Finding You

by Elizabeth Holland

  As Laura laid there waiting for Luke to fall asleep, she wondered what Sean would have done if it had been her that had gone missing. He would have looked for her. Or at least, she thought he would have. After having discovered the safe in their hallway cupboard and the stash of drugs, she was wondering just how well she had known her boyfriend. This was something that Laura’s brain wanted to ponder, however her thoughts were interrupted as she heard someone creeping around her bed. With all the concentration she could muster, Laura focused on her breathing to mimic that of a sleeping person. This was a skill she had quickly picked up whilst sleeping rough.

  Laura knew Luke was now on the side of the bed that she was facing. She heard the rustle as he picked up the backpack. Fear filled her, she didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t let him see the papers before she discovered what was going on. However, she also didn’t want to wake up and let Luke know she was onto him. With all the restraint she could muster, Laura laid there, and pretended to be asleep, and prayed that she had hidden the letters well enough. Soon enough, she heard Luke put the backpack down beside her, and retreat to his own bed. Laura held her breath as she waited to hear the rustle of papers, but nothing came. Silence engulfed the room, and within minutes Luke was snoring softly from the other side of the room.

  With the stealth of somebody with a heavy cast on their leg, Laura slipped out of bed and picked up her backpack. The room was mostly still dark, although Luke’s charging phone cast a green hue around his bed. Laura crept across the room, now wishing that she had opted for the bed near the door as her crutches caused the floorboards below her to creak. Laura’s heart pounded in her chest as she neared the door. Hotel doors were always so heavy and notoriously noisy, she was sure to wake Luke by opening theirs. If she hadn’t had a cast on her leg, it wouldn’t have worried her so much as running would have been easy. However, with a broken ankle, running was no longer an option. Laura knew she was in grave danger if she stayed with Luke and so the risk of waking him now was worth it - if there was even the slightest chance she might make it out of here alive she had to try.

  She held her breath as she slowly dragged down the handle of the door. It made a slight noise, but not as loudly as Laura had been anticipating. As she opened the door, the light poured in from the hallway and so she tried to only open it enough for her to slip out. With the door shut behind her, she made her way towards the lifts, as quickly as possible. Her ribs were protesting as she pushed herself to move as fast as possible. She did not know whether her escape had woken Luke and she didn’t have time to think about it. She had to get as far away from this hotel as possible before sunrise.

  Somehow, Laura was not sure how, perhaps it had been a miracle, but she made it out onto the street. She was incredibly grateful that Luke had opted to book them a city centre hotel rather than one on the outskirts of Manchester. The streets were empty, but Laura knew that several gang members must be stationed nearby. She pulled the hood up on her hoody, doing her best to hide her blonde hair and features - the less there was to recognise her by the better. The crisp early morning air whipped around her as she stumbled towards the street corner, turning into an adjacent street. Now where should she go? Laura had not thought this far ahead when she had planned her escape. She had been too focused on getting out of the hotel room. Thankfully, she knew the city well and so she kept walking, knowing that the further south she walked the closer she got to a housing estate. Not just any housing estate, the one where she grew up. Where all of her family were still living. Her hands hurt and her shoulders were in agony from the weight she was putting on them from the crutches.

  As dawn broke, she walked around the familiar streets that she grew up on. There were a few early risers out for a morning jog, or walking their dog before work, however few looked her way. Laura was only a few streets from her parent’s house now. She didn’t know what to do, she could not put them at risk by going in, but something inside of her wanted to go home. She craved the comfort of her mother’s embrace and the sweet smell of scones baking in the oven. However, those comforts would have to wait for another time, today was not the day for a family reunion. Instead, Laura crept down the side entrance of the house and let herself into the shed. Her father rarely went in the shed, only to mow the grass and fortunately it was a grey, drizzly day and so the grass was unlikely to be on the top of her father’s to-do list.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Once inside the shed, Laura pulled out a deckchair and moved around a few items. If anyone opened the shed door, then she would be mostly hidden. It was cold, and so she grabbed the jacket that she had stowed at the top of the bag. Her eyes were stinging with tiredness and her entire body ached, especially her ankle. She wanted nothing more than to sleep and to forget about her problems, however she knew that wasn’t realistic. Intrigue was pulsing adrenaline through Laura’s body and instead of snuggling into the chair and falling asleep, she pulled the letters and the teddy bear from the backpack.

  Laura unfolded the papers and looked down at them as her eyes adjusted to the text in front of her. She saw from the heading that they were from Sean’s police force. With a deep breath to steady herself, Laura read the top letter. The teddy bear was snuggled under her arm for comfort.

  ◆◆◆

  Dear Mr Scott,

  We are writing to inform you that The Panel met to review your recent suspension on 20th September 2019. Following your behaviour we regret to inform you we have made the decision to terminate your employment with the police force.

  The severity of your behaviour and this decision by The Panel means you will no longer be eligible to apply for any future law enforcement role.

  Please see the letter attached, which outlines how The Panel reached this conclusion. On this occasion we have decided not to pursue legal action.

  Kind Regards,

  A. Holloway

  ◆◆◆

  Laura’s hands were shaking as she finished reading the letter. Sean had never mentioned anything to her about a suspension, and yet he had lost his job. Why had he been keeping secrets from her? Where had he been going when he had supposedly been going out to work? A million questions were floating around Laura’s head, each screaming for an answer. She turned to the next page, hoping to read why The Panel reached the decision to terminate Sean’s employment. Perhaps it would give her some indication as to what this ‘behaviour’ was.

  As Laura’s eyes scanned over the next letter, she realised it was not the attachment she had been hoping for. She flicked through the remaining letters, but the attached did not appear to be there. For a moment, Laura wondered whether Luke had discovered it, however she doubted he would have had enough time to go through the letters and surely she would have heard him. Accepting that the attached letter had disappeared, Laura turned her attention to the remaining papers in her hands. Each one was confirmation that Sean had the authority to work undercover. Laura was no stranger to seeing these letters, as Sean often did undercover work. She also knew that the letters would not give any information on what the undercover operation was about. With a frustrated sigh, she stuffed the letters into a drawer in the shed. So far, she had only become more confused about the situation.

  Sean had obviously been working undercover, however it looked as though something had gone very wrong. He had done something that had led to him losing his job and almost resulted in legal proceedings. Something so bad that he could not confide in her. Laura closed her eyes and prepared herself for looking at the teddy bear. It was her last chance. Once she had explored this potential clue, she didn’t know what to do next. Her hands were still trembling as she opened her eyes and held the teddy bear up to the light. Where was the clue? It took her a few minutes of inspecting the bear before she realised that the back seam looked as though somebody had restitched it. Surely not, she thought to herself. Sean must have been desperate to hide whatever was in this bear. On the workbench to her left there was a Stanley knife, and Laura reach
ed out to use it to unpick the seams. She didn’t want to ruin the teddy bear. As silly as it sounded, it was a symbol of a happy memory that they had shared.

  Once the stitches had been unpicked, Laura pulled out some stuffing when her fingers brushed against paper. A sick feeling washed over Laura as she pulled the hidden letter from inside the bear. Her hands were clammy as she straightened out the piece of paper. What on earth had been going on for Sean to hide these words? Laura recognised Sean’s handwriting on the paper. He usually typed everything, and so he must have been avoiding any trace of this letter. Laura prepared herself to read his words. She knew her heart would break all over again as she imagined him sat at their desk writing this.

  ◆◆◆

  My Dearest Laura,

  If you’re reading this, then I am truly sorry. Something must have gone wrong. Very, very wrong. My work means that I have to keep so much from you. When you think I’m just popping out to the station for my evening shift, or patrolling the streets, I’m often lying to you. Lately, my work has heavily revolved around a highly secretive undercover operation. So secretive that nobody at my station even knows about it.

  I want to tell you everything, but I don’t know whether I should. I need you to be safe. Laura, never forget how much I have loved and always will love you. Everything I do is to keep you safe and to make you happy. This undercover operation will be my last, I know it’s too dangerous to keep doing this.

  After all these years, I know you well enough to know that by now you’ll be screaming at this piece of paper, urging me to just get on with it and tell you exactly what is going on. I suspect that if you’re reading this letter, things will be so bad that you have a right to know what is going on, so here goes…

  I’m working undercover in one of the biggest drug operations in existence. However, things have turned sour. I promise you, Laura, that whatever anyone says, I have not gone rogue. The police don’t believe me, and I’ve gone deeper into the operation than I really should have. I’ve done things I’m not proud of, but I promise you I’m doing it for the right reasons.

  If anything happens to me, then please protect yourself. I’ve tried to cover my tracks but I can’t guarantee your safety and that scares the living hell out of me. I’ll always be there to protect you, even if you think I’ve gone.

  Love always,

  Sean

  ◆◆◆

  Laura had to move the note away to stop her tears from erasing the words. It was just as she had suspected, Sean had been working undercover. However, it looked as though the organised crime group had discovered what he was doing. With every ounce of self-control left inside her, Laura took a deep breath to stop herself from dissolving into uncontrollable sobs. Reading Sean’s letter had brought back a plethora of emotions. She loved him and missed him so incredibly much. As she re-read the last line of the letter, Laura couldn’t help but wonder why Sean had chosen those words. What did he mean when he said he would be there to protect her, even if she thought he was gone? The familiar feeling of hope tried to rise within her, but she swiftly quashed it. She knew the pain would be unbearable if she allowed herself to consider the possibility of Sean still being alive.

  By now, Laura’s eyes were protesting, and she knew she couldn’t force herself to stay awake any longer. There were still so many unanswered questions in her head, but she knew she would not be getting any answers anytime soon. Instead, she wiped her eyes and allowed herself to drift off to sleep, somewhat comforted knowing that her family were only across the garden.

  Chapter Seventeen

  When Laura woke, she was grateful to see that the sun was setting outside. She was shivering sat inside her family’s shed but she knew she would have to wait until it was dark outside to move. Her stomach was screaming at her to find some food, but she didn’t have time to think about that right now. Laura had to decide where she would be safe whilst she figured out what to do next. She longed to walk into a police station, find a kind-looking officer, and seek safety and protection from them. However, Laura had watched Sean’s career in the police force for long enough to know that even there she wouldn’t be safe. An organised crime group like the one that was after her would have many corrupt officers. Perfectly situated to capture her and bring them to her under the false pretences of keeping her safe.

  There was nobody Laura could turn to right now. Her family were mere feet away from her and yet she had to leave them - she had to do this alone. Laura knew she couldn’t lose herself in her thoughts, and so she took a deep breath and stood up to stretch her legs, her head banging the shed ceiling above. She had to think about where to go next, and she had to think fast. By now, they would be out looking for her, waiting for her to make an appearance. With a last glance at Sean’s handwriting, she hid the letter in the shed behind her dad’s toolbox. If they caught her, she didn’t want them to read his last words to her. Once she had hidden all the paperwork, she pulled on another layer of clothes. By now it was dark outside and Laura knew she had to take this opportunity to leave. Her father kept a jar of change in the shed, and so Laura grabbed the jar and stashed it in her backpack. She had a plan. Hopefully, there would be enough change to buy her a coach ticket. She didn’t care where the coach took her. Anywhere away from here would be okay. She needed somewhere to hide while she decided what to do next. The first step was to get as far away as possible from her family. She had already put them in danger by coming here.

  With her decision fresh in her mind, Laura silently exited the shed and made her way down the side of the house. She was too afraid to even breathe in case anyone discovered her. Once out on the street, with her hood pulled up to disguise her face, she was free. All she needed to do was lie-low until her ankle had healed and then she could take more risks and properly look for Sean. A sense of excitement came over her. She had a plan, and there was even the chance that Sean might still be alive somewhere.

  Before Laura could get too carried away with her thoughts, she heard a van behind her, slowing down as it approached. She wanted to pick up her feet and run as far away as she could, but it was impossible. Before she could even piece together a plan, the side of the van had swung open and a masked man jumped out. His hand immediately went across her mouth to muffle any noise that tried to escape her. Fear engulfed every one of Laura’s senses as they bundled her into the back of the van. Her eyes bulged with horror before they slammed the door shut and she succumbed to the darkness around her. Laura could feel the van moving beneath her as she tried to steady herself. The man who had grabbed her still had his hand across her mouth, whilst his hot breath tickled her neck. Laura wanted to recoil as far away as possible from the man, however someone else’s arm was wrapped firmly around her stomach, keeping her anchored in place.

  A light shining directly into her eyes blinded Laura. She tried to retreat from it, but the man holding her in place wouldn’t allow her to move even an inch.

  "Tie her up, quick!” A gruff voice from across the van shouted. They sounded impatient. Laura tried to scream, but the hand around her mouth only clamped down harder. Instead, she tried to kick and punch, but before she could land a blow, the men held her down. They tied her legs and her wrists together. They must have been using rope. It was tight and rough against her skin, the pain was searing but Laura knew she had to be brave. Whether she made it out of this situation, or not, she would do everything she could to protect Sean and not give any information away.

  The bright light that had been shone in her eyes was a torch that they were now using to see as they tied her up. It took a few moments for Laura’s eyes to adjust, but in the dim light she could see that she was in the back of a van, surrounded by four masked men. Laura’s eyes fell on the fourth man who was sitting by the side of the van and not partaking in tying her up. He looked just the same as the others, wearing the uniform, however he had one thing that distinguished him from those tying her up. He had a gun. Despite the dim lighting, there was no mistaking
that the object in this man’s hand was a gun and it was pointing right at her. Laura tried to shrink away from him as her body trembled.

  Struggling to regulate her heart rate, Laura was pulled up into a seated position where a piece of tape was roughly stuck across her mouth. Her entire body was in pain. She couldn’t have screamed, even if she had wanted to. Her mind was too busy focusing on the gun that was pointing directly at her. With just a flex of his finger, the man sat opposite could kill her. Laura wondered what it would be like for everything to end here, in the back of this van. Despite wanting to find out what happened to Sean, she was exhausted. Perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad if they shot her. At least she could finally stop prowling the streets for somewhere to sleep every night.

  “Five minutes!” A voice came from the front of the van. The men surrounding her didn’t make a sound to acknowledge that they had heard the warning. Laura couldn’t help but wonder what five minutes meant. Five minutes until they shot her, or five minutes until they arrived at their destination? Perhaps both had the same outcome.

  Those five minutes seemed to last forever as the van bounced up and down over potholes. With her arms and legs bound, Laura was reliant on the two men either side of her to keep her upright, however neither of them had much regard for her comfort. This wasn’t how she had ever envisioned her death. Like many, she had hoped that old age would eventually steal her away in her sleep. The man was still pointing the gun at her, the dim light reflecting off of the barrel, a constant reminder of the danger she was in. Closing her eyes, Laura tried to imagine Sean’s arms around her, telling her that everything would be okay. It had been so long since he had held her; it was almost impossible to recall the feeling.