If You Hold Me (A Sugar Maple Novel Book 4)

by Ciara Knight

  Seth shook his head. “I see now.”

  “You see what?”

  “You’re still in love with Tanner McCadden. And he’s going to break your heart. Again.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Tanner worked until the dark of night drove him inside. Sleeping seemed unattainable, so he set up some lanterns and lights in the barn and took apart the old tractor engine.

  The horses neighed at him, as if he disrupted their peace with hammering and foul words he shouted when the wrench slipped and cut his hand. The slam of the front door of the house warned Tanner his mother was about to invade his hideout.

  Footsteps crunched across the leaves, and her lantern shone into the barn behind him. “Can’t sleep? Do you want me to make you some warm milk?”

  “I’m not twelve,” he snapped, but even with how he felt about her lies, he knew better than to speak to his mom that way. “Sorry.”

  “I understand, son. I’d be upset, too. I wish I could turn back time and change everything, but I can’t. I hope you can someday find it in your heart to forgive us.”

  “You, yes. Father, never,” he said in a tone that caused a coldness to engulf the room.

  She remained at the edge of the front stall, as if in fear he’d send her away if she came too close. “Hon, you have it wrong. Your father loved you more than anything. Don’t hate him. He made mistakes, but anything and everything he did was what he believed to be best for you.”

  He shot up and looked at her. “Why are you defending him? He always bullied you into doing what he wanted.”

  “That’s not true.” She narrowed her gaze at him, but he resumed work, wiping the dirt and grime away.

  “Then explain why you never went to New York City to see a Broadway show?”

  “We couldn’t afford it or the time away. A farm doesn’t work itself.” She scooted closer. “Can’t you see, that’s why we wanted more for you. We knew what it was like to sacrifice your dreams to survive.”

  “But you could afford to send me to football camp in Nashville my junior year.”

  “That’s different.”

  “Why?”

  “Because we wanted to help you have a start in life, and there weren’t many opportunities for you here. I didn’t want either of you to have to go into the military to make it, but that’s what Hawk ended up doing because we couldn’t pay for his room and board at UT.”

  “He always wanted to be a marine. That was his dream.” Tanner placed the fuel filter on the ground and picked up the starter motor.

  “Yes, but we wanted him to have options. All I’m trying to say is that your father wanted you both to have a better future.”

  Tanner didn’t know if it was his exhaustion or his mom convincing him that they got a free pass for lying because they tried to allegedly give him and his brother a better life. No, he wouldn’t let it go that easily. This had been life changing. “But when he was sick, why didn’t you call me then?”

  “Your father didn’t want to bring you home. He thought he could beat it, and he did.” Her voice cracked, and he couldn’t take it anymore. He rose and put a comforting arm around her. “We didn’t know his heart would fail, or I would have called you home to say goodbye. I promise.”

  “I believe you, but now I don’t get to have it out with him. I feel guilty being mad when he isn’t here to defend himself, which makes me feel more frustrated.” He squeezed his mom to his side. “I’m so sorry you went through all of this alone. Again, another instance of Pops bullying you.”

  “He didn’t bully me. I chose not to contact you. It was as much my decision as his.”

  “I don’t believe that.” Tanner leaned away enough to see her. “You wouldn’t do that.”

  “I would, because I’m selfish and I wanted to have some alone time with your father before he died. I’d intended on telling you, but then we were told that he’d beaten cancer, so there was no reason to.” She bowed her head in obvious shame. “Again, it was my decision and my fault you didn’t get to say goodbye.”

  Tanner sat there, unsure what to do next. He eyed the darkness outside and couldn’t help but think about Mary-Beth on a date with Seth. He’d gone off and done well for himself since high school. He’d been a couple grades above them, so Tanner never really knew the guy except he’d lived in Sugar Maple for two years and then left.

  “Have you told her you still love her?” his mom asked.

  He returned to cleaning the engine. “Who?”

  “Don’t be coy. It doesn’t suit you.”

  “Don’t know how I feel, and I can’t figure it out because she’s on a date with someone else.” He grinded his teeth, trying to keep from raising his voice and telling his mom it was her fault that they were apart for so long.

  “Are you going to let her slip away again?”

  She had some nerve, asking him such a question.

  “I never let her slip away.” He held tight to the cold piece of metal.

  She stood over him, looking down. “Why didn’t you ever return after your injury?”

  “You know why. Father told me not to come home, to stay and finish my degree.”

  “No, that’s not why. I was there when he called you. I heard him. He asked you what you were going to do, and you said finish college. That’s when he said good for you because there is no life here for you.”

  Tanner thought back to that night when he’d come out of knee surgery groggy, afraid, confused, and alone. He’d known his parents couldn’t afford to fly there to see him. He’d planned to convalesce back at the farm, but he’d decided he couldn’t. “Because I didn’t want to return a failure. To see Mary-Beth succeed while I failed.”

  The realization stole his breath. His lungs tightened.

  His mom didn’t say another word. She only disappeared from the barn, leaving him with his thoughts. It didn’t matter how she’d spun it; they’d been the catalyst that ended his relationship with Mary-Beth, but he was the one who never came back to fight for her. How could he? He hadn’t felt worthy after his accident. He’d slipped away from the world. If it hadn’t been for his football coach arranging his tuition through a scholarship fund, Tanner would’ve been completely lost.

  But if he had returned home, what would’ve happened? Back then the people of Sugar Maple thought he was invincible and worshiped him. He wasn’t strong enough to face the fact he’d let everyone down, and that fear had kept him away for too long. But now there was nothing to tear him from Sugar Maple, the farm, his mom, or Mary-Beth, so he needed to fight for what he wanted. And he wanted Mary-Beth.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Jackie stood at the back entrance to Maple Grounds with the bedazzled, beguiling, begrudgingly-have-to-wear-them darn shoes.

  “How’d you get those?”

  Jackie slid the spare key to Mary-Beth’s apartment out of her pocket.

  “That’s supposed to be for emergencies only.”

  “I’d call this a friend-urgency. You ditched Seth last night on date three. I’m trying to help you realize you’re hung up on Puff the Magic Jock.”

  Mary-Beth would never renege on a bet, so she snatched the shoes from Jackie. “Fine, but I’ll get even. Just wait, I’ll find a way to get you on a date.”

  Jackie swirled with her auburn hair whipping like a witch’s broom, and she marched out with only a comment left behind. “Never going to beat me.”

  The morning rush kept Mary-Beth busy, but in the midmorning lull, she struggled to keep her focus on her work. It didn’t help that every time she rounded the counter and people saw the shoes, they’d giggle. No doubt Jackie had notified the gossip line. She went through billing and paying vendors, but she made three errors and had to start over. After making herself a cup of coffee, she settled at the bistro table at the front window so she could watch the goings on as she worked. Those darn sparkly pink tennis shoes were distracting on her feet. A bet was a bet, though.

  Last night had been a potential
disaster, but Seth had come to see her point easy enough. The man was wealthy, successful, and had political aspirations in life. He needed a corporate woman who loved to live out of a suitcase. That was not her.

  Now there was nothing that stood in her way of being with Tanner. Was there? Something held her back, though. She’d been waiting ten years for this opportunity. Why wasn’t she running after him to rekindle their once epic love?

  The bell jingled, and in came the elders with all their wonderful distractions. “Hey, Davey. How’s it going today?”

  He shuffled to his favorite spot and settled in for a long visit with Ms. Gina, Ms. Melba, and Felicia’s mom, Mrs. Hughes, at his side.

  “I’m not dead, so it’s a good day.” He pointed at her shoes. “Not so good for you, though.”

  Mrs. Hughes swatted him in the arm. “Don’t listen to him. He’s still young at heart and dances better than any man I’ve ever known.”

  “I didn’t expect y’all today. It’s not Wednesday.” Mary-Beth snagged her empty mug and waited for them all to sit.

  “We thought we’d come check on you since we heard all about your date last night and you discovering that awful truth about the parents’ conspiracy.”

  “How’d you guys know all this stuff before anyone else?”

  “We founded and run this town. Nothing gets by us,” Davey said with a hint of street kid accent.

  “Doesn’t sound like I could have much to share. You know it all.” She set to work making their beverages.

  To Mary-Beth’s surprise, Davey followed her into the back, leaving the ladies behind. Shuffling his feet, he looked anywhere but at her until Mary-Beth touched his arm gently

  “I need yer opinion,” he mumbled still looking at his feet.

  “Sure. What’s up?”

  He held out a small box. “It’s been fifty or so years in the making, but I hope she likes it.”

  Mary-Beth wiped her hands on her towel and opened the lid to find a diamond ring inside. “Wow! Which one of the lucky ladies?” she teased.

  “This player’s gonna be off the market. I’ll be a one-woman kind of man. I’ve had that ring all these years, you know. We were supposed to get married when we were seventeen, but things happened to break us up. Point is, we finally found our way back to each other. That’s what happens when you truly love someone.”

  Mary-Beth handed the ring back to him. “Why do I get the hint you’re trying to tell me something?”

  Davey looked behind him, as if he worried he’d get busted with the ring, but then he slid it into his pocket and whispered conspiratorially, “You know what I’m saying. That boy Tanner and you were made to be together. Go get your man. Don’t wait fifty years. Trust me.” He scooted out of the kitchen before she had a chance to say anything else.

  No way she’d wait fifty years, but she’d barely been able to digest all the information in the last twelve hours. Maybe after work she’d go speak to him again. They’d be at football practice until five, but she could find him at the farm after she closed shop at seven.

  The door bell jingled, so she poked her head out to find Tanner standing in the center of the shop holding wildflowers. She removed her apron and walked out to greet him. “What’s this?”

  “Flowers for you.”

  She took in a deep breath and enjoyed the farm aroma in her shop. “Thank you. They’re beautiful.”

  He smiled but shifted his feet nervously. “I chose to pick them instead of purchase them in the square, since all of them had chrysanthemums in them. And I know you’re—”

  “Allergic. You remembered.” Her heart fluttered at the idea that he knew her so well.

  “Of course.” He spied her shoes and laughed. “I see the rumors are true.”

  She twisted her heel up to show him the side in its complete gaudy glory.

  “To me they are the most beautiful shoes I’ve ever seen since they mean you’re unattached at the moment.” He fidgeted. Was the confident Tanner nervous? “I came to see if you’d like to go on a date tonight. If you don’t already have plans.”

  “That’s my boy,” Davey cheered from behind them.

  Mary-Beth looked down at the flowers and then back at Tanner. Butterflies, bees, and all other insects in the night buzzed in her belly. “I think I’d like that. Should I meet you at the farm?”

  “No, I’ll pick you up here after the shop closes. Seven thirty sound good?”

  “Sounds perfect. How should I dress?” she asked, not sure where he was taking her, but she hoped it wasn’t some stuffy restaurant.

  “What you’re wearing is fine. No need to dress up. Not for me. I like you just the way you are.” He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, sending a warm flush down her neck.

  “That’s my boy,” Davey repeated. He smacked the table for extra emphasis this time. “I taught him all those moves, you know.”

  Mary-Beth ignored him and watched Tanner strut out the door, mount his bike, and speed out of town. This time, she only hoped he’d return.

  She went to work preparing beverages for the elders and then attempted to concentrate on the books again, but her mind kept wondering to what ifs and what could be. After seeing the elders out, she abandoned the financial stuff and decided to create new coffee blends and flavors. By late afternoon, she had two trays full of trial shots for customers.

  Stella and Knox walked in with laptop in hand, and that’s when she remembered the planning for the upcoming show. She quickly whipped up something for them both and sat down with them. “Oh wait.” She shot up and grabbed the tray of samples. “Before you dig into your drinks, try these. I’m looking for a new signature drink for the wedding.” She placed samples in front of each of them. “These are all fall themed. Taste them and tell me if you like any of them and which is the best.”

  Stella picked one up, took a shot like a bad whiskey, and then slammed it down on the table. “It’s good.”

  Knox picked one up and sipped it like fine, aged wine. “Mmm, I like this one. It’s good to know the Coffee Whisperer can still…whisper.”

  Could she though? Could she claim the title when she couldn’t coffee whisper Tanner?

  He set it down and sipped the other samples and then pointed at the second from the left. “This one. It’s the winner.”

  Stella tried it. “He’s right. It’s a blend of Ms. Horton and Mr. Strickland with a dash of fall. Perfect.”

  Mary-Beth pushed the tray aside and faced her friend. “I’m glad I can still get it right for someone.”

  Knox cleared his throat and opened his laptop. “We should work on the concept for the show. I was thinking—”

  “That now isn’t a good time.” Stella nudged the laptop away.

  “I’ll do whatever you say to make your segment great. Just let me know.” Mary-Beth placed the samples back onto the tray and fled to her office.

  Stella followed before Mary-Beth could even set the tray down. “Are you okay?”

  “No. I can’t do it.”

  “Can’t do what?” Stella edged into the room but kept her distance.

  “Be on Knox’s show.”

  “Why not?” Stella asked.

  “Even if I wanted to, I can’t.”

  “Why not?” Stella asked, nudging a little closer.

  Mary-Beth struggled with the reality of her failure. “Because the Coffee Whisperer still can’t whisper her ex.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Tanner showered in the high school locker room and raced out the door.

  The players whistled at him. “Coach has a hot date with Andy’s sister.”

  Andy bolted forward, but two of his friends held him back.

  “Save it for the field, boys. The game’s only a week away.” Tanner strutted out, ignoring Andy’s comment from behind about him not hurting his sister. It was sweet that Andy worried wanted to protect her and Tanner understood and respected him for it, but Tanner needed to pursue how he felt about Mary-Beth. Besides
Andy had nothing to worry about because Tanner would never hurt her.

  Tanner got on his bike and hoped he’d get Mary-Beth and make their escape before Andy made it back to the coffee shop. The last thing they needed was another person inserting themselves into …whatever they were. His hands hurt from gripping the handles so tight. When was the last time he was so nervous to pick up a girl? Never.

  The coffee shop was closed with only dim lighting inside. He knocked on the door, and Mary-Beth appeared from the back office. She looked radiant, as if she’d stepped out in a ballgown, high heels, and an updo instead of a sweater, jeans, boots, and of course, her jewelry.

  He fought to catch his breath at the sight before she opened the door for him. He’d been planning this date all day, and he wanted it to be perfect. “You ready?”

  “Yes.” She grabbed her bag from the table and locked up, despite her shaking hands trying to get the key into the lock. Was she as nervous as he was for their first time being together in a decade?

  “I hope you don’t mind riding on my motorcycle,” he said nervously, hoping she wouldn’t since it was his only means of transportation. He could’ve rented a car, but this would force them closer on the bike than they’d have been in bucket seats.

  “It’s been a while, but we had fun on them when we were younger.” She stepped up to the bike, and he gently slid the helmet over her head, careful not to snag her earrings.

  “Ready?”

  “Sure.” She looked adorable with the helmet on and her hair fluffed around her face. He couldn’t wait to mount the bike, because that meant she’d have her arms around him the way she had when they were teenagers. He started the engine and made sure Mary-Beth was snug behind him.

  “Hold on.”

  She slid her hands around him, clasping them at his front and causing a heat to radiate through his body.

  They flew through town and headed to the trail between the farm and where Mary-Beth grew up. To his surprise, the old dirt road had grown over. He hadn’t checked from this direction since he’d walked from the farm earlier. Darn. He’d thought he’d checked and planned every detail so well. He stopped and removed his helmet, dismounting the bike. “Sorry, we’ll have to walk from here.”