Broken Destiny

by Serena Lindahl

  Light flashes behind my eyes and I suddenly find myself in the heart of the library again - that strange cavern-like chamber where I signed the book. I expect to see Duggar or one of the other library goblins, but the small space is empty. It offers the same comfort it did before, though. It’s a warm, soothing place, and it takes me several seconds to realize I’m standing in the middle of the room…on my legs. I look down, but they’re wispy in form, reminding me of Kodi’s appearance. Still, the sensation of standing tall without support feels like a miracle to me. I turn in a slow circle, marveling at the ability to do so without stumbling.

  “Your body isn’t really here,” a voice murmurs. I jerk, my heart pounding against my chest. The shadows gather in the corners of the room, but I can’t actually make out any shapes in the darkness.

  “Hello?” I call out. I’m not scared. I don’t think I can be in this place, not after I’ve bound my soul to it.

  “Hello, child,” the voice speaks again. It’s a strange multi-tonal noise, and the only characteristic I can glean from it is that it’s feminine. A figure steps from the shadows, and my jaw drops as I look upon the magnificent beast-person. My mind trips. It’s half-beast, half-woman. Sphinx.

  “Wow,” I whisper, unable to hide my awe. She’s fantastic. Golden feathered wings are tucked against her lioness form as she prowls forward. Her face is human, but twitching cat ears rise above her hair, and her smile is sharp with teeth when she aims it my way. Her eyes are slightly slanted like a cat’s, just enough to notice.

  “Who are you?” I ask after my brain recovers the ability to form words.

  The remarkable beast sits on her haunches directly in front of me, and I find one of my questions answered. Her breasts are on full display, but they’re covered in downy fur, so it’s almost like they’re hidden. It doesn’t seem obscene, which is what I was worried about. I think I’ll still wear a shirt if I shift, though. The thought steals my breath again. This is what I’ll change into? It’s almost too much, too fantastical to believe.

  “You can call us Sage. Terribly unoriginal, we know, but that is what we are.”

  I can’t help but look around the room. “We?”

  Her cat ears twitch like she finds me amusing. “The form you see before you is just a projection, just as your body is still back in your quarters. We are an image of all the sphinxes that have come before you.”

  I feel like I need to sit, regardless of my pleasure at being able to stand. It’s just too much. Will my consciousness upload into this being when I die? Am I speaking to the library herself?

  “In a sense,” the creature answers as if she read my mind. They? I shake my head in confusion. “We are the library, but there is so much more to it than just this shape. There is magic within the walls, within the floor, and within the very books themselves. You should know this.”

  Oh, I know there’s magic in books. I just hadn’t expected it to be so…literal. “I’m pleased to meet you,” I finally say, my manners arriving late as usual.

  The beast’s smirk looks perfect on her feline form. All cats should be able to show such smug superiority with a similar expression. “You’ve already met us, child. This is just the first time in this form.”

  “Right.” I nod, indicating that I understand even though I’m not sure I do. “Why am I here? Not that I’m complaining,” I add quickly.

  “You doubt yourself. Your soul was crying out for guidance. And since you are our pupil, we called you here.”

  I nod and take a deep breath. “Are you certain you have the right person, sphinx, woman, whatever, for the job? My memories scare me,” I admit in a quieter voice. “But more than that, I’m not sure I deserve those men upstairs. How selfish is it of me to want all four of them, to bind them to me?”

  Sage cocks her head. Thinking of her as one being is easier than trying to encapsulate the many consciousnesses thingy. Her tail, long and muscular, sweeps the cavern floor behind her. “Selfishness has nothing to do with it. They were called to you for a good reason. Each one of them represents something different; each one touches a part of you that you may not even realize is important. And they’re not only offering you something. You are offering in return. They have all been ostracized just like you. They all doubt who they are and what they are meant to be. Everyone benefits from this mutual arrangement. They all knew exactly what they were getting into before they signed.”

  I almost snort, thinking of Garrett. I don’t believe he doubts anything, but there is a reason he signed the book. I have something more important to address, though, something that’s been simmering in my mind for the short time I’ve been here. “Why didn’t I know what I was getting myself into? Why couldn’t I read the contract in its entirety?”

  The cat flashes a toothy, feral smile. It turns her image from something majestic and awe-inspiring to something worthy of fear. Not for me, though; I will never fear her. “Your mind allowed you to assimilate the information you were prepared to understand. If you realized you were going to bind four guardians to you, would you have signed? If you knew you would be at the center of a war, would you have agreed?”

  I shake my head, the answer instantly springing to my lips. “No. I’m not anything special. I’m not brave, whole, or worthy.” The last word is pulled from my throat, every insecurity I’ve ever carried rising to the surface.

  The tail swishes again, and I sense irritation behind the movement. “It’s not bravery that you lack, child, it’s faith. We have the wisdom of centuries behind us. We chose you.”

  I open my mouth to protest again, but Sage leans forward, her sharp teeth glinting in the light that I wasn’t sure had a source. “We chose you,” she repeats slowly. I swallow my words. Continuing to argue would only offend her, and I trust in the judgment of the creature before me. Something tells me she can’t be wrong, and it fills me with a small measure of pride. I was chosen for a reason.

  I take a deep breath and nod. “All right then, I’ll try. I’ll try to be what you expect of me.”

  The beast nods, approval gleaming in her catlike eyes. “You already are, but we believe you will also endeavor to be more. We have a favor to ask.” I wait nervously as she studies my features. “The faith that you don’t fully feel in yourself? You must have it in your guardians. They believe in you, and so too must you believe and trust in them.”

  My brows draw together, but I don’t have time to respond before I’m forced from the cave and back into my body. It’s rather disappointing to look down, see that I’m sitting again and know I won’t be able to stand. The sphinx’s words follow me, ringing through my head. The statement was ominous, and I can’t help the feeling that something is going to happen - something that will rattle my faith and trust. Is she warning or preparing me? Does it matter? At least I have one thought that brings me comfort. I don’t have an issue believing in others; it’s only myself that I doubt.

  It takes me several more minutes to compose myself, gather my crutches, and meet the others in the center of the library. Anticipation and fear scorch my veins. What will they expect? What does the library expect? I’ve never shifted before.

  I search for Garrett. I’ve barely spoken to him, and we haven’t been alone yet. He’s frowning at the books in the bookcase near the table area on the first floor. He pulls a book from the shelf and opens it, but his grimace only grows when his eyes scan the page. I watch his facial expression for several minutes before he realizes I’m staring at him. When he puts the book back on the shelf, he looks almost ashamed, like he was caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to.

  Kodi is nowhere to be seen, but that seems to be the norm lately when we’re all gathered. Avery and Bren are speaking quietly, and I can already see the bond forming between them. It makes my chest feel warm, a different kind of warmth than watching them yesterday had created. I push that thought from my mind as fast as it arrives, fully aware that the shifter is capable of discerning my more primal urges through s
mell alone. Will I be able to do that once I shift?

  Garrett appears nervous when he sees me crutching toward him. I’m momentarily worried he’s going to dart into the stacks before I can reach him. But he stands his ground and squares his shoulders, making him appear even more massive.

  “Um, hi.” I offer an awkward greeting when I reach him. He rubs the top of his head, the short hair springing back from his touch. “I was hoping to talk to you for a minute if that’s okay.”

  He nods, appearing to shore himself up for something. What does he have to worry about? Out of all of us, he’s the one that doesn’t feel as if he belongs immediately. The rest of us? We’re misfits. We would never be accepted into the ranks of the students at Hidden Academy, regardless of how powerful we are. Garrett? It seems like he had the world at his feet and left it there for this. Why?

  “Why did you sign the book?” The question escapes my mouth before I can stop it, and I immediately follow with a shake of my head. “Sorry. That wasn’t actually the question I was going to ask you.” I gnaw on my lip, shifting from foot to foot to ease the ache of standing in one place. His gaze is drawn to my movement. He gestures me forward, toward a cozy nook buried just inside the stacks. It has a loveseat in front of a long, narrow table, and it looks perfect for curling up with a book. I can’t wait to explore every inch of this story wonderland.

  “Sit,” he demands gruffly. I bristle immediately, irritated at being bossed around. He sighs when I don’t move. “Would it be more comfortable for you to have this conversation while seated?”

  I nod shortly. I could lie, but it doesn’t make sense, and the library is still influencing our interactions. He’d know I was lying just to be obstinate.

  “Then, please sit,” the shifter repeats. The word sounds foreign on his tongue, and I’m sure he’s accustomed to getting his way. I lower myself onto the soft leather, setting my crutches to the side. The furniture is impossibly comfortable. I don’t know if I expected Garrett to sit next to me, but I’m not surprised when he starts pacing on the other side of the table.

  “There’s another reason I waited to attend the academy,” he begins deliberately, “a reason other than my brother.”

  I sit patiently, even though his pacing is starting to annoy me. The movement makes every muscle ripple and flex under his tight clothing. The beast waits just underneath his skin. I don’t know what he shifts into, but I can feel his animal as clearly as I feel Bren’s power and Avery’s hunger.

  “I can’t read,” he blurts suddenly. My brows fly into my hairline. “Well, I can, but not very well. Dyslexia is what the tutor told my father. That tutor didn’t live to tell anyone else, and my father expected me to grow out of it or something.” He shrugs his massive shoulders, and I suddenly understand why he’s so naturally protective. He was raised by a tyrant. I could only imagine how such a man would treat Bren, who is so wonderfully different. “If you need help with the books...” His words trail away.

  “I’ll tell you what I told Avery, Garrett. Your perceived limitations do not limit your abilities to be my guardian. The books are my responsibility, mine and the goblins’. You’re simply required to protect me and hopefully help represent the library on the OSC because my knowledge is woefully inadequate in areas of politics and current affairs.”

  He studies my face as if searching for a lie. When he sees nothing but the truth, he grunts with a nod. That must be alpha-shifter speak for “fine.” I better understand why he’s here and his swift perusal of the contract makes more sense now, but his so-called disability doesn’t change my view of him. He’s still immensely powerful, and I doubt his inability to read would have affected his bid for top shifter. Intelligence definitely isn’t the first requirement for the position.

  “You wanted to speak about something else, though?” he asks.

  I nod, bringing myself back to why I’d sought him out. “Yes, but sit down. You’re making me dizzy.”

  He mutters under his breath, but takes the seat next to me, and I almost wish he would start pacing again. I’d forgotten how big he was. He takes up more than half of the loveseat. He’s so close; only inches separate us.

  I force myself to inhale deeply, steeling myself against his nearness. He’s like one of the gargoyles perched on the roof: stone, immovable, powerful. I want to know what kind of shifter he is, but I keep getting distracted.

  “I’ve said this to the others in some way or another, but I wanted to speak to you. I’m sorry if you felt trapped into accepting this position. I didn’t mean for it to happen that way.”

  There’s a moment of silence before he sighs heavily. “I may act like I’m put out, but I’m not. Every second I’m here, it feels more like home. And I’m speaking of a home that should be, not the home that was.”

  I nod, understanding perfectly. For those of us that have grown up with less than ideal childhoods, home means something different than the place we live or where we were raised.

  “And although I couldn’t read the contract in its entirety, I knew exactly what I was getting into. I understood every nuance. There are still some…issues…I need to work through,” he adds with a subtle clearing of his throat but continues before I can ask what they are. I’m certain he’s speaking of the needs that were mentioned, though. I doubt I’m the kind of woman he actually wants to be tied to for eternity. “My brother and I are meant to be here, Zosia. I’ve had plans of vengeance for years, but they’ll just have to be modified to suit this new arrangement. I don’t feel trapped.”

  “Good,” I murmur. “If you need to go elsewhere for your… needs…” My voice breaks. I want to offer him an out, but I can’t. The words stick in my throat. Just like Avery, the thought of him going somewhere else, to someone else, makes my chest burn and my mind rebel.

  Garrett leans closer to me and the breath stalls in my lungs. He’s so big. His rugged attractiveness nearly takes my breath away. Most wouldn’t consider him handsome. He’s too much. His jaw is too strong, his eyes are too intense, and his body is too intimidating, but I find the combination intoxicating.

  “I may be a shifter, Zosia, but I’m not an animal. I can control myself and my needs. If my desires become too much to bear before you’re ready, then we’ll talk. But otherwise, let’s not worry about it.” His eyes flicker to my legs. “I am slightly worried about hurting you.”

  I can’t decide if he’s trying to let me off the hook easily or being sincere, but I can reply to his worry. “I’m not fragile. I may not be perfectly formed, but I’m strong and healthy. I’m probably not what you typically want in a woman...” My words lag, and I’m again aggravated that my mouth likes to speak without the permission of my mind. I came over here to ask him how to shift, not drag him into my bed.

  A squeak that sounds suspiciously like a mewling kitten escapes me when his firm lips press against mine. It’s only a second of time, but it’s enough to effectively shut me up. When he pulls back, his dark eyes glitter. “You’re not a typical woman, but there’s nothing wrong with you. In fact, it might be everything right about you. Don’t talk poorly of yourself, especially not when you’re in my presence. I’ll have to shut you up every time, and a kiss seems to do the trick.”

  It did. My brain is still mushy. His kiss was so different from Avery’s soft caress, but both lit my body on fire. My nerve endings spark with arousal and interest. I have to shake my head to clear it of what I want to do, which is to see how a deeper kiss would affect me.

  “I was hoping you could give me pointers on how to shift,” I sputter finally.

  Garrett nods formally, but his gaze is still on my lips like he wants to kiss me again. My stomach flutters. I wish we weren’t in a time crunch. I wouldn’t mind more time to get to know my men, my guardians, I mean. Thinking of them as mine almost makes me as corrupt as the masters who tether their slaves.

  “You’ve never shifted?” he clarifies. I shake my head. “A shifter should feel the need to shift, like a need
to stretch upon waking. It’s almost reflexive.”

  I duck my head. “I don’t feel it. I think the reflexes are hidden behind the repressed memories. Just another reason why…”

  His lips descend to mine again, harder this time. The kiss lasts longer than a second, and his hand is cradling my cheek when he draws back with a fierce light in his eyes. “You were doing it again,” he murmurs.

  “Habit,” I whisper, still feeling the imprint of his hand on my face even though he’s retreated again.

  “When someone tells you that you are one thing your entire life, it’s hard to change your way of thinking. At the moment, I’m not complaining. I rather like shutting you up.” His smug smile makes my lips press together with irritation, but we’re interrupted before I can respond.

  “Isn’t she magnificent?” a voice says, sticking their face right between ours. I jerk away from Garrett, feeling like I’ve been caught doing something I shouldn’t. Bren perches just behind us, his forearms supporting his upper body on the back of the couch.

  “She’s something,” Garrett answers with another caveman grunt. I’m uncertain whether to interpret it as a compliment or an insult.

  Bren turns his beautiful face in my direction, and his smile is infectious. His pale green eyes shimmer in the light being filtered through the dome above us. “Are you getting pointers on how to shift? Garrett is the best one to ask, being he’s the shifter and all. There was a moment yesterday, a chance that he might not have agreed to stay.” Bren’s eyes momentarily glaze over, and his voice loses its cheer. “The outlook for that wouldn’t have been good. But, he’s here. We’re here! Let’s turn you into a pussy cat.”