If You Hold Me (A Sugar Maple Novel Book 4)

by Ciara Knight

  “I never felt like I gave anything up because I always had you and that’s what I wanted.” Her eyes misted, and he knew she was struggling not to cry, but that’s when he saw it, what he’d done when he’d accepted the scholarship to Notre Dame. He’d broken her trust in their future and in their love.

  “Until you didn’t have me.” He swallowed through the rise of regrets. They stood there looking at each other, as if seeing the real person behind the emotions. “I understand now why you’re afraid, and I’ll stop pushing so hard. You’ll see how much I care and how you can have what you want this time around. I’ll be helping at football practice and working the farm and spending every spare moment I have proving my loyalty to you.” He released her hand and put his palm to her chest, covering the ring hanging from the chain around her neck. “And someday, when you’re ready, you’ll trust me with your heart again.”

  She sniffled and closed her eyes. “Thank you.”

  He leaned down, wanting to kiss her, to love her, to be with her always, but he restrained himself and only said. “You’ll see. Nothing will pull me away from you. Not now, not in the future, not ever.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  For two days, Mary-Beth worked on various flavorful concoctions before the big Coffee Whisperer winning her man back coffee tasting. For some reason, she hadn’t anticipated that they were actually going to film it. In her mind, it was only going to be a tasting, not an internet-worthy segment. Apparently, that was also what Tanner had thought, since he hadn’t even showered after practice.

  “Ignore the camera and focus on the coffee and Tanner,” Knox said in his director tone at her.

  Mary-Beth hadn’t expected a full film crew, not to mention Drew, Knox, and their assistant Lori all huddled around them, directing and fetching and changing lighting. “I’m trying, but you’re distracting me.”

  Tanner reached over the counter and touched her arm, and she swore she could feel the lens constricting to get a close up of his touch. “Look at me. Together we can do this. Unless you don’t want to, then I’m out of here.” He tilted his head, allowing his sexy post-practice hair to fall over like an exclamation point to his stunning eyes.

  “No, let’s just get this over with.” She stood straight and shook her hands out. “Try this one.” She tapped the rim of the cup and held her breath until he took a drink and smiled.

  “I like this one. It’s really good.”

  “Progress,” she mumbled under her breath.

  Knox did a lifting motion and pointed to his mouth.

  “What? I said it’s great.” Tanner sat back in his seat and wiped his palms down his pants like he did when he was figuring something out. “But it isn’t the drink.”

  She nodded and took the cup away.

  “Wait, can you tell me what’s in it?”

  No way she was going to give any secrets away, so she leaned over and whispered in her ear. “Tell me what you tasted that you liked.”

  His eyes traveled to her lips the way they did right before he kissed her. He brushed his cheek to hers, placed his lips against her ear, and whispered, “There was a heaviness to it but with a sweet undertone.”

  Warm breath caressed her ear, causing goose bumps to flare up, covering her skin. He caught sight of her breathy reaction and tweaked her nose. “Later, when the cameras are turned off.”

  Stella cleared her throat. “Um, still running over there.”

  “Thanks for the reminder.” Mary-Beth took cup number two and passed it to him. “And this one?”

  He took a hesitant sip, as if worried this wasn’t the one either. And it wasn’t. She didn’t even have to ask. The man’s ears moved before he even opened his mouth to lie.

  “Next,” she said loud enough for the internet to hear.

  After the last two, she tried to not show her frustration, but she looked to Knox and said, “Sorry. I told you this was a bad idea.”

  “No, it’s great. Perfect.”

  “But you’re doing a show on the Coffee Whisperer, and I can’t…well, whisper my boyfriend.”

  “Boyfriend?” Tanner sat up straight. “Oh, well, I don’t know about that. I mean, it’s awful sudden.”

  She grabbed the dish rag and snapped it at him. He jumped out of the way, grabbed it, and rushed around the counter after her.

  “That’s a wrap for now. One more thing.” Knox called after them as they raced around the kitchen like small children.

  “What’s that?” Mary-Beth made it to Stella, halting Tanner’s advance.

  Lori held out a document. “We want to do a feature about your brother with the coaches coming to see him play on Friday. Do we have your permission to interview him? He’ll be able to use the footage for social media and to show scouts who can’t make it to see him play.”

  Mary-Beth studied the document and knew she’d have to get someone who understood these kinds of contracts better to read over it, but more importantly, she wanted to know one thing. “I need to ask Andy about it and get back to you.”

  “By tomorrow morning, so we have time to set up for the big game tomorrow night?” Lori insisted.

  Mary-Beth eyed the back door where Andy usually came in after practice. “Sure. I think I can get back to you by then.”

  Lori smiled. “Great. It’ll be good for Andy.”

  Mary-Beth mindlessly toyed with the ring hanging from the chain. If all of this went well, she planned to tell Tanner after the game that she was tired of being scared and she was ready to move forward to see where things went between them. Once everyone cleared out, she found him sniffing and tasting various things in her kitchen. “What are you doing?”

  “Trying to figure out what I like. If we do, then you’ll trust that we’re meant to be together.”

  She walked up behind him and slid her arms around his waist, pressing her cheek to his back. “I never thanked you.”

  “For what?”

  “For helping coach Andy’s team when you said you were done with football and for calling the scouts to see him play.” She squeezed tighter. “Does it bother you to be back on your old high school practice field? I’m worried about how this will make you feel on game night. I know I’m a little late. I should’ve thought about that before dragging you into all this.”

  “I’m good. Don’t worry about me.” He turned in her arms and raked his fingers through her hair with mesmerizing comfort. “I might not be playing the game, but I’m finding it enjoyable to work with high school players more than college. It’s less commercial, and I have more freedom with what I’m doing with the players.”

  The way his eyes lit up under the dim lights of the coffee shop told her it really did provide joy for him. “I’m glad.”

  The back door swung open, and Andy raced in on cleated feet.

  “What are you doing? You know better than to wear those things in here. You’ll damage the hardwood.”

  “Sorry.” He bent over and yanked them off his feet, sending dirt and grass everywhere. “Is it true? The principal told me that I’m going to be interviewed on Knox Brevard’s show and that the scout from University of Tennessee is making a trip all the way down here to see me play.”

  “Yes, it’s true,” Mary-Beth said, elated at the sight of Andy’s happiness.

  He grabbed his cleats and ran around like a jack rabbit on two espressos. “Come on, coach. I need you to help. I’ve got to practice.”

  “I think we’ve practiced enough for today,” Tanner said, holding tight to Mary-Beth, as if he didn’t want to let her go for anything else in the world. Not even football.

  “It’s fine.” Mary-Beth reluctantly moved from his arms. “I know you’d rather be outside playing football than in here helping me close up shop.”

  He pulled her back into him. “No, I’m where I want to be.”

  “Don’t worry. After the game tomorrow, we’ll have all weekend together.”

  “Our entire lives together, you mean.” He kissed her che
ek and left her standing in her kitchen believing happy endings were really possible.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  The high school band rumbled through the evening with pounding drums and tooting tubas, taking Tanner back to his youth. Intoxicating excitement wafted in the air, along with the smell of popcorn and hotdogs from the concession stands. All of Sugar Maple had come to see the star football player, Andy Richards, lead them to victory against their Creekside rivals. In that moment, Tanner flashed back to a decade ago before he ran out to a crowd cheering his name.

  Trumpets announced a welcome for the team to enter the field. Nervous energy jolted him into gear, rushing the players through the paper gates held by the cheerleaders. The fans erupted in applause.

  Adrenaline pumped through him like he’d be playing for his town again. How he’d missed those cheers. He wasn’t a vain person, but he loved to make the town proud.

  Creekside made their entrance with cheers from the opposing side. He swore he saw that loudmouth Cathy Mitchell who used to boo him in his youth each time he scored. Tanner fought his nerves and scanned the stands until he found Mary-Beth settled in the center of the Fabulous Five. He couldn’t help but feel that their support meant the team would come out victorious.

  “Tanner McCadden.” His scout buddy from UT approached, his balding head reflecting the stadium lights. “I was excited to receive your call.”

  “Jackson, thanks so much for making the trip. You won’t regret it. Andy Richards is the most gifted player I’ve ever seen.”

  “That’s a high praise coming from you. I’m still bitter that you were stolen by Notre Dame.” The man had a big, friendly, toothy smile. “I don’t plan on letting that happen again.” He shook Tanner’s hand. “How’s the knee these days anyway?”

  “Good. It tells me when we’ll have a thunderstorm, and I set off metal detectors at the airport, so it’s functional for everyday use.”

  The team rushed to the sidelines, and the refs took the field.

  “Excuse me, I need to get with my players. Please, make yourself at home. You can stay here or relax in the stands. After the game, you can follow me back to the farm.”

  “Thanks for the offer, but I can’t stay. We’ll chat before I leave, though. If you don’t mind, I’ll hang here with you.”

  Tanner offered a nod of approval and went to talk to the team before the game started. “You boys are ready for this.”

  “Is that the scout?” Andy asked, standing on his toes and peering around Tanner.

  He snagged Andy’s face mask and turned him to keep his attention on the game. “You ignore that man over there and focus. This isn’t the Andy Richards show. This is about your team, not you. Got me?”

  “Gotcha, Coach.”

  The scoreboard rolled backwards from 99 until it hit zero. The band played a war song, and the cheerleaders chanted for victory. Tanner finished his coaching duties and sent Andy out for the coin toss with the other captain.

  They won and chose to receive. He’d worked so hard with the team and developed plays that harnessed the strengths of each individual player. With Andy as their wide receiver, all the quarterback had to do was get the ball into his hands.

  Tanner clapped and found himself jumping up and down with the players to keep his muscles warm out of habit. He needed to show professionalism to the town behind him, so he forced himself to appear a calm he didn’t feel. He cared more about this game than he had about any of the college games he’d worked on for the last several years. Maybe it was because he had the freedom to organize the entire team, the plays, and be in charge of it all.

  With the teams set at the line of scrimmage, Tanner said a silent prayer and the ball snapped. The Sugar Maple quarterback threw a perfect spiral. Andy went long, jumped like a kangaroo on a trampoline, and caught the ball like it was glued to his chest.

  The crowd roared.

  He landed.

  And fumbled.

  “Booo!” The crowd turned on Andy before he could retrieve the ball and toss it to the nearby ref. The infamous Cathy Mitchell from Creekside cheered and heckled Andy.

  “Shake it off. You’re just warming up!” Tanner shouted at him.

  Andy bounced and flung his hands to stay loose. They positioned for the second play. Their quarterback did a fake and then passed it to Andy, who ran right into a lineman and went down. The ball slipped out from under him and tumbled across the field.

  Tanner flashed back to his big day. The anxiety, the pressure to impress the scouts so intense he thought he’d collapse from blood pumping so fast through his ears.

  Third play.

  Set up.

  Snap.

  Run.

  The ball sailed over the opposing team and right over Andy’s head.

  Tanner knew as coach the team deserved better. It would destroy Andy to pull him from the game—and possibly cause Mary-Beth another reason to get mad at him—but he had a duty to the other players and to the town. He signaled the exchange, and Andy rushed to him. By the time he reached Tanner, he was breathless and looked like he’d been charged by a herd of three-hundred-pound linebackers.

  “Coach, don’t pull me. I swear I got this. I’ve got to impress the scouts. You of all people should understand.”

  “I understand that the scouts mean nothing to your team. Ultimately, you are one person. Do you want to let down the boys out there who have been supporting you all season or the town who came out to see you play again? They have backed you as the star. It’s your turn to back them. That team is ruling our game. Is that what you want? To be their punching bag?”

  “No, Coach.”

  “I want you to forget about your chance at college fame and give your best to your high school team. The team that got you this far. You got me?”

  “Yes, Coach.” Andy’s face morphed from wide-eyed terrified to angry-brow charge.

  “Then when this play ends, you get yourself out there and you do it for the team.”

  “Yes, Coach.”

  Sugar Maple managed to advance enough to make a first down, but then only nudged it another five yards on the next three downs. Tanner believed in his team and took a chance. Calling an Abraham. He knew Andy needed one good play, a Hail Mary, and he’d be back in the game. He knew that if he didn’t, UT and every other college team would write him off and never return. It was all or nothing with this play.

  He knew that the team—and fans—probably thought he was crazy to run another play instead of punting this early in the game, but sometimes a coach had to go with his gut.

  With eyes closed, he took a breath and listened as the quarterback hollered the cadence, but he opened them wide to watch the ball snap. Andy dodged a lineman, vaulted over two downed players, and ran like he was possessed by a greyhound.

  The stands fell silent.

  Opposing players went for the quarterback. He released the ball, and it glided high and far, straight for Andy, who waited at the ten-yard line.

  Linemen pursued, ready to tackle, but Andy didn’t budge. Instead, he stood his ground fearlessly and jumped with arms outstretched, tipping the ball with his fingers. He brought it down and caught it in a cradle. The crowd cheered as Andy raced to the end zone. The spectators erupted with excitement. And in that moment, Tanner knew Andy could do anything on the field, as long as he didn’t let politics fog his brain.

  The game played out until Sugar Maple dominated 28-7 and the final whistle blew. Tanner found himself breathless with excitement for his team. That was football. That was the game he loved.

  When the celebration settled and the people dispersed, Jackson slapped Tanner on the back. “Good game. I’m glad I made the trip.”

  Tanner couldn’t help but feel the pride of a job well done. “I told you Andy was the real deal.”

  “I have a confession to make. I’m not only here to report back about Andy. The offensive lineman coach is going to transfer, so there’ll be an opening. You interested?”
<
br />   “Head coach for the offensive line?” Mary-Beth’s voice broke through the pounding in his ears at the invitation and shattered his excitement with one devastated glance from the woman he loved and the anguish in her gaze.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Mary-Beth didn’t go home, knowing Andy was out celebrating with his friends at the diner. Instead, she went to the tree house and sat inside, holding the gold ring Andy had bought for her in her hand. Somehow, she’d known this would happen. The minute she started to believe in the possibility of their future together, he’d leave.

  She didn’t cry. She only sat cross-legged on the ground, feeling more alone than she had in her entire life. Stella had urged her to join the celebration at the diner, but knowing that Tanner would be there had only driven her away. She needed time to be alone to face the truth.

  It would always be his life over hers, and she wasn’t sure she could do that, not after watching her mother follow her father’s will for so long. But she couldn’t ask him to stay either. It was ironic that she faced the same choice now that her parents had made for her all those years ago. For the first time, she was thankful for the time to grow and mature before making such a major decision.

  Could she even think about selling her coffeehouse she’d worked so hard to grow into a thriving business so she could move to Knoxville? If Andy moved there, it wouldn’t be so bad, but he’d be busy with football and school. Tanner would be busy coaching, and what would she do? Would she be a supportive wife living in the cold, hard stands for the next twenty years?

  She unhooked the chain and slid the ring off. It was adorable and beautiful and perfect. She knew he must’ve used the money he’d saved for college to buy it. There was no doubt in her mind that Tanner loved her. She knew that now. It wasn’t about if he chose her over the game. It was that she didn’t want him to.