by Leanne Davis
She snapped her mouth shut. Charlie so rarely chided her. She awoke to a different Charlie, and now only a matter of hours later, their previous interaction was gone, and he was already sounding changed. And she’d done it so she deserved it.
“Look, I have a huge test tomorrow, I need to sleep now. I’ll let you sleep in, but I have to get up early. So go home and talk to AJ and Kate. I mean it. And I’ll call you after my test.”
“Okay.” Cami barely whispered it. His hands clutched her waist and hooked together over her middle. Like he usually did. There was no special rub or intimate hold of her stomach. No. He didn’t want that now.
But he intended to deal with it. That was something. That was huge.
With his steady breathing behind her, she let her tears fall. Only now did she realize that something very meaningful and precious was lost: Charlie’s trust and respect. That affected who they were. The Charlie she missed all the time? Now she had a bad feeling that he was gone, and a new Charlie had emerged, one who demanded a new Cami. She felt like she lost her boyfriend although she gained a baby daddy. It was only then, at that moment, when she fully understood what she’d done. The rush of regret that gripped her heart almost gave her a heart attack.
Cami’s unwise mistake would change their destiny and their life together irrevocably.
****
Luckily, Charlie was blessed with a stellar memory and the ability to block out distractions. He had no problem trying to focus on the here and now. The test took two hours of which he was almost grateful. He felt less stress since his brain wasn’t zig-zagging through all the what-ifs and how-comes. His anger and disgust arose from the horrible sense of betrayal inflicted on him by the one person he loved and supported the most. Yet she was very fragile, so it was almost impossible for Charlie to say anything hurtful to her face. She usually responded by running scared and withdrawing from the world, remaining inside herself. So, Charlie rarely reacted as he did last night. Sadly, she had no clue that what he truly longed to say was very different and much more intense.
After he promised her he’d always love her and be there for her, she had to go off and test him. And worst of all, she did it in a way he’d never have foreseen. She had to accept the changes now occurring between them. Sharp. Direct. Present. Very clear changes. She was the one responsible for that. Not Charlie.
“Did you get home okay?” he asked after he called her. He wanted to avoid seeing her sad sack face, laced with an expression of too-late-to-regret on his phone screen.
“Yes,” Cami answered quietly.
It sounded pathetic, she whispered as if she were afraid to speak out loud to him. He rolled his eyes. “Are you feeling okay?”
“Yes.”
“Did you tell AJ and Kate?”
“I started to… and then AJ started talking about something and I didn’t know how to…”
He sighed, closing his eyes and setting a fist to his forehead. God. How could she be so incapable?
“Charlie?”
“What?”
“Do you plan to tell everyone what I did? That it’s all my fault and mine alone? And that you don’t want the baby?”
He closed his eyes to the pounding headache. That’s what she deserved to hear. He couldn’t be blamed for it. They had a plan, a mutual pact they both agreed to. It was so easy and so effective, their plan to prevent this from happening and Cami broke the contract when she decided she’d simply not follow the plan.
But she was also the woman Charlie loved, and one day, the future mother of his child. Someday, his child would ask about how they met and came to be. No, he wouldn’t besmirch Cami. “No. I don’t. Your pregnancy surprised us, but we’re still together in this.”
She sucked in a breath. “Do you really mean that?”
“Yes, but not in the happy way you would like me to. I’m with you, and we’re together on this, but only because it’s my baby and we have no other choice. You saw to that.”
“Charlie, how long—”
“Longer than just a day. I’ll be angry and distrustful of you for longer than just a damn day, Cami,” he interrupted her. Closing his eyes, he slowly began to suck in air while counting backwards from ten to calm himself. Her soft mutters told him she was crying again. He slumped forward. “Look. How about if I come home this weekend and we’ll talk before we tell everyone? Okay?”
Exhaling a huge whoosh of air, Cami gushed, “Yes. Oh, yes. Thank you.”
****
Seething inside, Charlie finished up his work for the week and made the long trip home early Saturday morning. He intended to repeat it the following morning so he could get back to school. But things were different now, and Cami took priority over whatever was going on at school, no matter what. He refused to let that new reality affect his feelings. The awful truth of the situation had to be kept at bay. Far from his heart. If he caved and showed how he really felt, he’d have to yell and scream and rail at her, like she deserved. That was what his heart desired. The moment she said pregnant, his life ceased to belong to him. Now, it belonged to the baby and that realization would have to sink in and grow in his mind just as her belly grew with the baby. With the snap of his fingers, he realized that he came in second now to whatever was right for the baby.
That was the whole reason he insisted on birth control, to make sure he didn’t have a baby until he was ready for one. But now? That which he so valiantly strove to avoid was unavoidable. Maliciously trying to trick him or not, Cami read all the information Charlie did, so she understood what was at stake, even if she chose not to take responsibility for it. Not the first time that Cami shirked her obligation, either. Never anything as serious as this, however, so he overlooked that fault in her. Betraying him and making him look like a hypocrite since having a baby at his age was the very last thing he promised himself he would ever do, Charlie cringed when he remembered the fateful night when he gave his brother so much crap. He sorely regretted making a scene despite Ben’s bad decision to marry Marci. He cheated on her and left River’s End the same night without even checking in on Jocelyn or notifying his family. And Ben also irresponsibly conceived a baby.
Just like Charlie.
Damn.
His heart sank with disappointment that the direction of his life so suddenly and abruptly plummeted. A baby at this point of his budding career was the last thing he wanted, not even a little bit. The years of responsibility. The money required. The limits on his freedom in every way. Maybe worst of all, it would tie him down to Cami and River’s End. Questions and details began flashing through his mind and he worried about so many other things in the coming months. Only four days ago, the thought of fatherhood never even crossed his mind. The imminent cost of Cami’s pregnancy, which he had to support and pay for, headed the list that was a mile long, but one he had to start addressing. First and foremost, he had to coach and encourage Cami to tell her damn parents. Cami easily became an emotional wreck whenever she had to face anything that threatened, worried, or bothered her.
His head was throbbing with a headache by the time he pulled into the ranch on a cold, snowy day in February. The last place he wanted to be. Or live. Or be bound or obligated to. He had no idea where he might eventually choose to be. He hoped that decision could be postponed for years. But here he was. Home. Sure, he liked to visit, being so close to his family and he didn’t foresee that changing, but making it a weekly habit at this age? Hell no.
Cami came out of AJ and Kate’s house. She wasn’t running toward Charlie and she didn’t seem too eager in greeting him. He was blank-faced, keeping his expression neutral as best he could. The façade strained him physically, centering mostly in his heart.
“Hi,” she said, all but in a whisper. She didn’t fail to see how upset he was. She could expertly play the scared, little girl whenever she was afraid to face him. She could beg him to make it all better for her. That wasn’t how things would go now. He refused to do that despite how often he
formerly did. Not anymore. If she was ready to have a child, then she was no longer allowed to act like one. Oh, yes, he knew first-hand about her low self-esteem, stemming from her childhood and even now, she struggled to cope. But Charlie didn’t have the time or patience to coddle her now or try to make up for it. She had made him a parent first and her supportive boyfriend second.
“Hey.” He leaned over by habit and kissed her mouth, grabbing an overnight bag from his truck.
“How was your last test?”
He raised his eyebrows at her. “Terrible, Cami. My entire week went pretty fucking terrible. Call me crazy but it’s a little hard to study when your life as you know it gets turned upside-down. Oh, by the way, the next eighteen years belong entirely to someone else. And what? I have eight or fewer months to prepare for it? Because it must have happened over Christmas.”
“Yes.” Cami’s cheeks were streaked with color.
“Not to mention, I probably blew my perfect grade point average.”
“Oh, no. No, Charlie. I’m… I’m so sorry.”
He sighed and shut his eyes. Her distress and concern were real and true. He knew that. But still, his heart turned cold. He felt meaner and harder towards her. Far meaner than he ever was before. “I’m sure that’s pretty low on my list of important things anymore. You well knew I didn’t want this now. But now is when you chose to do it, so now is when we have to deal with it.” She blinked in surprise and swallowed the large knot in her throat as hot tears filled her eyes. He stepped closer and took her arm in his hand, jiggling her as if to emphasize his point. “That means you too. You’ve got to try harder, Cami. You can’t cry every time I hurt your feelings by pointing out all the things you’re supposed to do.”
She nodded, blinking swiftly to dispel the tears. “What didn’t I do?”
“How about telling your parents? Insisting that I come home this weekend to do it? Any of that ring a bell? I’m going to warn you, Cami, as often as I need to while this pregnancy progresses that once this baby is born, you will no longer be my first priority in life. Never again. The baby will be. So, I expect you to accept that and start growing up. You’ve forced this chapter in our lives on us, so we both have to grow up pretty fucking fast. You can chastise yourself all you want, but don’t blame me, even if you don’t like it or can’t handle it. You have to understand: this is a game changer. A real game changer.”
“And it’s all my fault.”
“Yup. You arranged it. So don’t even try to play the contrite martyr.”
She avoided his gaze, darting her eyeballs all around with raw nerves and looking obviously upset. Charlie had never been the cause of her grief. He was the one to scoop her up in his embrace and comfort her, or at the very least, diminish her sadness. Now he had every right to be angry. He couldn’t simply shut it off.
Tightening his hand on the handle of his bag, he did not automatically touch her. First, he had to release his anger. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be genuine. For once, he intended to be as honest as he could without backing off the truth in favor of protecting Cami. “Let’s go talk to everyone. Might as well get it over with.”
He went first, walking directly into the Reeds’ house and setting his bag down. Kate walked out from the office where she’d been working. “Charlie. What a surprise,” she exclaimed. “Everything okay?”
“No. Could we talk to you and AJ? I’d also like to ask my dad and Erin up here too.” Kate’s gaze wavered and flickered from him to Cami and back again. She kept her head down, her eyes totally downcast, interlacing her fingers before her. They were clear signs of her distress, but she didn’t voice anything or try to explain.
“Sure. Yes. I’ll text AJ. He’s actually down at your place helping Jack with a side job. So I’ll ask both of them to come over.”
“Thanks.” Turning, he picked up his bag and headed to Cami’s bedroom as if he lived there. And why not? There was no hiding it now. Everyone would soon know everything that happened. Cami followed silently behind him.
She waited for him to drop his stuff before he went to her bathroom. When he entered her room again, he glanced around. Her previously gothic, austere room had undergone a complete transformation. “When did you dump the black and red?”
“During the last few weeks.”
All white walls and a neutral bedspread replaced the rather hideous, but distinctly passionate blood red coverlet. “Why?”
“I got tired of it.”
Maybe knowing she was pregnant, she decided to grow up? He sighed.
“How long do you intend to be so angry at me?” she finally asked when the ugly silence between them became intolerable.
“I have no idea.”
“Are you going to keep treating me like this?”
“Like what?”
“So cold. As if you don’t even know me or like me. You seem annoyed if you even have to look at me.”
“God. Don’t you get it yet? Gee, you just about ruined my life as I know it, you get that, don’t you? Because I really don’t think you see how serious this is to me. I don’t want to be a father at twenty-two years old. I’m just a senior in college. Doesn’t make me a monster, Cami. It makes me honest. I have always been totally honest with you. And all I asked was that you be honest back. If this had been an accident, I could not be mad. No. Then it would have been part of destiny, something that happened despite our best efforts to prevent it from happening. Then, it would have been a true accident. Having sex at all means we have to risk the slightest chance of it happening. But you so carelessly ignored the risk without my knowledge. Yeah, Cami, it’s going to be awhile.”
“Are you staying with me now only because of it?”
He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. “How should I know? I doubt it. I mean, I’ve loved you for nearly a decade. I doubt it can be so easily expunged, especially within a week. But am I nearly blind with rage? Yes, I am. But I don’t get to be angry, because you’re pregnant and that outweighs my anger. So here I am. Maybe you’ll have to face the consequences of your own actions. Maybe next time, you won’t forget to tell me when you decide you’re ready to get pregnant.”
Her face crumpled in distress the longer he spoke. “So, then I take it you obviously aren’t going to marry me?”
His eyebrows jerked straight upright. “Are you serious? No. God, no. Someday? Yeah, I always hoped and planned to marry you someday. When we were old enough, and both ready. But now? No. For this reason? No.”
“So, what do you think will happen?”
He almost laughed bitterly. She expected him to marry her and move home? Abandon his entire life’s plans? Fuck. Only if he had no choice. Not yet. He’d be damned if he’d do it before he had to. “I still have to finish school. I don’t know. Maybe you’ll move there after the baby is born. But there is no reason for you to do it yet. You should keep working and save all your money. That shit is going to get real very soon. We’ll need every penny of it. No one’s going to take care of us. My dad and Erin have generously provided for my college and living expenses. But I doubt that includes my new family.”
He saw her eyes rise and a glimpse of hope flared in her pupils at the words my new family. That’s what Cami wanted most and hoped to get from the beginning. To start her own family and have a place of belonging. What she’d always been denied in her own childhood. He understood that. But it still wasn’t okay for her to make that decision without him.
“Cami, what do you think is going to happen here? Do you expect me to support you while you become a stay-at-home mom and housewife to me?”
Her fingers started twisting again. Oh, yeah, that’s what she secretly hoped for. He gentled his voice. “It’s not going to be like that at all. You’ll have to work so we can both support this baby. We have to do it together. I don’t stand a chance of earning a decent living without finishing school. Then I’ll have to find a job and work my way up to livable wages. Who knows how long that will be? What did you exp
ect?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t think—”
“Exactly. You didn’t think. And now look at us. Just look what you’ve done to us, Cami, and to our lives—”
She all but covered her ears as the tears leaked from her eyes. “Stop yelling at me.”
“I’m not yelling,” he stated in a cold tone, which was the antithesis of yelling. “I haven’t raised my voice, not once. I’m discussing an issue and pointing out the factors involved. Telling you what I expect of you. Yes, I’m telling you that, which you may not like, but you don’t get to change it just because you don’t like it. Welcome to reality.”
“Cami? Charlie?” Kate yelled, and Charlie sighed. His nerves were raw, and his heavy heart was rapidly sinking. He hated to disappoint his dad so much. The one thing he promised him was that he wouldn’t do that, and now, here he was.
Her neck snapped back, and her face filled with terror. “I can’t tell them. Not with you… not with us… like this.” Tears filled her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. He sighed but his heart still felt like it was encased in Teflon. His love for her made him ache to see her in pain and so unsure but he finally stepped towards her and held her against him. She started to cry, burying her face in his shoulder. “Please don’t hate me. Please. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t think… or… I never meant to ruin your life. Or us.” Her words were incoherent, and she could have been babbling. Her sniffles and hiccups punctuated her anguished sobs.
He blew all the air out of his lungs and rested his head on top of hers, circling her back with his arms before hooking his hands at the middle of her back. “I don’t hate you. But I’m angry. That’s just where I’m at, and what it is. I’ll try to keep it in check, but I can’t pretend it’s not there. You have to give me some more space so I can get a grip on this. My constant reassurance is no longer necessary. You have to trust me to love you even though I’m still working through this.”
Her head tilted back. “What? You do still love me?”
