by C. L. Stacey
“Well, I’ve been so many things today, I thought, ‘What the hell, let’s add usher to my resume.’” I shrug.
“I’m your date,” Jackson reminds me.
“No, you’re an invited guest of the bride and groom’s,” I correct him. “Kellan,” I turn toward my friend, “would you be a dear and show Mr. Anderson to his seat, please?”
“Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been?” Jackson asks from behind me, but I don’t acknowledge him. “I called you all day yesterday, I lost count just how many times I’ve been ignored.”
I was at the spa all day yesterday with Harper. I had time to check my phone. I’m well aware of how many missed calls I’d gotten from him.
Awkwardly caught in the middle of our bickering, Kellan stands there with a sympathetic look in his eyes. Sympathy for Jackson, not me. He’s siding with Jackson, not me. Traitor. “Lexi, come on…” Kellan attempts to cut Jackson a break.
“Do it,” I order firmly.
Kellan sighs as he gives an obedient nod. “Mr. Anderson, it’s nice to finally meet you.” He extends a hand to Jackson. “My name is Kellan. I’ve heard nothing but great things.”
“Oh?” Jackson looks to me as he shakes Kellan’s hand.
I shrug. “None of which came from me. Goodbye.” I wave them away as I check the time on my watch. “Oh, shit!” I lift my dress and run like hell for the dressing rooms, where I am supposed to be to help Harper get ready. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I spit the word between each step I take from here to there.
There is a bunch of screaming and shouting going on when I reach the door. Harper is having her bridezilla moment, probably scaring her family and friends shitless. I throw it open and paste a smile on my face.
“Where’s my pretty bride?” I sing.
“What the hell, Lexi, I thought you bailed on me on my wedding day!” Harper’s voice shakes, and I’m not sure if she’s getting emotional or if she’s panicking, but both are bad.
“Honey, don’t cry, your mascara will run.”
Harper gasps, nearly pressing her face up against the mirror to see if her makeup has smudged anywhere on her face. “No, I’m good. I look pretty.”
“You look beautiful,” I correct her. “What’s happening, tell me so I can fix it.”
“I can’t find my garter, it’s my something everything! My something blue, borrowed and old! One of these bitches lost it!” Harper growls in the direction of the bridesmaids, and I hear scattered gasps all around.
“Okay, it’s okay, you know why? We’re going to find it. Why don’t you sit until we do,” I instruct her.
“No, I’ll wrinkle my dress.”
“Okay, so you’ll stand. Stand right there, don’t move.” I hold my hands out like I am taming a wild animal as I back away from her, then I whirl around to face the girls. “Everyone on your hands and knees. Search high and low.”
Everyone does as they’re told, and it ends up being an easy solution to our problem. Now that I don’t have anyone blocking my view, I see the flower girl in the back of the room, wearing the garter like a headband.
“Found it!” I shout. Everyone stands back up. “Come here, sweetie,” I wave the little girl over. “Can we get that back from you? I’ll trade ya for some chocolate, how’s that sound?” I grin when the girl’s eyes light up as she so eagerly agrees to that plan.
I reach into Harper’s bowl of sweets by the vanity and pull a Snickers bar from it, handing it to her in exchange for Harper’s something everything.
“Thank you.” She smiles shyly up at me before skipping away.
“Okay, that was mine.” Harper’s voice comes from behind me.
“You shouldn’t be having chocolate while wearing white. I warned you about that already,” I say, crouching in front of her, and I stretch the garter out for Harper to slip her foot in. “Another crisis averted.” I slide the fabric up her leg.
“What?!” Harper grates.
“What?” I parrot her question. “Nothing, I didn’t say anything.”
When I get the garter in position over her thigh, I stand back up to retrieve Harper’s gift.
“My gift to the bride.” With tears in my eyes, I hand over the little Tiffany blue box, complete with a white bow at the top. “Your something new.”
“Aw, Lex…” Harper’s eyes glaze over with fresh tears as she pulls the string of the bow. She gasps when lifting the lid off the box.
“The platinum infinity necklace with diamonds for my beautiful girl.” I take the necklace from her and walk around to help her put it on. “I’ve been dreaming of this day since you and Nick got together. I always knew he was your one.” I secure the clasp and make my way back around to take her hands in mine. “And now he’ll be your forever.”
Then in unison, Harper and I shout in dramatic fashion, “To infinity and beyond!”
Harper fans a hand over her eyes. “Shit!”
“Don’t cry!” I laugh.
“Okay, I’m not. I won’t,” she commands herself sternly.
“Kiss.” We lean in for an air-kiss, making a small smooching sound before we part. “You look beautiful, sis.”
“Ugh, I know, right?” Harper winks at me, and I laugh, helping her flip her veil over her face.
The bridesmaids grab their bouquets before filing out, and I pick mine up before giving Harper one last once-over. “Flawless. Let’s go.”
“Wait.” Harper latches onto my wrist, forcing me to turn. “Is Jackson here?”
I roll my eyes. “Unfortunately.”
She sighs with a dreamy look in her eyes. “That beautiful man.”
“The beautiful what?”
“Well, remember when Nick mentioned being unhappy at his job?”
I nod. “Yea.”
“One of the architectural firms under Anderson Construction just called to hire Nick!” she squeals. “Can you believe that? It’s the best wedding gift ever, now we can really enjoy our honeymoon!”
I’m speechless.
“Don’t be mean to him, Lex. He’s one of the nice ones.”
“Um…”
“Okay, I’m ready, sweets. Move your sweet ass.”
I blink, then I blink a few more times, and I take a few hesitant steps out the door.
“Are you okay, honey?” my father’s voice comes from somewhere next to me. I turn toward him, and he plants a kiss against my cheek. “Keep your focus. Harper will kill you if you trip,” he jokes with a wink.
The groomsmen come to meet us before we make our exit out to the garden, and I smile at Kellan when he offers his arm to me.
“How much do you wanna bet your mother will cry when she sees us walk down this aisle?” Kellan whispers down to me, making me giggle from behind my bouquet.
“Shut up, we’re up.” I clear my throat and prepare to take my first step.
My mother is crying by the time we make it halfway.
Kellan snickers, and I hold my bouquet up to cover my face when I fail to keep it together the rest of the way down.
“You’re horrible,” I whisper to him.
“You love me.”
“I do.” I wink up at him before we separate.
I take my spot next to where Harper will soon end up, and I hold a smile until I see my sister make it all the way down the aisle, all elegance and grace.
My father lifts her veil and kisses her on the cheek before wishing her luck.
Everyone takes their seats when the ceremony begins, and I accept Harper’s bouquet from her when she and Nick join hands.
I turn away when they get to the middle of their vows, wiping a tear that stubbornly makes its way down as they profess their love for one another to our entire world. I puff some air upward to try and help dry the tears from my eyes, but it’s hopeless. I’m a freaking wreck.
Harper turns to me when it’s time for the exchanging of the rings, and I hold it out to her with a happy grin.
The moment the minister pronounces them man and wife, I cheer, lou
d and proud.
Today is a great day. My two best friends have found their happy ending.
When it’s time for my speech, I stand to my feet, and everyone quiets.
“I remember the first day I met Harper Everly Nichols. We were just five, and it was the first day of kindergarten. She was a bossy little thing even then.” Harper fully backs that statement with a little hand gesture in the air. “In these past seventeen years, we had our fair share of ups and downs, and we’ve seen each other through everything, supported each other through the things we lost along the way…” I stop to clear past the lump forming in my throat. “Most of you may find her scary,” scattered laughter sounds from all around, “but all I see is the toughness, the bravery. Life has done its best to knock her down, but Harper’s gotten right back up each time. She is, without a doubt, the strongest person I know.” I turn, locking eyes with hers. “God knows I’ve got a lot of growing up to do. I’m so lucky to have someone like you to look up to, Harper.”
Harper winks up at me, taking my hand and squeezing it in hers. “Love you,” she whispers.
“Nick,” I call down to him, and he smiles up at me. “Harper’s had her eye on you since freshman year, but you never got around to asking her out until we were seniors. Shame!” Nick leans in to kiss Harper when she playfully scowls at him. “You know what she said to me back then?”
“I’m going to kill him?” he jokes.
“No,” I giggle. “She said, ‘You don’t get to call it winning without fighting for what you really want.’ And that’s when I knew that you’d one day become Mr. Harper Nichols.” I’m crying again, I can’t help it. “Thank God Nick came around when he did, because he is one of the very few people Harper allows to set her in her place when she needs a good ass-kicking.” The room responds with more laughter. “With his words, of course!” I add with a giggle. “Nick, I love how much you love her, and I know a hundred percent in my heart that you will make her happy for as long as she’s breathing.”
“I’ll die trying, at the very least,” he laughs.
“Yes, well, I promise you that you will die if you don’t try.” I raise my glass. Everyone follows suit. “To my best friends: my sister by choice, and to her new partner in crime. I wish you nothing but happiness, your love is an inspiration to us all,” I toast to them.
The bride and groom are called to the floor so they can share their first dance, and as I watch after them with love in my eyes and admiration in my heart, I catch a glimpse of Jackson a few tables over.
I’m still upset with him about the other night, but I do know what it’s like to be the new kid at a party. Jackson’s my guest, and I’m responsible for him, but I’d been so caught up in this ceremony that I’d completely neglected him in the process. I’m sure he understands that I’m only fulfilling my duty as the Maid of Honor, but I do feel a little guilty.
Someone has his attention at the table, and my eyes widen when I notice the people he is conversing so intently with are my parents. I realize that Harper must have added him to the family table once he officially decided to attend, but, oh my God… my mother!
“Hey, I think you owe me a dance, Maid of Honor.”
I turn toward Kellan’s voice. “Yes, of course.” I smile as I take his hand, and I let him lead me to the dance floor.
My mother locks eyes with me first, and I bring my hand up in a slicing motion over my throat, ordering her to stop talking about me to Jackson. I know the look she gets when she talks about me to other men. Suitors, she calls them. And I freaking hate it.
Kellan pulls me back around, so I’m standing in front of him, and he drops a hand to my waist, taking my hand in the other, then he leads. “Jackson Anderson is your number one fan.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“Remember when you ordered me to show him to his seat?”
“Yea.”
“Yea, all he did was grill me about our ‘relationship.’”
“What?”
“He was perfectly civil about it, no threats or anything like that, but the guy—I felt like I was in some government interview. He’s intense.” Kellan laughs. “But all jokes aside, you should be nicer to the man who obviously cares.” I snort. “I’m serious, Lex. He cares,” Then he pauses for half a beat, “and while I was talking to him, I noticed that he sounds very… familiar with you.”
“Familiar?” I frown.
He shakes his head as if he is attempting to shake it from his mind. “I’m a lawyer, I notice even the smallest things, which can also cause for error. Maybe I’m reading too much into it.”
“What’d you mean, though?” I ask again, too curious to just let it slide.
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you two have known each other for years. He’s very protective of you.”
“Oh, that…” I think nothing of it now. “We’re a lot alike, I think. Maybe that’s why.”
“Maybe.” Kellan’s gaze lifts past me. “I’m going to pass you on over to your date now. Try to have fun.” He takes a step back, and he literally passes my hand over into Jackson’s.
Jackson utters a ‘thank you’ to Kellan, and my friend answers with an encouraging pat against my date’s shoulder, then Jackson tugs on my hand, slowly drawing me closer to him.
My breath catches when his hand presses against my lower back to keep me close, and I bring mine up to rest on his shoulder as we dance to the string quartet’s cover of “A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri.
“That was a very nice speech you gave,” Jackson breaks the silence. “I can’t believe I got to witness Harper crying.”
“Thank you.”
We are standing close enough together for me to be peeking over his shoulder instead of being forced to stare him in the eyes, and I find comfort in that. I’m too embarrassed to look at him right now. This is much better. This is nice, sort of.
“Your parents are wonderful people,” he carries on.
I roll my eyes and smile into his shoulder. “Yes, they are.”
“Harvey Dent seems like a pretty great friend to you,” he makes another observation, throwing in a joke to help lighten my mood.
Now I’m smiling for different reasons. Not just because of his joke, but because he speaks the truth about Kellan. He has always been an amazing friend to me, since the day we met. “Yea.”
“You’re surrounded by people who love you.”
“Yea.”
“So why are you always so sad?”
His question throws me off, and I pull back far enough to look up at him. “What?”
“You smile for show. You live alone. You eat alone—on the nights when I’m not able to force my company onto you. Why?”
I’m slightly offended by this particular set of observations. I know he doesn’t mean any disrespect, but it irritates me. “I smile just fine. I smile when I’m happy. I smile when something’s funny. I live alone because I like the quiet. I eat alone because not everyone gets hungry when I do, and I’m not going to go out of my way to bother someone to eat with me. Harper’s got Nick, Kellan’s got randoms, my father worries, and my mother nags.”
“Hmm.”
That lack of response annoys me greatly. “What now?” I say through my teeth.
“I don’t buy that. Any of it.”
“Well, I’m not selling anything, so…”
“I think you’re afraid to be happy.”
The words steamroll me, and I feel that same ache in my heart before my eyes usually fill with tears. Like they’re doing right now. “Funny,” I say, my voice slightly trembling. “I could say the same about you.”
“I am,” he admits, surprising me with his honesty. “I’m afraid to be happy, you’re right.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t deserve to be.”
My eyes move across his face as I try to process his answer. “What? Why would you say something like that?”
“Because it’s the truth.”
/> “Everyone deserves to be happy,” I argue.
“Then why can’t you be?”
“I am happy!”
“You’re a liar, and not a very good one, if I may add.”
I inhale slowly through my nose when I feel my temper begin to rear its ugly head. “I’m not lying,” I insist.
“You can’t be happy unless you let go of all that causes you pain. Only you’re not ready to let any of it go, and that’s why you’re always so sad. You’re mad because you know I’m right. Stop lying about what you feel. It will only set you back.”
I take in another breath and hold it, shaking my head up at him. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You keep your feelings bottled up inside for long enough, and it will end up eating away what’s left of you. In all the months I’ve spent with you, the other night—when you mentioned the thing with the butterflies—it was the first personal thing you’ve shared with me, Lexi. It was painful for you, I saw it, but at least it was real—”
The song ends, and I break away from him.
Much to my surprise, it didn’t take much convincing to get Lexi to agree to let me take her home at the end of the night. As for the remainder of the reception, she was pleasant enough. She introduced me to some of her and Harper’s friends, and I noticed how irritated she got when Nikki approached me again, but I forced her to stay by my side this time.
She cares about me. I’m a guy, but I’m not a total idiot.
I know that that’s part of the reason why she was so angry with me the other night, too.
I’d love to tell her that however she’s got it in her head is completely wrong, but I can’t. It would be too selfish of me to build us on a lie.
We will crumble before we get too far.
Curious about what could be keeping her so quiet, I turn to see Lexi staring out her window. She doesn’t appear to be upset, but something is weighing at her, I can tell.
My hand acts on its own when it reaches for hers, interlacing our fingers. By doing so, I manage to draw her attention to our joined hands, and I rub my thumb across hers, urging her to look up at me. She does.
“Tell me more about what you said in your toast.”
