Catching Serenity

by JoAnn Durgin

  Serenity’s soft laugh enchanted him all over again. Sexy and sweet. Great way to start the evening. On the other hand, he was probably in big trouble.

  “No, I’m a figment of your overactive imagination. I enjoyed a nice brisk walk, so I’ve worked up an appetite.”

  “Come in.”

  “Don’t mind if I do.” She shoved a bottle of something cold in his hands and walked across the threshold. “Put me to work.” She seemed happy and more animated than he’d ever seen her. He glanced at the label on the bottle. Sparkling grape juice.

  He watched as she marched straight into his kitchen, all that long blonde hair swinging and bouncing with a life all its own. In her blue jeans and simple white top, this woman did things to his heart rate that were unprecedented. Standing rooted to the floor like an idiot, one hand still on the front door, he stared at her. Consciously closing his open mouth, he pushed the front door closed and followed her into the kitchen.

  Above all, he needed to try and relax so she wouldn’t suspect anything was wrong. Not give anything away to make her suspect her life was about to change in a completely unexpected and shocking way. Now that he knew the truth, he wanted to get it out in the open so they could move past it and get on with their lives. He wanted Serenity beside him as his wife, and the sooner the better.

  His mind went back to what Elise said earlier in the afternoon. Although nothing like her circumstances and what she’d endured, he was stuck between the freedom of telling Serenity the truth and the prison of upholding his sworn duty to his patient. Not an enviable position, to be sure. God would have to see it through because he sure didn’t know how it’d play out. If he stopped to think about it, he’d groan. On the one hand, the heaviness in his heart had lifted. On the other, a sense of foreboding threatened to overwhelm him.

  You haven’t even told her you love her yet. He’d need to remedy that soon, too, although she had to know. They’d pretty much said it in every way except with actual words. But he couldn’t tell her. Not yet. First, she needed to know about Elise and Liam. Then he needed to give her time to absorb the truth. Then hope and pray she wouldn’t harbor feelings of resentment or betrayal against him. If that happened, he’d die a slow death. But he’d wait it out. Serenity was worth fighting for, worth waiting for. No matter how long it took.

  Lord, be with us.

  Serenity watched as he put the bottle on the table. “That’s the next best thing to alcohol. It’s fizzy and goes up your nose. Always makes me sneeze.” Her smile lit up his house, his world. “But it’s really good.”

  “That it is. Thanks,” he said, turning around to go check on the food. “I trust you like linguini.” His mind sprinted in a hundred different directions, all fighting for precedence.

  “Mmm, I love linguini. Smells wonderful.”

  Someone was definitely in a flirty, playful mood. When Serenity moved away, she left behind a wonderful scent. Normally he didn’t like perfume on a woman, but this was something light, fun and entirely Serenity. It lingered in the air, and he suspected it would linger in his mind a whole lot longer. She could have no idea of the emotions coursing through him like a tidal wave.

  “Is there a salad in the fridge? Need me to chop or dice anything?”

  For whatever reason, her question struck him as amusing, but he managed to keep a straight face. “Second shelf. There’s homemade ranch dressing in the blue container beside it. Croutons are in the pantry.” He angled his head toward the side wall.

  A minute later, she stood by the counter and tossed the mixed green salad. “Do you have something to put the dressing in? Not that I’m fancy. We can leave it in the container.”

  “Nothing but the best.” Wiping his hands on the dish towel, he walked around the corner to the small hutch and pulled out a crystal pitcher. “Here, this should do the trick.” When he handed it to her, their fingers touched, shooting awareness of her through every inch of his body.

  Taking it from him, Serenity gave him a curious look. “Thanks. Are you okay? You seem...I don’t know, sort of bothered.”

  This is why he could never earn a dime from acting. He stunk at it.

  “I’m hoping you like my cooking.” Not a total lie.

  She smiled. “I don’t think you have to worry about that. It’s a very romantic thing to do.”

  He almost groaned with those words. They’d eat and then he’d take her away from the cottage. Take a walk on the beach with Freud. Drive somewhere.

  Perhaps it wasn’t the smartest idea to have her in the cottage for dinner, especially after what he’d learned earlier in the day. Not that he’d had any idea when he’d issued the invitation. The better option might have been to change their plans and take her to a public place. The intimacy of being alone with her appealed to him on many levels and spending time with Serenity was top priority. But his common sense should prevail over his need for privacy. Faire Kingdom had been safe enough since it was loud with lots of people around. When he’d sat beside her in her bedroom, he’d almost lost his composure when she talked about Liam and opened that box with his baby things. And that was before he knew the story.

  She peeked at the bread wrapper on the counter. “Sourdough. How’d you know it’s my favorite?”

  His pulse increased. “Maybe I had a little help.” She’d probably assume from her dad.

  “And what sauce have you prepared for us tonight, Chef Ross?”

  “Clam with white wine.” Good. She didn’t seem to pick up on anything amiss. “All the flavor but not enough to get us drunk.”

  “Right. Drinking might make us lose our inhibitions. We couldn’t have that.” When she lowered her lids, the look she gave him was nothing short of alluring.

  Was she testing him? Father, I could be so weak with this woman. Help me be strong. He stilled the spoon in the sauce. What he felt for Serenity was so much more than physical desire, although there was certainly that element to their relationship. He needed to concentrate on anything other than how beautiful she was, how tempting her eyes, her lips, her everything.

  He cleared his throat. “You don’t have to worry about me in that way.” The Lord knew it took all his fortitude to say those words.

  Her blue eyes widened, drinking him in. “A bottle of cheap wine was all it took when I was younger.”

  “I’m not Danny.”

  “Trust me, I know that. I don’t expect you to be Danny. I want—”

  “Shh,” he said, putting two fingers over her lips. Best if he didn’t hear the rest of that sentence with his defenses already lowered. He put the spoon on the counter and gathered his thoughts. Taking Serenity by the hand, he led her away from the stove and to the middle of the room. “You are an incredibly beautiful woman, and guys are…well, guys. Most of them are going to try and push the limit, at least a little. I suspect Spencer what’s-his-name tried something.” Maybe he was fishing with that one.

  “He did, but I wasn’t taking the bait,” she said. “Not when I’d already found the best.”

  He almost staggered. With those words, she’d blessed him. The unasked question flickered in her eyes. It wasn’t a challenge, but he sensed her deep need to know his answer.

  Jackson’s gaze melded into hers. “Being completely honest here? If I hadn’t become a Christian, I wouldn’t want to end this evening tonight.” He couldn’t say what he wanted to say without touching her, right or wrong. Closing the distance between them, he slid his hands around her small waist. She came willingly and rested her hands on his arms. The touch of her fingers on his skin was warm.

  “It’d carry over into the morning…down the hall,” he said, not surprised by the huskiness in his own voice. “If that’s what you wanted, because sure as anything, guaranteed it’s what I’d want.” He heard the slight hitch in her breath, saw her lips part. “But,” he said, relishing the look in her eyes, “because I’m a Christian, and a man of honor and have all the respect in the world for you, sweet Serenity, I won’t te
mpt either one of us.” Touching her hair, he smiled. “And you are, without a doubt, the most tempting woman I’ve ever known.”

  “Thank you for respecting me enough,” she whispered. “You are truly a prince among men.”

  “It’s also about respecting yourself,” he said. “You’ve beaten yourself up over getting pregnant when you were young. You think you’re not worthy in some way.”

  Easing out of his arms, Serenity’s cheeks grew flushed and she lowered her gaze. “I never said that.”

  “You didn’t have to.” Cupping her cheeks between his hands, he raised her face, caressing her. “You did nothing wrong other than give your heart to a man who squandered that love. Nothing you did caused any of those other things that happened and in no way was it God’s punishment.”

  As he suspected, she withdrew again, leaving him bereft. “I was thinking that very thing last night. The Lord’s working on me, but I’ve got a lot to learn.” She crossed her arms over her middle and turned in the opposite direction. “I think you know me as well as I know myself, Jackson. As comforting as that can be, it’s also a very scary thing.”

  Lord, I can’t stay away from her now. Moving behind her, Jackson brought his arms around her. “That’s what happens when you care about someone, baby. You want to understand them so you can help them resolve or get over whatever makes them sad.” He turned her around again, relieved when she didn’t fight. “You deserve happiness. You deserve love.”

  When Serenity finally met his eyes, he saw the tears glistening as one tear coursed its way down her cheek. “I’m not sure I deserve you, and I hate to say this, but I think your sauce is burning.”

  As he walked Serenity to her door, Jackson thought over the events of the evening. She’d been quiet through dinner, but it was a comfortable silence, just as it was now. She’d devoured two pieces of the sourdough bread and a full plate of the linguini, claiming it was the best she’d ever eaten. Even though it was only cooking a meal, he wanted to please her and bring that gorgeous smile to her beautiful face.

  More importantly, he’d managed to crack through her armor. She’d been through so much and, as he’d told Elise, accepting the truth might take some time. How long would depend on Serenity. Some people might never get over what had happened to her, but she’d proven she was stronger than most. He suspected she didn’t know how strong she was.

  He’d seen the power of prayer work in the lives of a number of his patients and their families, and that’s what he’d do for Serenity. It was the best thing he could do. That, and love her—from the sidelines, if that’s what she wanted. He’d cover them all—Serenity, Elise, Justin, Clinton—in a blanket of prayer. Lord, help me be her friend even if she doesn’t want me to be once she finds out the truth.

  She reached for his hand. Raising it to his lips, Jackson planted a soft kiss on her open palm and felt her pulse escalate. That pleased him, too. The slight breeze sifted through her long hair, tousling it. A couple walking down the street with their dog waved and called out greetings.

  Serenity’s long lashes fluttered on her cheeks, and it started his heart pumping harder. It really didn’t take much.

  “Surely you can do better than that.” With one finger, she traced the side of his face. Oh, the things she did to him without even trying.

  Jackson pulled her close, so close he felt the contours of her body. Not the best idea. Stepping back an inch without making it seem like he was rejecting her—far from it—he kissed her. He kept it purposely soft, quick and sweet but couldn’t seem to disengage from it. Although he didn’t deepen it the way he wanted, it was unlike any kiss he’d ever experienced. For his sanity, he couldn’t give into the overwhelming passion he felt for her.

  I love you more than you know, Serenity. It was on the tip of his tongue to say the words. He felt pretty sure she’d reciprocate. Be patient. It’s not the time. Leaning his head on hers, he held her tight before releasing her.

  “Save me a spot on your pew for the service tomorrow?” he asked from the walkway.

  She nodded with a sweet smile. “I’ll be there.”

  No doubt about it. For the first time in his life, he was completely in love, in every part of him—mind, body and soul.

  ~CHAPTER 41~

  When Serenity stepped inside the front foyer of the church the next morning, she barely had time to get her bearings before Maya barreled into her, throwing her arms around her legs and hugging her tight. “Serenity! You came for Sunday school!”

  “Don’t run the pretty lady over, Maya,” Charlie said with a chuckle, pulling her into a warm hug. “Good to have you join us.”

  “What a nice welcome,” Serenity said. “Good morning.”

  Maya tugged on her hand. “Dr. Ross is teaching my class. You’ve gotta come!”

  Serenity raised a brow and glanced at Charlie. That was a surprise. She wondered why Jackson hadn’t said anything. “I thought I’d sit in with the ladies’ class, if there is one.”

  Charlie gave her a curious smile. “I’m a greeter this morning. Do you mind taking Maya downstairs to her classroom?”

  “Not at all. It’ll be my honor.”

  Maya slipped her small hand in hers and pointed to the back of the choir loft. “We go through the door up there and then down some steps.” The little girl tugged on her hand when they reached the bottom of the stairs and led Serenity past a number of classrooms. Several ladies waved and a couple of the men nodded as they walked down a long hallway.

  “Here it is.” Maya dropped her hand and skipped inside a bright, colorful classroom.

  Following her, Serenity stopped short. Familiar brown eyes met hers and the corners crinkled, prompting her heart to do a silly little flip flop.

  “The pretty single ladies meet upstairs, Miss McClaren.”

  “Thanks. Guess I’ll go find it,” she said, pivoting on her heel. Jackson moved beside her in an instant, taking her by the shoulders and turning her around to face him.

  “Not on your life. I’m thrilled you’re here. Stay.” Like Maya before him, Jackson took her hand and led her to the back of the room where a woman pulled crayons and papers from a cabinet. “This is Karyn,” he said, releasing her hand. “Her twins, Trevor and Traci, are in this class. Karyn, this is my friend, Serenity.”

  The red-haired woman pushed bangs away from her eyes and gave her a weary smile. “Nice to meet you. That’s a really cool name you have.”

  “Thanks. Can I help you do anything?” Serenity watched as Jackson moved back over to the circle of chairs and greeted more children.

  “Everything’s under control for now,” Karyn said. “If you want, you can help get the snack together after the lesson. For now, sit and listen. Jackson gives a really good lesson and the kids all love him.” She stifled a yawn. “I’m sorry. Don’t mind me. My youngest is teething and I was up and down with her last night. We’re both cranky this morning.”

  “Okay, it’s time to start our lesson,” Jackson said, motioning for the kids to join him in the circle.

  “I’m going to rest over here at the table.” Karen laughed. “If you see me dozing off or if I start to snore, give me a little nudge.”

  The children scrambled into chairs. “Come sit by me,” Maya said, patting the chair next to her with a big smile.

  Serenity sat down, praying the kid-size chair would hold her. “I feel like Goldilocks trying to squeeze into Baby Bear’s chair.”

  “Hold on a sec,” Jackson said, retrieving a bigger chair and bringing it to her. Murmuring her thanks, she took her seat. Jackson picked up his Bible from a table and sat across the circle from her in another “adult size” chair. Serenity hid her smile when two girls scooted their chairs closer to him and gave him adoring grins. Glancing around the circle, she counted thirteen children.

  “We have a very special guest with us today,” Jackson said after the kids settled in their chairs and most of the chatter subsided. “This is Serenity McClaren.”

&
nbsp; “What kind of name is Serenity?” That from one of the girls next to Jackson.

  “It’s a be-au-ti-ful name,” Maya said, bobbing her head.

  “Serenity means calm and peaceful,” Jackson said. “The word ‘serene’ means the same thing. If you met a queen, you’d bow or curtsy and address her as ‘Your serene royal Highness.’ It’s a title of honor and respect, and that’s how Jesus wants us to treat everyone. Why don’t we go around the circle and everyone tell Serenity your name? I’ll start. I’m Jackson Ross, and I’m your substitute teacher today while Mrs. Cooke is in Virginia helping take care of her new grandbaby. Trevor and Traci’s mom, Mrs. Raeborn, is our helper today.” Karyn waved from the nearby table. As they went around the circle telling her their names, Serenity hoped she’d remember them all.

  “If you have your Bibles, open them to the Book of Exodus,” Jackson said, giving them the chapter and verse.

  “Here, I’ll share with you,” a girl named Emilee said, placing her Bible on Serenity’s lap.

  Glancing down and seeing it opened to the passage, Serenity felt her cheeks burn. Why hadn’t she remembered to bring her Bible? Her breath caught when Emilee rested her curly head against her arm, looking up at her with trusting dark eyes.

  “Maya, why don’t you read for us?” Jackson asked. Serenity suspected most of the children either knew how to read or could at least follow along. Emilee ran her finger across the page as Maya read. Jackson helped out a couple of times when Maya stumbled over a few names, but she did an impressive job.

  “Great job reading. Now, what’s this story about?” Jackson said.

  “Moses!” Erik said.

  “It’s about Miriam, too,” Traci said, seeking out Karyn for her approval.

  “You’re both right,” Jackson said. Serenity watched as he managed to draw all the kids into the discussion. When Maya suggested they act out the story of Miriam placing her baby brother, Moses, in the bulrushes, Jackson agreed. “Great idea.”