,” she said.

  RYAN WALKED IN the house at just after four o’clock, his arms full of blood-orange roses. “For you,” he told Cindy, laying them across her arms. “Along with my heartfelt apologies for being so late.”

  “Your meeting went on longer than you thought,” Cindy stated rather than asked. This was familiar territory after all. Tom had long ago given her a tour of its terrain.

  “I’m really so sorry. When I phoned you, I honestly thought we had everything all worked out.”

  Cindy did her best at a sympathetic smile.

  “We resolved everything eventually,” he said, as if seeking to reassure her.

  “You got the commission?”

  “Just in time for the start of rush hour traffic. It was brutal.”

  “You must be exhausted.”

  “I’m more than a little drained, to tell you the truth. I could use a drink. How about you?”

  Cindy thought she already detected a faint odor of booze on Ryan’s breath. “I really should be getting home, get these flowers in water.”

  “One little drink. To celebrate my success.” Ryan disappeared into the dining room, returned minutes later with a bottle of red wine and two glasses. “Red okay with you?”

  “Fine.”

  He uncorked the bottle as Cindy lowered the roses to the coffee table. “To you,” he said, clicking his glass against hers. “With my undying gratitude.”

  “To Julia’s safe return.” Cindy lifted the glass to her mouth, took a long sip, the taste of blackberries lingering on her tongue.

  Ryan winced. “How are you holding up?”

  “Just barely.”

  “I wish there was something I could do.”

  “Me too.”

  “Honestly, Cindy, I told the police everything I know.” Ryan took another sip of his wine, glanced toward the ceiling. “It’s so quiet.”

  “Everyone’s asleep.”

  “Amazing. You obviously have the magic touch.”

  “Your wife thinks you’re having an affair,” Cindy said matter-of-factly.

  “What?”

  “Your wife …”

  “My wife’s imagination is working overtime these days,” Ryan said testily, cutting Cindy off before she could say it again.

  “Women are usually right about this sort of thing.” Cindy watched the color drain from Ryan’s face as effortlessly as he drained the wine from his glass.

  “My wife is depressed …”

  “That doesn’t mean she’s delusional.”

  “You know as well as I do how strange she’s been acting lately.”

  Cindy had to admit he was right. “What does her doctor say?”

  Ryan shook his head. “I’ve been meaning to call him. It’s just that I’ve been so damn busy.”

  “Your wife needs help, Ryan.”

  “Agreed,” Ryan said briskly, finishing the wine in his glass, looking sorry he’d ever suggested she stay for a drink. “I’ll call him first thing in the morning.”

  As if on cue, the telephone rang.

  Cindy carried her glass to the kitchen and left it in the sink, wondering how long it would be before someone got around to washing it. “I should get going,” she said, waving good-bye as Ryan picked up the phone.

  “Don’t forget your flowers,” he whispered, hand over the mouthpiece.

  “Oh, right.” Cindy returned to the living room, scooped the two dozen roses off the coffee table, pricking her finger on an unseen thorn. She brought her injured finger to her mouth
, sucked at the blood, thought it sweeter than the wine.

  “Just a minute,” she heard Ryan say. Then, walking toward her, extending the portable phone in his hand, “It’s for you.”

  “For me?” Cindy suddenly remembered she’d left the Sellicks’ phone number with the police in case they needed to reach her. Had something happened? Had her earlier premonition been correct? Had they found Julia? Cindy lifted the phone to her ear as Ryan moved a discreet distance away. “Hello?”

  “Mrs. Carver, it’s Detective Bartolli.”

  “Has something happened?”

  “Are you all right?”

  “Yes. Of course. Have you found Julia?”

  “No.” A pause. Then, “Is Ryan Sellick in the room with you?”

  Cindy felt her pulse quicken. She stole a glance at Ryan, who was standing at the window, pretending to be engrossed in the late afternoon sky. “Yes.”

  “Okay, I want you to listen to me, and not do anything stupid. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, but …”

  “No buts. I want you to make whatever excuses are necessary and get out of that house as quickly as possible. We’re on our way.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Just do what I tell you.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “We did a check on those crank calls you’ve been receiving. Several of them came from the Sellick house.”

  “What?”

  “You heard me.”

  “What does it mean?”

  “We don’t know what it means, but we intend to find out. Now get the hell out of that house, and let us handle it.”

  Cindy clicked off the phone as Ryan turned around.

  “Problems?” he asked.

  “I have to go.”

  “Was that the police?”

  Don’t say anything, Cindy cautioned herself. Don’t do anything stupid. Just listen to Detective Bartolli, and get the hell out. Let the police handle things.

  “Cindy?”

  Cindy dropped the roses to the floor. “What have you done with my daughter?” she demanded, hurling the portable phone at Ryan’s head. “What have you done with Julia?”

  TWENTY-NINE

  THE phone whizzed by Ryan’s head like a bullet, missing the side of his skull by mere centimeters, and slamming into the piano, taking a crescent-shaped nick out of its ebony side. It crashed to the floor, then lay on its back, its underside exposed and vulnerable, like a dead turtle.