It Starts With L (The Letters of Love Series Book 1)

by Cassandra Fear

  He chuckled as they headed out the door, hopped in the truck, and took off to their favorite pond. It wasn’t far and was owned by a friend of the family so they wouldn’t get in trouble for trespassing. The owners made sure it was stocked and clean so the fish were okay to eat, but they never kept any of them. Well, Arielle didn’t keep any, although Dad did sometimes. It killed her to eat anything she killed. Sure, she ate meat, but she didn’t have to kill it before she ate it. It was already dead when Mom bought it at the grocery store.

  Maybe that was the wrong way to look at things.

  On the bank of the pond, Arielle cast her pole out, watching her bobber float on the water. “So, what’s been going on around here?”

  Dad smiled. “Same ol’, same ol’, I guess. I don’t know, Ari. I’ve been awful tired and my temper has been makin’ me crazy. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

  Arielle glanced at her dad, really looked at him. His face was pale and he had dark circles under his eyes. “You do look tired, Dad.” She reached over and put the back of her wrist against his forehead. “You feel fevered. Maybe we should go home or to a hospital.”

  He waved the suggestion away with his hand. “Phooey. I’m fishing with my daughter today. The rest can wait until later.”

  Arielle smiled, although inside she couldn’t be sure Dad’s plan was a good one. If something was wrong with him, he should go to the doctor, not sit here and fish.

  Her stomach hurt, and though she’d been hungry when she’d left, the pain wasn’t from hunger. In fact, she’d lost her appetite. A bad feeling stirred in her veins, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on where it came from.

  She tried to put it behind her and enjoy the time with her dad. “Dad, do you like Blake?”

  Dad smiled at her before reeling in his line, then threw out another cast. “I would have told ya a long time ago if I didn’t like the guy. You should know how I work by now. I think he’s well-mannered and treats my daughter nice, even though he had a bit of a rough start. So yes, I like him.” He paused and glanced over, keeping his eyes on her this time. “Why do you ask now? After you’ve been with him so long?”

  Arielle shrugged. “I guess I wanted to make sure. Your opinion means a lot to me, Dad. You and Mom are kind of my role models, I guess. Just don’t tell people.” She winked.

  “Ari, you are a strong girl already. You’ve got a great head on your shoulders. Best of all, you’re kind. We might be your role models, but we are more than proud of who you are and even more excited to see who you become.”

  A warmth spread through Arielle’s chest. All she’d ever wanted was to make her parents proud. A lot of kids out there didn’t care to anymore, but she would never be one of them.

  Mom and Dad had their moments, but being in public with them didn’t embarrass her because she loved them, embraced who they were. Her parents were her best friends and that didn’t make her feel sorry for herself. It made her happy to be able to have that kind of relationship with her family.

  Fishing ended early when they hadn’t caught anything after a few hours. When Arielle got home, she helped Dad put the poles away in his back room and then went inside to call Blake.

  “Hey. One more week, right?” she said when he answered.

  Blake remained silent for too long. Arielle held on to the chair she stood behind, cradling the phone between her ear and shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

  Blake cleared his throat. “I’m not coming up.” His voice was hoarse, like he’d been yelling.

  “What happened?”

  “Mom wants me to go to this retreat with Dad for the week. We are supposed to be able to have some sessions with a renowned shrink and maybe work through some of our problems.”

  Arielle sighed. “I can’t say I’m not disappointed, but I’m happy you might be able to work out some stuff with your dad. What about the week after?”

  “Mom said it will be important to be here after we go so we can continue to work on our relationship. I’m sorry, Ari, but I won’t be back up there for a while, maybe not until the next holiday.”

  “I can’t wait that long to see you, Blake! How are we supposed to make it if we never see each other?”

  “Ari, I love you. I will always love you. But for now, maybe we should see other people or something. I mean, I don’t want to, but we are so far away and we can’t see each other right now.”

  Arielle’s jaw dropped. When she’d called Blake, she had no idea he’d be breaking up with her. Again. She didn’t know what to say or do. Her fingers shook as they gripped the chair harder. She wanted to kick something, but she also wanted to cry. Deep down, she’d known this would happen. She’d put her heart out there and it got stomped on again.

  “Ari, say something.”

  “There isn’t much to say.” Her voice cracked as she tried to hold back her tears. “What do you want me to say? I’m okay with you breaking my heart again? Because I can’t. I’m not going to lie to you, Blake.”

  His voice broke too. “I don’t want to lie either, which is why I am doing this. I don’t want you to be bogged down in a relationship with someone you can’t see. I want you to be happy and experience things. We are young. And if nothing else ever compares to what we have, then we’ll find our way back to each other.”

  Arielle saw his point. He was making plenty of sense, but it still felt like someone had rammed their fist through her chest and ripped her heart right from it. At least this time he wasn’t doing it to be mean or because he was scared. He was breaking up with her because he believed it was the right thing to do, not that it made it any easier.

  “When do you leave with your Dad?” she asked, somehow still holding back the tears.

  “Tomorrow morning.”

  “Well, I want to wish you good luck. If the last memory I have is of our time together on the beach, then I will be happy. Goodbye, Blake.” She ended the call and let the tears out. She didn’t stop crying for a good hour.

  She stood up when the front door slammed. Reed came into the dining room, where she sat on the floor, wiping her tears.

  “Sis, what’s wrong?” Reed asked, squatting down in front of her.

  “Blake broke up with me.”

  Reed clenched his fist. “That little…I’ll break his wrist.”

  Arielle laughed through the tears because as hard as Reed tried, he still sounded like Dad. “Thanks, big brother, but it’s not necessary. I won’t see him for a while, so he’s setting me free so I can be happy. We are going to date other people, but if nothing works out, we’ll find our way back to each other.”

  “Okay.” He threw his hands up as he stood. “Whatever. Gross and sappy aren’t my thing. In fact, I hate it. If you are going to be okay, then I’m outta here.”

  “Thanks for checking on me, bro. Even though you’re a buttmunch, I love ya.”

  Reed stuck his finger down his throat and mimicked gagging. “Ick. Enough with the ‘I love ya’ crap. Sheesh. What do I have to do to have my sister hate me again?” His voice faded as he walked out of the dining room, then he thumped up the stairs to hide in his room and Arielle couldn’t help the smile stretching across her face.

  Arielle peeled herself off the floor and stood. Her legs were hard to walk on as they tingled with each step, having fallen asleep from sitting in the same position too long. She kept moving, though, knowing it was the one thing that might help.

  Arielle’s gaze circled the room. “Dad, are you in here?” No answer. She raised her voice. “Dad? Where are you?” Still nothing. She walked through the whole house calling out for Dad, but he didn’t answer.

  He must be outside, she thought.

  Arielle went out the kitchen door in search of her dad. She patted Stubs’ head as she went by him. “Have you seen Dad, boy?”

  He whined as if in answer. The sinking feeling slammed into her stomach, the same one she’d had earlier when fishing. She tried to shake if off again, but this time it wouldn’t go a
way.

  She took a deep breath and kept moving, calling her Dad’s name. He didn’t answer, not one time, which surprised Arielle because he always heard everything.

  She checked his back room, but he wasn’t there, so she backed out, pulling the door shut, and walked toward the chicken coop.

  “Dad?” she called, walking through the coop door. As soon as she took a few steps, she found him lying face-first half inside and half outside the coop.

  “Dad!” she screamed, and ran to his side, flipping him over. He was breathing, but shallow, and his lips were tinted blue as if he wasn’t getting enough oxygen. “Someone help! Someone! Anyone! Help!”

  She pulled out her cell phone and dialed 911, then ran to the house and shouted for Reed, who came running out the door. She jogged after him, breathing heavily, not able to control her shaky limbs. She fell when she ran up the small hill and scraped her elbow on a tree, but she didn’t care. She had to get to her dad.

  It didn’t take long for the ambulance to arrive and Mom came almost at the same time. She was frantic. Dad wasn’t speaking, but he was breathing. When the EMT guys asked her what happened, she told them she didn’t know, only that she’d found him lying there.

  They loaded him on a stretcher and hurried him off to the hospital. Mom went too, but asked Arielle and Reed to stay behind in case anyone called so they could let everyone know what was going on.

  Arielle and Reed went into the living room and sat down on the couch in silence, waiting to find out what had happened.

  Chapter 21

  No Good News

  The phone rang around ten p.m. and Arielle tripped over Reed as she rushed to answer it. “Hello?”

  It was Aunt Margie. “Arielle? What happened? We had a call about your Dad…” Her voice broke. “Did he die?”

  Arielle dropped the phone. She heard her aunt on the line, saying “hello” over and over, but she couldn’t snap out of the spell, completely frozen where she stood.

  Reed came in. “Ari, what’s going on?”

  She shook her head, not able to do anything but point at the phone. Reed picked it up. His face went white as a ghost as he listened.

  He held the phone out to Arielle and she took it from him, placing it against her ear as she finally found her voice. “Aunt Margie…Dad went to the hospital and Mom went too, but we haven’t heard anything. I’m sure he’s fine.”

  “No, honey. I hate to do this on the phone, but your mom just called—”

  Arielle smashed the end call button and threw the phone against the wall, pieces smacking her in the face as it shattered. She ran to the bathroom as a sick taste hit the back of her throat, just in time to throw everything in her stomach back up.

  After she’d finished, she stepped back into the dining room with her eyes wide but not focused on anything. She walked past Reed and grabbed her cell phone out of her pocket, calling Mom.

  Mom didn’t answer, so she left a voice mail. “Mom, what is going on? Call me back as soon as you can. Aunt Margie called…”

  Reed joined her again in the living room. “Ari, what the hell is going on?”

  Arielle shrugged, doing everything to keep her calm even though her heart raced so fast it might fly right out of her chest. “I have no clue. Maybe we should head up to the hospital.”

  “Mom said to wait here, so I think we should do as she asked.”

  “Okay. Then we wait.”

  So Arielle sat back down on the couch and flipped through the channels on the TV until she stopped on Silence of the Lambs, which wasn’t the best choice for a night like tonight, but it was one of her favorite movies.

  About an hour later, Mom walked through the front door. Her face was puffy and tear tracks lined her cheeks. Her eyes were red and swollen too. As soon as her eyes fell on Arielle and Reed, she burst into racking sobs. Arielle fell to her knees in front of the couch. “No. Tell me it’s not true.” Arielle started crying. “It can’t be true.”

  Mom came over and wrapped her arms around both of them. “It is true. He’s gone. The Lord has taken him from us to do his bidding.”

  Reed burst into tears too, his voice cracking and making him sound like a young teenager again and not an eighteen-year-old man. “What happened, Mom?”

  “It was his heart. It wasn’t strong enough.”

  The three of them sat on the floor, huddled together, and cried for the rest of the night. After none of them had any more tears, they lay on the floor together and fell asleep.

  ***

  The next day, family and friends arrived with food. As if anybody could eat. Arielle went upstairs to her room, listened to the door slamming over and over and loud voices ringing from downstairs. She turned her radio up louder and lay on her bed, hoping the music would help erase the pain.

  Later, when she didn’t feel quite as numb, she grabbed her phone from her dresser and dialed Blake. He didn’t answer, so she left him a message and told him what had happened. He deserved to know. Dad had loved him and accepted him into the family with open arms, the least she could do was tell him.

  Then she lay back down, covered herself up with the blanket, and tried to cry, but she couldn’t. There were no more tears in her body. She worried she might even be dehydrated from the amount she’d cried last night. But she didn’t feel like eating or drinking a thing.

  She couldn’t catch her breath and couldn’t inhale enough oxygen to help her calm down. She gasped as her stomach clenched and unclenched, over and over, like she was hungry and then she wasn’t, but if she ate, she would throw up again.

  She had no clue how much time had passed when her cell phone rang. She reached over without looking and tapped the screen. “Hello?” Her voice came out monotone, even to her own ears.

  “Ari, what is going on?” Blake asked, concern etched into his voice.

  “My dad died.” Again, no inflection in her voice. No personality. Her tone had flatlined, kind of like her dad’s heart.

  “How? What? What happened?”

  All the same questions everyone had been asking. The problem was, she didn’t know how it happened. She was as clueless as everyone else, so why did everyone ask her like she had all the answers? She didn’t…and she was sick of it.

  She jerked up in her bed and narrowed her eyes. “How am I supposed to know? All I know is his heart stopped working. Other than that, I don’t have a damn clue and I wish everyone would quit asking me.”

  “Babe, I didn’t mean—”

  She cut him off. “Don’t call me babe. You broke up with me. I don’t need your ‘babes’ anymore, okay? I wanted you to know because I know you loved my dad, and, well…he loved you too. He pretty much told me so, though in less words.”

  “When is the funeral?” Blake asked, his voice softening.

  “No clue. I am guessing in a few days, but I haven’t heard.”

  “I’ll try to be there.”

  “Okay. I’m going to get off here now. Sorry, but I’m not in the mood to talk.”

  “It’s understandable, Ari. Get some rest.”

  Blake hung up before she could tell him all she’d been doing was resting. Sleep made her think this was all a bad dream, and that when she woke up, everything would be back to normal and she would hear Dad downstairs talking with his southern twang. But that would never happen again. Because he died, was gone forever.

  She had to face the facts.

  This time, the tears came and she let them. After a while, she fell back asleep, only to dream of the man she looked up to most in her life.

  ***

  When she woke up, her stomach cramped and then growled with hunger. It was time to eat, so she migrated downstairs. The whole house was filled with people and there was so much food they’d run out of room in the kitchen and dining room and had started stacking things on the living room tables.

  She went to the dining room and made a turkey sandwich with Swiss cheese, added some chips and some carrot sticks to her plate, and wen
t in the living room to sit down, but there were no seats. Most of the people in her house she didn’t even recognize. All of them offered condolences, so she nodded her thanks, stuffing her mouth with a couple carrot sticks so she would be excused from talking.

  Then she walked outside and sat on the old sofa on the porch. Bandit came up and rubbed against her legs. “Hey, boy.” She set her food down beside her and petted the cat’s back. “You know he’s gone too, don’t you? You can sense these kinds of things, huh?” She picked him up and curled him up in her arms, holding him close. “It’s okay. Don’t worry. Everything will be okay.” She didn’t know if she was trying to comfort the cat or herself.

  She didn’t think everything would be okay. In fact, it would be a long time before anything was ever okay again, if ever. Dad had been such a huge part of this family. Mom and Dad had been married thirty years, such a long time. She didn’t know how her mom could be out there, sitting at the kitchen table, talking to people.

  Maybe she couldn’t and kept nodding and going through the motions to make everyone think she’d be okay. Kind of like what Arielle had been doing.

  Arielle placed the cat back on the porch and proceeded to eat her food. Then she disappeared back into her room. She hadn’t seen Reed at all since the night they’d all slept on the living room floor together. She hadn’t talked to Mom much either, but when she was ready, she would seek them out.

  Just not today. She couldn’t do it today or she’d fall apart.

  ***

  The day of the funeral came fast. Blake hadn’t gotten back to her, so she didn’t know if he’d be there, but she figured he would. No, he definitely would be…there was no way he’d miss her dad’s funeral.

  If he cared about her at all, he would come.

  When Jess showed up, Arielle stood still, frozen. She came over and hugged Arielle, her tears soaking into Arielle’s black dress as she stood by the coffin. “I’m so sorry. For everything. You were right about everything. Damien and I are done. I broke it off with him and I told my parents the truth.” She peered over Arielle’s shoulder at the coffin and what had been a steady trickle of tears turned into a waterfall. “I can’t believe this happened and I wasn’t there for you.”