Unveiling Hope

by Jeannine Allison

  Right after you died, I wanted to be better just as much as I wanted to feel that pain forever.

  I wanted peace and agony in equal measure.

  I wanted to move forward but still cling to your memory.

  Because it shouldn’t be okay that I got to feel better, not after losing you.

  It should be unfathomable that I could get used to a world without you in it.

  But somehow I did. And when I think of you now, I smile. I don’t grieve your death, but celebrate your life. It took longer than some would like, but that doesn’t matter. I went at the pace that was best for me. There are still bad days, though. And ironically they’re on the coattails of the good ones. Like today…

  Today I married my best friend. There aren’t enough words in the universe to explain how much I wish you were there with me. Derek’s mother and Naomi were there. My friend Essie flew in too. I was surrounded by love. But I missed you terribly. I wish you had helped me pick out a dress and fluffed my veil.

  I wish I could have run to you and gushed over how Derek proposed—he took me to California, if you were wondering. He got us a hotel right along the beach and got up early to write those four special words in the sand. I woke to him singing for me outside the window. I’d stood on the balcony for the entire thing, tears streaming down my face. Racing down to meet him was the longest three minutes of my life. He’d put his guitar away and was waiting, down on one knee with the ring.

  “I—” he’d started, only to be cut off when I tackled him. He fell back on his butt with a grunt, and the people looking on from other balconies started laughing.

  “Yes, yes, of course.” I said it over and over again until they didn’t sound like words anymore.

  I would have loved to see your face when I told you about the proposal.

  I don’t think I can ever stop writing you. Because I’ll spend the rest of my life missing you. Loving you. Wishing you were here. And this helps me. I feel closer to you.

  Hope is beautiful. Hope is dangerous.

  Hope is inescapable. It’s the product of being alive.

  So I’ll keep hoping because that means I’m still here, still alive and trying. Some days might be bad but I’m comforted by the knowledge that tomorrow is always different.

  My hope right now? I hope you know all this somehow. I hope there is a way for you to see the woman I’ve become. To see the wonderful life I have. To know you’re responsible for it all.

  I love you.

  I miss you.

  Forever,

  Sam

  Nine years later…

  I WALKED UP BEHIND Sam and wrapped my arms around her distended stomach. She smiled at me in the mirror, her hands settling over mine.

  “How are you feeling?” I asked.

  “Bloated and hungry.”

  “So normal?”

  We both laughed before Sam groaned. “Are you sure Owen is okay by himself at the store?”

  “Babe, yes. Please stop worrying.” I rubbed her shoulders.

  Owen was the manager of the music store we’d opened four years ago. He’d only been with us six months, but he showed a lot of promise. Still, Sam was nervous. The music was too important to her. To both of us.

  We’d been taking it seriously ever since that missed audition, and we never let it slow us down. We kept playing, and Sam’s singing grew stronger. Sam and I started to play locally, and when we craved more, we opened the store. Some people were surprised we didn’t want to become professionals. To travel and try to “make it big.” We had no interest. Because despite our love of music, neither of us wanted fame and all that came with it.

  It was enough to play with her, and to teach our daughter. I never felt like I was missing something. Music was so intimate between Sam and me. Whether we were playing covers or writing our own songs, it wouldn’t have felt right to share it with the masses.

  As it turned out, Sam loved teaching. The memories she had of sitting on her mother’s lap, learning how to play, were some of her most cherished.

  Sam took a deep breath. “You’re right. I know it’s fine. That store is my baby.”

  “Well so is this one,” I said with a grin as I cradled her stomach. “Let’s focus on him or her today. Okay?”

  “Okay.”

  My smile widened further as I listened to the ruckus taking place outside.

  “I want to show you something,” I whispered in my wife’s ear. Without removing my arms from around her, I guided us toward the window. She laughed as we essentially waddled our way over.

  We stood there for a few minutes, watching the kids cause mayhem while Naomi and Alara tried to calm them down. Damien was in the mix with the kids, and he was trying to see how many of them he could carry and still be able to walk. At the moment he had five kids on him—one on his back, one holding on to each leg, and one in each arm. The two in his arms were his four-year-old twin sons.

  It had taken Damien and Naomi years to get pregnant. It was an excruciating thing to watch my sister go through. To watch her best friends have child after child while she had to sit there and be happy for them, to smile through the pain of knowing she might never have a child. But she never gave up and as I watched her stare at her husband and sons, her eyes filled with complete adoration, I knew she would never regret those painful years.

  My eyes roamed around the backyard until I found who I was looking for. “Do you see that?”

  “What?” Sam asked, her head resting on my shoulder, her eyes looking up into mine with complete adoration. I gently grabbed her chin and tipped it down so she was looking at the two men standing in front of the grill in the backyard.

  “You did that.”

  We both stared as Gabe laughed at something their father said. It wasn’t easy; it took years and there were still bumps, but when I first met their father I never would have thought this possible.

  “You’re the reason your brother still has a father. You’re the reason our children and Gabe’s children have a grandfather.”

  “They would have found their way.”

  Chuckling, I shook my head. “No. They wouldn’t have. Just like I wouldn’t have. You, my love, are an amazing woman who touches the life of everyone she meets.”

  “Stop it.” She sniffled. “I can’t afford to start crying.”

  I leaned forward and kissed her, my tongue sweeping into her mouth and tangling with hers. Sam moaned and her hands clutched my arms. I chuckled when I pulled away and she stood on her tiptoes, still searching.

  With a soft smile, she fell back on her heels. “Who are we still missing?”

  “Sherry called and said they’d be running late—which I imagine is a constant struggle since they have four children. And Grayson’s shift should be ending now. He’ll be swinging by the house to grab Ellie and the kids and then they’ll be over.”

  My mom and Mark couldn’t make it because Jessica was sick. And while we were still good friends with Nevada and Essie, they moved to a different state once they got married, making it hard for them to be here for everything. They were planning to fly out once the baby was born. We were given orders to call them once we knew the gender though.

  It was the first time any of us had done a gender reveal party. But after Ellie went to one for her friend Joy a few months ago, she insisted we hold one. Since it was late July, we made it into a pool party.

  Sam’s head tilted toward the hall, and a second later we heard her. Loud, clobbering footsteps echoed throughout the house. “The human tornado is coming,” Sam said with a laugh. Both of us were looking at the door when she blew through.

  “Mommy! Daddy!” Our daughter stopped in front of us, panting. “You’re missing your own party.”

  “We were just coming, sweetheart.” Sam smiled down at Rachel, named after Sam’s mother, before taking our daughter’s outstretched hand.

  “Can I have a snow cone now?” our six-year-old asked.

  “Not yet, sweetie,” I said as
I grabbed Rachel’s other hand and we all walked toward the backyard.

  Our daughter was very excited about being part of the reveal. Sam had a snow cone maker set up outside. Naomi was either going to pour pink lemonade or blue raspberry syrup into a cone and then hand it to Rachel. With her back to us, Rachel was going to take a few bites and then turn around to reveal if we were having a boy or a girl.

  We reached the door, and Rachel was bolting toward her cousins before we even stepped outside. I stopped Sam before she could follow and pulled her into my arms.

  “God, this feels surreal sometimes, doesn’t it?” She ran her hands up my chest until she was cradling my neck. “Did you think it would end up this way? All those years ago? Even when I had a boyfriend?”

  “Hmmm…” I murmured, resting my forehead against hers. Then I closed my eyes, imagining another life. One that Sam never walked into.

  I didn’t see children running through sprinklers or a dog rolling around in the mud. There was no giant bathtub with my wife waiting for me at the end of a long day. There were no songs written about the overwhelming beauty of the woman who saved my life.

  There was nothing. It was devastatingly silent.

  No music.

  No laughter.

  No love.

  I was merely existing, accepting what the world handed me without any desire to demand more.

  The day Sam walked into my life was the day I truly began living.

  I slowly opened my eyes, and Sam was there waiting for me, like always.

  Lifting my head, I placed my index finger under her chin and lifted her face to mine. I brushed the softest kiss across her lips before whispering the truest thing I’d ever known: “Loving you was the only way this was going to end.”

  “Crush” - David Archuleta

  “Be Your Everything” - Boys Like Girls

  “Hero Heroine” - Boys Like Girls

  “Demons” - Imagine Dragons

  “Paradise” - Coldplay

  “The Only Exception” - Paramore

  “The Other Side” - Jason Derulo

  “Glitter in the Air” - Pink

  “Your Song” (cover) - Ellie Goulding

  “I Will Wait” - Mumford & Sons

  “Just Give Me a Reason” - Pink (feat. Nate Ruess)

  “Never Be the Same” - Camila Cabello

  “Drops of Jupiter” - Train

  “Come to Me” - the Goo Goo Dolls

  The Unveiling Series

  Unveiling the Sky

  Unveiling Chaos

  Unveiling Ghosts

  Unveiling Fate

  Unveiling Forever (novella)

  Pure Hearts

  Thank you to my beta readers: Jenny Baker Reimer, Annette Brignac, Michelle Clay, Ella Fields, Kristen Humphry Johnson, and Delilah Frost. This book would not exist without you guys. Thank you for all your input and for dealing with my constant harassment.

  To my editor, Stephanie Parent. Thank you for always coming through for me.

  To Sarah at Okay Creations and Stacey at Champagne Book Design. Thank you for making this book gorgeous, inside and out!

  To my reader group. Thank you for all the likes, shares, and random messages you send me. They’ve kept me going when I thought all was lost.

  To Briana Pacheco. You’re probably sick of hearing the words “thank you.” I feel like they’re all I say to you and they’re not even adequate. But thank you for always being there. I don’t even want to imagine where I’d be if I didn’t have you as a friend <3

  Lastly, to my readers. None of this would be possible without you. Thank you!! xo

  Jeannine Allison is an author of contemporary and New Adult romance. After waffling between many degrees in college, she finally graduated with a BA in English Literature from Arizona State University. She loves writing and reading—obviously :)—but when she’s not, she enjoys playing with her two dogs, watching her favorite YouTube beauty bloggers, drinking coffee, googling new tattoos, and pretty much anything else that allows her to wear yoga pants and a sweatshirt.