Secondhand Heart

by Amity Lassiter

  "Who?"

  "You'll know when you see them." He grinned, pushing his chair back. "Now I've got some work to do. I'll see you this afternoon."

  He stood and moved toward the door, pausing to glance back at her with his coffee mug still in hand. She might have imagined it if she couldn't feel his gaze on her now-covered legs. "Thanks for the…coffee."

  —TWENTY-ONE—

  Afternoon sun filtered in through dusty windows as Lily bent over an intricately stamped, but incredibly dusty breastplate, frowning. The leather work was beautiful but she would never understand why, if someone wasn't going to clean their tack regularly, they kept something like this around. She'd already washed and oiled it, but still, there was dust in the corners of the tooling. She pressed her lips together and then set it aside. She'd photograph it. Surely it said something about ranch life. And then she'd go into town and buy a cheap toothbrush and clean it properly.

  It took a little bit of effort to pull herself out of the deep folding camp chair Finn had put in the tack room but she managed, hanging her cleaned items back in place. Another half day and she'd be finished cleaning and organizing. Once she'd gotten into it, it was a bigger job than she'd anticipated. Now, it looked amazing, but she was sure it wouldn't stay that way for long. Emma and the boys were in and out of it multiple times a day, and she couldn't blame them, as busy as they were, for not taking the best care at putting things back where they belonged.

  With her back to the door, she folded her arms over her chest and surveyed her work.

  "Excuse me," a little voice said behind her, and she nearly jumped out of her skin. When she turned, she saw a tiny red-haired girl standing in the doorway. "Do you know where Finny is?"

  Before Lily could formulate a response, a harried looking woman landed in the doorway. "Tessa, what have I told you about running into the barn?"

  Tessa's gaze hit the floor quickly, chastised. "Sorry, Miranda."

  "Oh sweets, it's okay. I just don't want you to get hurt." The woman's voice softened as she folded the little girl up under her arm and gave her a reassuring squeeze.

  "Um, I think Finn went for feed, but he should be back anytime." Judging by their conversation this morning, she could guess that the little girl might be her new model.

  As if they had scripted it, she heard Finn's truck pull up to the side door of the barn, closest to the feed room.

  "That must be him." Lily gave the little girl a warm smile and moments later, Finn appeared and scooped Tessa up into his arms without a moment's hesitation and like she weighed nothing at all.

  "Hey Bug! Sorry I'm late. I wanted to bring you something for your birthday but I had a hard time picking." Reaching into his back pocket, he produced a pink hoof pick and presented it to delighted squeals. "Did I do good?"

  "Yes, yes! It's so pretty!" The girl's feet kicked excitedly. She couldn't have been older than five or six, younger than Gage, and clearly head over heels in love with Finn. Lily could understand why. The tender side of Finn that was beginning to show through was largely appealing. A second later, Tessa's eyes focused on Lily, both hands still clutching the hoof pick. "Who's that?"

  "This is my friend, Lily," Finn explained. Friend. She knew he was using the word for Tessa's benefit, for easier understanding, because she certainly couldn't call the warm feeling in the pit of her stomach when he was near friendly, per se, and she was reasonably sure Finn felt at least a fraction the same. "Lily, this is Tess, and her friend Miranda."

  "Hi Lily," the girl said. "Do you wanna watch me ride?"

  "Of course I do." Lily smiled. The little girl's friendly openness was refreshing. Finn running a riding lesson program was news to her, especially since he'd been so adamant he didn't give riding lessons when she'd arrived with Encore.

  "And she's going to take a few pictures of you, too, if that's alright." The little girl nodded, and Finn glanced back at Miranda, who also nodded.

  Finn turned and headed up the barn aisle with Tessa's tiny body still perched up in his arms. Quickly darting back into the tack room, Lily grabbed her camera and then followed the trio up the alleyway toward the horse stalls. They stopped in front of Buckshot's stall and Finn set her down, handing her a lead rope that had been looped up on a hook outside the horse's stall. He opened the door for her and she disappeared inside for a minute before emerging with Buckshot following her, his head down, like a giant puppy. The horse was clearly enamored with the little person and, if Lily wasn't mistaken, so was the man.

  There were so many good photo ops here, Lily lifted the camera and started shooting, doing her best to focus on the little girl despite the fact that Finn's interactions with her warmed her heart more than she cared to admit. It was like he was a completely different man than the one who had 'welcomed' her to the ranch originally. He was full of surprises.

  He snapped the horse into the cross ties for her, handed her a dandy brush, and then lifted her up onto the gelding's back before heading back past them to the tack room. One eyelid dropped closed in a cheeky wink that made Miranda chuckle as he passed the women. His countenance was so different from what she'd seen when he was working with Encore or interacting with her that Lily couldn't help but shake her head, watching his back as he disappeared into the room for a minute and re-emerged with Gage's small saddle, and a pair of short stirrups over his shoulder.

  From her perch, Tessa busily brushed Buckshot's mane, his withers and shoulders as far as she could reach, and behind her, on the top of his rump.

  "All done?" Finn asked her. When she nodded, he used his free arm to slide her down off the horse's back and set her on her feet, where she went to work brushing his legs and belly. Finn swung the saddle onto Buckshot's back, mindful of Tessa's location at all times, and went to work cinching up and checking the equipment. He hung the buddy stirrups off the saddle's horn—the existing stirrups and fenders, despite being short enough for Gage, would have still been miles too long for the girl's petite frame.

  "Ready for his feet?" he asked, producing the hoof pick again from his back pocket. At her agreement, Finn moved around Buckshot, carefully lifting each of the horse's feet while Tessa used the hoof pick to clean any shavings and manure out of them.

  When it was time for the bridle, Finn handed it to her, unsnapped Buckshot's cross ties and rested his hand gently on the horse's poll, between his ears, while Tessa held the bridle up as high as she could hold it. The horse obediently dropped his face into the waiting leather straps, opening his mouth for the bit. With Finn's assistance, she slid the crown piece over his ears, and then flashed a huge, proud smile to the two women watching. Miranda gave her a double thumbs up as Finn organized the reins for her, swinging one over the horse's neck and handing her the other. The five of them made their way out to the big arena, bypassing the round pen where Encore nickered a greeting to Buckshot, who completely ignored him, dedicated to the task at hand and his tiny handler.

  Finn lifted Tessa into the saddle, helped her push her toes into the stirrups and knotted the ends of the reins so they wouldn't go anywhere if she dropped them, then handed them to her.

  "You go get him warmed up," he said, patting her thigh, then giving Buckshot an encouraging pat on the rump.

  Lily held her breath a moment, but then was taken aback by the little girl's skill and the horse's responsiveness. She couldn't have weighed anything, and her legs barely draped over his back, but the old gelding turned and moved as she directed, with little effort at all. Any of the difficulty Lily had with him the day before was absent. Finn watched with his hands on his hips, instructing Tessa to change direction, make smaller or larger circles, straight lines and 'zig zags'.

  "She's very good," she said to Miranda, who stood beside her, watching with her arms folded over the top rail.

  "He's so very good with them," the woman responded, never taking her eyes off the trio in the ring. "Tessa has been riding with him since she came to me. She was so painfully shy at first, but she's co
me such a long way."

  Lily chewed her lip, glancing at the woman. The ranch itself had a selection of different family configurations—Kerri being Ren's sister and Gage Dane's nephew, both raised as though the adults were their parents—it made sense that this would be another unconventional relationship.

  "Came to you?" she asked. "I'm sorry, I'm nosy," she hurriedly apologized.

  "Oh don't be sorry," Miranda said, waving off the apology. "I do foster care. Tessa has been with me for about six months. I always bring my kids out to ride with Finn because it gives them something to look forward to. Something good. It builds their confidence and gives them some pride. Emma Pierce's mom, Myrna, made the connections—she's retired from social services, now, but she keeps in touch with me… she really helped me out in the beginning."

  The young woman's tone was sincere, her smile warm, and Lily nodded, looking back out at Finn, who now had Tessa making a circle so close around him that he instructed her to reach out and touch the top of his cowboy hat. The little girl laughed hysterically as Finn let her succeed, then moved two feet to the right and made her work for it again. They were a couple of old friends, playing around. The deep timbre of Finn's infectious chuckle warmed Lily's insides.

  "They could ride at any ranch, really, but he's the reason we do it here. The kids adore him, and he loves them like they're his own," Miranda said, without taking her eyes off them. Lily looked at her a second—it could easily be that the reason the woman came back over and over was because of her own interest in Finn, but Lily didn't think so. He'd practically ignored Miranda, focusing on Tessa from the second he walked into the barn.

  It doesn't matter, anyways, she reminded herself. She had no claim over Finn Baylor, even if she wanted one, which she hadn't been sure she did… until she saw him engaging with the girl. Now, he was holding Buckshot while she swung her legs around the saddle, sitting forward, then sideways, backward, then back to forward again. The whole time, Lily kept on shooting.

  "Look at my 'round the world, Lily!" Tessa shouted triumphantly.

  "That looks great." Lily remembered all too well her childhood growing up doing the same sorts of things. Around the worlds, red light, green light, and all sorts of other games to improve balance and control. She doubted she could maneuver her legs around the saddle that way now, no matter how hard she tried. "He is really good with them, isn't he?"

  "He is. It's a real shame he never had any kids of his own. But I'm also thankful, because it means he has more time for the ones I have. He's made such a world of difference for so many kids who have come through here. He gives them something they've been missing—confidence, joy, a respectable masculine figure."

  "Oh you're not married?" Lily could have kicked herself for asking, but the question was already out. "I'm so sorry, you don't have to answer that."

  "Oh," Miranda chuckled. "That ship sailed and it's not ready to come back into harbor yet. And when you grow up in a town as small as Three Rivers, the dating pool is painfully small."

  Regretting the words even as they formed, Lily nodded toward the ring, where Finn jogged alongside Tess and Buckshot as they trotted up the long side of the arena. "What about Finn?"

  Again she laughed, and Lily could imagine herself being friends with the easygoing woman. She supposed spending so much time with children, she was used to inappropriate questioning. "Finn is a great guy, don't get me wrong, but I'm pretty sure he still holds a candle for his wife. He pays me as much mind as this post here." She tapped the top of the nearest post and shook her head. "Besides, I've got enough going on in my life. Look, I've told you my whole life story and I haven't even made a proper introduction."

  Miranda stuck out her hand and Lily took it, giving it a firm shake. "I'm Lily Jacobs. I'm a friend of Emma and Noah's and I'm sticking around while Finn works with my horse."

  "Miranda Walters. It's good to meet you."

  —TWENTY-TWO—

  Lily stood beside Finn while they waved at Tessa in the back seat of Miranda's little car.

  "She's sure something else," Lily said, turning her head and smiling at Finn as the car rounded the bend in the driveway and disappeared.

  "She sure is." Finn took his hat off and rubbed his hand over his hair. "That was nice of you. To take her picture. I get the feeling like nobody probably ever cared enough to take pictures of her doing things she enjoys."

  Lily shrugged, a hint of a smile playing over her lips, that cute dimple showing itself for a second. It was a shot straight to his heart.

  "Sometimes seeing yourself in a different light can change the way you feel about yourself."

  Finn knew her words to be truth; he'd almost felt like he was looking at a whole other person in the photos she'd shown him of himself. "I really think what you do for her is the best thing, though."

  Finn's shoulders lifted and he drew in a breath. "Sunny and Myrna cooked up the program. I just carry through."

  He was lying. He wasn't just carrying through. He'd taken a couple of weeks off for mourning, but when things were going nuts with Noah and he was still struggling to find a foothold, the kids Miranda or Myrna brought by were the highlight of his week. Lily obviously wasn't buying his statement, because she was staring him down under one arched eyebrow and looked like she was waiting for an explanation.

  "Okay, so… a couple of years ago, Myrna came to me and said she could move the program elsewhere, but I asked her to keep it. I like the kids. They're like a breath of fresh air."

  "I think you're probably the same thing for them," she said quietly, then tucked her hands in her back pockets.

  "Yeah, maybe. Some of them have the saddest stories. Abuse, neglect…" he trailed off, shaking his head. Miranda usually gave him the details so he could be better equipped for triggers and crises of confidence, and he'd heard stories so upsetting they'd made him want to get in his truck and go find the low-lives who thought it was okay to do those things to their children. The way this part of the world worked often didn't make sense to him—people who wanted children couldn't have them, or in his case, didn't have time to have them, and people had them who didn't want them and treated them badly.

  "Not unlike the horses you work with." Her return was accompanied by a sly little smile. "Your sister-in-law says you're better with horses than people, but I don't think that's entirely true after today."

  "It might not be." He shrugged, turning toward the barn, eager to change the subject. Being anti-social was as much protection as it was a part of his personality, but she didn't need to know that. "So what have you got on your docket for this afternoon?"

  "Tack room is a couple hours away from being done. Then some editing, I guess."

  "You've been doing good work, Lily." He'd expected things to be difficult with her around, but she was quiet and smart enough to stay out of the way. The best part was when she was intuitive about little things that needed done and he'd come to finish the task and find it already completed. It made his life that much easier, but made him cross into the dangerous territory of wondering what it'd be like to have her around long term. "Why don't you take the afternoon off?"

  "Oh, I don't need to." She looked up at him and offered him a smile. "I don't know what I'd do with myself, really."

  "You could come for a drive with me." The idea had been forming since she'd stayed at the rail to watch Tessa's entire lesson, chatting with Miranda like she belonged here. The sun was starting to sink but it had been a beautiful, bright, warm day and you could still barely feel the crispness of the October day. As he expected, both brows raised in surprise at his proposition.

  She waited a beat, and he thought she might decline. Asking her in the first place felt like going out on a limb.

  "Alright. Where are we going?"

  He let out a sigh of relief and nodded toward the truck. "I know you walk out the West pasture every morning, but I have a feeling you haven't made it to the best part yet."

  When her eyes lit up, he kne
w he'd made the right decision, even though he'd waffled back and forth a half dozen times. She didn't have any reason to want to go anywhere with him, but her artistic instinct overrode common sense here, apparently.

  "I haven't. I don't want to get so far out that I get too worn out to come back or do anything for the rest of the day," she said, as he led her toward the truck.

  "Then I'll take you. Figured you must be running out of things to shoot when I caught you in the kitchen this morning."

  *

  Lily's laugh died in her throat at the heat that blossomed in her belly when she remembered the look in Finn's eyes as he'd stared at her bare skin that morning. He slid in next to her on the bench seat, turned the key, and the engine roared to life.

  "There's really no shortage of stuff to shoot on this ranch, but I would love to see what else is up there."

  Finn smiled and tipped his head at her, then focused on guiding the truck out of the yard, behind the heifer barn, and to the first gate. They idled along in silence up a set of worn wheel tracks once they got inside the first pasture gate. Silence between them wasn't new, but the general comfort in it was. They'd crossed into a much more amiable climate without her even realizing it, and she guessed it had a lot to do with the little girl who had visited them today.

  It wasn't long before they passed the farthest point she'd dared to go and a whole new world opened up to her. Finn was the farthest thing from her mind as she took in the expanse of lush field. To the left, a giant live oak stood proud in the middle of the field. The path they'd been driving along stretched until it disappeared on the crest of the field as they climbed upward toward the sunset. She could see mountains past the horizon and when he finally pulled to a stop, she had to resist the urge to squeal with delight.

  She was already climbing out of the truck before Finn had finished putting it in park ten feet from the fence line. Pulling her camera out of the bag as she went, she was already clicking away before he even got all the way out of the truck.