by Leanne Davis
“You’ve apologized. We’re good.” Charlie wasn’t like Cami. He could easily forgive and move on.
“Yeah. I was disappointed in my life and how your brother was turning out. I couldn’t accept that this was it. Ben was just like me.”
“Some would find that flattering. You’ve led a good life.”
“I just wanted you boys to choose your own path in life, whatever it is. How can you choose if you never see all the choices? You know what I mean?”
“Yeah, I know. I’m going to see them. But Dad, Ben’s good with it. He’s happy. I don’t think it’s fake.”
“Yeah, it is a good life. Luckily. But it could have gone the opposite way, Charlie. Easily. He’s lucky it all works and fits and that he fell in love with his child’s mother. But understand this, I don’t think you would be as happy. I know you better than anyone, Charlie. Better than even Erin or Cami. They might talk to you more often, but I know you better. You could never think of settling down on that ranch and following in my footsteps. You never did. Ben always did. So don’t forget that.”
He glanced at his dad. Jack kept driving, his attention facing forward. “You think I shouldn’t be with Cami?”
“Not at all. I think you love her. I know she needs you. I won’t tell you that love at your age doesn’t matter or count. I know it does. I wished you hadn’t started it yet. Sure. I’m your father, I can want whatever I choose and that was for you to go unencumbered to college. I guess I wanted you to do what I could never do. You were meant for this, Charlie. From the time you were young, you had an insatiable curiosity and deep hunger to learn. You soon outgrew my answers to your questions and found them in books. Endlessly absorbed, there were countless books that you read. Forgive me if I want to see you go far in this world and seek more than what you can find in River’s End. I know I provided you boys with a good life. I’m not knocking it. We have something special and unusual and privileged here at the ranch and resort, but there is so much more out there. I’d like to see you take the opportunity to make that choice.”
“So, don’t mess it up, in other words?”
“I don’t have to say that to you. I swear, you were born with this innate sense of yourself. You’ve never needed me to help you figure things out. You had the confidence to know already. I feel pretty sure you won’t. And I hope I don’t need to remind you to take care of those you leave behind. You’ve never been selfish, and you don’t forget too many things.”
“I wish Cami would believe that.”
“She might not, and you’ll probably have to forgive her for that insecurity. Anyone you choose to be with will have their faults. You have to live with them and love them despite any shortcomings, just like you have.”
At least his dad didn’t advise him to break up with her. “So, you’re okay with my plan to stay with her?”
“I am. I just hope you’ll be sure to examine all the choices that are opening up for you out there in real life. I don’t necessarily mean for women. But things like good jobs, hobbies, places, meeting new people. I can’t say, actually, Charlie, since I never did it. And perhaps I have no right to pressure you, but I’m very glad you’re doing this.”
“Thanks, Dad.” Their conversation from there fell into much more casual topics that were less personal. When they pulled into the parking lot for his dorm, he was met with chaos. Hundreds of other students were also moving in with their gear. He and his dad made quick work of it and Charlie soon met his roommate, Rupport, where he learned there was floor mixer that night. At last, Charlie had become a college student.
His dad put his hand out. “I’ll see you, Charlie.”
Charlie appreciated the lack of fanfare, congrats, and so-proud-of-you comments again. “Yeah, Dad. See you on the flip side.”
His dad smirked before he turned and left the dorm room.
Charlie flopped on his bed. The room was split into identical sides right down the center. His roommate was a big, beefy guy who also happened to be a football player, playing on the college team. He almost laughed at the irony. They were such opposites. Charlie didn’t play any sports. Ever. So sure, why not get a football player for a roommate? But Rupport had so far acted nice and outgoing. He casually walked in and started talking to Charlie before he invited him to go to a party.
And that’s how easy it was. Definitely not high school. There were several mixers and orientations that week, enough to make his freshman year welcoming, and Charlie was eager to know everyone. He went to some of the parties and skipped others.
A few nights later, while talking to Cami again, he mentioned, “I got invited to a party by a football player.”
Cami laughed when he told her that. He was holding his phone over his head to stare at her. It was quite late and Rupport wasn’t there.
She smiled at him. “I miss you already. But I bet you’re too busy to miss me.”
“What have you been doing?”
“Missing you. Feeling depressed. Got in trouble finally for it so I have to start doing something. It’s just so fucking quiet here without you and Brianna and Jacob, but mostly you. I’ve never been here without you.”
“No… you haven’t.”
“Do you need to be there, like all there? I mean, do you prefer not having to hear from the moping girlfriend at home who will constantly be holding you back, and not letting you experience everything?”
“Cami, I plan to still do all that. You won’t be holding me back and all the while, I’ll be loving the hell out of you.”
“I’m such a downer.”
“Yes. You are. You, Cami Reed, have always been, so that’s not new or even a big deal. I’m here, sure, Cams, but I’m also with you. There is no one else for me.”
“But I’m—”
“Insecure. Unsure. Acting out off and on. Uh huh. Color me shocked. I don’t care. And it’s not that alarming to me.”
“You make me sound like a moaning, crying, sad, needy, despondent downer.”
“Well, if the shoe fits—”
“If I were there, I’d punch you hard in the stomach.”
“Ahh, there’s my girl. Showing her feisty attitude and badass meanness.”
She finally started to laugh. “You said all that on purpose.”
“Uh huh. It worked, and I got you smiling and you know it’s all true.”
“I do,” she said, her tone turning glum again, but a smile still on her face. He brought the phone closer, enjoying her smile. “I’m still your girl.”
“Four days, Cams, doesn’t change a single thing. You know four years won’t change anything either. But I’ll say it every single day to you if I have to.”
“It’s hard to be the one who got left behind, Charlie. You have all the new stuff to do, while I’m just living exactly the same life.”
“You chose that, Cami. You can’t punish me for choosing this.”
She nodded. “I swear, I will make it my mission not to.”
“All right. I got classes first thing tomorrow and need to sleep now. Call you tomorrow.”
“I’ll find something to say to you by then.”
He stared at her. His heart swelled and nearly burst at the face she made at him. “I can’t wait to hear it,” he said softly.
“Go cradle your football player. Maybe he’ll keep you warm.”
“That was new.”
She smiled cheekily. “I just thought of it. Bye, Charlie. This wasn’t so bad.”
“It’s not going to be so bad. Think how amazing it will be when we see each other.”
“Thinking… imagining….”
He groaned. “I know that voice…”
“Well, you’re alone and so am I. We could try things, you know, separate but together. I feel like we’ll have to get pretty good at that.”
He got up and locked the door. Flopping back down, he said, “What, exactly, were you thinking?”
****
College classes were way harder than high sc
hool and required Charlie to actually study a bit. The extra hours of study did the trick of keeping him busy for once although it was an adjustment to be living with other guys and sharing a big, ugly bathroom with them. It had its moments when he could only wonder why dorm living was often exalted and advertised as the great “college experience.”
But other things were just as great as he imagined they would be. Having so much independence was perfect. He loved that part. Being able to come and go on his own terms was something he’d been craving for a long time. He also liked that he could walk everywhere he had to go and there were plenty of places to eat or congregate or just chill. He liked being able to engage other freshman and in no time at all, he started to know quite a few people. In contrast, he never bothered much with fraternizing at River’s End High School because he hadn’t cared enough for anyone there to waste the energy. He cared enough to bother in college. He even got hit on at a party. Actually, someone offered him sex. He declined with a shake of his head and a quick but appreciative smile. She wasn’t half as pretty as Cami, but he was flattered.
“You got a girl?” Rupport asked in week two as he offhandedly mentioned her.
“Yeah. Why?”
“I don’t know. Didn’t see that.” Charlie flipped out a picture of Cami to him.
“Wow, she’s hot. Not what I’d expect from you.”
“Thanks,” he said dryly. “Not a lot of selection where I come from.”
He flashed a grin. “She’s edgier than you’d think for a guy like you.”
That she was. As roommates, they got along well enough. Rupport became especially fond of Charlie when he started to flunk and nearly begged Charlie for help. He even offered to pay Charlie to do his schoolwork, but Charlie refused. Rupport had to settle for Charlie’s guidance and advice in helping him do his own work.
Lots of texts were exchanged between Charlie and Cami. Dozens a day. He and Cami also had plenty of phone calls and Facetime and messages. They might have been talking more now than when they were neighbors. But it also confirmed to Charlie that they would be fine. Their relationship would survive despite the long distance and maybe even grow stronger because of it.
****
Watching Charlie pull away with all of his stuff loaded in Jack’s truck made Cami feel as if they were saying goodbye forever. It seemed that heavy. That overwhelming. Watching the entire family come out to say goodbye, each taking a private moment with him, depressed her and made her very sad. And yet, Charlie seemed so unruffled. He accepted it so easily and casually. Jumping down from the back of the truck, dressed in his usual nondescript clothes of jeans and a t-shirt, he tolerated all the family hugs, tears, smiles, and words of praise. Not one to hem or haw, he boldly embraced her when he saw her. He never ignored her or seemed ashamed of her, no matter who was around. It didn’t embarrass him to say goodbye with a dozen people staring at them, although it did embarrass her. She wondered how she was supposed to act. All she could see was him leaving. Her hot tears blinded her. Her heart felt like it had been ripped out whenever she thought of tomorrow on this ranch, this land, this valley, without Charlie being right there. He’d always been right there beside her, no matter what else was going on. Charlie was always there.
Not any longer. It made the bitter few weeks that it took for her to grow used to it pass even slower. And Charlie wasn’t as sentimental or home-bound as she was. He could so easily adjust to almost anything new: people, relationships, expectations, places, schools. Cami got entrenched in places, lifestyles, and what she did with her time. Any change, big or small, shattered her tiny world, along with her ability to handle it. She wasn’t like Charlie at all. She could no more move across the state and be surrounded by strangers or live in unfamiliar locations than she could sew her own clothes. She needed, craved, and demanded a life of monotony, surrounded by the very few people she knew and loved. She didn’t like or want many friends. But the chosen few that she did allow close to her? With an almost cult-like following and loyalty, she demanded their time, attention, and continuous proximity. She needed them. Perhaps so much that she suffocated them.
Cami wished Charlie expressed a few doubts or concerns about leaving home for the first time. Anything that might make him slightly insecure at some point. He usually wasn’t that way. It was what made him so reliable. But it bothered her how easily he could leave her and accept her absence after spending the last five years seeing each other every single day. She knew she would miss him like this even if they never started a romantic relationship.
She moped a lot and grew depressed, often sitting in her room playing video games for hours. Eventually, she was ordered out. Go do something. It was way past time.
She worked the resort reception, which filled some of the day’s hours and seemed to placate everyone else. A group came in with teenaged boys who were going hunting. The guys had no interest, but their dad kept dragging them around. The oldest teen, however, showed some interest in Cami. She didn’t encourage him, but he offered her some weed. She dared not risk getting it at home, so she met the guy on the beach that night, where they both partook of the herb. He tried to cop a feel, so Cami stole the rest of his weed after she swiftly kneed him in the groin and ran off.
A few times, she bummed several beers out of Joey’s or Ben’s fridge.
Jocelyn caught her one time. “Cami, are you drinking again?”
“No. I just get bored sometimes.”
“Missing Charlie?”
“Duh,” she grumbled.
Jocelyn sat down. “You doing okay?”
“I’m doing fine. He chose to leave and now he’s having a wonderful time. Busy. Meeting people. All kinds of wonderful, stimulating educational opportunities. A library full of books. Who wouldn’t want that?”
Jocelyn stuck her tongue in her cheek in an obvious attempt not to laugh. “I take it you’re just a tad bitter?”
“He chose that. Not me.”
Jocelyn tilted her head. “You guys can make this last, if you want it to. But you’ll have to be honest and communicate throughout the hard times and your feelings of insecurity.”
“Sounds like super fun.”
“No, but that’s also part of a real relationship.”
“Right.” Cami turned and fled. She didn’t need another lecture on how she should be. She already got plenty of those. But Charlie was the one who chose to do that to them. To her. To leave without her. When they’d always been practically joined at the hip.
Cami took out the bottle of booze she stuffed in her bag. Jocelyn missed that. She escaped and headed towards the Rydells’ beach, scrambling over the trail and up to the Rydell River Rock. She went there just to stare at the river. Plopping down on the hard rock, she let her feet dangle and pulled her coat more tightly around her when the nippy November wind chilled her. Damn. It was cold. Freezing in the morning, and she knew the first snows would be coming soon.
Uncapping the alcohol, she swallowed a gulp, then shuddered and cringed, savoring the pull of it. It zinged straight into her bloodstream and seeped through the rest of her in a warm, lovely radiation. Ahh, that helped banish the cold and her thoughts. Her phone rang. Charlie. She pulled it out.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” he said, his tone soft and caressing, like he always greeted her. “What are you doing?”
Getting drunk on Rydell Rock all alone and huddling in the cold seemed a bit too lame and sad so she replied, “Jocelyn invited me to dinner. Going to hang with her.”
“Yeah, so what else?”
They talked, sure. But it was disconnected, and she kept staring at things he couldn’t see and vice versa. She hated it. The days dragged on miserably and she wished she were back in high school and things were how they used to be. She wanted to go places but not without Charlie. She wished for Charlie to come home.
And stay there. Of course, he’d come home but she knew he wouldn’t stay.
Finally, his stupid Thanksgiving brea
k arrived. He showed up late Wednesday evening. He caught an early flight and had a friend drop him at her house as a surprise. He wasn’t supposed to come, and certainly not for such a short time. But he did.
Her stomach jumped when she heard his footsteps crossing their porch at a fast clip before she heard a knock. She opened the door.
“Charlie?” Her shock was reflected in her tone and gaze.
He grinned a massively huge smile as he opened his arms and she launched herself into him. He had to take a step back to catch her. Their mouths met, and they started kissing passionately. His hands gripped her face and held her there, just as frantic as she was for him. Finally, they smiled as they separated barely an inch. “Hi.”
“Hey.” He grinned. “We probably can’t do this here. Where’s AJ?”
“Don’t know.” She rose up to kiss his lips again.
“Come with me?” he asked gently, his tone hopeful, eyebrows raised up.
“Anywhere,” she answered softly, her lips touching his. Grinning wildly at each other, they clasped hands and fled the porch.
The ground was crunchy from the frozen cold, but no snow had fallen yet, although tinges of it rimmed the mountains all around. They snuck away from the house like two thieves in the night. She couldn’t have cared less if everyone at the ranch figured out what they were doing. She fully intended to do it. They ran down the road until they came to the old trailer, one that had passed through several ranch hands and family members. It once left the ranch when it was bought by one of the workers before getting sold back and taken to its original spot. Charlie opened it with a key they kept hidden in the latch. He took her hand and pulled her inside. It was freezing. He set the heat on and turned on one of the lamps. It made a rosy glow and had a cocooning effect.
“Here?” he inquired, raising his eyebrows. He didn’t need to explain what he meant. Here. She knew what that one word implied.
“Anywhere.” She grinned, tugging her coat off. But then she stuck it back on when the icy cold hit her. “In a few minutes,” she added cheekily.
He stepped towards her and slipped his arms inside her unzipped coat, wrapping them around her waist. “I haven’t been home yet. They don’t even know I’m here. I told them I was coming in tomorrow.”
