Between the Lines

by KD Williamson

  “Please? Just for right now. Talk. When I’m ready, I’ll talk back.”

  “Okay, okay, gotcha. So I took the work wife to meet my friends…”

  Haley went on about lunch with Tim and her friends. There were parts where Tonya couldn’t help but smile and even laugh.

  “They already know about you. In fact, they’re part of the reason I didn’t give up when you tried to give me the brush-off. It’s like I have my own li’l cheerleadin’ squad.”

  Haley’s words settled and spread to the deepest parts of Tonya. She could count the people on one hand who’d refused to give up on her, and now she could add Haley to the illustrious group that included Tracy as well as Stephanie.

  “My mother developed mental health issues not too long after Tracy was born. The woman I knew for the first ten years of my life was gone. She was replaced by this mean, violent, and moody woman, and sometimes she scared me. I wanted to help. I was young and thought that seeing me help her and be there for her would snap her out of it.”

  Haley was quiet. Tonya took the phone away from her ear to make sure they were still connected.

  “I’m here, Tonya.”

  Yes, she was.

  “Things got progressively worse. She was on medication, and all it did was put her to sleep, but she’d wake up the same. When my sister got older, I did my best to deflect and keep her away from it, but I don’t have superpowers.”

  “Where was your dad durin’ all this?”

  Tonya laughed, but the sound held no humor. “In denial? I tried to tell him the meds weren’t working. I tried to tell him about the things she said, the things she did to me. I even showed him the bruises. He’d look right through me. He only spent time with his own wife when she was somewhat lucid, which did happen, but she was always quick to cycle downward. I spent most of my childhood and teenage years taking care of her and watching my sister grow up as Daddy’s little girl. Then, when I figured out who I was, what I was, it just all went to hell.”

  She told Haley about Brenda and the consequences of her momentary happiness.

  “Jesus Christ! I’m so sorry that happened to you. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way, and whatever he’s doin’ now, you don’t deserve that either. You’re a better person than me. He’s what? Livin’ in your house, and you’re pretty much supportin’ him? I don’t think I could do that, Tonya. The fact that you’re able to blows me away. It’s his loss for shuttin’ you out like that.”

  “I agree. It took me a long time to get to that point. But it’s my loss too. He’s my father. I want a relationship with him, but it can’t be on his terms like it has been. I can’t hide who I am or how I feel about everything that’s happened anymore.”

  “No, you shouldn’t have to.”

  “One of the good things that came out of all this was when I was old enough, I started doing my own research about psychotropic medications and my mother’s diagnosis. It took a while, but I finally got her doctor to listen to me about how her meds weren’t helping. After that, there were times when she seemed like her old self. When she wasn’t, she still didn’t turn into…whatever she was before.” She missed her so much. That hole her mother’s death had left in Tonya’s chest wasn’t as big as it used to be, but it was still there. It still hurt.

  “It’s why you became a psychiatrist,” Haley said.

  “It sounds clichéd.”

  “No, there’s nothin’ clichéd about you and what you went through.”

  “I want things to be better, but I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried, and I don’t know if I have it in me to keep trying, especially since he just stops me cold every time.”

  “That man has got to feel a lotta guilt.”

  “I wouldn’t know. He won’t talk to me.” Tonya ran her hand through her hair in exasperation.

  “Is your sister at the house this weekend?” Haley asked.

  “No.”

  “So it’s just you and him?”

  “Yes. Why?” Tonya was confused by the question.

  “I don’t like the idea of you bein’ alone with him, especially if y’all just had an argument.”

  “If that’s what you want to call it.”

  “I’m serious. I’m comin’ over.”

  The thought, the gesture made her tear up again. “That’s sweet, but no.”

  “Then you can come here. I don’t care which. I’m at 1530 St. Roch.”

  “No, I just needed to vent. I don’t need you to come save me.”

  Haley was quiet for several seconds. “No, you really don’t, do you?” she asked softly.

  “I don’t, but it’s nice to know that you want to. It’s nice to know that you’re here for—”

  “Anytime, Tonya.”

  “Thank you.” This connection between them was the one simple, easy thing in her life, and she was tremendously grateful for it. “I think I’m going to the gym. It’ll help clear my head.”

  “If it’s okay, I’m gonna call you in a couple hours and check in?”

  “You don’t have to ask, Haley.”

  “Just take care of yourself. Okay?”

  “I will.” This time she had to put herself first.

  * * *

  Haley puttered around the house with cleaning and laundry. Her thoughts were never far from Tonya. It wouldn’t have taken much to find out which gym she was a member of, but that would be a tad—well, more than a tad—much. She’d felt out of sorts and useless after their conversation, but realized later that it was selfish to focus on herself when she couldn’t even imagine the range of emotions Tonya was experiencing.

  Her life had been all rainbows and kittens compared to Tonya’s, and honestly, she was infinitely thankful for that. Haley had no idea if she possessed the strength to go through what Tonya had without being beaten down in the process. Her admiration and respect for Tonya was way up there, and the fact that Tonya trusted her enough to invite her into her world like that? Haley was floored. It was a hell of an honor. All of this gave her hope that they were going in the right direction. In a short period of time, Tonya had gotten under her skin.

  For all she knew, it had started on the first day they met. Hell, maybe that morning changed them both somehow. Here she was, gung ho about jumping into a relationship when she hadn’t ever been in one that actually worked for more than a minute. She didn’t count her teenage years because being fifteen and screwing around with the neighbor’s daughter was just reckless shit. But she was chasing after a woman and getting herself in deeper every day, and drama? It was sitting right in her lap. The kicker? Haley wanted…wanted to help Tonya sort through it all. Not just because it brought them closer.

  Did she have some kind of weird hero complex? She was a cop, for Christ’s sake. Haley slammed the door to the dryer shut. No, she didn’t think so, and that was because of Tonya herself. She wasn’t some damsel in distress. She didn’t need Haley to come save her and help her escape from the tower her father put her in, but she wanted her nonetheless. It felt good to be wanted that way.

  So, yes, she was willing to jump headfirst into this thing between them. Despite all the family craziness, her feelings for Tonya and her hopes for them felt like the most sane thing ever. It all had been as easy as breathing. She could do this. She could totally do this, and sooner or later, Tonya would realize that she could too. Haley pushed it all to the back of her mind, and to keep it there, she decided to make a gym run of her own.

  A couple hours later, Haley stepped out of the shower. She felt refreshed, and her muscles were still buzzing from her workout. After drying off, she pulled on a T-shirt and boi shorts, then reached for her phone and immediately thought about calling Tonya. At the last second, she decided to give her a little more space and called Nate instead.

  “You busy?”

  “Yeah, but it’s you, so what’s up?”

  “Nothin’ much. We still on for Sunday night?

  “Yeah, I think so. In fact, I�
�m tryin’ to wrap some stuff up so Jen can have the day off completely tomorrow.”

  “Aww, you’re a good husband.”

  “And I know it. You goin’ out tonight?”

  “Yeah.” Even Haley had to admit she sounded distracted.

  “Well don’t sound so enthused.”

  “Mm.”

  “Talk to Tonya today?” Nate practically sang the words. It was cute and irritating at the same time.

  “Yasss.” Haley smiled. “Of course I did.”

  “And?”

  Haley wiped a hand over her face. Suddenly, she felt like she’d been hit by a runaway speeding truck. “I think I’m in trouble, Nate.”

  He laughed. “What was your first clue?”

  “I mean…I just…how did this even happen? I actually spent a good part of the mornin’ tryin’ to figure it out.”

  “Didja?”

  “Hell no!”

  Nate laughed even harder. “Shit happens. What can I say?”

  “I don’t get it. Why her? Why now?”

  “It’s just your time.”

  “What? Isn’t that what people say when someone dies?” Haley’s voice went up an octave or two.

  “Oops? Sorry. I think you’re right.”

  “Asshole.”

  Nate chuckled.

  “I should be scared. I mean, I am…a little, but it’s not enough for me to run the other way. I want her, and I don’t want any of it to stop. She’s told me things that shoulda shaken me up. I ended up wanting to help, and I swear there’s been times when my phone almost spontaneously combusted or somethin’.”

  “Jesus, Haley. Let me sit down.” He was quiet for a second. “It’s only been a few weeks.”

  “I know. I knoooow.”

  “Damn. I don’t even know what to say.”

  “Jen would know.” Haley walked into the living room and threw herself on the couch.

  Nate snorted. “Probably.”

  “No probably about it.”

  “This is makin’ you a little crazy. I think it’s a good look for you.” He sighed. “And you haven’t even had sex with her yet.”

  Haley groaned. “Not even a kiss.”

  “Well, you can’t do that through the phone.”

  “No shit?”

  “When you finally do, y’all are probably goin’ to put the world in nuclear winter.”

  Haley laughed. “Have to get to that point first.”

  “Hang in there. She’ll come around when she figures out she can take you seriously. Let things happen naturally. Don’t jump the gun.”

  “That’s what you had to do with Jen, wasn’t it?”

  “Yup,” Nate answered.

  “Mm, but what if I really am like my mom and can’t make it work?”

  “She made it work with your dad, didn’t she? Everybody else has been…not him.”

  He had a point. “Well, yeah. She still talks about him.”

  “There you go.”

  Jen said something in the background, her voice muffled but distinctly recognizable. It was time for Haley to end the call. “Kiss your wife for me.”

  “I will. You want me to have her call you?”

  “Nah, it’s okay. You’re enough sometimes. You know?”

  “Yeah, I know what you mean. I’ll catch up with you later.”

  “Okay.”

  Haley hung up and immediately made another call.

  “Hey, honey!”

  Haley smiled. “You alone?”

  “For the moment. Somethin’ wrong?”

  “No, not really. I was just talkin’ to Nate. He said somethin’ about my dad, and I just wanted to call you.”

  “You’re so much like him, and you know, not only in the looks department. He was sweet, kind, but didn’t take shit from nobody.”

  Haley grinned and lay down on the couch. “I know. I remember you tellin’ me.”

  “It’s the truth.”

  “It’s been hard to find somebody to fill his shoes?”

  Her mother went quiet for at least a full minute. Then she cleared her throat. “Maybe.”

  They talked for a few more minutes before Jeb made an appearance, and Haley definitely didn’t want to go there after their last conversation. She’d been scared before that she was losing her mother, but now, she figured that Cathy was only busy trying to find herself. Haley got up off the couch to go fix lunch. While walking toward the kitchen, she sent a quick text to check on Tang. It would probably be good for him to know somebody cared.

  How’s it hangin.

  It took a few seconds to get a reply.

  Long and to the left. How’s urs?

  Haley laughed. She knew he was going to make this into something dirty.

  U at work?

  Fuck yes.

  U get ne sleep?

  Most of those energy drinks r not bad. Did hav one that tasted like stale cum.

  Haley knew he was just trying to distract from the question, and she’d give it to him this time. That didn’t keep her face from scrunching up. The man could be disgusting. She didn’t know why he always had to go there, but now that they were, she had to dance around with him.

  And u kno this how? Smthng u need 2 tell me?

  Nope just using my imagination.

  Scary.

  Could be. Gotta go. Ty for checkin n rook.

  Later.

  Haley sat her phone on the counter and opened the cabinets. She pulled down some pasta and then went to the refrigerator for veggies, butter, and garlic. She glanced at her phone. In her opinion, enough time had passed. She needed to talk to Tonya. She put her back to the counter while she made the call.

  “Hello again.” Tonya sounded better than she had earlier.

  “I was just thinkin’ about you. Just wanted to—”

  “I’m okay, Haley. My father was hiding in his room when I got home from the gym, and I’m out running errands now.” Tonya’s voice was soft.

  “I know you are. If we could do this phone thing all day, I would totally be onboard.”

  “Honestly?”

  “Oh yeah.”

  “I think I would be too,” Tonya said.

  Haley was floored for the second time today.

  * * *

  Relief wasn’t a strong enough word. Her father’s truck was gone when Tonya got home. This whole thing with him was getting more uncomfortable every day. It was hard to keep reaching out, especially when her hand was constantly smacked away. There had to be a way to ease the situation between them, but she was rapidly giving up hope. Tonya pushed down the feeling of desperation. She refused to let it hollow her out.

  She wondered for a moment what her life would have been without all the upheaval. What or who would she be if her struggles hadn’t defined her? Tonya slammed the door on that kind of thinking. She was who she was because of the path she forged, not because it was forged for her.

  The living room television droned on, but she barely heard it. There were hundreds of channels, but the only thing interesting was on HGTV. Even that, she was beginning to find tedious.

  Tonya’s cell phone rang. It was Stephanie. She didn’t even get the chance to say hello.

  “I’d say we’re on for tonight.”

  Not that she minded, but Tonya was curious. “It’s the middle of the afternoon. Did he cancel?”

  “Nope, I did, but he had a hand in it, or should I say a dick in it.”

  “I’m sorry, what?”

  “He started sending me dick pics about an hour ago. Don’t get me wrong, he was impressive, but I’d call that a red flag that his dreds are a little too tight.”

  Tonya laughed.

  Stephanie joined in.

  “Yes, you could be right about that,” Tonya agreed.

  “So, anything interesting happen in your life today to trump that?”

  Tonya sobered quickly, but she chuckled anyway. “Where do I start?”

  “Oh, sweetie, if you’re willing to talk about it, wher
ever you want to.”

  Tonya opened her mouth and spilled out her heart, including everything that had hurt it past and present.

  By the end, Stephanie was sobbing softly.

  Tonya was immensely touched.

  “How…how did you come out of that and be the person you are? I mean, you know how wonderful you are, right?”

  Tonya knew her own value. That didn’t mean that validation was unnecessary. “I—”

  “Because you are.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Don’t thank me. I’m just glad we’re at this point. I was scared that there was this big chunk of you I was never going to get to know, and can I say, I want to smack your daddy? Because what he’s doing is horseshit.”

  “It’s something all right.” Tonya paused. “I have to apologize again for not being a very good friend to you.”

  “Girl, stop. Just stop. It’s okay. We’re here, aren’t we?”

  “Yes, we are.”

  “Good, then I’ll see you tonight. I’ll pick you up at seven thirty. I’m feeling Copeland’s tonight. Let’s do the fancy one that has valet service.”

  “Okay, I’m in.”

  Chapter 16

  Tonya dressed simply in her favorite pair of jeans and a white, button-down shirt that hinted at elegance. She put the finishing touches on her makeup. There was no need to go overboard. There never really was. Her skin was blemish-free. It was just enough to make her look natural and soft. Tonya squinted, giving herself one final look over. She fluffed her hair even though it already looked perfectly windblown. She pursed her full lips and made a duck face. Her eyes twinkled back at her and Tonya couldn’t help but smirk. That look did no one justice. She looked closer still. There was something different about her, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

  Maybe it was just a trick of the light.

  Tonya’s cell phone chimed. She looked down at it. Stephanie.

  Came a lil early to rescue u just in case.

  Tonya smiled. No, she didn’t need saving, but it was nice to know that two people wanted to.

  I’m fine. He’s not even here. B down in a min.

  True to her word, Tonya was scooting into Stephanie’s SUV five minutes later.

  She turned to Stephanie and was immediately wrapped in a hug. Tonya felt warm all over. Her breathing stuttered in her chest. Stephanie squeezed her hard, and Tonya returned the embrace equally.