She frowned, not understanding what he was trying to say. Fuck it. When words failed him, there was only one thing left to do. Taking two steps forward, he wrapped his hands around her arms, pulled her against him, and pressed his mouth hard against hers.
She stiffened, and when she raised her hands and rested them against his chest, he thought she would push him away. But then she fisted his shirt in her hands and opened her lips underneath his. Relief washed through him, followed by a surge of lust as he got to taste her again. The little moan she let out as he stroked her tongue with his had him instantly hard.
He wanted to stand there with her pressed against him all night. He wanted to strip her naked and take her up against the wall. He wanted to drag her back to his room and fuck her for hours. He wanted it all, and he wanted it right now, but he knew they still needed to resolve things between them before he could do any of that. For what he wanted from her, he needed her full agreement, otherwise, this would end badly, and he didn’t want that on his conscience.
He eased his mouth away from hers, although he couldn’t bring himself to pull too far back, keeping his lips hovering just above hers until her eyelids fluttered open.
“Lexie,” he murmured. She blinked, the dreamy haze clearing from her eyes. He thought she might shove him away then, but once again she surprised him by easing herself back, letting his shirt go but keeping her hands on his chest.
She tilted her head and stared at him, the slight crease between her eyebrows signaling her confusion. He took a deep breath, trying to get his thoughts together, which was difficult when she was standing so close to him.
“Lexie, baby. I hate seeing you upset, particularly when it’s because of something I’ve done. I’m sorry about what I said to Tex—it was a stupid thing to say. But I only said it because I was trying to stop everyone realizing just how much I want you.”
Her forehead wrinkled. “I don’t understand. You said you only wanted one night. We had that.” She paused, then cast her eyes down as she continued, “And it didn’t end very well.”
He reached for her chin and tilted it back up so he could see her eyes. “Listen to me. Your reaction was completely understandable. You had a fucking nightmare about the death of your husband. Hell, I felt like shit that what we did caused you to feel one second of guilt. But I have to tell you, that night was incredible. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it—about you—since then.”
“So, what does that mean? Do you want another night?” She didn’t seem angry at the idea, which boded well, but she also didn’t look like she was about to throw herself into his arms. Understandable considering everything that had happened that night.
“No. I don’t want another night.” Was that a flash of disappointment he saw? “I want you every night, for the rest of the tour.”
Her sharp intake of breath showed he’d surprised her. Then she shook her head.
“Connor, I don’t know if I can do that. Don’t get me wrong, being with you was amazing.” She blushed but held his gaze. “But I don’t know if I have the emotional fortitude for what you’re asking. I’m not like your groupies; I’m not used to having flings. You can have any woman you want, any time you want. What if you get bored with me before the tour is over? I don’t want to have to see you every day and watch you take other women back to your room. I’m sorry, but I’m just not made that way.”
He frowned. This wasn’t going as well as he’d hoped. But the way he felt about her right now, there was no way he would get bored with her anytime soon. How was he going to reassure her though?
“Lexie. You know I’m not interested in relationships. I’ve never even wanted to spend more than one night with any woman. Until now. I don’t think it would be physically possible for me to get bored with you in the next five weeks; there are so many things I want to do to you—and have you do to me.” The flare of heat in her eyes made him smile.
“I promise for the next five weeks, you’ll be the only woman I touch. And if you have nightmares, we’ll just work through it until that unnecessary guilt you feel is gone for good.”
He raised his hand and brushed a tendril of hair back from her cheek, then stroked his fingertips down the side of her face. She sighed and angled her head toward his touch.
“Well, I can’t say I haven’t thought about being with you again. More than I should have.” She gave him a sweetly seductive smile that sent a shot of lust straight to his cock. “I know it probably isn’t what you want to hear, but can I think about it? It’s kind of a lot to process. And I have to consider what it might mean for my work.”
He had to laugh at himself. It was the first time a woman had ever had to think about having sex with him, and it just made him want her more. He didn’t even realize that was possible. And while he was disappointed he wouldn’t be able to have her that night, he understood where she was coming from. He just hoped to God she ended up saying yes because he was desperate for some release from the constant tension being around her caused.
“You can think about it, but just to help with your decision…” He stepped toward her, speared his hands into her hair to hold her head still, and captured her mouth with his while backing her up until she was against the wall.
Maybe it wasn’t fair, but the desire he had for her was like a physical ache that nothing but having his hands on her seemed to ease. He teased her lips with his tongue until she opened for him and he could possess her mouth again. He didn’t pull any punches, pushing his hips up against hers so she could feel how hard he was and remember just how good it could be between them.
He didn’t stop until she was moaning and pressing herself against him in return. It took every bit of self-restraint he had to back away from her, but he knew he had to give her the time she needed to decide she wanted this badly enough to take the risk. Otherwise, she’d end up regretting it, and he didn’t want anything to ruin these last few weeks with her.
When he stepped back, he swallowed hard at the way she looked: flushed and glassy-eyed, with kiss-swollen lips.
Fuck.
He’d been trying to make it hard for her to say no, but he thought he’d just made it worse for him if she didn’t agree to his proposition.
“I’ve got an idea. How about tomorrow, we go out somewhere together, just the two of us. You still haven’t taken my portrait, so maybe we could do that. No pressure, just some one-on-one time.”
He gave her his best puppy dog eyes. It must’ve worked because she laughed. “Okay, I think we could do that. Anywhere in particular you want to do it?”
“I’d like to do it with you everywhere.” He grinned as she rolled her eyes at him, and then relented. “I’d like to go back to the beach. The other day at Drew’s was the most relaxed I’ve felt in a while. I’d like to go to the beach again with just you this time. Would that work?”
She gave him a searching look and then nodded slowly. “I think that would be perfect.”
“Great. Let’s head to the hotel. I don’t want to go back to the party.” He held his hands up in the air at her skeptical expression. “No funny business, I promise. I’ll drop you at your room just like an actual gentleman would.”
She laughed. “Okay then, let’s go.”
When he reached out his hand to her and she took it, he didn’t let himself think too hard about how good it felt.
Chapter 29
By the time Lexie got up, showered, put on a pale blue sundress, and made it down to breakfast the next morning, Connor had organized a car and let everyone know they were heading out.
Lexie just asked him to grab his guitar, and then half an hour later, the two of them were speeding out of the city heading toward the coast.
Connor was driving again, and Lexie didn’t mind at all since she could relax in the passenger seat and admire the scenery—that being the sexy-as-hell man sitting in the car next to her. She let out a little sigh of appreciation at how gorgeous he was, causing him to turn his hea
d toward her.
“Everything okay over there?” he asked with a smile.
“Just enjoying the view.” She gestured out the car window, but his smile widened as if he knew what she’d actually been enjoying.
“The view is definitely beautiful,” he replied, holding her gaze. Lexie felt the blush sweep across her cheeks, giving away her reaction to his words. Luckily, he turned back to the road, giving her body a chance to settle down.
She should think harder about the proposition he’d made her, but after tossing and turning for a few hours the night before, she hadn’t been able to get any further in her thought process than wanting to throw herself at him.
“What are you thinking about?” He glanced back over at her.
She laughed. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“I’d love to know what’s going on in that beautiful head of yours right now.”
Not wanting to reveal how close she was to saying yes to him and then making him pull over so she could jump him, Lexie tried to focus on what they were supposed to be doing.
“Right now, I’m trying to think of a good photo for you.” She looked at him thoughtfully and tapped her finger against her chin. “So, we’re going to the beach. You said last night that you felt more relaxed at Drew’s the other day than you had for a while. Why is that?”
“Are you asking why I found the beach relaxing, or why I haven’t been relaxed lately?”
“Both I suppose. But you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
“Well, the answer to both questions is partly you.”
“Me?” Her eyebrows arched up. “What do you mean?”
He shook his head. “Lexie, you have no idea how hard it’s been having you around all the time and to not be able to touch you. I thought after that first night with you it would get easier, but it didn’t. Instead, I just knew what I was missing out on every time you went to bed on your own. I’m not used to that feeling.”
“Wow. That’s, um, that’s incredibly flattering,” she said, voice barely above a whisper.
“I’m not trying to flatter you, Lexie, I’m trying to tell you the effect you have on me. That’s one reason I haven’t been relaxed lately. Then that day and night at Drew’s, getting to hang with you and my friends, no expectations, no one wanting anything from me, that was amazing. I just wish I had time to do that sort of thing more often. Seeing you in a bikini, also a big plus point.”
He surprised a laugh out of her. “Seeing you wandering around without a shirt on wasn’t too bad either.”
“I’ll strip for you anytime you want, baby.”
Just like that, they were back to flirting, and Lexie knew by the feel of her heart tripping in her chest that she was 99 percent sure she would be saying yes to him before the day was over.
They sat in a not-uncomfortable silence for another few minutes before Connor indicated and turned left.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“One of the crew who’s from around here told me about this little beach which for some reason is usually dead this time of year. Apparently, it’s perfect if you want some privacy.” When he glanced over at her, the heat in his eyes stole her breath.
Oh my God. Lexie had to clasp her hands together in her lap to stop them trembling.
A few minutes later they pulled up to a small deserted parking area, from which led a sand-covered path disappearing over the top of a dune.
When Lexie opened her door and stepped out, the fresh salty air rushed through her, dissipating some of the tension from her body. She closed her eyes and breathed it in. A light breeze fluttered the tendrils of hair around her face that had fallen out of her ponytail, and the sun warmed her skin.
Smiling, she turned toward Connor, only to see him leaning against the hood of the car watching her, his eyes glittering. Straightening, he walked toward her, grasped her hand in his, and stepped backward toward the path, his eyes never leaving hers as she followed him. When they got there, he turned and led her over the top so she could see the pretty little cove laid out in front of them.
“Wow, this is gorgeous,” she exclaimed, shading her eyes from the brightness of the sun. A small half-circle of white sand fringed the deep cobalt blue of the water. A rocky headland closed off one end of the beach. “I can’t believe there’s no one else here.”
“Yeah, it’s perfect,” he said, tugging her closer and running his hands down the bare skin of her arms, leaving goosebumps trailing in their wake. She watched him follow their progress across her skin, his expression intent. She should feel embarrassed about her body’s reaction to him, but at that moment she was beyond caring.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then stepped back from her. When he opened them again, their normal clear green had turned stormy, and he ran his hands through his hair before saying, with slightly forced humor, “Okay, so let me guess, you want me to strip off for this portrait, then? Maybe a photo of me frolicking naked in the sand?”
Grateful that he’d broken the highly charged moment and reminded her why they were here, Lexie looked around. It was all gorgeous, but something about the stark beauty of the rocky headland made her think of Connor.
She ran back to the car to get her camera and his guitar, then got him set up against the cliffs. He laughed when she asked him to take his top off.
“I knew this was just an excuse to get me shirtless.”
Rolling her eyes and trying unsuccessfully to suppress her smile, she got him to lean his back against the cliffs. He held the head of his guitar in his left hand and rested the base in the sand by his bare feet, then tipped his head down slightly so that his hair fell forward and shaded his eyes.
The result was beautiful—a study in contrasts. The man and the instrument surrounded by the darkness of the rock, yet lit up by the shimmering light that caressed both the smooth curves of the guitar and the hard angles and planes of his body. With his eyes shadowed, Connor’s expression wasn’t visible, but even with the brightness of the day, an air of pensiveness radiated from him.
Lexie snapped photos from multiple angles until she was satisfied she had enough. She let the camera drop on its strap and just stared at him for a few seconds. When he raised his eyes and met her gaze, time seemed to almost stand still as a breath shuddered out of her.
“All done?” he asked.
“Yeah. I’ve got plenty to work with. The camera loves you, just like everyone else.” She was joking but then blushed when she heard what it sounded like. “Um, you know, all your fans.”
Okay, now she was just making it worse.
He laughed. “So, you’re trying to tell me you don’t love me? Way to break my heart.”
She couldn’t help but laugh back at him. “Oh yes, I’m sure you’re devastated.”
He held out his hand to her. “Come on, let’s go sit in the sun for a bit. We’ve still got a while before we have to be back.”
Lexie took his hand, the guitar string callouses slightly rough against her skin, and walked with him over to one of the dunes. He sat and then pulled her down next to him, letting go of her and leaning back on his hands, which, considering he was still shirtless, nearly rendered her speechless. He closed his eyes and turned his face up to the sun, which meant she had time to study him without embarrassing herself by having him catch her.
Her eyes lingered on his face, the long dark lashes brushing his high cheekbones, the seductive curve of his lips, the strong jawline. She drifted her gaze down the column of his throat to his wide shoulders and muscular chest, down along his sculpted six-pack, to the waistband of his jeans.
The man was utterly, breathtakingly gorgeous, and her mouth went dry as she realized she’d already made her decision.
There hadn’t really been any doubt about what she wanted, just fear of how much it would end up hurting. But the fact was, it would hurt regardless. She was already in too deep, so she might as well get her fill of him while they were together.
Because once the tour ended, she’d never see him again except for on the cover of a magazine.
As she was trying to figure out how you go about telling a rock star you want to have a fling with him, he opened his vivid green eyes and glanced over at her. “So, I’ve been meaning to ask, what’s next for you? After the tour I mean. Do you have another project lined up?”
Taken off guard, she tried to refocus her thoughts. “Uh, yes I do. A couple of weeks after I’ve finished up with you guys, I’m contracted for a shoot in Canada. It’s for a travel magazine, so I’ll be taking lots of landscapes and some street photography, which will be nice. I’ll spend the two weeks between jobs putting together a mock-up of your book so you can look at it while I’m out of the country.”
Something flickered in his eyes. “You love your work, don’t you?” He sounded almost wistful.
Lexie nodded. “I do. It keeps me out of my own head and lets me explore the world. I think it’s what stopped me becoming bitter after Damien’s death.” She looked down, watching her fingers sift through the warm sand, relieved that mentioning Damien didn’t choke her up. When she looked back at Connor, he was staring out at the ocean, his brow furrowed. Wanting to distract him from whatever was worrying him, she asked, “So how about you? What’s it like to be living the dream?”
He paused for a beat before responding. “For a long time, it was amazing. Fame, fortune, me and my friends getting to play music together and being paid obscene amounts for it. But now…”
He turned his head to face her. “I haven’t told anyone else this, but I’m starting to get tired of it all. The constant touring, the pressure of expectation from the fans and the label, the push to write the next hit song. I feel fucking ungrateful because we just keep getting bigger and bigger, and I should feel on top of the world. But I don’t. Now it just feels like everyone wants a piece of me. Who I am as a person has been completely subsumed by this persona of a rock star.” He paused. “I don’t feel that way when I’m with you though. I feel like maybe you can see me for who I really am.” He turned to look back at the ocean.
Fractured Hearts: A Fractured Rock Star Romance Page 17
