If You Hold Me (A Sugar Maple Novel Book 4)

by Ciara Knight

  “Still sporting the I’m-so-sexy-no-one-can-be-mad-at-me smile?” Jackie struck a pose with one ankle out, flipped coat behind her, and a hand on her hip.

  He wanted to remind the woman that her dear friend was the villain in the high school saga of Sugar Maple, not him. “Trust me, I’m not trying to sport anything to anyone. I’m just here to pick something up for my mom, and then I’m headed to the farm. I plan to be as distant and invisible as possible.”

  “Really? By riding into town on a motorcycle everyone can hear, a James Dean look for everyone to notice, and all staged in the heart of the town. In front of Mary-Beth’s coffee shop?”

  “What?” His gut clenched as if catching a fifty-yard pass in the end zone of life. “She’s gone, left Sugar Maple before I did for her dream life of being a dancer.”

  Jackie laughed, a sinister, dainty laugh that sounded like a Scarlett O’Hara Joker. “Riiiight. So, you had no idea that she returned to Sugar Maple after college to help her parents when her mother became ill?”

  His mind rolled with confusion and fear. “Ill? Is Mrs. Richards okay?”

  “Yes, she is now, but apparently Mary-Beth decided to stay and open this place.” She pointed to the Maple Grounds sign in swirly, fall-colored font with a large maple leaf at the side. The style screamed Mary-Beth Richards.

  He eyed the front windows. Part of him wanted to burst through the doors and demand to know why she took off without a word. Another part of him wanted to get on his bike and race out of town. “I thought she wouldn’t be here.”

  “You would’ve known if the almighty football hero would’ve ever taken a minute to check in with his family and friends.”

  He studied his riding boots. “I’m no hero.” That was it, the end of the conversation. No way in God’s great Smoky Mountains would he open up to Jackie and the Fabulous Five’s impending invasion. He’d go to the farm and hide out until he could escape again when his brother finished up his tour. Only a few months. What could happen in a few months? “Nice to see you again Jackie.” He bolted to the feed store and marched to the counter. “I’m here to pick up an order for the McCadden Farm.”

  “If it isn’t Tanner McCadden. Good to see you, man. You really did escape the small-town life. What are you doing back here?” asked a man around his age who looked vaguely familiar with his flat-top, broad shoulders, and square jaw, but Tanner couldn’t place him except for recognizing he was an obvious ex-football buddy.

  “Good to see you. Sorry, in a bit of a hurry. Thanks.” He snagged the feed bag and bolted out of the store, keeping his head down all the way to his bike.

  “You gonna put that over your shoulder and balance it there all the way back to the farm?”

  He looked up to find a mesmerizing, life-altering, perfectly packaged girl with big earrings, big bracelets, big eyes, and big attitude sitting on his bike. “Hi, Mary-Beth. How you been?”

  “I’ve been here. You?”

  “Fine.” He adjusted the feed bag on his shoulder, realizing he’d been so busy worrying about getting through town without running into anyone, he hadn’t thought about how he’d get the feed bag home on his new motorcycle. The one he bought in Nashville so he could have his own ride without investing too much in a car. He’d lived near campus and rented a car when needed on weekends. He’d been saving for some property outside of town for the last five years.

  “Fine?” Mary-Beth placed one hand on the clutch and eyed him with the strangest expression. “I was sorry about your father.”

  “Thanks.”

  “I was more sorry you couldn’t be bothered to come to his funeral.”

  Ouch. He dug his nails into the bag and fought his need to yell at the world. “I didn’t know.”

  She tilted her head, and her brown hair with blonde highlights fell over her cheeks as her brows furrowed. “You didn’t know?”

  “No, I didn’t. Not until two weeks after the funeral.” He cleared his throat and mind of the anguish he felt at not seeing his father before he’d passed. No way he’d show anyone how much he cared for a man who didn’t want him around after his epic football fail.

  “Your mom didn’t tell you?”

  “No.”

  She rose from the bike and studied him, from his hair to his toes. “But you’re here now, why?”

  “To save the family farm. That’s right, I gave up my life to come save a place where I never belonged and for a man who never wanted me there.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t understand. Your mom didn’t tell you about your father, but she told you about the farm?”

  “No.”

  She blinked, appearing as confused as he felt. He balanced the feed bag with one hand and slid a letter from his inside jacket pocket and held it out to her.

  A breeze swept through town, sending her skirt twirling around her long legs and her hair across her face. A memory flashed of standing at the edge of a Smoky Mountain cliff with wind barreling through the valley, holding her hand, promising forever to each other.

  “It’s typed and unsigned. Who wrote this?”

  “Don’t know. My mom doesn’t know, either, but when I told her about it, she broke down and cried for an hour. Now I’m here.” He took the note and shoved it back in its spot next to his heart. “I don’t know if I want to thank the person or curse him.” He retrieved the bag and slid past her, ignoring the pull he’d always felt anytime he was near Mary-Beth. The longing to hold her, to kiss her, to love her split his heart in half.

  She placed a hand on his, stalling him. “Wait.”

  His pulse revved louder than his new bike. “No. I have to go.” He needed to flee before he fell apart and begged her to tell him why she’d left, returned, and never told him. Never once spoken to him, never thought to wait for him. Then a spark of excitement ignited inside him. “Did you send the letter?”

  Mary-Beth let him go. “I wouldn’t have known where to send it.” She stepped away from him, her voice dipping to a cool temperature. “I’ll get Felicia to drop the feed off in an hour since she needs to be out there anyway.”

  The last thing he wanted was to see another one of the Fabulous Five. “It’s fine. I’ll figure it out. I wouldn’t want her to make a special trip.”

  “She won’t be, since she has to be out there along with all of us.”

  His mouth went winter dry. “Why would you all be at the farm?”

  “Your mom didn’t tell you? We’ll be spending a lot of time there over the next few weeks, getting ready for the wedding.”

  His insides iced over, and he thought he’d fall to his knees. But he wouldn’t. He would never let her see how she’d destroyed him, ruined all other women he dated because he could never forget her. Dropping the bag before the weight took his weak knees to the ground, he then slid on his jacket, his helmet, and mounted his bike. “Thank Felicia for me.” He pointed to the bag and then revved his engine. His stomach burned with anguish, but he wouldn’t let her know how he really felt. “And congratulations on your upcoming nuptials.”

  Chapter Three

  Mary-Beth and Felicia lifted the heavy feed bag and carried it together to the barn at the McCadden Farm.

  “You know, Tanner could’ve carried this for us so we don’t pull a muscle or something,” Felicia said, winded and bent in half over the bag they’d heaved over the buckets near the horse stalls.

  “We don’t need his help.” Mary-Beth wouldn’t ask for assistance from a guy who’d had his father send her away. Mr. McCadden’s words still haunted her. “Sorry, but fame and fortune mean more to him than being with you.” Tanner had been too much of a coward to tell her himself, which made the sting of it even worse. One argument, and he’d split without a word. They’d vowed to attend University of Tennessee together, but then he was offered the big scholarship for Notre Dame and ran off without her. He didn’t even consider her or their promises to each other. Poof, he was gone, and she was left behind and forgotten. All for Tanner McCa
dden to achieve his football star dreams.

  Felicia stood, stretching her back. “You’re going to have to speak to him on occasion, so why don’t you just tell him off and get it over with? I mean, you’ve been holding it in for over a decade. You’re going to explode.”

  “That doesn’t sound like you,” Mary-Beth said.

  Felicia shrugged. “Maybe Declan is rubbing off on me, or maybe I don’t like people messing with my friends. He abandoned you for football without even thinking about the future you both had planned together. It would’ve been one thing if he’d tried to make it right, to make a plan to see you or talk to you about how it might work out long distance, but he didn’t. He only vanished. The coward.”

  Mary-Beth thought for a minute about Felicia’s new boyfriend. They’d misjudged the ex-con profoundly. Apparently Mary-Beth wasn’t a good judge of character. The man had been nothing but kind to all in Sugar Maple, despite their prejudice. Maybe that’s why he and Felicia worked so well together… Both faced adversity due to their past—Felicia for being born from a mixed-race couple, and Declan for being born to a deadbeat dad who’d let him take the fall for his embezzlement. “Doesn’t matter. I’d have to care to hold anything in. And I don’t.” She swiped the barn dust from her brow with her flannel sleeve and spied through the decaying wood slats of the barn to check for any sign of Tanner before she waltzed outside.

  Felicia followed at her heels. “Why don’t I get Mrs. McCadden to help with the plants? You can head home to be with Andy.”

  “He’s still at football practice. I have until ten. And I already closed the coffee shop for the day since it’s Monday.” Mary-Beth slid two potted plants from the back of the truck and carried them to the garden—an old, abandoned, dried-up, wilted garden that needed major tending, but if anyone could transform it by the wedding, it was Felicia. “I’ll help, but you’ll have to direct me.”

  “No worries. My amazing boyfriend sketched my ideas into an official plan.”

  Mary-Beth smiled, and this time it wasn’t forced. She was genuinely happy that Felicia had found an amazing boyfriend who worked harder than any man she’d ever met. He’d swooped in, saving her nursery, her grandmother from a fire, and Felicia from a lonely life.

  “Wait a second…” Felicia set her own plants down on a wooden bench at the edge of the garden. The bench where Tanner had etched their initials on the back, in the center of a heart. “You can’t be here; you’re supposed to be on a date.”

  “Nope. That was canceled.”

  “Canceled? Since an hour ago?”

  Mary-Beth shrugged, knowing that negotiator Felicia would overanalyze the situation.

  “Since Tanner rode back into town…into your life?”

  “Stop. Tanner has nothing to do with it. The date just didn’t happen.”

  “Really? So, Seth canceled on you? The man who keeps hanging out in town just to take you out on dates?”

  “Work. He’s here to work.” Mary-Beth hotfooted it back to the truck for the next load, but she wasn’t fast enough. Felicia blocked her at the tailgate.

  “Oh no, you don’t. You hold up. No way, no how. You canceled that date.”

  “You’re making too much out of it. Seth was…was…too into himself. I don’t need another one of those.”

  “You think every man is too into himself. Even the preacher who dedicated his life to helping children out of abusive situations. Listen, I know how hard it is to face a man who broke your heart, but hon, you need to do this. Think of Tanner returning to this farm as an opportunity, a blessing to help you move on with your life. I know you don’t want to. I know it will hurt. But I know you need to do this. And so do you.” Felicia plopped her hand onto Mary-Beth’s shoulder. “Besides, if you don’t talk to him, Davey might send out the minions to tar and southernize him.”

  Mary-Beth giggled, not from happiness, but more from a dark place that made her pleased at such a notion. “Would that be such a bad idea?”

  “Now that you mention it, if you get the syrup, I can get the leaves, and Davey will stand watch as Tanner writes hundreds of apologies to you to stick to himself.”

  “No thanks. I don’t need any grand gestures of love. It worked for Drew to win over Carissa, but honestly, I don’t even like sticky syrup.”

  “What?” Felicia offered faux shock for extra emphasis. “A Sugar Maple resident who doesn’t like syrup? Oh hon, you better not say such things. There are ears everywhere.”

  “I’d laugh, but there’s truth to that. I’m glad we’re friends and you’ll keep my secret.”

  “Always.” Felicia snagged a few more plants and slipped to the side, allowing Mary-Beth to grab her own load. “You know, Tanner will figure out pretty quick that you’re not the one getting married.”

  Her breath quickened from the labor or from the thought of Tanner thinking she had moved on without him. “I’m sure he already knows. Certainly his mother will tell him.” Mary-Beth kept her attention on her work, not allowing it to roam down memory lane through the nearby wooded trail that lead out to their cliff, or to their secret tree house hideout, or to the roof of the front porch where they’d look up at the stars most Friday nights after the football games, talking about their dreams.

  “Do you remember when we were all kids and we climbed to the top of the large oak over at the lake so you could watch Tanner play football without anyone knowing we were there, because you were grounded and not allowed to leave your room?”

  “Don’t remember.” A flash of the memory tried to break through Mary-Beth’s carefully constructed grief-blocking front line of defense.

  “You slipped, and your bracelet caught on a branch. We thought you’d lose your entire arm, the way you were dangling and screaming.”

  “Still don’t remember.” Mary-Beth set the plants down and went for another load.

  “You don’t remember how Tanner dropped the ball five yards from the goal, climbed the fence, and saved you, causing them to lose, wrecking their undefeated season?”

  “Nope.”

  “We were what? Ten?”

  “Thirteen.”

  “But you don’t remember.” Felicia laughed so loud Mary-Beth was sure it was intentional to draw Tanner out of the house. His bike sat near the barn, but he was nowhere to be found. The lights were low in the house and the curtains drawn. “You said you’d marry that boy one day because anyone who would choose you over winning a football game deserved your undying love.”

  She took a deep breath and decided it was time to make her friend understand why she didn’t want anything to do with Tanner McCadden. “That was a boy who chose me over a game. The man didn’t.”

  The words were bitter and raw and nauseating. Her stomach tightened, and she returned to work for no other reason than to move forward, the way she’d been moving forward since she’d left behind the dream of a life that would never be.

  For the time it took to finish unloading and for Felicia to roll out the plans Declan had drawn for her, she didn’t speak.

  As if a flood of questions burst through the dam of caution, Felicia crossed her arms and faced Mary-Beth. “You don’t know that he chose football over you. You don’t know that he wouldn’t choose you now. You don’t know if he’s the boy from childhood, the guy from high school, or a new man. You don’t know anything. And you’ll never know anything until you speak to Tanner McCadden.”

  “No. There’s no reason. Why would I ever want to speak to him? There’s nothing between us. He chose being a football star over us.”

  “Because, Mary-Beth Richards, you need to figure out if you’re still in love with Tanner McCadden. That’s a question anyone should want to know the answer to.”

  “I know I do.” Tanner’s deep voice demolished the hint of calm Mary-Beth had managed to hold on to for the last twenty minutes. She turned to find the tall, handsome, wide-eyed heartbreaker waiting for her answer.

  Chapter Four

  The sunrise erupted
over the mountains like a beautiful bomb. Tanner had forgotten how colorful and alive his hometown was in the Blue Ridge Mountains where the mystic haze settled in during the early hours and the smoky fog at night. The animals, insects, trees, people… All were vibrant and memorable. Once, he’d thought after a few years of pro ball, he’d retire here with Mary-Beth to raise their children. He’d play long enough to make his father proud, secure his financial future, and enjoy the fame but then return to take over the family business, supplying much-needed funds. Now, he wanted to be anywhere but McCadden Farm and the impending wedding. Especially after Mary-Beth let him know the answer to Felicia’s question directly. Mary-Beth had no love for him, and Felicia was out of her mind for ever asking her. She’d moved on. Of course she’d moved on! She was getting married to another man…

  He shoved the barn door open and faced the first stall that once housed his favorite horse. She’d been gone for years, though. His freshman fall semester at college, he’d received an email stating that his favorite equine companion had succumbed to illness. That was a dark year. The year he’d lost his ability to play ball, he’d lost his future, and he’d lost his relationship with his father.

  Brushing off the past and the thought of Mary-Beth getting married, Tanner took the new horse out to the pasture to graze and run while he mucked the stall. Hard work used to make him feel like he was worthy. His father had taught him at an early age the value of manual labor, and he’d taken that with him while working his way through college and ultimately landing a job at the University of Tennessee as an assistant coach. He’d thought that would be a consolation prize for his father, but he had never attended a single game.