A Kiss of Ashen Twilight (Ashen Twilight Series #1)

by Lori, Rae

  Ariya shook her head slightly to clear the thought before she finished. She focused on the ceremony ahead as a certain sadness clouded her heart. She tried to ignore Jace turning to face her as she watched him out of the corner of her eye.

  Joanna and Rich kissed after they were pronounced lifemates under the House of Lycan and Joanna became the front runner as the new Matriarch. For now she would serve as regent together with Rich as they both shared one soul.

  “Congratulations buddy,” Jace said giving Rich a hug. “Never thought I’d see the day when you’d settle down before me.”

  “Please, the pope will settle down before you do,” Rich snorted.

  “Yeah, well I need some time before all that happens. Don’t even get Julian started on that line of thinking.”

  Rich chuckled as he turned to Joanna who was sharing a conversation with Ariya. He smiled widely and Jace couldn’t remember a time before this one when his friend seemed so happy. “I feel energize around her. Like everything’s going to be better for us, you know? Sealing the deal just makes the future seem better to handle. I know I’m rambling—”

  Jace held up his hand. “This is your day. Ramble all you want.”

  “I’ll be sure to return the favor when it’s your time.”

  Jace nodded as he followed Rich’s gaze to Ariya and Joanna. When it’s your time. The words echoed in the air long after Rich spoke them. Jace had to wonder if he would ever be ready for such a time.

  * * * *

  Joanna gently kissed Michael’s cheek before bidding him goodbye and giving him thanks for overseeing the ceremony. Ariya waved to the older Lycan and watched as he joined Jace and Rich.

  “I don’t know if Rich told you both, but we will be having a Lycan union ceremony in the coming days. My family and tribe wanted to make it official with everyone attending.”

  Ariya nodded and smiled warmly. “We’d love to come.” She stopped short at the sound of “we.” She and Jace weren’t an item. Well, technically things had been so up in the air for the past few days, she wasn’t sure what to make of them. One thing she did know was that she couldn’t be dangled like a piece of yarn anymore. She needed to know where they stood, even if Jace wanted to move on. As the Queen of the Aziza, she needed to move on as well and her people looked up to her to lead. She would also have to take a mate to rule alongside her. In a strange twist of fate, she hoped or at least imagined it would be Jace.

  Ariya looked up realizing Joanna was looking right at her and that she had stopped speaking.

  “You didn’t hear a word I just said in the past minute, did you?” She asked with a sly smile on her face.

  Ariya smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, I have a lot on my mind.”

  “I bet you do.” Joanna looked over her shoulder at the three men joking and laughing. “And I can guess who.”

  “It’s a bit complicated.”

  Joanna nodded. “It always is with men. I don’t care if their blood runs cold or hot. My mother used to say the heart and head often collide over what the heart has already laid out in its path. In fact, all the women of my tribe said it.”

  “So I’m basically confusing myself over a future already written?”

  Joanna switched the bouquet to her other hand and slipped her free hand around Ariya’s as they started walking. “I’m saying you know what you want. I can see it in both of your eyes. It’s just a matter of reaching for it.”

  Ariya nodded slowly. “I know how he feels, Jo. I lost my family, too, back there. And I’m scared to lose someone else I care about. I don’t even know where all of this will lead. You and Rich are a part of this realm. I belong with my people. They look up to me to rule them. I don’t even know what will happen to us once this is all over and I have to go back home. I certainly didn’t bank on feeling this way toward anyone here.”

  Joanna smiled and shrugged. “It usually turns out that way. Why beat yourself up speculating? I’m sure Jace would understand if you brought it to him.”

  Ariya turned to Jace, thankful he was still distracted in conversation. A question cornered her mind and she found herself speaking it aloud.

  “Would he?”

  * * * *

  That night as they rode home, Ariya leaned against the car door with her arms folded and her mind closed, yet still racing beneath the surface. She kept her eyes on the passing scenery and tried to ignore Jace’s gaze in her direction and his questions invading her mind.

  “You’re angry with me, aren’t you?” Jace said once they stepped into the living room. He gently closed the front door behind him.

  Ariya didn’t say a word as she unhooked her sandals and stepped out of them.

  “Want to at least give me a hint here?” Jace shrugged.

  She stopped at the bedroom door and tossed the sandals in the room before turning back to him. “I need to find somewhere else to stay.”

  “What! Why?”

  “I’ve already overstayed my welcome, Jace. I can’t stay here in this proximity with you knowing how you need to feed. I’m not going to distract you.”

  “What do you mean by that? And where is this all coming from?”

  “I know why you’re scared to get close to me, Jace. I lost family as well, remember? I’m afraid to get close to anyone. Except you, but you’re too scared to touch me, Jace. In fact you haven’t laid a hand on me since that night I saved your life. And I know how you’ve been thinking about being with me but you keep holding back. Why?”

  Jace shook his head as he shrugged out of his coat. “You don’t know what you’re saying, Ariya.”

  “I know about your dreams, Jace,” Ariya said firmly. “You want to do it deep down inside but you’re afraid of what could happen to me. Most of all, I think you’re afraid of what could happen to us.”

  “And that’s so wrong?”

  Ariya shrugged. “It can’t be worse than what’s happening to us now, can it? Absolutely nothing.”

  Jace’s gaze fell from her as he kept his hands on his hips. He was silent and deep in his thoughts, but she couldn’t read any of them. Now, he was shutting her out.

  “Well,” Ariya tried to hide the annoyance in her voice as she exited into the room to change, careful not to bend her wings as she yanked her dress over her head. Jace didn’t bother to follow her as she changed quickly and headed back into the living room. He felt her movement as she whisked by him and reached for her coat folded over the couch. “I guess there really is nothing else left to say.”

  She headed for the door clutching her coat in her sweaty hand.

  “Where are you going?” Jace said watching her intently.

  Ariya didn’t respond as she moved toward the front door. She barely blinked before Jace appeared in front the door. His boyish face hardened with a look that dared her to pass as he folded his arms in front of his body.

  “Jace, let me through,” Ariya said holding her stance.

  “You didn’t answer my question.”

  Ariya held his gaze. She felt the dare emitting from those blue eyes. He wanted her to back down and cower away from him but she wouldn’t dare give him the satisfaction. If he wasn’t going to answer her question, he shouldn’t be expecting an answer from her.

  “I have to go.”

  “Where?” His voice radiated a coarse low growl from his throat.

  Ariya sighed. “Julian wants me to help him with some stuff at the house tonight.”

  “And you agreed to this?”

  She shrugged. “I’m just trying to help your uncle out, Jace.”

  “No, you’re being his freakin’ bait and I don’t appreciate it at all.”

  Ariya stepped forward. Her hand gripped her coat tighter and she felt the beads of sweat breaking between her palms and the leather material.

  “I don’t take kindly to jealousy, Jace.”

  She reached for to the doorknob and in an instant Jace’s cold hand grabbed her wrist, holding it tight.

  Ariya’s gaze shot
up toward him and she could see the muscles beneath his jaw flex with fury. She matched him gaze for gaze and pressed her feet firmly on the ground.

  “Let—go—of my hand,” she said through gritted teeth.

  “I’m not going to let Julian use you for his own agenda and I’m not going to let you leave. You could get hurt out there.”

  “He needs my help and I need to leave.”

  “So, let him keep waiting for it.”

  Ariya shook her head. “You’re just as stubborn as he is.”

  “I’m nothing like him. I didn’t shove the woman I love into another man’s arms.”

  “He had no choice! Besides, it’s one thing to sacrifice your love for the better of her life than push her out into the cold because you’re afraid of her.”

  “And now you’re defending him?” Jace yelled. He scoffed, finally moving away from the door. “And how is this even related?”

  Ariya saw the perfect opportunity to leave, but the irritation and shock in Jace’s voice sent a tinge of guilt inside of her.

  “I saw what happened, Jace,” Ariya said. “It was as if I was there reliving the memories with him when he gave up his wife and child. Julian wants to protect the house now from all the outsiders that could hurt us. I know how fiercely he believes it.”

  “Which doesn’t include you.”

  Ariya’s mind went blank upon hearing Jace’s words. She crossed the room to where he stood.

  “What did you say?”

  “I said excluding you because Julian doesn’t consider you apart of the house,” Jace said staring forward. “He lets you into the meeting to help us, sure. When I asked for your hand to become my mate, he refused.”

  Ariya felt her stomach turn in flip flops. All of this time she thought she had found a family after losing hers. It was just a means to a well planned end. She wanted to believe they took her in and cared for her as if she was one of their own. How could she have been so stupid?

  “You asked for my hand?” she said in a voice so low she felt like it belonged to someone else’s.

  “Yeah, I did. I didn’t want to tell you because you’d ask why—” His voice trailed off and she knew he sensed the sting in her gut. “Why he refused.”

  All she was to them was an outsider like those mortals, only with powers they didn’t have. A stranger from a far off land. What would they do once they were done with her? Toss her out to the street so the Rens could prey on her for good this time?

  “I wouldn’t let them.” Jace said aloud.

  Jace grabbed her shoulders and turned her around to face him. “I won’t let them hurt you, Ariya. Or push you out. Your place is here with me and you don’t have to cloak your thoughts around me.”

  “I won’t be your little well kept secret hidden away, Jace. And I saw the look in your eyes when you fed upon that woman. You wanted it to be me.” Ariya shrugged. “Why is it that I feel closer to you when you’re standing a few feet away from me than when you’re right next to me?”

  Jace shifted his position. At first he was silent, allowing the words to settle over him, but he had none to give. “I don’t—” He took a deep breath to calm himself down, the muscles in jaw relaxing in response. “I don’t know.”

  Ariya nodded, trying to keep the tears from rushing to her eyes. She swallowed deeply. “Rich and Joanna declared their love right there before our eyes tonight. Even in the midst of a packed club. I just want a little piece of that. I know you and I can’t have a family because—well, for obvious reasons.”

  “Hey,” Jace said, gently arching her chin up to face him. “My plumbing is just fine. They just can’t sustain life long enough—to give you a child.”

  Ariya’s gaze fell away from him. The prospect of wanting a child was still strong inside of her and she was sure it would be expected in the Aziza line to sustain her family’s lineage. The idea of Jace not being able to share the creation with her was devastating. He couldn’t even share this intimacy of the feed with her let alone his body.

  “Julian sometimes said those we turn can be our children in a way,” Jace said. “We bring them up, watch over them and make sure they are cared for. And, most importantly, protected from the outside world. But how could we bring such a being into this world? The amount of death and torture that I’ve seen through the ages has made me wish that no innocents be brought into this land. You would have been better off staying in your world, Ariya. Untainted by all of this!”

  “Do you really believe I have been tainted? The hands of death stretch far beyond your world and well into mine long before I saw what Julian did to that Ren back there. The only difference is until that day when the elemental was conjured up from this land, death had an understanding with life. Nature understood the cycle, and life was only taken when it was ready. Not a moment before. Each creature understood their spirits were adopted temporarily and for a greater reason. But this—” She held out her hands. “This world kills at random with no purpose. And yet there is a light that makes everything worth continuing. Worth fighting for.”

  “And that light is exactly why I can’t give into you, Ariya,” Jace said. “Don’t you understand how much I want to do this for you? For us? I can’t have you corrupted any longer by my world.”

  Jace moved away from her, his lips pursed and eyes narrowed. He returned to the glass on the counter and quickly refilled it as his mind raced with thoughts. He threw back the glass and quickly drained it. He had lived centuries fighting alongside mortal comrades who died right before his eyes. He trained himself not to be close to any of the women he shared his bed and body with for he knew their time was short in his arms. From that very first war he had been haunted by his comrades and Nightwalker brothers whose heads were impaled as trophies over a bloodthirsty conqueror who wanted to make an example out of them.

  His grip tightened on his glass as all the events and moments flashed in his mind in one bloody picture. With a sharp exhale and a grunt, he hauled the glass against the wall and screamed. He tried to walk away but he didn’t get too far before he dropped to his knees and leaned into his hands that were curled into tightly closed fists.

  “Jace—” Ariya said softly.

  Ariya approached him slowly. She regretted bringing it up as she felt Jace’s dark thoughts and the rush of adrenaline within him. Once again she was used to thinking that Jace was immune and accustomed to such desires over the years. She thought he was like her, used to the world around him and where he fit in. This was a different world from the Aziza realm. One that held more darkness and blood upon its grounds than the light.

  “Jace,” Ariya said again. She reached down and pulled him up to face her. His blue eyes were reddened and worn. He reached out to her, placing his hand upon her cheek. She couldn’t help wondering what would happen as a consequence of asking the question in her head, but she didn’t care anymore. They needed each other now more than ever.

  “Ariya,” Jace said, caressing her cheek. “Don’t—”

  “I can’t stay here wondering anymore. If you want me, please tell me now. I’m not asking for marriage or anything like that. I just wish for you to tell me how you feel because I can’t keep living this way. In my heart I want you, but I can’t wait around wondering if you feel the same.”

  Jace closed his eyes at the soft sounds of her words.

  “If you want me to stay just say the word. I won’t go anywhere if you don’t want me to. But I can’t be alone in this anymore.”

  He shook his head, heading back into the kitchen for another drink as he ignored the tiny bits of glass shattered around the room. “What if you were turned, Ariya? What if during a feed, I turned you into a Nightwalker, or God forbid you die? You couldn’t carry a child for certain after that. Besides, what about your family? Your people?”

  “Like you, my life is my own. Whom I choose to spend it with is my decision. It is my choice and who I want for a lifemate as Queen. But it has nothing to do with anyone else but us. Re
member? And plus you just said that you consider those you turn your children.”

  Jace winced as he lowered his glass. “And the last thing I want to do is consider you my child, Ariya.”

  “That’s not what I meant.” She walked over to the marble counter top bar, careful to miss the broken glass on the ground. She stared at Jace, focusing all her attention on him.

  Jace looked down at the cup in his hand. His reddened eyes were filled with disinterest as he gently set it down on the counter. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this.” Wiping his eyes, he turned and headed toward the bedroom, slipping into the darkness without another word.

  Ariya wondered if she should’ve kept that thought to herself. Jace always seemed so calm and content with his lifestyle to her. He had to be to continue on living through 600 years of war, loss and turmoil. Maybe she brought up feelings in him that he buried long ago. Maybe her mere presence here confused him and now, with this question, she may have shaken him up even more.

  She looked down at the ground, noting the tiny shards all along the floor.

  “Use your emotions, Ariya,” she whispered. She raised her hand, twirled her finger and with a command from her mind combined the tiny elements to form a full glass on the counter once again.

  She pushed down the decision whether to turn and leave until the dark bedroom lit up with the flicker of all the candles spread around the room.

  “I should be going back home soon. I trust you and the house will find the Elemental’s leader. I—” She stopped short and gently bit down on her lip to stop the oncoming tears welling up. The silence was the only answer she needed to move on. As she turned toward the front door, she saw it out of the corner of her eye. The painting still stood in the middle of the living room with her visage elegantly depicted on the smoothed out canvas. She sighed. A remembrance for him of her.

  Ariya headed for the front door and opened it, feeling her heart weighting heavily down within her chest. She didn’t notice Jace step out of the room with only his suit pants on. She only felt the soft brush of air as he moved past her. The rapid pumping of the blood he fed on raced through his veins. In the blink of an eye, he was standing right in front of her, slamming his fist on the door before shutting it close. He looked upon her with an intensity that was nearly tangible between them. A force wrapped itself around her heart and she nearly lost her breath as he moved in toward her. Before she could step back, Ariya felt the caress of Jace’s lips upon hers. The intensity as he made the kiss passionate while his hands roamed over the curve of her body.