Wrapped Around My Heart

by Kelly Collins

  I didn’t want to take too long to come up with something, so I said the obvious. “Ben. He’s everything that’s good about you.”

  She sniffled in and breathed out a choppy breath. “He is pretty great.”

  “He’s amazing. He loves you. He looks at you like you’re his hero. Be his hero. Play with him. Tell him you love him. Let him paint your nails with Sharpies and draw your picture with crayons. Roast marshmallows with him, and sit in the center of a pile of Legos and build a masterpiece. Give him memories, not things. He’ll never not love the gift of your time.”

  I thought about Mark and felt sad that he’d missed those opportunities with his mother and father, but at least he’d had a wonderful nanny early on who planted ideas about love and loyalty and right and wrong. Mark turned out okay because he’d had one person in his life who had made a difference. I wanted that for Ben—but I wanted that person to be his mom, not hired help.

  “What about your boss? Do you think it’s wise that you’re sleeping with him?”

  “No, probably not, but it’s wonderful while it lasts. He’s a good man.”

  “How long have you been in a relationship?”

  I flopped back on her bed and covered my eyes with my arm. “Since yesterday.”

  “Oh. My. God.”

  I rolled over and pulled her down so she was forced to look at me. “It wasn’t planned, but neither was the snowstorm, the crash, or the motel. It kind of just happened.”

  “What happens now?”

  “I don’t know. Don’t take this wrong … I won’t force him into anything. What happens is what happens. We’re both grown-ups. We’ll deal with the fallout when and if it comes.”

  “You love him, don’t you?” She pushed my hair from my face. We hadn’t lain in bed and shared our secrets since junior high. I’d missed the girl she was back then.

  I hated to tell my sister the truth because in a bad moment she’d use it against me, but this moment called for honesty because saying I didn’t love him felt like a betrayal to Mark.

  “I do. I’ve been in love with him since the beginning.”

  “I can see it in your eyes. Kind of pisses me off.”

  I laughed. “Because you don’t feel that way about Matt?”

  She swiped at the tears rolling down her face. “No. Because I do, and I don’t think he feels the same about me.”

  I sat up and pulled her up with me. “That’s not true. He does love you, and he loves Ben. He just doesn’t know how to please you.”

  Bethany sat in silence for a minute. “He doesn’t want to be with me. That’s why he took the shift at the hospital over Christmas.” She cried harder, and I hugged harder.

  “Bethany, this is going to sound harsh, but I say it from a place of love. You are impossible to want to be with. You’re never happy. You always want more. Matt works his ass off to give you the house, the help, the colonics.” I shuddered to think about that treatment.

  “I don’t actually do colonics. I had one, and it was awful.” She scrunched up her nose and shook her head.

  “But you keep telling me to get one.”

  “I wanted a bonding experience.” She looked up from under wet eyelashes.

  “You wanted to punish me for something.”

  She fell back to the bed. “Now that I know you’re sleeping with your boss, I don’t feel so inferior.” She gave me a superior smile, but it wasn’t her normal I’ve-got-you-where-I-want-you grin. This one held humor, and I could see she was teasing.

  “You gonna tell Dad what you saw?”

  She laughed until she claimed she’d pee her pants. “Nope, telling Dad I walked in after his daughter’s boss screwed her with his ten-incher isn’t something I’m going to do.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You know,” she said as she stood and pulled me up with her, “it pisses me off that you have a bigger dick than I do.”

  I gave her a playful punch in the arm. “Oh, Bethany, no one, and I mean no one, has a bigger dick than you.”

  My sister laughed all the way to the bathroom.

  I walked back into Mark’s room to find it deserted. I picked up my bra and panties and quickly changed out of my snot-soaked sweater and joined the group downstairs.

  Chapter 16

  Mark

  Jess bounced down the steps like a kid who’d just won the ring toss.

  “Everything okay?” her mom asked.

  “Yep, it was time for a little housecleaning. We’re good.” She picked up a cookie from the bottomless plate and flopped down next to me.

  “You want a drink?” I pointed to the Macallan 18 on the table.

  Jess’s mouth dropped open, and she mouthed, He must like you to pull out the 18.

  I poured her a little in one of the empty tumblers Amy had left. “I’d like to make a toast with Jim’s fine scotch.”

  Amy and Jim came to the coffee table with glasses in their hands. Ben arrived with milk.

  “Wait,” Bethany said, rushing down the stairs. “I want to toast too.” Her eyes were red and swollen, but she bore a genuine smile.

  She rushed to the refrigerator and pulled out a soda. We all stood around and stared at each other while I contemplated an appropriate toast. I held up my glass. “Here’s to a prosperous New Year. To new experiences. To love. To family.” I looked toward Jess. “To possibilities.” We raised our glasses and shouted cheers.

  “How did that contract you were working on upstairs come together?” Jim asked.

  Normally, I wasn’t the kind of guy that blushed, but heat suffused my cheeks. “It’s—”

  “I walked in on them just as they finished up,” Bethany interrupted. “I’d say they dotted their i’s and crossed their t’s. Mark looks like a detail man. I’m sure he gave it his all. Pretty impressive, if you ask me.”

  A giggle bubbled from Jess until it turned into a laugh. A contagious laugh because Bethany bent over and joined her. Ben had no idea what he was laughing at, but he joined in, and then Jim and Amy followed suit. I was the only one with a straight face, and the picture of my stoic expression caused me to join them. Anyone looking from the outside in would have thought we’d lost our minds or that we were simply a happy family enjoying the holiday. I was glad that it was the latter, not the former.

  Once the laughter settled, Bethany took Ben to sit amidst a pile of Legos while the rest of us watched Miracle on 34th Street and Scrooge and I drew Ben a picture of a racecar for Christmas with an IOU written at the top for a toy of his choice.

  When I rose from the couch to turn in for the night, Jim told me to set my alarm for six because he wanted to be on the trail by seven. I’d never hunted for the perfect Christmas tree, but I was pretty sure it could be found at noon just as easily as the break of dawn. However, I was simply a participant in the Stone family’s Christmas, and I’d be where they told me.

  I walked into my room and breathed deeply. It smelled of Jess and our time together. My dick twitched, remembering how amazing we were together. Not just sexually—though that was the best ever—but even when we just hung out. It was effortless. She made everything easy.

  Once I tidied up my bed, I went to shower. I didn’t want to wash Jess’s essence from my body, but I also didn’t want to shower at five in the morning when the house was probably cold and there was a real threat of my nut sack retracting into my body.

  My head rested against the cool tile while the hot water sluiced over my back. Everything from the soap to shampoo smelled like Jess.

  The shower curtain opened, and there she was naked and smiling. “Can I join you?”

  I pulled her inside and held her close to my chest. “For a girl who says no a lot … you’re sure doing a lot of yes actions.”

  She palmed the soap and washed me. Her hands sudsed up my body while her lips caressed my mouth. “You make me want to be bad. I’ve done things with you I’ve never done with anyone else.”

  “You make me want to be good.”
I switched places with her so the water washed over her hair. I’d never washed a woman’s hair, but I was determined to take care of Jess. She leaned back, and water cascaded down her head, over her shoulders, and across her beautiful breasts. I leaned down and suckled on the hardened rosy tips. I allowed myself just a moment of pleasure and went back to her hair. Any longer, and I’d be deep inside her pounding her against the tile.

  My fingers clutched the shampoo bottle like it was a lifeline. Something that grounded me, kept me focused on the task at hand.

  “Close your eyes.” I moved the shampoo through her hair, keeping the suds from her face.

  “I’ve never had a man shampoo my hair.” She leaned back and let the water rinse the bubbles away.

  “This is new to me too.” I plopped a dollop of conditioner on her hair and smoothed it down to the ends. It smelled like flowers.

  “What else haven’t you done?” She rinsed off the conditioner and traded me places under the hot stream of water.

  “I’ve never stayed at a parent’s house over the holidays. I’ve never spent the night in bed with a woman. I’ve never cut down a Christmas tree or suffered through a marathon of holiday movies when all I wanted to do was touch you.”

  “You could have touched me.” She pressed her palms to my chest and let her fingers skate over the prickly hairs.

  “And what would your father have said?”

  “I guess that depends on what you said. Sometimes silence is the better option.” She gave me a quick kiss and stepped out of the shower.

  After a final rinse, I followed her. “What do you mean?”

  She wrapped a towel around her body and tucked the end between her breasts before handing me my own.

  “It’s better to say nothing unless we can explain to my parents what this is. And since I’m pretty sure neither of us is certain, it’s better to stay quiet. My dad is pretty forward-thinking, but if he thought this was just about sex, I’m not sure he’d understand.”

  I wrapped my towel around my hips. “This is more, Jess. Definitely more.”

  “Is it?” She let her towel drop to the floor in front of me. “Would you sleep with me and not have sex? Could you? I mean, we haven’t passed a bed yet that we haven’t broken in.”

  She looked down at my tented towel. I was hard. I couldn’t help it. She was standing in front of me like Aphrodite, and I wasn’t supposed to react? I’d been in that vagina. I’d suckled those breasts. She’d swallowed me. I couldn’t be within miles of her and not get hard. That was like putting a bone in front of a hungry dog and expecting him to ignore it. Impossible.

  “Game on.” The words were out of my mouth before I could explain to my dick that it needed to stand down.

  “Really?”

  “Whose bed are we sleeping in, sweetheart?”

  She towel-dried her hair and walked into her bedroom. Tucked under her pillow was the T-shirt I bought her at the truck stop. She pulled it out and let it fall over her luscious curves.

  “Come on, Santa, I’m exhausted.” She climbed under the pink bedspread and patted the empty space next to her.

  “You know this is cruel and unusual punishment.” I raced back to my room and pulled on a pair of shorts Amy had left behind.

  “You need reinforcements?” She scooted to the edge of the twin bed, and I climbed in next to her, then pulled her into my embrace. I kept up the internal mantra of “down, boy,” but it was no use. Tonight I’d die a slow, hard death.

  Jim was like a drill sergeant. He had everyone lined up at the door by a quarter to seven. We were well-fed and well-dressed for subzero weather.

  “Good morning, Mark.” Bethany breezed by me with a smile. “Would you mind buttoning up Ben? I’m going to grab him a snack in case he gets hungry.”

  “No problem.” I leaned over to Jess and said, “I feel like I’m in the movie Body Snatchers and your sister was the first victim.”

  “Just go with it. It could be fleeting.” She dropped to her knees in front of Ben and buttoned him up tight. She pulled him in and kissed him all over his face.

  “Gross,” he said and squirmed away from her.

  I picked the boy up and tapped him on his little pink nose. “Someday you will be praying for a woman as pretty as your aunt to cover your face with kisses.”

  Just like all little boys did, he shook his head and stuck out his tongue like he was gagging. I laughed because I knew in about ten years I’d be proved right.

  We headed out of the house single file with Jess and me pulling up the rear.

  “I made it through the night.” I pressed my gloved hand to her bottom. It was easy enough to drop if anyone looked over their shoulders toward us.

  “Barely. I think I have a bruise where you poked me all night.”

  “That’s just more proof that I desire you but care enough to put my desire aside.”

  She threaded her arm through mine and laid her head against my shoulder. Once again, being with Jess was easy. She made it feel perfect.

  “I’m impressed, Mr. Cantwell. You showed great restraint, but you know what disappointed me the most?”

  The fact that she was disappointed in me made my gut clench. I wanted Jess to be happy with everything I did. As much as I’d wanted my dad’s approval all my life, I wanted Jess’s one hundred times more.

  “How did I disappoint you?” I took the risk of stopping and turning her toward me. It was an intimate moment that needed a face-to-face encounter.

  She cupped my cheek and smiled. “It was disappointing that you showed great restraint. I was hoping you’d fail.” She lifted up on her tiptoes and pecked at my lips.

  With a growl to my voice, I whispered in her ear, “Tonight, I’m going to show you what a failure I can be.”

  We caught up with the others who stood in front of what they called the perfect tree. They walked around it at least a dozen times.

  “What do you think, Mark?” Jim asked.

  I walked around the tree with an unskilled eye. “The proportions look good. In all honesty, sir, I’ve never had a Christmas tree so I’m not the one to ask.”

  A collective gasp sounded from the group.

  “Well, son, I think it’s time you learned how to celebrate the season.” Jim held out the axe for me to take. “Take the first whack at her.”

  “You think the tree is a girl?” I asked as I palmed the handle of the axe.

  “When you see her all dolled up later, there won’t be a question in your mind.” Jim carved a line in the snow of the trunk and told me to aim there.

  It took a dozen swings before Ben yelled timber and seven feet of tree fell over. The women clapped their hands and bounced in the snow like they’d just witnessed something wonderful, which I supposed, was part of the tradition. Watching their excitement filled me with warmth; I felt like I was part of something wonderful.

  “You girls go on ahead and get the decorations ready. Ben, make sure your mom doesn’t eat all the cookies before Mark and I get back,” Jim said. He waited until they were out of earshot and then continued, “You’re in love with my daughter, aren’t you?”

  I stood in front of him, frozen like a deer in headlights. How did I answer him? Honestly was the only way. “I think I might be.”

  “Does she know?”

  I shook my head. “I haven’t told her.”

  “Don’t you think she’s worthy of your words?” He picked up the heaviest part of the tree and pointed for me to take the top.

  “She’s definitely worthy of my words.” I hated to turn my back on a man who held an axe, but I also hated to disobey his orders. “I’m not sure I’m worthy of her love.”

  Jim dropped the tree and came up to stand in front of me. He looked me eye to eye. “No one will ever be worthy of Jess. She’s better than you, but you know what? Her mother was better than me. I’m the man I am today because Amy thought I was worth it. Deep inside I knew I wasn’t. I’m glad she gave me a chance.”

&nb
sp; “How did you know she was the one?”

  Jim pulled a flask out of his pocket and took a swig before he offered it to me.

  “I couldn’t think of anything but her. I knew in my heart that nothing was as important as her. I would have given up anything for that woman.”

  I tipped back the flask, letting both his words and the whiskey burn all the way down to my stomach.

  “You think about it long and hard, son.” He walked to the front of the tree and picked it up. “You take the heavy end. I’m too old for this shit, but it’s important to my girls, so I’ll be ninety and still trekking out in the damn cold to cut down the perfect tree.”

  “Can’t you buy one?”

  “Sure you can, but it takes something away from the experience. That moment when you come across the one that makes them squeal with happiness is priceless. Traditions are important, Mark. Some you adopt, and some you create. What will your legacy be?” He tucked the flask back inside his pocket. “I’ll tell you one thing, my Jess could care less about money. Cut her down a tree, though, and you’ll have her heart for life.”

  I hoisted the trunk of the tree to my shoulder and walked. The journey seemed twice as long on the way back. Maybe because I was halfway to frostbite, or maybe because I was filled with fear that I was in love with Jess and I’d never be enough.

  Jim and I brought the tree into the house and set it into the stand, then took a much-needed break while the rest of the family worked like a well-oiled machine. Ben climbed underneath to fill the water reservoir. Amy draped a velvet skirt around the bottom. Bethany circled the branches with twinkling lights. Jess separated the ornaments into thematic piles while I watched in awe.

  “Who hangs the first ornament?” Ben asked.

  Everyone looked at me. “Oh no, this is your tree,” I said and backed away.

  Jess pulled me to her and placed a gold colored glass ball in my hand. “This one is always the first. It’s gold to signify the value of family.”

  I held the delicate ball in my hand but felt like it was lodged in my throat. “This is a family tradition. One of you should hang the first ornament.”