‘Ethel, dear,’ she whispered coaxingly in the pig’s ear. ‘Will you go out when I tell you to? Please, Ethel, I’ll let you in again straight away afterwards.’
Pleading with people like Ethel never works. It only makes them feel their power.
‘I won’t go!’ bellowed the pig. ‘Miss Hardbroom, I am Ethel! Mildred Hubble turned me into a pig.’
Nothing ever surprised Miss Hardbroom. Even this startling piece of news only caused her to raise one slanting eyebrow.
‘Well, Mildred,’ she said, ‘I am glad to know that you have at least learned one thing since you came here. However, as you will have noticed in the Witches’ Code, rule number seven, paragraph two, it is not customary to practise such tricks on your fellows. Please remove the spell at once.’
‘I’m afraid I don’t know how to,’ Mildred confessed, in a very small voice.
Miss Hardbroom stared at her for a few moments.
‘Then you had better go and look it up in the library,’ she said, wearily. ‘Take Ethel with you, and on your way drop in and tell Miss Bat why Ethel will be late.’
Mildred picked up her kitten and hurried inside, followed by the pig. Fortunately, Miss Bat was not in her room, but it was most embarrassing going into the library. Ethel was grunting loudly on purpose and everyone stared so much that Mildred could have crawled under the table.
‘Hurry up,’ moaned the pig.
‘Oh, stop going on!’ said Mildred, as she flicked hastily through the huge spell book. ‘It’s all your fault, anyway. You actually asked me to do it. I don’t see why you’re complaining.’
‘I said a frog, not a pig,’ said Ethel, pettily. ‘You couldn’t even do that right.’
Mildred ignored the grunting Ethel and kept looking in the book. It took her half an hour to find the right spell, and
soon after that Ethel was her horrible self again. The people in the library were most surprised to see the pig suddenly change into a furious-looking Ethel.
‘Now, don’t be angry, Ethel,’ Mildred said softly. ‘Remember: “Silence in the library at all times”.’
And she rushed into the corridor.
‘Wasn’t that awful, Cat?’ she said to the kitten, which was curled up inside her cardigan. ‘I think I’d better put you in my room and then go and revise for the potion test. Don’t tease the bats, will you?’
CHAPTER FOUR
T was the morning of the potion test, and the girls were filing into the potion lab, each hoping she had learned the right spell, except for Ethel who knew everything and never worried about such matters.
‘Come along, girls! Two to a cauldron!’ barked Miss Hardbroom. ‘Today we shall make a laughter potion. No textbooks to be used – put that book away this instant, Mildred! Work quietly, and when you have finished you may take a small sip of the mixture to make sure it is correctly made. You may begin.’
Maud and Mildred were sharing a cauldron, of course, but unfortunately neither of them had learned that particular spell.
‘I think I can remember it vaguely,’ whispered Maud. ‘Bits of it, anyway.’ She began to sort through the ingredients which had been laid out on each workbench.
When everything was stirred together in the cauldron, the bubbling liquid was bright pink. Mildred stared at it doubtfully.
‘I’m sure it should be green,’ she said. ‘In fact I’m sure we should have put in a handful of pondweed-gathered-at-midnight.’
‘Are you sure?’ asked Maud.
‘Yes…,’ replied Mildred, not very definitely.
‘Absolutely sure?’ Maud asked again. ‘You know what happened last time.’
‘I’m quite sure,’ insisted Mildred. ‘Anyway, there’s a handful of pondweed laid out on each bench. I’m positive we’re supposed to put it in.’
‘Oh, all right,’ said Maud. ‘Go on, then. It can’t do any harm.’
Mildred grabbed the pondweed and dropped it into the mixture. They took turns at stirring it for a few minutes until it began to turn dark green.
‘What a horrid colour,’ said Maud.
‘Are you ready, girls?’ asked Miss Hardbroom, rapping on her desk. ‘You should have been ready minutes ago. A laughter potion should be made quickly for use in an emergency.’
Ethel was still working on the bench in front of Mildred, who stood on tiptoe to sneak a look at the colour of Ethel’s potion. To her horror, it was bright pink.
‘Oh, no,’ Mildred thought, with a sinking feeling. ‘I wonder what potion we’ve made?’
Miss Hardbroom banged on the desk again.
‘We shall now test the potion,’ she commanded. ‘Not too much, please. We don’t want anyone hysterical.’
Each pupil took a test-tubeful of liquid and drank a little. At once shrieks of laughter rang through the room, especially from Ethel’s bench where they had made the best potion of all and were laughing so much that tears rolled down their cheeks. The only two girls who weren’t laughing were Mildred and Maud.
‘Oh, dear,’ said Maud. ‘I feel most peculiar. Why aren’t we laughing, Mil?’
‘I hate to tell you,’ confessed Mildred, ‘I think –’ But before she had time to say any more, the two girls had disappeared!
‘Cauldron number two!’ snapped Miss Hardbroom. ‘You seem to have made the wrong spell.’
‘It was my fault,’ said Mildred’s voice from behind the cauldron.
‘That I do not doubt,’ Miss Hardbroom said sourly. ‘You had both better sit down until you reappear, and then, Mildred, perhaps a trip to Miss Cackle’s office would do you some good. You can explain why I sent you.’
Everyone had left the room by the time the two young witches finally began to reappear. This was a very slow process, with first the head and then the rest of the body becoming gradually visible.
‘I’m sorry,’ said Mildred’s head and shoulders.
‘That’s all right,’ said Maud’s head. ‘I just wish you’d think a bit more. We had the right potion to start with.’
‘Sorry,’ mumbled Mildred again, then she began to laugh. ‘Hey, Maud, you do
look funny with just your head showing!’
At once they both began to laugh, and soon they were best friends again.
‘I suppose I’d better go and see Old Cackle now,’ said Mildred, when she had completely reappeared.
‘I’ll come with you to the door,’ offered Maud.
Miss Cackle was small and very fat, with short grey hair and green horn-rimmed glasses which she usually wore pushed up on top of her head. She was the exact opposite of Miss Hardbroom, being absent-minded in appearance and rather gentle by nature. The girls were not in the least bit afraid of her, whereas Miss Hardbroom could reduce any of them to a miserable heap with just one word. Miss Cackle used a different technique. By always being friendly and pleased to see a pupil in her office, she made them feel embarrassed if they had something unpleasant to tell her, as Mildred nearly always had.
Mildred knocked at Miss Cackle’s door, hoping she would be out. She wasn’t.
‘Come in!’ called the familiar voice from inside.
Mildred opened the door and went in. Miss Cackle, glasses on her nose for once, was busily writing in a huge register. She looked up and peered over her spectacles.
‘Ah, Mildred,’ she said pleasantly. ‘Come and sit down while I finish filling in this register.’
Mildred closed the door and sat by Miss Cackle’s desk.
‘I wish she wasn’t so pleased to see me,’ she thought.
Miss Cackle slammed the register shut and pushed her glasses on to the top of her head.
‘Now, Mildred, what can I do for you?’
Mildred twisted her fingers together.
‘Well, actually, Miss Cackle,’ she began slowly, ‘Miss Hardbroom sent me to see you because I made the wrong potion again.’
The smile faded from the headmistress’s face and she sighed, as if with deep disappointment. Mildred felt about an inch
high.
‘Really, Mildred,’ Miss Cackle said in a tired voice, ‘I have run out of things to say to you. Week after week you come here,
sent by every member of staff in the school, and my words just seem to go straight in one ear and out of the other. You will never get the Witches’ Higher Certificate if this appalling conduct continues. You must be the worst witch in the entire school. Whenever there’s any trouble you are nearly always to be found at the bottom of it, and it’s just not good enough, my dear. Now, what have you to say for yourself this time?’
‘I don’t really know, Miss Cackle,’ Mildred said humbly. ‘Everything I do just seems to go wrong, that’s all. I don’t mean to do it.’
‘Well, that’s no excuse, is it?’ said Miss Cackle. ‘Everyone else manages to live without causing an uproar wherever they go. You must pull yourself together, Mildred. I don’t want to hear any more bad reports about you, do you understand?’
‘Yes, Miss Cackle,’ said Mildred, in as sorry a voice as she could manage.
‘Run along, then,’ said the headmistress, ‘and remember what I have said to you.’
Maud was waiting in the corridor, eager to know what had been said, when her friend came out of the office.
‘She’s nice really,’ Mildred said. ‘Just told me all the usual things. She hates
telling people off. I’ll have to try to be better from now on. Come on, let’s go and give the kittens another broomstick lesson.’
CHAPTER FIVE
HE following morning, Miss Hardbroom strode into the classroom looking thoughtful. She was wearing a new grey-and-black striped dress, with a brooch at the shoulder.
‘Good morning, girls,’ she greeted them, not as sharply as usual.
‘Good morning, Miss Hardbroom,’ chorused the girls.
Their form-mistress arranged the books on her desk and surveyed the class.
‘I have something to tell you, girls,’ she began, ‘that gives me great pleasure on one hand, yet causes me some worry on the other.’ Here she shot a glance at Mildred. ‘As you know, the Hallowe’en celebrations take place in two weeks’ time and it is customary for a display to be presented by this school. This year, our class has been chosen to present the display.’
There were gasps of delight from the girls.
‘Of course,’ Miss Hardbroom went on, ‘it is a great honour, but also a responsibility, as Miss Cackle’s Academy has a very high reputation which we don’t want to spoil, do we? Last year, Form Three produced a play which was highly praised, and I thought that this year we might present a broomstick formation team. You will need a lot of practice, as some of you are not too steady on your broomsticks yet, but I am quite certain that we could give an interesting and successful performance. Is there anyone who would prefer something different?’
She looked round piercingly at the girls, who all shrank into their seats and would not have dared to disagree, even if they had wanted to.
‘Good,’ said Miss Hardbroom. ‘Then it is settled. We shall present a broomstick formation team. Let us go down to the yard and begin to practise at once. Fetch your broomsticks and be outside in two minutes.’ With which words she vanished.
The girls excitedly clattered from the room and rushed along the corridors to fetch their broomsticks, which were kept in their own rooms. The spiral staircase rang with the sound of hob-nailed boots as the girls rushed down to the yard, where they found Miss Hardbroom waiting for them.
‘First of all, you’d better take a practice flight,’ she said. ‘Form an orderly crocodile and go round the school and back.’
Off they all flew in an orderly, but rather wobbly, procession round the school.
‘Quite good, girls,’ said Miss Hardbroom, as they lined up in front of her. ‘You were swaying about rather badly, Mildred, but apart from that, you all did quite well. Now, I have made out a list of the things you will be doing. First, a single line, with each pupil sinking and rising alternately. This should be comparatively easy. Secondly, a flying “V” similar to wild geese in flight. Then, nose-diving the yard, and swooping up just before you reach the ground. That will be the most difficult part of all.’ Mildred and Maud exchanged horrified glances. ‘And finally you will form a circle in the air, each broomstick touching the next. Any
questions? No? Very well, then, we shall begin the first item immediately. What was the first item, Mildred?’
‘… er, nose-diving the yard, Miss Hardbroom.’
‘Wrong. Ethel, do you remember?’
‘We are to form a line, each pupil sinking and rising alternately,’ replied Ethel, word-perfect as always.
‘Correct,’ said Miss Hardbroom, with a frosty glare at Mildred. ‘We shall practise all this morning and every morning until the celebrations, and perhaps this afternoon, if I can persuade Miss Bat to allow you to miss your chanting lesson.’
They worked very hard for the next two weeks. Every spare minute was spent practising and, by the time Hallowe’en arrived, the display was quite a joy to watch. Maud’s hat was squashed like a concertina from the time when she had not pulled up from a nose-dive during practice, but apart from that there had been hardly any trouble at all, even from Mildred, who was making a special effort to be good and thoughtful.
The day before Hallowe’en, Miss Hardbroom lined up her class in the yard to give them a few final words of advice.
‘I am very pleased with you, girls,’ she said, almost pleasantly. ‘Now, you will be wearing your best robes tomorrow, so I hope they will be clean and pressed.’
As she said this she caught sight of Mildred’s broomstick.
‘Mildred, why is there a bundle of sticky-tape in the middle of your broomstick?’
‘I’m afraid I broke it in half during the first week of term,’ admitted Mildred.
Ethel giggled.
‘I see,’ said Miss Hardbroom. ‘Well, you certainly can’t use that one in the display. Ethel, I seem to remember you have a spare one. Perhaps you could lend it to Mildred?’
‘Oh, Miss Hardbroom!’ cried Ethel. ‘It was given to me as a birthday present. I shouldn’t want anything to happen to it.’
Miss Hardbroom fixed Ethel with one of her nastiest looks.
‘If that is how you feel, Ethel,’ she said in icy tones, ‘then –’
‘Oh, I didn’t mean I won’t lend it, Miss Hardbroom,’ Ethel said, meekly. ‘I’ll go and fetch it now.’ And she ran into the school.
Ethel had never forgotten the time Mildred had turned her into a pig, and as she made her way up the spiral staircase she suddenly thought of a marvellous way of taking her revenge. (Ethel really wasn’t a nice person at all.)
‘I’ll fix you, Mildred Hubble,’ she cackled to herself, as she took the broomstick out of her cupboard. ‘Now, listen to me, Broom, this is very important…’
The class had dismissed when Ethel returned carrying the broomstick. Mildred was practising nose-diving the yard.
‘Here’s the broom, Mildred,’ called Ethel. ‘I’ll leave it propped against the wall.’
‘Thanks very much,’ replied Mildred, delighted that Ethel was being so nice, for the two hadn’t spoken since the pig episode. ‘It’s very kind of you.’
‘Not at all,’ said Ethel, smiling wickedly to herself as she went back into the school.
CHAPTER SIX
ALLOWE’EN was celebrated each year in the ruins of an old castle quite near the school. The special fires were lit at sunset, and by dark all the witches and wizards had assembled.
As the sun set, the members of Miss Cackle’s Academy were preparing to leave the school. Mildred smoothed her robes, said good-bye to her kitten, put on her hat, grabbed Ethel’s broomstick and ran down to the yard. She took a quick look out of her window before leaving the room and saw the fires being lit in the distance. It was very exciting.
The rest of the school had already assembled as Mildred rushed out of the door and took her place. Miss Hardbroom looked splendid in
her full witch’s robes and hat.
‘Everyone is present now,’ Miss Hardbroom announced to Miss Cackle.
‘Then we shall set off,’ said the headmistress. ‘To the celebrations! Class Five first, Class Four second, and so on until Class One!’
They made a wonderful sight flying
over the trees towards the castle, cloaks soaring in the wind, and the older girls with their cats perched on the ends of their broomsticks. Miss Hardbroom looked particularly impressive, sitting bolt-upright with her long black hair streaming behind her. The girls had never seen her hair loose before and were amazed how much of it she could possibly scrag into that tight knot every day. It came down to her waist.
‘H.B. looks quite nice with her hair like that,’ whispered Maud to Mildred, who was riding next to her.
‘Yes,’ agreed Mildred, ‘she doesn’t seem half as frightening.’
Miss Hardbroom turned round and shot a piercing look at the two girls.
‘No talking!’ she snapped.
A huge crowd was already there at the castle when they arrived. The pupils of the Academy lined up in neat rows while Miss Cackle and all the other teachers shook hands with the chief wizard. He was very old, with a long white beard and a purple gown embroidered with moons and stars.
‘And what have you prepared for us this year?’ he asked.
‘We have prepared a broomstick formation team, Your Honour,’ Miss Cackle replied. ‘Shall we begin, Miss Hardbroom?’
Miss Hardbroom clapped her hands and the girls lined up, with Ethel at the front.
‘You may begin,’ said Miss Hardbroom.
Ethel rose perfectly into the air, followed by the rest of the class. First, they made a line, sinking and rising, which received great applause. Then they nosedived the yard. (Miss Cackle closed her eyes during this part, but nothing went wrong.) Then the girls made a V in the air, which looked quite beautiful.
‘Your girls get better every year,’ remarked a young witch to Miss Hardbroom, who smiled.
The Worst Witch Page 2
