Paradisal Tragedy

by Ada Marie

  “It’s shocking to see you here though. It’s been what, seven years?” Elliot questioned as he tried to remember the last time he’d seen Ian. It was the day before he’d fled. The day before Ian had left the only women he’d loved with a broken heart.

  “I only come back once a year. This isn’t my life anymore,” Ian stated with sadness in his voice. He was honest in what he said; this wasn’t his life anymore. His life had drastically changed in the seven lonely years since that awful night he lost his family, but that didn’t mean he didn’t wish this was still his life. Every day he woke with a pain and an ache deep inside his soul, hoping that maybe today it was just a dream. But it always turned out to be reality and that killed him.

  “We’ve all missed you,” Elliot said, not completely sure if it was a good idea to mention the words ‘we.’ He wasn’t sure how Ian would react to her name.

  “I’ve missed you too,” Ian said as he ran his hand across his forehead. “How is she?” He asked the million-dollar question that had been weighing on his mind. He thought about Allison every single day of his life, and although there was no way for them to ever be in each other’s lives, he did care enough to know how she was.

  “She’s good, Ian. She’s really good,” Elliot confessed, as Ian sat on the bench that was along the side of the graves.

  “That’s good to hear, it’s all I ever wanted. Her happiness…”

  “Maybe you could stick around to see…”

  Ian threw a hand up before Elliot could have the chance to say her name. He couldn’t bear to see her after the horrible way he’d hurt her. Not to mention, he couldn’t risk putting her in danger. This was Ian’s battle now, and no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t suck her back into his life.

  “Elliot, it’s not a good idea. Your sister has a new life. I made sure of that long ago, and there’s no reason to bring the past back up,” Ian told him with a sigh. He wanted to see her more than anything but he made the decision to leave her long ago. Leaving her was better than losing her, so that was what he did. He wouldn’t jeopardize her life for his own selfish reasons.

  “Ian, when you left her all those years ago, she was broken. It was like she wasn’t Allison at all.” Elliot closed his eyes, remembering the grief his sister suffered from the moment Ian left until the moment she accepted he wasn’t coming back. “She didn’t just lose you, Ian, she lost your parents and Leila, too. She loved them.”

  “The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt your sister. I loved her. God, did I love her. There were things I just couldn’t handle. I always knew she deserved better than me, and maybe now she’s found better. I have a plane to catch. And knowing you Montgomerys, she’s not far behind, so I’m going to get out of here before she arrives,” Ian gave Elliot one last glance and walked to his rental car.

  Rather than leaving, Ian abandoned his car, and hid behind a tree, where he watched the rest of the Montgomerys arrive at his family’s grave. Allison was still as beautiful as ever; her silky brown hair rested on her shoulders and she wore a black dress that showed her curves – the curves he always loved. She wasn’t all skin and bones, but she wasn’t too curvy for Ian’s taste. Her pale, flawless skin beamed in the sunlight. She was as perfect as she ever was. Ian found himself staring; he couldn’t take his eyes off her.

  After leaving the gravesite, Ian drove mindlessly for what seemed like a lifetime, until he reached the airport. All he could think about was Leila, how he had let her down and how he’s now paying the price. Seven years of pain, anger, and grief that he still can’t let go. He knew people who lost someone close to them, and they say it gets easier. They told him that in time it would hurt just a little bit less but to him the death of his family was just tragic. He couldn’t let them go and the pain never lessened. He was trapped in the dark; no light, no happiness.

  He was all alone.

  The only thing that kept him going was the fact that he owned his own company and that allowed him to bury himself in work. Living in New York City wasn’t something he’d thought he’d ever do, but he couldn’t bear going back to the place where he lost everything. The only regret he had about leaving was the one person he’d loved.

  He had no choice though; it was the only way to protect her. The one girl who loved him through everything, and the one he loved more than anything. Allison. She was his entire world and she begged him to open up, to talk to her. In the end he had left her broken hearted without an explanation why.

  Seven years later, he was still very much in love with her, but he had taken the easy way out and left. His only explanation to her was a letter, and not a day went by that he didn’t kick himself for it. It didn’t help that he’d seen Allison. She’d looked right at him, and all he did was run. God, did she look beautiful. She was different in a way, stronger it seemed, but she had so much about her that was exactly the same. His guilt sank deeper, making him feel worse. He knew after his talk with Elliot that he should have just kept going, but he was a selfish man, he needed to see her. Craved it. God, seven years later and he was still in love with her.

  After getting home from the airport, Ian looked outside the window of his apartment at the amazing view of the city. He remembered all the plans he and Allison had made before he ruined everything. He hadn’t loved anyone since her. He’d been with women since her, heck, they were always throwing themselves at him, but they never appealed to him the way she had. It was sex, nothing more. To him, it was all about hooking up without letting himself feel for anyone. At end of the day, his heart belonged to the woman he had loved seven years ago. The only thing he ever wanted was something that he’d never have.

  As Ian was staring outside at the snow falling around the lights of the city, he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. It took him a minute to realize what it was before he fumbled to answer it.

  “Anderson,” he answered, still looking out the window

  “Hello, little brother, it’s Jeremy,” the firm, familiar voice said.

  Jeremy called often. Ever since they lost their family, they promised to always be there for each other. They lived in different states, but they were as close as brothers could be.

  “It’s good to hear from you, Jer.” Ian smiled. There weren’t many things that had made Ian happy in the past seven years, but his brother did. Ian and Jeremy weren’t just brothers, they were best friends.

  “Good to hear. Listen, I’m sorry I haven’t called in a few days, Ian. I’ve been working a lot of overtime,” Jeremy apologized.

  Ian wasn’t upset, because he knew that being a firefighter took up a lot of Jeremy’s time. The career path Jeremy chose worried him. He was now the only family Ian had left and everyday Ian feared that it could be the last time he’d speak to his brother. If there was anything he knew for certain, it was that he’d never be able to survive losing Jeremy. He’d already been consumed by all the torture and guilt he’d carried around. Losing his brother would destroy him.

  “Hey, don’t worry about it,” Ian insisted.

  “Well, I hope you’re up for a visitor in that oversized apartment you have there in the city. I’m coming to visit, and I won’t take no for an answer,” Jeremy joked.

  “Of course. When will you be here? I can send my plane to pick you up from the airport there in California,” Ian offered.

  “No thanks, I think I’d rather fly the normal way,” Jeremy told him with a smirk that Ian sensed through the phone. “But I’ll be there tomorrow night, so send your fancy driver to pick me up at the JFK airport. I love you bro, I’ll see you then. Oh, the flight lands at ten.”

  “Good. Coming alone?” Ian asked, wondering if he’d bring his wife, Kirsten along.

  Jeremy laughed. “Yes, just me,”

  “I’ll see you then. Be safe, Jer,” he said sadly. Ian was paranoid when it came to his brother. It did
n’t matter how many security checks a plane did, or how they made sure everything would be safe, Ian worried that in the blink of an eye the plane could crash, or he could have some kind of tragic accident and forever be gone. Ian just couldn’t handle that.

  “What wrong, Ian? I can hear it in your voice, so don’t even bother lying to me,” Jeremy said, dropping the humor in his voice to shift to seriousness. Jeremy knew Ian better than most. He always knew when something was on his mind, and right now he wasn’t going to pass it off as nothing.

  “I saw her today,” Ian admitted. The truth was, as much as he kept his feelings buried deep inside his dark and twisted soul, he just needed to let it all out. It was time to let himself hurt. He deserved it. He deserved each and every drop of pain that was being inflicted upon him.

  “Her? As in Allison?” Jeremy couldn’t keep the surprised out of his voice as he took in each word that his brother spoke to him.

  “Yes. I went to the grave like I always do. Elliot was there, and they all met up at the grave, Jer. They visit our family every year. I was talking to our family when I heard him behind me. We talked for a few minutes until reality set in and I decided it was better if I left. I headed to my car, and I saw her, I just couldn’t leave so I hid behind a tree and I watched her, she’s still so beautiful. God, Jer, what am I doing? I think she saw me.”

  “What did you do?” Jeremy asked out of his own curiosity. He’d always been the biggest supporter of Ian and Allison’s relationship while they were together, and it crushed him just as much as it crushed Ian when the tragedy forced them apart.

  “Nothing, I just ran. I have to protect her; you know that better than anyone else,” Ian defended himself. He wanted nothing more than to be able to run to Allison and confess every secret, every lie, every burden that he’d carried for the past seven years, but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t put her life in danger no matter how much he was hurting himself.

  “Ian, it’s been a long time, maybe he’s not coming back to taunt you any longer.”

  “I won’t take that risk, not with her,” Ian said. If there was one thing that was always important to him in life, it had always been Allison’s safety.

  “Ian…”

  “I have to go. I’ll see you soon, brother.”

  Ian knew that Jeremy was more than likely only coming to check on him. His brother knew that this time of year was hard for him. Jeremy knew that Ian blamed himself for the death of their parents. He knew everything about the real reason Ian had left California seven years ago. He knew the reason he was forced to break the heart of the woman who meant the world to him. Ian knew that he could live forever and he’d never forgive himself for the pain he caused her. Jeremy was overprotective of him, and Ian knew that. Of course, with Jeremy being a fire fighter, he risked his life every day and that worried Ian.

  ***

  Allison stared intently out the window of her office, ignoring the ringing of her phone. She’d been at work for three hours now and she hadn’t gotten through a single manuscript. All she could think about was the emotions she’d felt that morning at the cemetery.

  She remembered turning to look at the trees as she felt eyes piercing into her back, and once she had turned to look, there he stood. Ian Anderson. Her first love. She could even say the one that got away. She was stuck between reality and a ghost. She’d thought it was real, but after asking Elliot, he’d only told her she’d been imagining things since they were visiting Ian’s parents’ grave.

  She took an emotional turn that day. She wasn’t entirely sure what it was, but she couldn’t shake the thoughts of Ian. He was consuming her mind, as he did while they were together, and she couldn’t seem to stop it. She and Ian had a love that couldn’t be explained. The moments they’d shared together, every kiss, every touch, every laugh, every cry…

  They’d experienced so much together. Yet in the end it hadn’t been enough to keep him from running. As she reflected back on the time she’d spent with him in their glory days, Allison’s emotions rushed to the surface. The truth was that what she and Ian had was real, and when she thought about it, it still hurt. The worst part was that she never found out the true reason why she’d been abandoned.

  A knock at the door startled Allison and dropped her back in reality. When the door opened she welcomed her boss into the room as he took the chair in front of her desk.

  “Good Morning, Allison,” Daniel Morgan greeted her as he stared at her with worried eyes. Dan wasn’t just a coworker or a boss, he was a friend. They’d even had drinks a few times and dinner at each other’s houses. As he ran a hand through his thick blonde hair, his hazel eyes pierced into hers, willing her to speak.

  “Morning, Danny, how are you?” Allison greeted him, hoping that he’d leave the obvious subject alone. She couldn’t bear to speak of the things that weighed on her mind.

  “I’m betting I’m better than you. What’s up with you, little lady?” Dan asked her.

  Allison knew that she needed to vent. The last time she held things in, it literally ended up driving her insane. The truth was she just couldn’t bear to talk about it right now. She just needed time.

  “I’m okay, Dan, I promise. I’ve just got a few things on my mind, and I need to clear my head.

  “Well what if I told you I had the perfect way to do so?” Dan tempted Allison with a smirk that reached his eyes. He was hiding something and by look on his face, Allison had a feeling she was about to receive good news.

  “Why are you smiling like an idiot?” Allison asked.

  “I want to offer you a job at our new publishing house in New York.”

  “The one that you’ve been building for months now? Dan, I’m not sure I can just leave my family. I don’t know,” Allison was shocked. She’d always wanted to go to New York; anyone who knew her knew that. She’d even planned it with Ian once upon a time. They had plenty of plans they’d even put it in their dream notebook. Those plans were now dead, but more than anything Allison still wanted to visit.

  “Yes, it’s finally completed. All the last-minute things; everything that needed to be accomplished for it to open are finished. They need editors though, and great ones. And if we’re being honest here, you’re the best one I have. This publishing house in New York could be amazing and that’s why I’m asking you. I know that you’ve always wanted to visit New York, I believe you’ve even told me a time or two that you’ve always wanted to go,” Dan replied, scooting the chair closer to Allison’s desk so he could touch her hands. “Listen, you don’t need to make any decisions right now. I completely understand where you’re coming from. Your entire family and Lucas are here, so I’ll give you a few days to answer, but Allison, I’m going to need an answer soon.”

  “When would I have to leave?” Allison wondered out loud. She was conflicted as the thought of New York approached her mind. It had always been something she wanted, but could she go now? Could she leave her family and Lucas behind to do the job she loved so much and to live in a place she’s always wanted to go?

  “I don’t know, Danny. My family, they mean everything to me. I’m not sure I can just up and leave them. And then there’s Lucas, I love him. God, do I love him. That man has stood by me for the year that we’ve been together, and I don’t know if I can just walk away from him.”

  “I don’t see it as walking away from him. You can come back as often as you’d like, I’ll even pay for your visits, no matter how big or small the reason is. I won’t pressure you into this. We both know we’re more than just coworkers. You’re not just an employee to me, you’re an amazing friend. I just want the best for you. I do believe that this would be an amazing opportunity for your career but I get it if you don’t want to go. And if you don’t, I’ll still pay for you to take a trip to New York.”

  “I just need a few days, Dan, is that alright?” Allison
questioned, blinking in awe. She couldn’t believe what was happening. She half expected to wake up and find it was all a dream. Although she wasn’t sure it would be considered a good or bad dream. She wouldn’t deny the fact that a really huge part of her wanted it more than anything. She’d dreamt of going to New York since she was a child and right here in this moment she had the chance to make that dream a reality. Should she take it or leave it?

  “I understand, Allie, you take a couple days. I hate to push or rush you but we need a fast decision.”

  “I know, Dan. I just need to talk to Lucas and decide if this is really what I want. I do thank you for the opportunity,” Allison said with a smile.

  “I’ll let you get back to work, but just think about it. This could be great for you, Allison. It could be amazing. We’ve been friends for two years now, and I know you all too well. I know that if you pass up this opportunity, in the long run you’ll hate yourself for it. Do what’s best for you. Not everyone else,” Dan told her with honesty. He knew that Allison always put everyone she loved ahead of her own desires.

  As Dan walked out of her office, quietly closing the door behind him, Allison was left with scattered thoughts racketing in her brain. She wasn’t sure what had just happened but she knew it was the chance of a lifetime. Isn’t this what she wanted? To have an opportunity to not only see the city of New York, but have the chance to live and work there?

  But there was the matter of the people she loved. Her mother was her best friend, her biggest supporter. She’d been there for her through all her hardships, her laughs, her joys; could she really move across the country? Who would she run to when things got complicated? Who would wipe her tears away when her heart was breaking and tell her that it was okay to let go? Could she possibly survive in a different state without her?

  Then there was her father. It was no secret that Allison was daddy’s little girl. He supported all her dreams and hopes just as much as her mother did. He held her when she cried, and protected her from the dangers that lurked around every corner. He was her hero in every way. Could she wake up every day and be happy while she had to adjust to being away from him? And what about her brothers?