Visions of Cody

by Jack Kerouac

  CODY. Yeah, that’s on ah—by Forty-second Street

  JACK. Yeah. I’d say to Bull “Well shall we go in there?” He’d say “Wal, it’s actually, it’s just a goddamn bookie’s bar—”

  CODY. That’s the first bar Bull took me into when we hit town—

  JACK. So!—I’d say “Yeah” and I’d say “What about this bar?” He’d say “Well, ah, it’s an old man’s bar…. This is a queer bar,” so I’d say: “Where do we go?” We’d go to Kieran and Dinneen’s because the bookies are sharp, cool characters, we go into Kieran and Dinneen’s we see all these bookies…standing at the bar, drinking see? Bull and I were there, we’re talking about Berlin…Bill Fillmore…Africa…um (snaps fingers) So! so one night he said “I know a guy, I met a guy called,” ah, what the hell was that guy’s name, he killed—he died recently, big…fatty, he used to work as an attendant in a Turkish bath, he was a big swishing fag, and he lived at the foot of the Manhattan Street Bridge with Huck (Cody laughs), and several other people like that, so…this is long before you ever even heard of Huck man! even before Bull knew Huck…this big fag who died last year, killed himself, in other words Phil Blackman committed suicide last year and so did this big fag

  CODY. Did he? Phil Blackman? I didn’t know that

  JACK. Phil Blackman committed suicide in the Tombs last year

  CODY. I didn’t know that

  JACK. See he was picked up for possession (Cody whistles), the cops grilled him, put the light on him, made him tell, on some-body, and you know Phil Blackman hurt—killed a few guys, too

  CODY. I didn’t know—

  JACK. I don’t know about—I don’t know whether…it was anything to do with that, ’cause I know that Huck was told by Phil Blackman…who he killed, what store, what street—Phil Blackman was a holdup man…and he was…Bull’s big hero, the guy that got Bull going on junk

  CODY. I see

  JACK. So he told Huck, and Huck told me, confessed to me, and I confessed to Irwin, see everybody knew about it finally?—but Phil Blackman finally hung himself in the…Tombs, last year (CODY, Geez) Kay Blackman was his wife—

  CODY. Yeah, that’s the one—

  JACK. I used to want to fuck her—big fat woman like Jerry Fust

  CODY. Yeah—she’s the one who had a dildo, you know, and Bull and Huck, for all across the state of Virginia and that’s a long way in a jeep at thirty-five miles an hour, why we talked about Phil Blackman and Kay Blackman, Blackman, and how…Bull said “Why I used to go up there and Kay’d say ‘Bull you’ve got to do something about Phil (imitating woman,) he’s been taking this—this junk you know and he can’t do any good now and a ma—woman’s got to have her tail and all that, and,’” ah—

  JACK. Yeah, she used to love it, man

  CODY. Yeah. And Bull said “Wal I can’t do nothin,” you know (laughing at his whining imitation) and he went through all that, he must have felt very good that afternoon because he talked about it for hours all the time, see, connections that way ’n’ everything, I remember that, Phil Blackman, I was just wondering if that was the same guy

  JACK. See Phil…when Bull got this apartment on Henry Street, I say apartment, it’s this fucking coldwater flat, Huck lived in it, took care of it, Bull came there occasionally…it was actually owned by Dick Clancy, the guy who picked up Joanna by the cunt—

  CODY. I remember him, yah, I remember him

  JACK. See? Now the—the only guy who had enough nerve to stay there most of the time, was Huck; half the time, was me; and of course Irwin…came there on Saturday afternoons and played Stravinsky, and he played, ah, Prokofiev, eh, you know that’s, ah, “Nevsky Suite”…

  CODY. Yeah I remember that

  JACK. Ta ra ta ta! And we’d go out—with Phil Blackman, Kay Blackman, Bull, Huck, me, and June, and Elly, would go down the street and eat in Chinatown, which is right around the corner

  CODY. I see

  JACK. Phil Blackman had the bottom floor pad, for one week,—ah of course we all knew each other very well, and I often looked at Kay Blackman and thought of fucking her see, and everything—where was I? How I first met, ah, Huck, Huck, so!—Yeah—so Bull and I went down to Henry Street to look up ah, Huck! we went to his pad, fifth floor of a pad underneath the Manhattan Bridge, knocked on the door, who opened the door? Who opened the door?

  CODY. Who did?

  JACK. Vicki

  CODY. VICKI?

  JACK. Vicki…young Vicki

  CODY. I’ll be dog—when she was young, eh, she must have been very young

  JACK. Yeah, she was, she was—

  CODY. I’ll be danged

  JACK. And she said “Yes?” and we said, ah, “Huck here?” She said “No who are you?” Bull said “I’m, ah, Bull Hubbard; I, ah, was sittin with him on One hundred and third Street and Broadway on a park bench, we were, ah, talkin about junk, thought we might pick up a little junk.” See Bull was naïve in those days, see, saying junk, and Vicki of course “Looka him,” dug him right away, then she looked at me and dug me, physically, you know, because I say, the next forty-eight hours I fucked her solid

  CODY. Yeah, on Benzedrine

  JACK. She dug all that, she said “Come in!” She says—she got us in the door—she says “The first thing I always do I always gauge who’s at the door, if it’s—if its a…guy who wants to collect a bill, I tell him ‘Look behind me at all these hanging…ah stockings, and clothes, and this dirty old washtub, I’m beset on all sides, I’m a poor housewife, can’t do it’”—she says, “If it’s friends I get ’em right straight through this little kitchen into this little black pad,” and there’s the pad, you know, the thing that Hindenburg—course Hindenburg was there then, Little Zagg’s—

  CODY. Geez…Little Zagg then?

  JACK. Little Zagg had just gone to the can for a Washington, D.C. safe robbery in which the guys stole a safe, and they went riding along in a car where they thought that the cops were suspicious, and somehow or other they stopped somewhere and got the c—the fucking safe out of the car, and as they were struggling out of the car with the safe they dropped it through a manhole, or, they dropped it down the goddamn stairway—Oh and another time they stole a safe out of a theater, and they were getting it down off the second floor down those long carpeted stairs, you know? and the fucking thing started tumbling down the stairs (laughing)

  CODY. OO-whee, the law—that—that must have been crazy

  JACK. ‘Sall that kinda—see, so Little Zagg was in jail, see—so Vicki, she, all she had then was Normie, Krall, who was at that time in the Navy

  CODY. No kiddin

  JACK. She says to me “I have a boy in the Navy,” I said, I said: “So it makes no difference,” (bangs his head three times on wall) see, and I’m bangin my head on the wall, like that—she gives in. But that’s after forty-eight hours, it’s a long, long story…

  CODY. Hmm, yah, you told me portions of it, I recall

  JACK. Well she said “Alright man, we’ll pick up.” I says “Do you pick up jazz baby?” she says: “I pick up with Charlie Ventura”—1946, see?—so we got in the cab, we got on…subway, Times Square, no it was in the cab, go around Times Square, we go up to Pickarib, Benny Goodman’s Pickarib, where she pulled out this Benzedrine tube, two or three of them, she said “You take this one, you take this one; break it open, eat everything in there.” Bull and I each ate a whole tube

  CODY. Phew! Jesus

  JACK. But man!…three hours later, we’re with her back, not in her pad, but Bull’s, Dick Clancy’s, pad, another block up (CODY, Wow) and she breaks open two more, crack, crack, “eat one, eat one, eat one.” Man did we get high!—boy oh boy—

  CODY. Man, I could never do that. Val Hayes broke me in on benny you know. Yeah. Val Hayes, in Denver, yeah

  JACK. I’ve really got to piss

  CODY. Yeah (shutting off machine temporarily) (machine resumes) We’re in a—we went down to the poolhall, no, no, no, by golly, that’s not the case, actually
it was at his house or up a—wasn’t at his house, it was on a—it was in a restaurant on Twentieth Avenue, there, by the Crest Hotel, but, I think that was the night before—the fact of the matter is I can’t remember exactly the locale. But at any rate, ah, gee whiz, very quietly, it seems, he said something about Benzedrine, or, ah, the…fellas back East take this Benzedrine or whatever it is, why he’s, ah, that’s what it was, he just mentioned it, that they took Benzedrine, and I said “What’s that?” He said—he said “Oh that’s—you buy it in a drugstore, you go down, ask for a tube of Benzedrine—” and I said, like I always do about directions and everything, I said “What’s that now, ah, Benzedrine inhaler?” ah, you know, and got all the…information straight, see, and he said—

  JACK. (looking at clock) Ten?

  CODY. Yeah—oh yeah, so “Go ahead and try it” he said, “but don’t take more than half a strip or at the most one strip, but don’t take a half a strip, especially at the beginning and everything”

  JACK. What year is this?

  CODY, And so—this was in ‘forty…s-s-s-s-s…-ix, spring of, ah, he’d just come back from school, summer of ‘forty-six, we were together all summer, he and I…. No! ‘forty f-f-f-…-ive, ‘forty-FIVE, yes, ‘forty-five! summer of ‘forty-five. And he told me about Irwin, and he told me also about you but no “about you,” he might—he mentioned—yes he mentioned you, of course but not…really a lot, ah he seemed to be more…mentioned Irwin, or at least Irwin stuck in my mind more for some reason or something of that nature, but I remember you, but at any rate, he, ah, so that day I did…buy the tube of Benzedrine, and I remember, I was very…oh not frightened exactly or anything like that but I was a little bit wary, but not because of fear, or not because what would happen to me, but—actually I’ll tell you what it was, it was an excitement, it was an anticipatory…sense of I was going to try something new, that’s what it was, see, so I postponed it and stood around on the—actually I was sitting on the poolhall bench, that’s where I took it, in the poolhall, see—

  JACK. One more half hour we’ll be high

  CODY. Yeah (laughing) That is so, I hope so! And so we, ah, so I sat in the poolhall bench there and I…took it out, ah, half a strip, and rolled it up in a ball, a little ball you know, and held it there and held it there, and I told Watson or somebody what I was doing and everything, and so they wanted to try it too of course, and so then I went back to the fountain in back of the poolhall to get a drink of water (sounds of wine pouring) and put it in my mouth, and took it. And I got high, and after that I took it regularly, not regularly, no—ah, I, after that I, say, three or four times that summer, but never in great quantity or anything—

  JACK. You sure this is the summer of ‘forty-five?

  CODY. Well, now I’ve really got to think. See the reason I don’t stop to think is because I’m aware of the machine, so I can’t stop to think—

  JACK. No, I know—fuck the machine, man!—I didn’t meet Val until the summer of ‘forty-five

  CODY. Yeah, well he, it was—I’ll tell you exactly…I went to jail in July ‘forty-four, got out in June of ‘forty-five, and I that s—yes, it was summer of ‘forty-five—absolutely because ah, because ‘forty-six I was doing other things. It was the summer of ‘forty-five; summer? ‘forty-five, that’s right!

  JACK. Fuck the machine, man

  CODY. That’s right, summer of ‘forty-five

  JACK. Now I gotta tell you about Vicki though

  CODY. Yeah, you were

  JACK. I mean I gotta tell you about Vicki

  CODY. Tell me about her

  JACK. I did tell you about her already

  CODY. Well you did portions of, thereof—

  JACK. Yeah, but ah…wa—as I say, I got so high, with her, on Benzedrine, that I didn’t know where I was, and I said “Are we in St. Peters-berg, Russia?”

  CODY. Oh yeah that’s right, yeah

  JACK. Remember that? and really thinking all the time, really and truly, not knowing at all, that “Are we in Petersberg, Russia?” and then suddenly snapping back and saying, “Why, ah, wa, no use talking nonsense my boy,” and I said, “Are we in Chicago!” (Cody laughs) See? and I’d never been to Chicago, or Petersberg, Russia

  CODY. Ha ha, man, I do remember that

  JACK. But did I tell you, did I tell you about—well, see, well here’s what happened, see, uh, and we had that, we ate those strips of benny, and we got in a cab, Bull paid all the fares, and she said she was going to pick up on some tea—at that time Bull was interested in paying cab fares to pick on tea!—because he wasn’t on junk yet. So we’re riding up and down Times Square, and she’s jumping out of the cab!—

  CODY. Man!

  JACK.—and running out in the street and saying “Hey Red,” “Hey Mac,” and saying “Stop” and say “Hey ba-by!” you know? and they’d stop talkin on the sidewalk, she says, and she says “Anything man?” they say “Nothing ba-by!” and she’d jump back in the cab and say “Drive on” and somethin, jump out again, finally, we ended up on the Forty-second Street subway, and we got in the subway train, and of course, now I’m completely buzzing, and I’m sayin to Vicki I say “Hey,” I said “my ear’s ringing, I don’t know where I am”—She says: “You’re buzzing ba-by!” We get in the train, and all the way down to…East Broadway, which is the stop, you get off at Henry Street, in other words you take the goddamn—

  CODY. Uh-huh…S-s-s-s-s…goes down Sixth Avenue and cuts across…

  JACK. At Washington Square you change for an F train—while we’re riding down there, and we’re all standing, holding onto the straps, and talking and you know we’re all buzzing and she’s explaining to us what it is to be high and all the time we’re digging everybody in the car, with all those bright lights, and she’s telling us how to dig them? and for the first time Bull and I are together! See after I dug him as a—comin into an African compound, all that shit, he came in—when he came in my pad, see, with Elly, now I’m digging him and he’s digging me as really being put on for the first time, by a real…(laughs)…person, see

  CODY. Crazy. Huh!

  JACK. We got off at our appointed station, which at that time to me in my naïveté, was an evil…station, see, East Broadway, and who’s standing on the platform? dusty platform…is standing Huck

  CODY. No

  JACK. A little short dark guy…and at that time he sported a fucking zoot hat, he had a zoot hat, man, and I dug him as an…ordinary zoot suiter

  CODY. No kidding. Wow! Hat changes…. Yeah I dig him, yeah

  JACK. With him was a great big huge bulky guy called Big Blackie—he’s the Big Blackie who knifed a guy in the back in, ah, the bar there, Ross’s? that Bull writes about in his novel? you know about it…he actually knifed a guy, see—One night Bull was in the bar with Huck and Phil Blackman, Ross’s, Blackie was there, he was grumbling

  CODY. Uh huh, I know where, Forty-second Street…

  JACK. See, always grumbling, see, a whole bunch of guys were lined up along the bar, Blackie was goin up along the bar asking for drinks, they say “We don’t have any money Blackie, fuck you man.” He pulled out a knife and haphazardly jabbed it into one guy’s back. Everybody just flew out of the bar, see, and one guy stayed, his name I don’t remember, but he supported him out on the street, this guy that got knifed, and they went to Polyclinic, just like in Damon Runyon, they go to Polyclinic which is right nearby Times Square…where he was treated, but that’s Blackie, Big Blackie. And already Vicki is saying, and we’re walking up to them, she’s saying “Ah that Big Blackie, don’t, don’t—he’s—he’s nowhere, be lookout, be on the lookout for him,” she says: “Huck, he’s my father, he’s my mo-ther,” you know, he’s her mother, (Cody laughs) and I say “He’s your mother!…how—what’s the meaning of all this?” And here’s Huck see, with his big zoot hat, real level, and—he’s looking at me and he’s saying—

  CODY. It must have changed him entirely to wear his hat—

  JACK.—he
’s looking up—

  CODY.—under a big hat, see, complexity—

  JACK.—oh he looks just like a zoot suiter! He’s saying to Vicki, saying “Where you cuttin out now?” She’s sayin “Well we’re cuttin over to…Bull, here, this is Bull, has a pad a block away from where we live.” Huck says “Really?” and, ah, Bull says, ah, nothing, see, and I’m looking at Huck, because I been told who to look at, and Huck’s looking at me, see, and he’s saying “Well, what are we gonna do tonight?” Vicki says: “Well we’re just gonna—blasting benny, and we’re gonna talk all night, see, and we’re gonna do this and that, and I’ll see you tomorrow night, at the pad,” where she’s living with Huck, Hindenburg, Phil Blackman, and some other guy, the other guy being a guy that while…Bull and I first met Vicki in that kitchen she told us to go in?…he came in, sick—you know, I don’t know!

  CODY. Oh I see

  JACK. With a stamp machine

  CODY. No, I didn’t hear at all about this

  JACK. No he—he—he—he—ripped the stamp machine…

  CODY. Never heard of it—

  JACK.—of the, ah, drugstore, carried the stamp machine—

  CODY. Yeah, up home, yeah

  JACK. And in the street he knocked out the money from it, somehow or other and for some odd reason carried the stamp machine up to the room and he gave it to us “Stash it,” see, and went to sleep, sick, see, when we—we went out and we stashed it, see…. Wa—that’s Huck…I—and so as you know…did I ever tell you about my paranoia? No, see, we went over there, to Bull’s pad, and for the first twenty-four hours Bull and…ah, Vicki…talked, about general things, principally, her one hundred dollar a night whorings…see, and how a guy—one particular guy once had a leopard skin—you heard all this though!

  CODY. No man! I didn’t hear that, I seem to remember Vicki—