Unveiling Hope

by Jeannine Allison

Sam

  WAITING WAS TORTURE.

  I sat on the couch with my arms crossed over my chest and my legs bouncing up and down. Rory was doing a good job of distracting me as she kept dropping her toy in my lap every five seconds, but when I saw the time on my phone change to four and I knew I only had about ten minutes before Derek came home, not even the dog helped.

  My freak-out was shorter than I anticipated because five minutes later Derek’s key was turning in the lock. When he walked inside he was panting and I quickly stood up, not bothering to pretend I’d been doing something other than waiting for him.

  “Did you run here?” I asked, looking him up and down.

  He shut the door and took a deep breath. “Yeah, I did.”

  “Derek—”

  “No. I need to say something. Before you say anything, I need to say this.” He waited for me to nod before continuing. “When you first told me you were moving, I couldn’t believe it. Naomi tried to reassure me. She said that even though you were under your dad’s thumb, you needed time to find your footing. I remember asking myself, did you really have to do it thousands of miles away from me?” Derek smiled ruefully before he looked away.

  I stood up straighter. This was a pivotal moment. I could feel it. Even though I was still with John, by the end of this conversation, I’d know where Derek and I stood.

  He was breathing normally by the time he started talking again. “I don’t think you’re a coward for wanting your father in your life, no matter how much he screws up. Hell, I was the same way with my mom. I understand better than anyone how hard that kind of loyalty is to keep, but I also know how much it means to you. Because it meant the same thing to me.” Derek shook his head. “The real coward is me.”

  Tossing his keys on the couch, he stepped closer—but not close enough to touch. “Right before you left, Gabe asked me—”

  “If you had a thing for me,” I interrupted, unable to stop myself.

  His eyes widened and he paled. “What? How did you…?”

  I looked out the window for a few minutes before whispering, “I heard you. You and Gabe were playing video games. I came in the house before Alara, and you two were talking about me. I left when you called me a kid.” I swallowed, fearing I was making a bigger fool of myself. “Do you remember that part? Or—”

  “I remember,” he said softly. “I remember all of it. You… you wouldn’t let me touch you.”

  I looked down at the floor, feeling very much like the kid he’d thought I was. Derek laughed, sounding sad and defeated.

  “You know what I was thinking during that conversation?” he asked. “I kept thinking… God, I wish I was brave enough to tell Gabe the truth. To tell him you were all I thought about. To tell him I was constantly coming up with excuses to see you, or include you in our plans. To tell him every time I was around you, I practically vibrated with the need to touch you.” He took a small step forward. “And when you came in that day—when you walked into a room on any given day—all I wanted to do was grab you and kiss you.”

  I stopped breathing. How was it possible that he felt this way and I didn’t know?

  “You did?” I finally asked.

  Smiling, he moved closer, close enough to touch. “I did.” His lips dipped down into a frown. “But I didn’t do or say anything. So yeah, I was the coward.”

  I swallowed roughly. “And now?”

  “Am I still a coward? Or do I still want to grab you and kiss you?”

  “Both.”

  Derek brushed a piece of hair behind my ear. “I shouldn’t have kissed you earlier. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I took something you should’ve given me.” He smiled. “That being said… I’ll always want to grab and kiss you, Sam. You’re still all I think about.”

  “And Lauren?” I twisted my hands in front of me, hating myself for bringing her up. I believed what she told me, but I wanted to hear it from Derek. I needed to.

  “What about her?” he asked with a frown.

  “I know she’s your ex. But have you been exes with benefits? Is that why she’s still around?”

  The breath I’d been holding escaped at his guilty expression.

  It hurt, and sickened me a little that John had been right. That Derek had been sneaking her in this whole time, that I’d heard them this whole time. But I didn’t have any right to be angry.

  “It wasn’t—”

  Shaking my head, I held up my hands. “I don’t need to know.”

  “It was a mistake, Sam. But there is absolutely nothing there. It was one time—”

  “One?” I asked.

  He looked confused as he nodded. “Yeah. A couple weeks after…” Derek trailed off, his cheeks turning an unfamiliar shade of pink.

  “After what?”

  “After Gabe told me you were seeing John.”

  “That was almost a year ago,” I said, slack-jawed.

  His brows furrowed. “Yeah. When did you think it was?”

  “Umm… well…” I rubbed behind my ear, debating on how to phrase this without making things awkward. Finally I gave up and flung my hand toward his room. “Your bedroom backs up to the kitchen. I can hear… things.”

  “Things?” Derek laughed.

  I narrowed my eyes. “You know what I mean.”

  “I do.” His eyes softened. “I was alone.”

  Then he grew more serious than I’d ever seen him. He came to stand in front of me, his hands curled into fists at his sides as he stared into my eyes.

  “John seems like a nice guy. Stable, dependable, like he’d treat you well. And maybe a better person would walk away and let you be happy with him. Maybe a better man wouldn’t put you in this position. But I have to.” Derek took a deep breath.

  “You were right in front of me for a year and I said nothing. You left and I said nothing. You’ve been back for months and I’ve said nothing. But now, after that kiss…” Derek trailed off, his gaze intent on my lips. “I can’t say nothing anymore. I want you, Sam.” He paused before coming impossibly closer. I stood frozen as he wrapped his hands around the side of my neck, softly rubbing his thumbs over my jawline. “I. Want. You.”

  Everything stopped.

  My ability to blink.

  My lungs.

  My heart.

  My world.

  I couldn’t breathe. He was too close. There was too much of him. And yet not enough.

  Shaking my head, I threw my arms out until I had enough room to escape.

  “I know I’ve never been in a real relationship before and I’ll probably suck at it,” he continued, sounding panicked. “But if you gave me a chance—”

  “Stop.” I turned around and my heart nearly cracked at his defeated expression. “I want you too, Derek.”

  “Yeah?” His grin was wide and bright. I smiled softly and nodded, and he made a move to come closer.

  “But we can’t.” My words had him stopping in his tracks. His brows furrowed. “I need to break up with John first,” I explained.

  “Shit.” His hands moved to his head. “You’re right.”

  “I can’t do it over the phone either,” I said softly.

  “No, of course not. When, uh, when does he come out next?”

  Cringing, I crossed my arms over my chest. “Supposedly, two weeks.”

  “Two weeks? How…?” I couldn’t help but smile as he focused on my mouth. “How the hell am I going to stay away from you?”

  I laughed and said, “We’ve managed for months.”

  “I was barely hanging on, Sam. Besides, that was before…”

  “Before what?”

  “Before I knew how fucking phenomenal you taste.”

  We smiled at each other, but it didn’t take long before we were moving closer, before our eyes were drifting to places our hands wanted to follow.

  As if we both realized what was happening at the same time, we sprung back from each other. I crashed into the wall and Derek fell onto the couch.
r />   “Okay, so, we just have to stay completely clear of each other for two weeks,” Derek said.

  “Exactly.”

  I turned around and walked into my bedroom, locking and falling against the door.

  We’d just crossed a line there was no coming back from.

  The first thing I heard when I came home was soft music coming from the bathroom. I immediately recognized it as one of the songs Sam listened to whenever she took a bath. My blood heated as my mind conjured an image of her in the tub, wet and naked, looking like everything I’d ever wanted.

  The next sound that reached my ears was one I’d never forget: her low, breathy moan. Frozen in the entryway, my hand fisting the doorknob, I waited for more. I didn’t have to wait long before more moans floated under the door and down the hallway. They were so low I would have missed them if I hadn’t been standing completely still.

  I remained as quiet as possible when I gently shut the door. Rory was occupied on her dog bed, chewing a rawhide treat.

  My footsteps were soft on the carpet as I walked toward the bathroom. Her moans were getting louder, with a few whimpers mixed in, both occasionally broken by a hitch in her breath.

  Jesus Christ.

  I should have made some sort of sound so she knew I was home. I should have kept moving and locked myself inside my bedroom. But I’d never been good at doing what I should when it came to Sam.

  Which explained why I paused right next to the bathroom door and listened. I was only torturing myself by doing so, but I couldn’t make myself walk away.

  Sam was always so put together, so on top of everything. I longed to witness her lose control. To see her always-in-place hair messy around her face, ruined by my greedy hands. To feel her nails rake down my back as we climbed higher and higher. To watch her eyes flutter shut and her mouth drop open as she broke apart in my arms. To hold her close as her orgasm rolled over her. To hear her uninhibited shouts of pleasure as she came on my cock.

  She still has a boyfriend, dickhead.

  Fuck.

  I’d just moved away when I heard another groan, this time in the form of a name. My name.

  “Derek…”

  Fisting my hands at my sides and clenching my jaw, I willed myself to keep going, to head to my room like any decent guy would do.

  “Oh God,” she whimpered.

  Without another thought I spun around and pounded on the door. “Sam?” My voice was low and rough, so hoarse I hardly recognized it, so saturated with need—need unlike anything I’d ever experienced.

  There was complete silence on the other side. Even the music had ceased, most likely changing tracks.

  “I’m coming in,” I said.

  I waited, because even though it hadn’t been a question, I wasn’t a total asshole. I wanted to give her the time to tell me I couldn’t. When she remained silent, I threw the door open.

  The bathroom was dimly lit by three candles, making the room smell of pear and lavender, resting on the counter. My eyes wandered over her iPhone as a new song came on before making their way to Sam. I started at her feet, braced against the wall, her navy blue-painted toes curled like she’d been seconds away from…

  Goddamn. Motherfucker.

  Sam’s legs were parted and the hand furthest from me was gripping the edge of the tub. Her other arm was under the water, along with her thighs, stomach, and breasts, all concealed by the bubbles she’d added. Swallowing roughly, I let my gaze travel over her heaving chest, the drops of water clinging to her collarbone begging for my tongue, and up her throat, where I could see her pulse pounding.

  Finally I made it to Sam’s face. Her head was tilted back, eyes heated and dead-set on mine, and her cheeks were flushed.

  “Goddamn it, Sam.” I blew out a breath as I felt myself harden to the point of pain.

  Keeping our gazes locked, I slowly walked forward before kneeling beside the tub. I still couldn’t see much. The subtle glow of the candles, combined with the swirling colors from one of those crazy bath bombs she’d used, were obstructing her body.

  My hand slipped inside the warm water, grazing her thigh and eliciting a shiver. “What were you doing?” I whispered, my voice barely loud enough to be heard over the music. My fingers reached her forearm, skating down her smooth skin until I hit her fingers, stilled between her legs.

  “We shouldn’t,” she said softly.

  “We won’t.” She looked relieved and tortured in equal measure. “You will.” Her wide eyes met mine as I lifted my hand out of the water.

  “Don’t be embarrassed,” I said. “All those nights you heard me… I imagined how you’d shiver in my arms and clutch at my back, like you couldn’t get enough. I obsessed over this mole.” I leaned forward and brushed my fingers over the birthmark on the underside of her jaw.

  “I’ve yet to taste it, but I’m waiting… hoping…” I whispered into the quiet space. Sam’s expression grew heated as she hung on every word.

  “So, you’re saying…?” Her eyes frantically whipped between mine.

  “That all those times you heard me in my room, I was masturbating to thoughts of you? That I was imagining myself buried so deep inside you I didn’t think I’d ever be able to leave?” Sam’s breathing had completely stopped. “That you were jealous of your imaginary self?”

  I placed my lips on the pulse point at her neck and whispered, “Yes.”

  “Derek…” she moaned. I pulled back.

  “So don’t be embarrassed. Touch yourself,” I whispered. The words sounded strangled. “With your left hand.” I nodded to the one farthest from me, the one not in the water.

  Without protest and keeping her eyes on me, Sam nodded and slipped her hand into the water. She removed the other one and seemed to be waiting for instruction, which had my dick throbbing.

  Fuckkkkkk. This is bad.

  “Grip the edge of the tub.” My eyes ran down her body beneath the water. Some of the suds had cleared away, revealing the tops of her thighs. “Are you wet?” I asked.

  Nodding, she whimpered.

  “What were you doing?”

  “I-I was rubbing my clit.”

  I groaned and my fingers twitched, wishing they were between her legs. “Finger yourself and massage your clit with your thumb.”

  Sam’s arm moved farther down and she moaned.

  “Are you tight?”

  “Y-y-yes. Oh God, Derek, it feels…”

  Now another part of me twitched. But I forced my hands to remain in fists on my thighs. This wasn’t about my pleasure. “What?” I asked darkly. “Keep going. Tell me how it feels.”

  “G-good.”

  “Just good?”

  “No. But I can’t…”

  “Faster,” I said. My eyes were greedy bastards, roaming over every part of her.

  Her mouth dropped open as her fingers gained speed, the water splashing over the sides of the tub and the waves revealing the tops of her breasts. And then, with a glorious arch of her back that gave me a full view of her chest—nipples and all—her mouth dropped open. She came on a low cry. The hand that was on the tub moved to my arm while she softly chanted, “Derek… Derek… Derek…”

  I leaned over her, my mouth hovering above hers, breathing her in.

  “Kiss me…” Sam breathed out.

  I’d made sure our lips never touched, because some crazy part of me thought that would make the betrayal real. Not me telling her to slip her fingers inside herself or to massage her clit. Not when I commanded her to move faster.

  I shook my head against hers. “We can’t.” It took everything in my goddamn power to say no to her.

  “I know it’s wrong. But…” Sam swallowed, her chest rising and falling fast. “Just one kiss? Please?”

  Her lips were inches from mine. It would be so easy to take them, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop. I’d devour her. Gently grabbing her shoulders, I pulled back and watched her eyes flutter open.

  There wasn’t a single pl
ace I could look that wouldn’t tempt me. Her gaze was heated, and it drifted down my body like I was already naked. Her bottom lip was trapped between her teeth, and anything below her face…

  I averted my eyes and whispered, “I can’t.” With her quick intake of breath, I glanced back. Sam appeared unsure and maybe a little hurt, so I was quick to continue. “I won’t be able to stop at one kiss, Sam.” Her confusion quickly turned to relief, her lips tipping up.

  My lips matched hers as I brought my hand up and pushed some of her wet hair behind her ear. My fingers ghosted down her jaw before tracing her lips. “It’s not just that I wouldn’t want to stop—I don’t think I’d be physically capable of it.”

  Sam smiled wider as her shoulders sunk below the water. “O-okay.”

  “When I kiss you again it’ll be because you’re mine, and I won’t stop until my lips have touched every inch of your skin.” I paused at her sharp inhale. Learning forward, I whispered in her ear, “And make no mistake about it, one day it’s going to be me making you scream. My fingers. My tongue. My cock.”

  I pulled back and our eyes connected, making promises we couldn’t yet act on. Promises that would no doubt come to pass if I didn’t get the hell out of there.

  Sam squirmed, her body vibrating with need, and her eyes stayed on mine as I stood and backed up. “I’ll put my headphones on… in case you want to continue.” A blush raced across her cheeks at my words.

  “One day, Sam…” I repeated before walking out.

  MY PALMS WERE SWEATY as I waited for John at the table.

  The more I’d thought about it, the guiltier I felt asking John to fly out to Carillo only for me to break up with him. I knew I had to do it in person, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to spend an entire weekend pretending everything was okay. But I also couldn’t tell him it was over at the Cinnabon counter in the airport.

  So I asked my dad if I could fly out to see him. My dad wasn’t the type of man to get “thrilled,” but there was a distinctive glimmer of happiness in his eyes when we talked about John. He was everything my dad wanted for me, so I didn’t tell him that I was breaking up with John.

  I should have felt bad about lying to my father. This was one of the first times we’d spoken in months, and it was a lie. But he didn’t give me much choice when he refused to listen to what I wanted.