Ramping Up

by Zoe Dawson

  I stared at my dad, his expression set. “I haven’t changed my mind about any of it. In fact, I’m more determined than ever.” I could make it on my own. I was planning on showing him that.

  “We’re having this discussion, Gunner. Now or I’ll stand on the sidewalk and shout all day.”

  I glanced at Lena, and my father ignored her like she wasn’t even there. I swore softly under my breath and said, “This is Helena Mavrick. Lena, my father, David Smith.”

  He wouldn’t even acknowledge her, and I sighed, dropping my arm. He would cause a scene and then the police would get involved. For the sake of keeping a low profile, I let the rude son of a bitch inside. “This way.”

  When Lena came with us, he stopped and said, “Not you. This is private.”

  “I don’t give a damn if the whole world hears it,” I grumbled, opening the sliding glass door and stepping out. My father deliberately closed it in her face. She stood on the other side and that was okay with me. I didn’t want her to be subjected to my father’s bullshit.

  “Dad. Stop being so rude. This concerns her. She’s managing me now.”

  His eyes narrowed, and a vein in his temple throbbed. He glanced at Lena standing pressed to the glass of the door watching us intently, her brow furrowed in worry. “That remains to be seen.”

  “You need to accept this and let me get on with my life. I’m twenty-four years old. You can’t control me anymore, and I’m not surfing. I’m going pro in skateboarding.”

  His smile faltered just for an instant. “Skateboarding. You must be joking. That isn’t even a sport for God’s sake, certainly not for a man. You are throwing your talent away. And you can’t make it without me. You couldn’t even duck dive correctly until I drilled it into you.”

  “I was nine, Dad. Nine! I was underweight and exhausted because you worked me too hard. It wasn’t that I didn’t have the skill.”

  “What was it then?” His stance was belligerent.

  “You were too hard on me. You ignored my needs and acted like I was some extension of you, a grown man. I was just a kid. When Mom intervened and insisted you let up, that’s when you turned on her and used Maddy and me as a way to control her.”

  “Your mother didn’t understand what it took to mold a competitor,” he sneered, his eyes flashing. “She interfered. I had to make the best decision for you.”

  A bitter laugh escaped me before I could hold it back. “My best interest was your greatest worry? I have a hard time believing that.”

  “I took care of you, taught you, and now you’re one of the top ten surfers in the world! Don’t throw that away. I know you can go to number one.” He grabbed my shirtfront, but I wrestled away from him with a jerk.

  “That’s your dream, not mine,” I said through clenched teeth.

  “It’s our dream, Gunner.” He stepped forward, his voice now pleading, his eyes placating. “What we planned for.”

  I shook my head and stepped back again. “I went along with what you wanted because of Mom and Maddy, not because I wanted to.” I didn’t want the emotions to well up in me, pain and frustration, the hope of a little boy who just wanted his dad to love him and just be a dad. Not a coach or the monster who hurt the people he was supposed to love. “Why, Dad?” My voice was plaintive. “Why did you treat us all this way? We were family.”

  There was a pool of rage that had built up over the years just sitting in my gut, waiting for a chance to get loose. And mixed in there was a healthy dose of fear. The fear I would start drinking, fear that I would use my fists against others, fear that I was just like him in a way that I couldn’t change. I was sick with it, sick of it, but to let that rage have free rein—that terrified me the most.

  “Because relationships get in the way. They’re unreliable and messy and dangerous. Haven’t I taught you anything? Look what happened with your mother.”

  I felt his words like hammer blows, something dark and hollow breaking loose in me. Taught me? He’d taught me too damn well. All my life I’d numbed myself to everything, the joy as well as the pain. I had shunned love. I had kept myself isolated. I had hidden my heart. I had done all these things to keep the pain of loss at bay, but now. Now I realized it was a way to keep the fear contained. I had given up everything, and now…now I was just like him.

  “So, I want you to come to your senses. Come back with me to San Diego. Ray’s willing to take you back. All you have to do—”

  “I’m never going back to competitive surfing. Ever.” I clenched my fists and my jaw so hard to hold back the anguish and the bubbling anger. The words came boiling out of me. “Don’t you think I could have made it to the top if I wanted to? Don’t you know that not excelling felt good? So good. I wanted to fail. I wanted to disappoint you. I wanted to hurt you like you’d hurt us. I hate you for that. I hate you for what you’ve done.”

  His eyes changed, and I knew what was coming, and I refused to lift a hand to stop him. I wouldn’t use violence to make my point. I didn’t have to.

  “Gunner? Is everything okay?” Lena said from too close by. I whipped around in a panic. He was going off the rails. It was in his eyes and I didn’t want her here. “Go back into the house!” I shouted.

  She took a step back when she saw my face, all my fear; all my need to protect her was probably all there to see.

  I had inadvertently—in my desperation to protect my mom and sister, to protect myself—turned myself into him. I was exactly like him. Maybe the reasons were different, less selfish but still the outcome was the same.

  The only time I had ever felt alive was when I was skateboarding…and from the first electric moment I’d met Lena.

  I’d rather endure the torture of a life without her than see her go up against my dad. I already knew he wouldn’t hesitate to hit a woman.

  Everything was new and raw inside me, and I wasn’t prepared to get into the darkest part of my life with her right now.

  “Gunner? I’m not leaving you out here alone with him.”

  I hazarded another quick glance in Lena’s direction—taking my eyes off my volatile dad wasn’t safe for her or me. She was in an iron-maiden stance, ready to rumble, her gaze direct and challenging.

  “Lena, go back in the house, please,” I said in a tone that would brook no argument. I was worried. The girl was nothing but trouble, but she was shit out of luck if she thought I’d put her at any risk here. She thought she could take on my dad. She couldn’t. Nobody was that good. I didn’t want my family’s dirty laundry flapping for everyone to see. I wanted my secrets to remain safe, at least from her.

  I could tell by the grim expression on my dad’s face that he was going to make her pay for being the catalyst to take me away from San Clemente and the sport he thought I should be doing; assault charges be damned. The freaking PR nightmare was right here, like I predicted.

  “I think you’ve worn out your welcome, Mr. Smith. It’s time for you to leave,” she said.

  My dad whipped around, and his body language told me he wanted someone he could take his anger out on. It wasn’t going to be Lena. I would die first.

  I quickly faced my dad again.

  “I’ll leave when I’m damn good and ready.” He glared at her. I obviously needed to work on my brook-no-argument tone. My gaze strayed back to Lena. Hell, I was still distracted, which made me wonder what kind of hold she had over me. I had no business accepting a contract from her. I knew. Deep in my gut, I knew this was a definite possibility, and I’d practically led my dad here and put her in a bad position not only physically, but professionally. Even after my revelation, especially after the aha moment where I had realized I’d made myself in my dad’s image, I was the only person who could change that. Set a different pattern and take an untraveled and risky path. Beautiful girls with delicious sticky-sweet raspberry lips and a warrior-woman protective stance were new experiences for me—and I wanted to get lost in her, everything and every part of her. But she was in danger because of me
. My freedom had cost me, but Lena was too high a price to pay. Proving myself. That’s all I needed. I did not need Hottie McHotstuff driving me crazy and my dad giving her the evil eye. But I had so much respect for her, her bravery, and her commitment to me.

  Irrationally, I believed that the minute it got hard, or there was opposition, or threats, or the possibility of violence, she would have backtracked and left me to the wolves. But she was facing down opposition, threats, and violence for me.

  “You! You little bitch. You have ruined everything!” he said after a moment, speaking the words in a voice so cold, I felt the hair rise on the back of my neck.

  My dad started toward her, and an explosion went off in me. I moved in front of him, but he shoved me out of the way so violently I flew into a deck chair, landing on my sore elbow, pain lacing up my arm and into my shoulder.

  I scrambled up, the residual intensity of the confrontation leaving me shaken and trembling.

  He was advancing on her, his fists clenched, his posture rigid, but Lena stood there and faced him down. As he reached for her, she slammed both hands against his chest, and his foot slipped off the pool deck.

  “I think you need to cool off,” she growled as he fell backward into the water.

  He came up sputtering and he swam to the edge of the deck. He pulled himself out and took one look at my face, my shielding posture. The anger faded, and his eyes shifted to her, then back at me still poised for battle. He looked like a man who had discovered something important. Something he could use.

  Leverage.

  My heart sank like a stone.

  Chapter 10

  Helena

  “I see that we need to take a different tack here. I’ll let Ray know,” Gunner’s father said softly.

  “Mr. Smith. Gunner has made his decision, and harassing him is not going to help anyone. It’s best you just let this go and accept—”

  “I don’t believe you’re trying to manage me. Skateboarding. Un-fucking-believable!”

  Gunner was now braced in a gunslinger’s stance, his jaw set at a determined angle. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. This was the source of his pain, this animosity between them. It was clear that Gunner had downplayed his relationship with his father and that I would need to contain this. Find out what was going on with him, if he would open up to me. He seemed so distant; I figured it had to do with protecting me from whatever threat he envisioned his father posed, along with the fact that Ray Canton was in the mix. That was a terrible combination of volatile bastards. I hadn’t forgotten he’d threatened to take one of my clients. Now I knew who he had his sights set on.

  “Gunner?” I said, my voice dead calm and damned serious. He didn’t relax his vigilance; if anything, he got more intense. “Gunner.” He looked pale, too pale. I was scared of the protective stance and the feral look in his eyes.

  “You’ve worn out your welcome, Dad. Just for the record, if you ever lay a hand on Lena or disrespect her again, I will take you apart,” he said, his eyes challenging his father to even try anything else.

  His father’s expression went sly, as if that had been what he was waiting for. “I’ll see you soon, my boy.”

  Gunner’s fists clenched, and he took a step forward, but I moved in front of him, grabbing him around the waist. “Just…let him go.” I could hold on to him for-freaking-ever if that’s what it took. I could stand here and stare at him, his face inches from mine. Yeah, I could do that for the rest of my life if that’s what he needed. I gave a quick glance over my shoulder and felt a small measure of relief. His dad was retreating through the house and out the front door; even then Gunner did not relax.

  “He’s gone.” I turned my attention back to him.

  “For now,” he said, wearily. He looked shattered.

  I wondered if he was on the verge of a meltdown.

  “I’m chill,” he said, giving me his full attention. Right. He looked about as cool as a volcano.

  “I doubt that,” I said. “Listen to me.”

  His expression was pained. “This is not going to be good.” He reached out and snagged a tendril of my hair, letting it slip slowly through his fingers. “I’m usually not so…I’m-going-to-kick-your-ass tough. I don’t fight or get into pissing matches.”

  I was staring again. Full throttle out, imminent disaster, and suddenly I was feeling a little weak myself, and vulnerable, and stretched a little thin in the emotional safeguard department. Too thin. I blinked, then blinked again and hardened my resolve against the unwelcome wave of emotion welling up inside me. I was questioning what I had thought my whole life. Winning was everything. Now I thought, Was it? Was it worth giving up what I could potentially have with Gunner? My father had ignored the potential for scandal and had gone after my mom with single-minded determination. I wasn’t sure I could turn my back on Gunner’s pain and act just like a concerned, but neutral sports agent, putting Mavrick Allstars first when I should be putting the athlete first, exactly like we have always done. Of course, with Gunner, I wasn’t just interested in him as an athlete.

  My conscience prodded me and left me uneasy—uneasy and feeling deceitful—and those feelings together combined into a troubling sense of guilt. And that brought up how I had handled Isaiah. I had given him advice that wasn’t really in his best interest. That was on me.

  Winning wasn’t worth ignoring how Gunner’s life had been unbearable. I didn’t like how the all-encompassing need to win shaped me. The thought of Isaiah and the guilt that generated made me more determined to be the woman Gunner needed, and the sports agent Isaiah needed, in every way.

  He smelled so freaking good. I ached with it. The strong angle of his jaw, the perfect contours of his cheekbones, the street-warrior look of him—it flat-out stole my breath. It continued to make me fight for oxygen. From the first time I’d seen him on the video and in person on the skating deck. I’d never had a chance, and yet I’d wanted him from that star-crossed moment to this one, wanted so much to be close to him and, yes, please, dear God, to have him kiss me again. I wanted it so much it hurt. I let out a soft, weary breath full of all my pent-up longing.

  “Ray. He’s working with Ray,” I said. “Figures.” I crowded him backward. “Gunner, sit down.” I pushed him into a deck chair and knelt down in front of him. “Are you all right? I thought he was going to hit you.”

  “He was. Your timing was perfect, except I don’t want you to do that again. Do not come between my dad and me, especially if he’s losing his shit. Promise me.”

  My heart lurched to a stop and started back up on a ragged beat. “I can’t promise you that I won’t have your back. Don’t ask me to do that. I can’t, Gunner.” I rubbed my thumb across his jaw, over his healing lip. “He hit you when you told him you were quitting.” He leaned over and kissed me and kept kissing me. Then he pulled back and swore.

  He was abused and I didn’t think this was all recent. How long? How long had he endured this terrible cruelty? My eyes burning with tears, I clutched at his shirt, a weird kind of anger setting my resolve. I couldn’t leave him alone. Not this man. Not this brave, wonderful man. “You think he’s going to come back?”

  “Hell, yes. He’s going to try to use you against me.” I could feel how badly he was shaking, his breathing coming in ragged intakes. “I know him.” His voice broke and my heart turned over at the sound. “It’s how he operates.” He closed his eyes and in a hushed voice with undertones of panic, he said, “Maybe this was a terrible idea. Maybe I should disappear?”

  I stiffened. Everything inside me rebelled at the thought. “No. You’re not going to let him win by intimidation.”

  “You don’t understand. He has me pegged.”

  “How?”

  He pulled me close and pressed his forehead to mine as if drawing strength from me. “The first time it happened, I was desperate to get away. We ran…my mom and sister. But he came after us…me specifically. I knew if I stayed and they left, he wouldn’t pursue them. I
t was a silent pact. Now I’ve broken it, and he’s looking for leverage, Lena. He knows I’m vulnerable when it comes to my mom and sister. And now he might try to use you, too. I would die first.”

  “Don’t say that! Don’t ever say that.” My hand bunched in his T-shirt. “Wait a second, back up. Your mom and sister?”

  “My parents divorced—well, he divorced her, over me. She was pretty vocal about the way he treated me. The arguments got more frequent, and he got more violent. He hurt my sister and my mom. I had to stop that. I couldn’t risk Maddy getting stuck with my dad. So I insisted they go, and I stayed and did what he wanted so he would leave them alone.”

  God, he had been so alone. I couldn’t stand the thought of him struggling most of his life like that. My throat got tight and I got nailed hard with a spasm in my chest. My mind spinning, I cupped his jaw, then dragged him against me, holding him fiercely tight. My vision blurring with the enormity of my feelings, I whispered, “None of this is your fault.”

  “It had to be my fault,” he said in a hoarse whisper. “If it wasn’t for me, my father would have been different. Doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change anything, Lena. He wants me back in surfing, and I don’t want to go back to that. It means nothing to me. When you offered this chance to me, I was scared. I didn’t want to be under someone else’s thumb again. I didn’t want people to see me skating and criticize or judge me, and I was worried that I would come to hate skating. But what I didn’t realize is that you offered me a chance for freedom. To take something I love to the next level.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t think I have ever met anyone like you, Gunner.”

  Tears slipped down my cheeks, and he brushed them away with a swipe of his thumb. What he had sacrificed for his family…my God…the courage it must have taken to tell his mother to go without him. Save herself and his sister…I couldn’t stop thinking about it or him.

  I guess I wasn’t surprised that he’d been abused. But to hear that his mom and sister had disappeared, and Gunner had stayed with his father to protect them. Something happened to me right then and there. I couldn’t seem to put up any barriers with him anymore. I wanted to hold him, comfort him, be everything he needed. All the reasons I had given myself as to why it wasn’t a good idea didn’t seem to matter.