Between the Lines

by KD Williamson

  Haley’s eyes darkened as she stared. “Always, but it—”

  “Won’t make it go away?”

  “Yeah, that.”

  “This is me trying to be here for you.”

  “I know.”

  “Just talk to me. I know how hard it can be to do that sometimes.”

  Haley shook her head. “I’m sorry. I can’t. Not until I get a handle on all my crap and everythin’ else that’s comin’ at me.”

  Tonya held her gaze. “Your crap? You’ve been knee-deep in all my family drama. You made it your crap too. I don’t deserve the same?” She wasn’t sure if she was making sense. She stood.

  “You do, but—”

  “I’ve decided that my father needs his own place to live. I haven’t told him yet, but I think it’ll be best for everyone involved.”

  Haley got up as well and moved in closer. “You’re not doing that for me, are you?”

  “Yes and no. The responsibility is mine, but our relationship factored in. This is more about me and what I need right now.”

  Haley took Tonya’s hands in hers and entwined their fingers. “You’ve already settled into the decision, haven’t you? You feel good about it?”

  “I have, and I feel as good as I can about the whole thing.”

  Haley sighed and stared. “Maybe it is for the best.”

  “I’ll have to take a hard look at my finances. He has his social security, but I want him someplace nice.” Tonya studied Haley as she let their conversation sink in. She pulled on Haley’s hands until the final distance between them disappeared. Haley wrapped her arms around her.

  “Is this what you wanted?”

  “Yes.” Tonya slid her arms around Haley’s neck. “Do you even realize what you just did for me? Let me—”

  Haley’s nostrils flared. She took a step back. Her forehead wrinkled and her face flushed. “It’s not the same. Trust me. I’m not tryin’ to freeze you out. At least, not on purpose. It’s Tang’s crap too.”

  Tonya didn’t like the sound of that. “But you’re involved?”

  “Yeah, unfortunately, way more than I’d like to be.”

  Tonya’s anger flashed. “Did you know about all this the other night when we argued?” She had to ask.

  “No, I just had a bunch of unanswered questions then.”

  “I don’t like this.”

  “Neither do I.”

  “But I guess me hovering and trying to get in your head isn’t helping much.”

  Haley didn’t say anything, and her expression didn’t give much away.

  “Maybe I should go and give you some space.”

  “No, you don’t have to. I’ll pull myself together. I know I haven’t been the best company. Give me a couple days to get things straight with Tang.” Haley made a face. She looked disgusted.

  “Are you guys fighting?”

  “I’m not sure what to call it.” Her expression didn’t change.

  Even with Haley’s promises and reassurances, Tonya was worried and disappointed. She took in everything she’d been told, and for her, there was only one translation. “So you guys are in some kind of trouble, and you’re trying to protect me from it.” She didn’t even try to hide the aggravation in her voice.

  Haley closed her eyes, and her shoulders slumped. “Tonya.”

  Tonya wanted to scream; instead she reached out. She cupped Haley’s face in her hands. “The more you talk, the scarier this sounds. I told you once before I don’t need you to play the hero with me.”

  Haley gripped Tonya wrists and gazed at her. Haley’s blue eyes were stormy.

  “That’s still true,” Tonya whispered.

  “I don’t wanna be a hero. I just wanna be with you.” Haley brought one of Tonya’s hands to her lips and kissed it.

  Tonya stared at her. Haley was pleading for understanding, and she wanted to give it. “You wouldn’t take no for an answer. You called me, made me laugh, made me care, made me want you. I opened up to you…for you, and it was so easy, so simple. You can’t unlock all those doors and then slam them in my face. I’ll give you your space with this, but I’ve been pushed away most of my life. I’m not going to let you do it to me too. This involves Tim, but you’re in the thick of it. That’s what matters to me the most.” Was her reaction a little over-the-top? Was she being selfish? Probably, but that didn’t mean she was any less concerned.

  “I hear you, and pushin’ you away isn’t even an option for me. At least, not on purpose.”

  “I believe you, but I’m still going home. You can come over later tonight. That’ll give you a few hours to yourself unless you need—”

  “I’ll be there by nine o’clock. I probably wouldn’t be able to sleep without you anyway.”

  “Me either.” Tonya brushed her fingers over Haley’s arm as she went to gather her things from the bedroom.

  Before going to the Northshore, Tonya stopped at the store for creamer. She was almost out at home. There was going to be a lot of coffee drinking this week. She could feel it. The checkout line was long for midday, but there was only one lane open. Tonya listened mindlessly to the chatter around her until a child’s voice coming from right in front of her caught her attention.

  “I felt myself tippin’ over, Momma. So I flapped my arms like a bird. My life depended on it.”

  “Did your life flash before your eyes?”

  “Nooo.” The girl laughed. “I’m only six.” She was dressed in pink and blue, and thick locs fell past her shoulders.

  The girl’s mother laughed, and Tonya chuckled too.

  “Well, I don’t think you were in much danger skating on the sidewalk, but I’m glad you survived to tell that story.”

  “I’m glad she did too,” Tonya said. She couldn’t help herself. The whole thing was adorable.

  The woman turned to Tonya and smiled. “I think I have a little writer on my hands. She has a way of tellin’ a story.”

  “I agree.”

  “Momma! I’m standin’ right here.”

  “I know, baby, but I was sayin’ good things.”

  The girl rolled her eyes.

  Tonya laughed some more.

  The woman turned to empty her basket on the conveyer belt. She only had a few items. When the cashier was done, the woman took out her card to swipe it. The reader beeped in protest.

  “It didn’t read it. Try again.” The cashier sighed and waited.

  She swiped it once more, but it didn’t work that time either. “Can you just punch the numbers in?”

  The cashier stared and snatched the card out of the woman’s hand when it was offered.

  The woman didn’t say anything, which was surprising because this was New Orleans. The people here weren’t known for taking things lying down, but all she did was pull her daughter close.

  Tonya was getting annoyed, but it wasn’t at her new friends.

  “You don’t have enough to cover this,” the cashier spat the words.

  “Oh, I know. I’ll pay the rest in cash.”

  “Fine.” The cashier glanced at Tonya and rolled her eyes. Then, she mouthed, “Sorry, food stamps.”

  That was just enough to make Tonya’s aggravation boil over. “I’m sorry. Did you just roll your eyes at me because she’s using food stamps?” Would she have said something during this kind of situation months ago? Maybe, but not to this degree. These days she was way past hiding her feelings and walking away from a number of things.

  “Uh, no. I was apologizing ’cause it was taking so long. People like her always have ’em.”

  “People like her…thanks for enlightening me, but I wasn’t the one complaining.” Tonya glanced at the woman and her child, then back at the cashier. “Marie.” She read her name tag. “Did you think we were kindred spirits or something? Just because I look white like you and not black like them?”

  The cashier sputtered.

  “I’ll take that as a yes.”

  Marie looked from the woman to Tonya and
back again.

  The woman handed her a ten-dollar bill. Marie kept her head down as she counted out change. “Sorry,” she mumbled.

  Tonya continued to glare. Someone touched her arm and she glanced to the side. The woman was smiling. “Thanks, friend. I didn’t want to make a scene in front of my little girl. She didn’t need to see me go off like that. If I’d been by myself…”

  Tonya nodded in understanding.

  The little girl was practically wrapped around her mother’s leg. She knew something was wrong. It took the woman a minute to separate herself. She grabbed her grocery bags with one hand and guided her daughter out of the store.

  By the time she got home, Tonya’s nerves hadn’t settled at all. In the kitchen, her father was in the process of making a sandwich on French bread. He stiffened and glanced up at her.

  “Hello, Daddy.” There was no need to be rude.

  Robert’s eyes widened, and he cleared his throat. “I’m surprised you even speaking.”

  “I’m not like you. Not anymore,” Tonya said.

  “I don’t know what that means.”

  “I’m not hiding, and I won’t be petty and pretend you’re not here.”

  He pressed his lips together and stared. “I was starting to think you forgot where you lived. You gone more than you here.”

  She wasn’t surprised that he sidestepped the issue. “That’s going to change. Haley will be here more. As a matter of fact, she’s coming over tonight.”

  He went back to fixing his sandwich.

  Tonya headed upstairs. She’d made the right decision. She didn’t have any residual guilt. They needed to be apart to have any chance at repairing what was broken between them.

  * * *

  Haley sat on the couch. Images flew across the TV screen as she whizzed through them once more. She’d spent the last couple hours on some mindless action movie, but it had ended a few minutes earlier. How the hell had things unraveled so fast? She had to be honest with herself. She should have seen the Tang thing coming, but it had smacked her in the face like a foul ball. That shit hurt. Was this some bullshit test the universe was shoving in her face just to see how she’d handle it?

  Well, she wasn’t going to let the universe win. Fuck it ten ways till Friday.

  She hated the monkey riding her back. Damn thing had its claws in her, but she was sure that she’d figured out a way to loosen them a little bit. First things first, Haley needed to get away from Tang. With everything he was doing, she shouldn’t have had the capacity to still care about him, but she did. Feelings didn’t just disappear just like that. Haley had no doubt that he cared as well. That’s why the whole thing cut so deep; they were partners, and he’d been fast on his way to becoming a part of her family.

  And Haley wasn’t going to be able to just get a new partner. Things didn’t work that way. The lieutenant wasn’t going to let her play musical chairs because of a disagreement; there had to be a pattern of behavior. But a transfer to another precinct was exactly what she needed. Hell, she’d bike-cop it in City Park if she had to. She had no seniority, and if another officer who’d been there longer wanted a transfer, he or she would get it long before Haley would. It was a chance she was willing to take, and Tang wouldn’t know about it until she had one foot out the door.

  Haley reached for her phone. She opened her email and typed a message. She had to make it good. She wrote that she needed new scenery, and a precinct with more diversity to increase her comfort as a woman. She even added a bit about being a lesbian and hinted that her current workplace was hostile. It was just enough to paint her as a potential problem but kept her off of any real shit list that would more than likely stagnate her career.

  She absolutely hated keeping all this from Tonya, but once her plan was in the works, she’d tell her a majority of what was going on. The rest, no. There was no need to crush her. Haley was willing to sacrifice so that wouldn’t happen. Tonya wouldn’t approve, but the relationship with her father would still be intact, such as it was.

  She’d just be a liar and an accessory after the fact. No big.

  Haley wondered if this was what being stupid in love meant, because she’d do anything, anything. As far as she was concerned, there was nothing stupid about it. Tonya was such a part of her now, there was no looking back. Haley didn’t want to. With Tonya was where she belonged. That was the one thing Haley was sure of right now.

  The second thing Haley needed to do was check on Tang’s story. What reason did she have to believe him? With all the shit he was pulling, Haley wasn’t going to just take him at his word. She had to find out about Robert Preston for herself. It was a big no-no to use the database for personal reasons, but there was no other way other than going to the source. If she got caught, Haley could get anything from a write-up to dismissal. It was a chance she was going to have to take. When it came down to it, she was doing the wrong thing for the right reasons. Haley almost snorted out loud at the irony. Tang was doing the same thing, but that didn’t make any of it okay.

  Her cell phone rang, and when she picked it up, Nate’s goofy face flashed on the screen.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey yourself. Sorry again we had to bail on you this weekend, but if we do this right, the restaurant could be in Gambit Weekly as part of their ‘best of’ series. It’s just—”

  “Nate, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

  “Okay, but now I’m kinda worried about you.”

  Haley leaned back on the couch and tipped her head toward the ceiling. “What? Why?”

  “Tim stopped by. He said you’d been actin’ weird and wanted to know if we’d seen it too.”

  Haley’s heart dropped to her stomach, and a combination of fear and rage rolled through her entire body. She was numb and on fire simultaneously. “What’d you tell ’im?” She wasn’t sure how she kept her voice even, but she did.

  “There was nothin’ to tell. You’re all wrapped up in Tonya, and that’s a good thing. That’s pretty much what I said. Did y’all fight or somethin’?”

  “Yeah, it’s hard to explain though. I’ll tell you about it soon as I can.”

  “Okay, I’m gonna hold you to that. How’s Tonya?”

  “You just asked me that on Friday.”

  “Well, yeah, but so what? I like doin’ it.”

  “Knock yourself out then.”

  “Uh-huh. How is she?”

  “We’re good.”

  “Not that I think you will, but I keep havin’ nightmares that you fuck things up with her.”

  Haley could totally understand that, especially right now. “That’s kinda disturbin’ that you think about me that much.”

  “I’m bein’ serious.”

  “I’m tryin’ like hell not to screw things up.”

  “It shouldn’t be that hard.”

  “Yeah, well—”

  “Haley.” Nate sighed.

  “I’m doin’ right by her.”

  “Glad to hear it. Ugh, okay I gotta go. One of the cooks just came outta the kitchen. He looks like he’s about to cry.”

  “Okay, later.”

  Haley stared at the phone in her hands. She never thought she’d understand crimes of passion firsthand, but right now, she got it totally. She wanted to strangle Tang and inflict physical pain that was damn near equal to the mental distress he was dolling out to her.

  Her hands shook as she called him. He answered almost immediately.

  “You were able to get off diaper duty to go threaten my friends? Her voice was low, growly.

  “I didn’t threaten anybody.”

  “You might as well have. I know what you’re doin’. Layin’ down little trails of shit to lead to me.”

  “Why do you have to be so dramatic? I’m just tryin’ to make sure we both come outta this okay and remind you that you have till Monday.”

  “No, fucknut. You’re tryin’ to set me up. Who are you? I trusted you.”

  “I’m me. We took a hit,
but we can get back to where we were. I fuckin’ hated you at first. Now, you’re my best friend. Deep down, I know you understand why I’m doin’ this. The only guilt I’m feelin’ is all about you. I tried like hell to think of a way to leave you out of it, but this whole thing works better with you right in the middle.”

  Tang actually believed what he was saying. Haley could see that now.

  “It’s drug money. I’m not usin’ it to buy a car. I’m gonna use it to take care of my family, and you’re a part of that. There’s no better cause than that.”

  When the holy hell did he get so articulate?

  “I don’t wanna fuck you over, but I will. Milt has to come first right now.”

  “You already have, and there’s no fixin’ this. You’re delusional. I’ll never fuckin’ trust you again. I’m not stupid. It took a minute for my head to clear after all this shit went down. Settin’ me up won’t work. I don’t have motive. You do. Internal Affairs might look at me first, but it won’t stick. I’m squeaky-clean. You, on the other hand, barely have any friends, no promotion, every partner you’ve had left you, and you’re livin’ in a shitty situation. So your threat against me doesn’t hold water.”

  “Yeah, well, fuck you. I’m still in control here. How about I put a bug in Tonya’s ear? Give her just enough to look deeper, or would you rather I put that bug up a cop’s ass?”

  “Fuck you too. I’m not doin’ this for you. You’re not worth it. I’m doin’ it for Tonya. But here’s how this is gonna go down. I’m not a liar. I’m not the person you’re tryin’ to make me into. You’re gonna give me some time to settle into this.”

  “Time for what? I heard all I needed to hear. You’re keepin’ your mouth shut.”

  “I can’t be held responsible for what I do when I see you again. I’m just givin’ you a heads-up. I’m gonna need time to get back to normal. If I say or do somethin’ to piss you off, you’re not gonna go back on our deal?”

  “So you’re askin’ for a free pass to treat me like shit until you get over this?”

  “Yeah, pretty much.”

  “I can do that. I know you don’t trust me right now. You can consider this my way of tryin’ to reestablish that.”

  Never. There was no way in hell, but it bought her time. It was a good distraction too. He would be too busy trying to make amends or some shit while she’d be trying to get the fuck away from him.