Broken Destiny

by Serena Lindahl

  The nickname takes me back to simpler times when he’d laugh at how I sat in my wheelchair like I was a queen presiding over court. He made me proud to sit like that; he gave importance to a position that only lent vulnerability.

  “So if I…” I start uneasily. I’m sure my cheeks are bright pink.

  “If you’re horny, you have to look toward your three strapping guards?” Kodi finishes for me, an edge to his voice that I can’t ignore. “That’s right, Princess.” His pompous amusement makes me want to throw it back in his face.

  “Four strapping guards,” I correct him, pleased when his eyes widen.

  “Sorry to break it to you, but I’m not going to be much satisfaction.” He sounds disappointed, but I don’t pursue that thought. I’m enjoying messing with him; it takes away some of the lingering embarrassment.

  “You’re nice to look at, Boo,” I point out. I’m not lying. When he was in full color, he’s just as attractive as my other guards. Even in monochrome, he’s easy on the eyes. Most of all, though, he’s my friend. I trust him and we share an ease that’s not there with the others. “And you were fairly solid this morning,” I add.

  “Do you think you can make me hard again?” The ghost’s lips tilt and I know the euphemism is intentional. Pleasure shivers through me at the innuendo. He and I have never explored this extension to our relationship, but it feels natural and right.

  “I plan to try.” The look of happiness on his face is one I want to see again, regardless of other, more selfish motives.

  He frowns suddenly, suggesting fun time might be over. “Zo…I saw something.”

  My brows draw together as I echo his more serious expression. “What do you mean? In the library?”

  He shakes his head, the grayness that suffuses him rippling in the air. “When I was solid. For that moment, I had a memory. Zo, I think I knew you when I was alive.”

  I stare at him in shocked silence, a million questions tripping over my tongue. “Like as a child? You knew me when I was younger? Like how young? I think I would remember you.”

  He looks away from me, his gaze searching the corners of the room. “It’s from the time when you don’t remember.”

  “Were you a prisoner like me?” I breathe. “Is that how you found me after you died?”

  Kodi shakes his head again. The anger in his clenched fists and set expression surprises me. “No. I don’t know. I didn’t see enough.” I think he’s lying, but it’s a lie of omission. He’s not ready to share the entirety of what he saw.

  I allow the silence to settle between us, regaining the stability and space we both need. “Well then, we need to make you solid again for certain. It might be the key to remembering my own memories.”

  Do I really want to know, though? My fear resonates in my friend’s eyes. “I’m scared, Zo. What if I did something bad? What if I was helping them hurt you?”

  “Why would you think that? Besides, you were probably much younger than you are now. Maybe you didn’t have a choice.”

  “There’s always a choice!” Kodi yells. His anger shocks me into rearing back against the fabric of my wheelchair. His face instantly softens. “I’m sorry, Zo; I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m worried. What if it’s bad?”

  I force myself to shrug even as I choke down my own uneasiness and fear. “I’m scared to know too. But if there’s anything that this place has taught me, it’s that secrets are dangerous. We’ll both remember. After we’ve recovered our memories, we’ll deal with whatever is revealed.” A yawn catches me unaware as I finish my sentence, and Kodi offers a small smile that doesn’t hide the sadness behind his eyes.

  “You’re still tired from destroying my slave collar, great breaker of chains,” he teases. I used to read those books to him at night until they depressed me so badly I just stopped. He loved the Khaleesi, though, mooning about her as if she were the perfect woman. To be honest, I’d been a little jealous of the fictional character. “You need sleep,” he says, rousing me from the memories of reading to him into the late hours.

  “Whatever happens, Kodi, whatever you find out, it doesn’t matter. You’ve been there for me since the moment I entered the orphanage. Surely that makes up for anything you might have done, willingly or not, when you were alive.”

  My oldest friend’s face softens. If he could cry, a tear would probably escape him. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Princess. Now sleep.”

  He floats up and away, leaving me alone again. I stare around the small apartment. Its initial perfection has faded. I hate how the space echoes with loneliness. I’m used to hearing kids stomping up and down the stairs, yelling, arguing, and making noise at all times of the day and night. How can I have four people tied so closely to me and yet feel so alone?

  Chapter Sixteen

  Kodi

  Zo’s longing follows me from the room as I float through the walls into the main library. It took me a while to get the hang of my non-corporeal body. It’s bizarre being aware but not alive. I still breathe sometimes, even though I don’t have to and no air is exchanged. I still feel tired even though I can’t sleep. I still lust after my beautiful friend, although my body never reacts to the arousing ideas in my imagination.

  Back in the main library, I hover and study the scene. The huge, arrogant shifter is just entering the library again, and Bren and Avery both seem to have lost their hard-ons. I would have sprung one if I could have too. Watching Zo while she watched them? Hotter than fuck. Instead, we’re all frustrated. Unless they went at it while I was gone? Probably not enough time, but they certainly don’t look like they hate being around each other. This is one time I can blame my body. My brain is confusing, but if my cock had reacted to the thought of the vampire and Bren together, I might have started to question my predicted sexuality. It’s not like I remember, so I just had to guess. I assumed I was straight because I was enamored with Zo’s beauty.

  “How is Zosia?”

  I jump when I realize the vampire is talking to me. I think I like him, but I haven’t decided yet. He cares about Zo, and I don’t know if it’s just gratitude for releasing him from servitude or lust, but it doesn’t matter. The only important thing is that he’s looking out for her and guarding her with a body that he can actually place between her and her enemies.

  All the eyes are suddenly directed to me. The big guy’s presence bothers me. Why would he give away a chance at being a hot-shot alpha to be stuck here for the rest of his life? He didn’t seem at all happy about the contract that he didn’t read. I wonder if the brute has any brains.

  Bren? He’s a hoot. I don’t know if he acts the way he does on purpose, but I find him fascinating and funny. And even I, with my unknown sexuality, can see that the man is remarkably hot. He should be gracing the pages of a human magazine, posing in his underwear, rather than here. The things he knows though? They scare me.

  “She’ll be okay,” I respond when they keep staring at me. “She doesn’t like the arrangements right now, though.” The goblins will hear me even if I can’t see the sneaky buggers. And the library? She’s always listening.

  “Arrangements?” Avery asks with a frown, and I realize that could range from food to the exchange of blood that just happened. I wave a hand dismissively and float down to eye-level. It’s really annoying looking at everyone’s bald spots and dandruff all the time - not that these three guys have any. Their hair is perfect, even the big one who hardly has any with his short cut. I don’t even know what mine looks like. I can’t see my reflection in the mirror. But Zo said I was good-looking. She included me in her guards.

  Garrett clears his throat. My brain is all over the place. It’s like that all the time, though. Without a heartbeat or a breath, I can’t control the way my thoughts bounce around. There’s nothing to anchor me. “Focus, Kodi. What exactly is the problem?” I think it’s the first time he’s actually addressed me. It’s not surprising that he’s just as bossy as he looks.

  “It’s
not you, it’s the rooms. She’s lonely.”

  “That can be easily amended,” Duggar says. If I were flesh and blood, I might have jumped. He and the other little goblins are better at appearing out of thin air than I am, and I don’t exist. “We didn’t want to overwhelm her all at once.”

  “A little late for that,” I say, shooting an accusing glance at Avery. Of course, he can’t see it. He still seems to understand though. The sheepish expression doesn’t fit his elegant, almost effeminate features. He’s beautiful in an ethereal way, the light to Bren’s dark.

  “Before we start rearranging furniture, I need to know what’s going on,” the shifter interrupts. I could do without his swaggering arrogance. If he tries to go all alpha male on me, I’ll show him…somehow.

  “Well, if you’d read the contract…” I needle him. To my surprise, he doesn’t get angry. Something indescribable passes over his face and he swipes a hand through his inch long hair.

  As always, the blind vampire picks up on things no eye can see. “You can’t read,” he states simply, as if he were pointing out the fact that Garrett’s eyes are brown. Considering we’ve all remarked on his blind and born status, turnabout is fair play. Bren has his face turned away. I assume it’s so he doesn’t call out his brother.

  “I can read,” Garrett argues, a touch of irritation on his rough face. He scratches at the dark stubble coating his chin and jaw. I bet he’s one of those manly men that can never get rid of the whiskers. My hand comes up almost reflexively, but I only feel static and a chill. I don’t know if I’d started to grow a beard before I died or not. I think I was about nineteen, but not all men mature the same way. It doesn’t look like Avery ever has to shave. His skin is smoother than a woman’s, but it works with the whole fae thing he has going on. I half-expected his ears to be pointy when I first saw him, and I wonder if there’s faerie blood in his ancestry. Fae can’t be turned, but Avery is a born vampire. All the usual rules don’t apply.

  Garrett speaks, snapping me out of my thoughts yet again. When I can’t think about what I plan to do or bodily functions, all I can focus on are other people. It’s incredible how much time is spent thinking about food, sleep, or sex; I never realized it until I was dead. I still think about food and sex, but it only frustrates me. Sleep? Nah. I could do without that, although the weird half-sleep state I was in this morning still fascinates me. It was as if my mind had been elsewhere, which is sad because I would have loved to experience the pleasure of lying next to Zo.

  “I can read. It’s just difficult for me. The letters bounce around, and it takes longer than it should. Is my contract still binding if I didn’t read it?” There’s a touch of guilt in his voice as he looks at the goblin, and it’s soon revealed why.

  Duggar’s wings buzz with irritation. “Don’t act stupid, Master Garrett; it doesn’t suit you. You knew exactly what you were signing even if you couldn’t read it. The essence of the contract was transferred magically to your mind.”

  “I didn’t think about it,” Garrett growls.

  “Is that my fault?” Duggar argues, and I have to laugh. I don’t know how I create the sound without air, but it’s my favorite thing to do. It’s the only action that seems to send the tiniest shiver of pleasure through me. It’s hilarious watching the three-foot-tall goblin chastising the giant.

  The shifter grumbles but looks away. “I didn’t realize I’d have to share,” he mutters. For some reason, that’s even funnier to me. He sends his frightening glare my way, but I shrug.

  “Whatcha going to do? Punch me?” I taunt him.

  “Now that we’re complete, we should talk about what’s going on.” Avery is as diplomatic as ever.

  Bren seems lost in his thoughts. It’s almost like Zo’s presence changes him and makes him more present. Or maybe he’s just having a moment. The seer shakes his head like he’s rousing from a dream. “Yes. The term will start soon, and we don’t have much time. Zo needs to shift. It’s the only way to protect the library from what’s coming.”

  Garrett sits down heavily. Apparently, he takes everything his brother says with the utmost sincerity. That means something. “What’s coming?” he asks carefully.

  Bren shrugs and exchanges a look with the little goblin. “Trouble? War? The human-only movement grows stronger, but they’re not alone and not all human. We can’t dismiss them like the supernatural world believes. They’re being controlled and influenced by powerful supernaturals.”

  Avery’s brow knits together. I hover next to them, occasionally swaying to a nonexistent breeze just so I can keep my brain rooted in the present. The glimpses of recollection I saw this morning keep me focused. There are answers in our memories - mine and Zo’s.

  “Why would supernaturals be working against their own race? And with humans, no less?” There’s no recrimination in Avery’s voice. He has to be the calmest, most collected man I’ve ever met.

  “They want power in numbers so they can rule.” It’s Garrett who speaks. He’s intelligent although his mind doesn’t process words like ours. I can still read; I just can’t turn the damn pages. It’s annoying reading whatever snippet is left open for me, like peeking into the windows of a stranger’s house. I never really know what’s going on.

  Bren nods. “That’s a simple way of putting it. The humans may not have powers, but there is strength in numbers, and they can be turned. I’m sure many would pay handsomely for that power.”

  Avery and Garrett both draw in breaths. I understand the importance of what Bren’s saying. If supes are turning humans in return for favors, they would be beholden to their makers. As far as I know, though, only two races can turn humans: vamps and shifters.

  “Would imprisoning supes and torturing them be in this category?” The question is out of my mouth before I can stop it. Three pairs of eyes look at me: bright silver, pale green, and darkest brown. Zo said my eyes were greenish-blue. I hope I get to see them one day.

  “Is that what happened to Zosia’s legs?” Garrett asks. I admire his blunt forwardness. I also appreciate the lack of judgment in his voice. If he doesn’t like the way Zo is built, I’ll find a way to sever his contract myself.

  I nod. “She doesn’t have all her memories, but that’s the gist of it. She was experimented upon. They broke her legs and tried to take her wings. They’re still there, but it’s why she hasn’t shifted yet. The pain will be unbearable the first time, I think.” I’m just guessing from what I’ve overheard and what she’s told me, but Duggar and Bren don’t argue against my suppositions. “Not that she’s a stranger to pain,” I add. I can’t have them thinking she’s weak. She’s the strongest person I’ve ever met.

  “The pain will lessen after she shifts for the first time. It won’t heal her legs, but it will strengthen her immune and pain responses,” Duggar explains.

  Garrett is still considering my question. “What kind of information could they gather from a sphinx?” No one answers because it’s clear he’s asking himself. If I knew, I would answer. His eyes turn to me. “How long?”

  I shrug. “I don’t know for sure, but I do know she escaped and ended up in a hospital as a young teenager - around twelve or thirteen years of age. Ansel helped protect her and keep her hidden after that.”

  “Before they’re born, supernatural babies are pure magic. Before they’ve had a chance to channel that magic into the formation of powers, bones, and tissue, it can be stolen.”

  Bren’s words sicken me to the point that I think I’d vomit if I could. My brain tricks me into feeling nauseous, even more so when I realize that his words strike some truth in me, as if confirming a memory I don’t clearly recall. “They wanted to breed her?” My voice cracks halfway through the sentence.

  “Every sphinx bears a female sphinx as their first child,” Duggar mutters, his tone dark. Avery’s pale skin looks almost green, and Garrett is gripping the table so hard, I’m worried it might break in half. That man must spend all his time in the gym. If I be
come solid again, will I still retain the muscle it looks like my body has?

  Bren nods. “If they couldn’t extract the power from her body, it would have been their next course of action.”

  “Do we know they didn’t succeed?” The query sickens us all, but Garrett asks it bravely. It’s a reasonable question.

  Duggar shakes his head. “My wife would have detected a previous pregnancy. There was none.”

  I release a breathless exhalation of relief. Thankfully, she got away in time.

  “So how is being a guardian of a library supposed to help in this race war?” Garrett asks, turning the conversation away from Zo.

  “Knowledge is power,” Bren replies with a slight shrug, but his eyes dance. He’s hiding something.

  “So what? We’re supposed to find ways to stop it by poring through books?” Garrett’s tone sounds as sarcastic as I feel.

  Bren shakes his head. “Not necessarily. There are many ways. Not only do secrets get spoken in libraries, but even bad guys need information. They’ll come to the library for it. You know that not everyone knows what this place is? To almost every other supe except those in the know, this is a normal library. Zo is a normal librarian. We are security without a life or death tie to our beautiful boss. Secrets will be spoken, secrets will be searched for, and we’ll be in a unique position to pass that information along.”

  “So, we’re the midpoint? Like spies working for the good?” Avery asks slowly. “How do we know who the good guys are?”

  Bren points a finger straight into the sky. “Excellent question! Almost no human, or supe for that matter, is all good or all bad. It’s the ones that bear the best intentions for the world that we must help. That may be our government or not. Several factions will come to us for help, and we will choose who to help. One thing we know for certain is that the division capturing supes or turning humans are part of the faction we don’t want to help. It’s wrong in every sense. This includes your former owner.” He shoots a look at me.