by Leanne Davis
He squeezed her. “Yeah, but nothing has to change between us. It’s what we make it. You’re not considering backing out now, are you? I mean, I hate the thought of not being with you every day, but it’s better to be together and do it this way than not to be together at all, isn’t it? I mean, that’s what I assumed.”
She gave him a weak, soft smile. “Of course.”
He leaned back so he could look down into her eyes. “Cami? Y—you mean that, don’t you?”
No. She dropped her face down and began fiddling with the buttons on his shirt. How could she survive without him? She relied on him and loved seeing him. She never had to wonder where he was or what he was doing. There was no time for any doubt because he was always right there.
He frowned, pushing back from her. “It never even occurred to me to doubt you. I thought it was just a given that we’d be together no matter what.”
She nodded, biting her lip and sucking in the snot that her tears created. “I want to,” she whispered. “It’s just… it’s so far away and it scares me so much. I don’t want to lose you.”
His arms pulled her forward. “You won’t. That’s why we’ll still be together. Just like we are now.
“Except it won’t be just like we are now.” Her hands were around his waist, tugging him closer, as if that would fend off the thought of not being close.
“But being together and dealing with distance is better than not at all, right? I’m not the only one who thinks that, am I?”
“No. You’re not the only one.” She meant that, but the heat and confidence in her tone were lacking and it sabotaged her. Her voice wavered. The thought of changing and being different scared her. It wasn’t as easy to do as Charlie made it out to be. It sounded intimidating. And Charlie took it as stoically as he did everything. The thing was, she wasn’t that way.
She lifted her head and he leaned down to kiss her. “It’ll be okay, Cams. We got this.”
He had this. Just as Charlie had everything. He didn’t waffle or doubt or screw up or ever make the wrong decision. So sure, he had this. But left all alone, Cami wasn’t as certain that she did.
The ranch was quiet and desolate. She missed Brianna’s crazy exclamations and eager enthusiasm. Her brash loudness never failed to make Cami more outgoing when she was with her. She missed Jacob’s ribbing of Brianna and her, and Charlie and Jacob doing it to both of them. She loved the dynamics of the four of them together. It was the only time she’d ever felt popular or young in a way that was fun. So much fun. Now, without the Starrs, Cami missed them. Their departure meant it was time to quit being young. To quit pretending it all hadn’t changed. And time to find her own damn path on the road of life.
****
Charlie started to gather what he thought he’d need for his dorm room. Buying a mini-fridge, desk chair, and bedding to fill it, he collected all of his clothes and personal items. It was sitting in a spare room when the time came to go. His dad gave him a new laptop with all the latest hardware and operating systems. He registered for his classes. He was raring to go. He wanted to go. He’d been waiting years for this, pretty much all of high school to get there. He loved his family, but he was ready for something very different and new. He wanted to see the world and what existed beyond the valley. Ranch or farm work was not what he wanted to do. None of it. He didn’t know yet what, exactly, he wanted, but he knew River’s End didn’t have it.
However, he didn’t want to leave Cami, although to him, it was not that huge of a deal. He figured he’d go to school and they’d continue to date all the while. He’d be back again. It wasn’t like this would last forever. Holidays, vacations, and summer. It wasn’t that impossible. He didn’t see why she panicked so much while discussing it.
She didn’t want to go to college. She’d been adamant about that. For the last two years while he scouted the campuses and selected the schools he intended to apply to, her parents encouraged her to do the same, but she refused. So it wasn’t like she was jealous of him going to college or she wanted to do what he was doing.
Hell if he wanted to stay there. And do what? Start working with Ben? No. He refused to end up with a position in the family business. His dad, his two uncles and brother, his stepmother and aunt all had their own little niches there. Shane might have worked in a different industry, but he still worked on the land.
Charlie didn’t intend to live there his entire life. In fact, he was quite sure he’d only be coming back to visit after this initial departure. Cami referred to school and the people of the valley with as much disdain and annoyance as he did. But she was always talking as if this, as in all that comprised the valley, was it. She graduated and now, here she was. Charlie couldn’t even imagine this being the one place where he lived his whole life.
One night, while lying on the couch together, she was tucked in before him, and their heads touched on a pillow as they alternated between making out and watching TV. Holding her hands, he asked, “You don’t want to stay here for good, do you?”
“What? Here in River’s End?” She shrugged. “Sure. Why not? Maybe. Where else would I go? Kate is here.”
Well, yeah. So were his dad and Erin. And Ben and his family. He loved them as much as any kid loved his family, but hell, they weren’t twelve anymore. He didn’t need his family around him all the time. He had no intention of spending his daily life with his entire family.
“Yeah, but wouldn’t you like to go somewhere else?”
“What would I possibly do? No.”
“Well, when I finish college, I’ll get a job somewhere else, make enough money that you’ll come with me, won’t you?”
“Where? Doing what? And you aren’t actually thinking about things like… like supporting me, are you?”
He was. Because he planned to be with her then. She wasn’t exactly following a path that could lead to anything that could support them. In all honesty, she had no plans at all. Yeah, he didn’t care about that, or judge her for it, even if he did wonder how she could not care. He could not wait to get out of there and do something different. Something new.
So yeah, he thought about what he’d like to do to support them. He couldn’t decide exactly what he would major in, but he considered architecture or engineering. He liked computers, and in some function, he knew he couldn’t go wrong there. He also looked at a degree in business or economics. Awash in possibilities, he found it hard to choose a major. But he knew it wouldn’t be one that would make him stay there.
“I like to think about what I’ll do, yeah. Why do you think I’m leaving for college? Tens of thousands of dollars just waiting to be spent? Getting a decent job that doesn’t include scooping up horse poop or checking people into my family’s resort?”
“There’s a lot more going on here and nothing is wrong with any of it.”
“Well, yeah, but it’s not like that for me. There’s a lot more to do out there. Out of this valley.”
She suddenly pushed his hands away and sat up. He sighed and sat up too. She glanced at him. “You don’t ever intend to come back here? After college or whatever?”
“Not whatever, I’ll get my four-year degree. I’m not starting college without finishing, Cams. You should know that about me. I won’t waste my dad’s money. But no. I don’t intend to come back and live here. You think I will?”
“I assumed so, of course, you would. Your entire family lives here. It’s beautiful and amazing and you have free stuff everywhere… land and a resort and… where else would you go?”
“I can think of lots of places besides here.”
“You dislike it that much?”
“Of course not. I just prefer not to be neighbors with my dad all my life. I don’t want to stare at my brother every single day. I want some privacy and space. Something different. I want some independence and to live my own life. Don’t you?”
“No. Where could I go? What could I do? I have only AJ and Kate, and I want to be near them.” She shudder
ed. She was way more dependent on them, of course, than she was on him. He twisted his butt back and forth. Maybe she was a little too clingy?
No. He banished that thought. It wasn’t her fault. She had her reasons for needing them and him and he wanted, no, he welcomed that. He leaned over and rubbed the back of her neck. “Wherever I end up, it’ll be with you, Cams.”
Her head turned to him and she stared at him for a long moment. “We have quite a few differences in our opinions.”
He hesitated, then shook it off. “Nah. We just got a few things to figure out. We have all the time in the world. Come on, lie back down, and let’s finish the movie.”
“Yeah. You’re right.” But her tone wavered, and he frowned behind her as she tucked up into him again.
“I asked Joey for a job and he said I could start with working at the reception desk of the resort.”
“Oh. That’s great.” He had to restrain a shudder. Didn’t she want more than that? They could go and do and be anything. Both of them were free and independent. She had as much financial backing as he did and yet she was content to sit at a desk across the street from her home? Uninspired. Boring. Menial.
Not for him, that was for sure. He held her small body against him, enjoying the warmth and feel of her skin and hugging her more tightly against him. Cami had the ambition of a kitten, and it was kind of shocking to him. He had to work to understand and support her decision to simply stay, right here.
He absolutely could not stay right here. Nor live his life on the coat tails of his dad, uncles, brother, or family. No. Nope. Hell to the no.
So even for Cami, there was no wavering on his plan. She’d just have to deal with it. Maybe grow up a little. It was one of her biggest faults. She tried to avoid dealing with life’s obstacles. She had too many of them before she arrived there, but since moving to River’s End, she was scared of her own shadow and relied on her parents for everything, every day. She had a lot of growing up to do. Charlie loved the summer; it was fun and awesome to hang out, but, it couldn’t last forever. The best was the summer after graduation. Now it was time for him to do something. He was growing bored and restless, and except for Cami, River’s End had very little to offer him anymore.
Cami grew restless too but in a different way. Her natural hesitation and lack of confidence in him started to emerge more frequently. She snapped at him. She questioned him more often, demanding to know what he was doing and where he was going. She was almost accusing him of doing the opposite of what he said he was, which he never did. Always upfront, honest, open, and loving towards her, Charlie had to wonder why she seemed so unsure of how he felt about her. She was almost suspicious of him.
Eventually, it was move-in week for the dorm and time for him to go. He envisioned her coming and him so he could show her where he was living, but in the end, he changed his mind. After her odd behavior, he preferred to have his dad take him. He didn’t want any long goodbyes or big deals made of it. He’d be back in just a few months. It wasn’t like this was a permanent situation or that he was totally gone.
Loading all of his stuff into the back of his dad’s truck, he finished tying it off with ratcheted straps before he jumped down. There stood his entire family. He had to restrain the sigh and the urge to roll his eyes. They were all making way too big of a deal about this. He had a good four years at a minimum and would still be coming and going, yet they all gathered around the truck as if he were marching off to war. There were tears in Erin’s eyes. He tolerated the warm handshakes of his uncles and Ben when he gave him a hug. He hugged Allison, Kate, Kailynn, Hailey, and Jocelyn. He listened to everyone say, “Good luck,” and “We’re so proud of you,” slapping his back and high-fiving to avoid becoming too emotional. He graciously accepted everybody’s congratulations.
It could not be over soon enough. He stared up at the road, longing to be heading down it.
He had one last goodbye to give and that belonged, of course, to Cami. She stood beside her dad, all huddled up, her arms crossed over her chest in a pathetic hug. She kept her head down, letting her dark hair fall over her face. She didn’t bother to raise her head when Charlie made the rounds. Her face was long, tragic, and sad. She truly grieved over this.
He stretched and wanted to understand, but he just didn’t see the tragedy. They’d be texting all the time, and on Facetime tonight. It wasn’t like they were relegated to being pen pals for the next four years. Lord, they would virtually be living together. There were endless contacts and apps for long-distance romances. And gee, let’s not forget the old-fashioned road trip.
But Cami couldn’t see past her nose. She couldn’t imagine the next few weeks with him so far away. He’d be busy until then, so it wasn’t like he’d have to dwell too long over it. Besides, he’d be coming back to see her. It wasn’t like he wouldn’t miss her. Of course, he would, but that’s when he’d reach out.
He wished she’d find a way to be busier, and more fulfilled, without his presence. He loved being with her and spending time with her, but they couldn’t be together twenty-four hours a day. He started this while believing she might not respond or even like him, let alone, fall in love with him. In most of his scenarios, he was always the one chasing her. But as it turned out, she relied on him as much as a boyfriend as she had as a friend. So maybe he shouldn’t have been surprised by it. Perhaps he could have made his move a year before he did to give her more time to feel as secure in their relationship as he already felt. For it was quite obvious that he was leaving too soon for her to feel completely confident about them.
He walked forward and scooped her up in his arms, tugging her against him until her head was just under his chin. Ignoring his entire family and hers as they stared on, he wondered what was the point of being embarrassed? They all knew. They’d all seen them over the last few months, hugging, holding, and kissing. So this was a little more up-close and intimate, but she clearly needed it.
“I love you. I’ll call you tonight. Promise,” he whispered into her ear. Her head shook, and hot tears fell from her eyes. He nudged her back and leaned down to kiss her lips. It wasn’t a fast smooch, but neither was it a very deep kiss. It was sweet and tender, and he hoped it stayed with her, so she’d remember what she had to know: that he did love her and would always be there for her. Just not twenty-four hours a day. That was weird, and they were eighteen and they were a long way away from being married.
She nodded against his chest, her head down. Miserable. He kept the sigh to himself. He hoped she’d smile and kiss him back. Instead, he released her, burdened with guilt and feeling bad. He never expected to feel so bad for going to college like he’d always planned and dreamed of.
“Cami?” he questioned one last time, holding just her hand now. “You’ll be all right. It’ll be okay.” He said it again, willing her to freaking believe him. She pressed her lips together. AJ pulled her against him. Charlie sighed and stared at Cami. She looked miserable. Way out of proportion with the day’s event. She left him feeling like he’d done something wrong, and she wasn’t inclined to release him from that feeling anytime soon. He glanced at AJ, expecting to see a scowl for the kiss in his presence and for making her so miserable, but AJ just gave him a sympathetic smile. Charlie felt helpless staring at her, so he finally gave up and turned towards the truck.
There was a last round of goodbyes and indecipherable yells. He jumped in and slammed the door, sticking his arm out the window in a final wave.
“Ready?”
“Yeah. Go.”
Cami leaned into AJ more as the truck revved up and pulled away. It was obvious that she sobbed against her dad as he pulled out. Charlie tried to harden his heart, remembering it wasn’t that tragic or dramatic or even permanent. He faced forward. They had a fifteen-hour trip ahead of them. Sure, there was a major amount of distance that separated them, but it wasn’t insurmountable. He tried to convince Cami that the first time he left would hurt more because it was all new. They�
�d get used to it eventually. He would always be back. They’d figure this out.
And what was he supposed to do? Not go to freaking Stanford? It wasn’t like everyone got accepted there. Yeah, he had a certain amount of pride and his identity was tied up in that fact. He worked hard to get there especially from the miniscule place he came from. You had to be the best of the best to get in and he managed to do it. And how did Cami react to that? She cried and made him feel guilty. She didn’t even try to be happy that he was finally achieving his dream of getting out of River’s End and attending an impressive college. She was all tears when he was bursting with pride. He was out of there. At last.
Chapter Five
JACK STAYED QUIET FOR miles. “You okay about leaving her?”
“Yeah. I just wish she didn’t take it so hard.”
“Doesn’t make it any easier.”
“No, Cami doesn’t make much any easier.”
His dad glanced at him. “That’s what you first liked about her. You always dealt with her so well, better than anyone else, even her parents.”
“I know. But this time it wasn’t about her.” Charlie glanced out the window, surprised he voiced exactly what he thought.
“A few years ago, I took a ride with your brother, about as many hours as this drive. I intended to bring him back home. To stay for good. He had a baby and I didn’t know then, but also a soon-to-be wife that he had to face and come to terms with. It was one of the saddest days of my life. And I’ve had a few of those.” Charlie glanced at his dad, surprised. He and his dad didn’t often voice their private thoughts. Not unless Erin was also there with them.
“Yeah, I remember that time. You were the worst then. You got so depressed. I think Erin worried for a bit there that you might leave her… us… and the ranch.”
“That was my fault. I hope you know how much I regret the way I treated you both then.”
