A Lady's Choice

by Sandra Robbins

  She sniffed and cleared her throat before she began to read.

  “My dearest Sarah, I can’t tell you how saddened Roger and I are by your last letter. I know this is a difficult time for you, and we think of you all the time. In fact, it has been all I could do to keep Roger from descending on Richland Creek with an entourage of nurses to lighten your load. I explained to him this is a private time between you and your mother and he should respect your wishes. However, this has not dampened his desire to be of service to you since you have always held a special place in his heart.”

  “Who’s Roger?” Alex interrupted.

  “Roger Thorne, Mrs. Simpson’s nephew. He’s quite wealthy and owns the school. Mrs. Simpson runs it for him.” She directed her attention back to the letter.

  “Although we don’t want to think about it, it seems we must face the inevitable. Whenever the time comes, I want you to know your job is waiting for you. Roger and I decided to staff the position with a substitute until your circumstances allow you to return. The room you will occupy in my house awaits you, as do Roger and I. Whenever you are able to come, send us word when you will arrive, and we’ll meet you at the train station.

  On another note, our suffrage group is becoming more active, and we have many meetings and demonstrations planned for the coming year. Your place in that group also awaits you. Roger has also planned several fund-raisers for the spring so some of our volunteers can join Alice Paul’s organization in Washington as she continues to petition the government for our cause.

  I will keep you informed of our progress. Please continue to write and update us on your mother’s illness. Roger and I both send you our love.

  Edna Simpson

  When she finished reading, she looked up at Alex. “Can you believe that?”

  He frowned. “I certainly can’t. That letter sounds like she can hardly wait for your mother to be out of the way so you can come back to her.”

  “No, no, you misunderstood her. She only wants to help me. I know I can’t live on the money my father left me for the rest of my life. I will have to have a job to support myself. She’s making that possible.”

  Anger lined his red face, and he clenched his fists at his side. “And she’s keeping a room for you in her house? Do all the teachers live there?”

  “N–no, but she knows we sold our house. I’m sure she’s trying to help me.”

  “And what about this Roger? It sounds like he’s more than a possible boss. He wants to bring nurses here, and you have a special place in his heart? He must really be in love with you.”

  She didn’t know whether to be angry or to laugh. She chose the laughter. “That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. He’s fifteen years older than me. He always treated me like a daughter.”

  Alex pointed to the letter. “The feelings she describes in that letter are far from fatherly. But what about you, Sarah? Is there a part of you that’s in love with this obviously wealthy man who has special feelings for you?”

  Now the anger won out. “No!” As soon as she shouted the word, she regretted her outburst. She didn’t want to upset her mother. “No,” she whispered. “I’m not in love with him. I’ve never had feelings for any man until…”

  He stepped closer and put his hands on her shoulders. “Until when?” She swallowed hard and tried to pull away, but he gripped her shoulders tighter. “Until when?” he repeated.

  “Until I met you.” She closed her eyes.

  He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. His lips brushed her hair on the top of her head. “And I’ve never had feelings for another woman until you. I’m sorry I overreacted to your letter. I didn’t mean to upset you. Hearing how another man feels about you drove me crazy for a moment.” His husky voice sent a warm rush through her veins.

  “You’re so wrong about that. But none of it matters anyway. The only way I will ever go to Memphis is if Mama passes away, and I can’t stand to think about that. I love her so much, Alex. “

  “I know you do. Please forgive me.” He nuzzled her ear with his lips. “I have to leave for Memphis in a few weeks, but I want you to know I’ll take the train to Mt. Pleasant every Friday afternoon so I can be here on the weekends with you. We’ll face this together.”

  She cuddled closer to him. “Thank you.”

  They were silent for a moment. “Although there is one more thing about that letter that upsets me.”

  She sighed. “What is it?”

  “The part about the suffrage movement.”

  She stiffened. “What about the suffrage movement?”

  “You’ll have to give up your involvement with them.”

  She pulled back and stared up at him. “And why would I do that?”

  He loosened his grip, and she stepped out of his arms. “Don’t get upset, Sarah. I know you have strong feelings about it, but sometimes it’s more expedient to keep your thoughts to yourself.”

  She frowned and shook her head. “I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

  He sighed and directed a look toward her that made her feel like a child being reprimanded by her father. “We’ve only known each other for a few months, but in that time we’ve grown close. It’s plain to see we care deeply for each other. But I’m about to start my career, and I have to be careful that I have the right kind of friends if I want to make partner in the law firm.”

  “By ‘right kind of friends,’ are you saying you can’t associate yourself with the radicals who support suffrage?”

  He winced. “Well, I wouldn’t call them radicals, but that’s the kind of people I’m talking about.”

  “The ‘kind of people’? What do you know about any of the people who are working to give women the right they should have had years ago? Are you so narrow-minded that you think women aren’t intelligent enough to make the right choice in electing our leaders?”

  “No, I’m not. I’m just saying that you should respect my wish to succeed in my job and help me do it.”

  She crossed her arms and stared at him a moment. “Where did you get the idea you couldn’t make partner if you had friends in the suffrage movement? Was it from James Buckley?”

  His face turned crimson, and he held out his hand. “Sarah, please try to understand….”

  She could see the truth in his eyes, and it broke her heart. “It was Mr. Buckley, wasn’t it? When did he tell you this? Was it when he helped you with my executor problem?”

  He hung his head and nodded. “Yes. He recognized your mother’s name as one of the leaders in the Memphis suffrage movement, and he asked me if I had a relationship with you. He told me he couldn’t have associates in his office who support such radical ideas. Then he said he was sure you were a sensible girl who wouldn’t want to hurt my career.”

  Tears stung her eyes, and her chin trembled. “Why didn’t you tell me this when you got back?”

  “Because I thought it was something we could face in the future. You have enough to worry about now with your mother’s illness. Please understand my position on this, Sarah. I want to rise to the top of my profession so I can afford to take care of Ellen and repay her for all she’s done for me. Don’t you want that for me?”

  She nodded. “I want you to have whatever will make you happy, Alex. Just remember that Ellen may need more than money, though. She might like to have a voice in who represents her in the government.”

  “I know. She kind of hinted at that after you and I had our first argument about suffrage. So do you understand why I’m asking you to do this?”

  “Yes, I understand. I want you to tell Mr. Buckley when you see him that I appreciate his help in getting my money back and that he’s right about me not doing anything to hurt your career. I would never do anything to harm you, Alex.”

  He sighed with relief. “I knew you would see it my way.”

  She arched her eyebrows. “But I don’t. I can’t turn my back on a cause that I believe in so wholeheartedly. I will continue
to support enfranchisement for women until my last breath.” She hesitated before she spoke the words that she knew would break her heart. “Our relationship is never going to work, Alex. We have to end it now while we still can. You go to Memphis and play Mr. Buckley’s game to get you to the top, and make a lot of money on the way. But I won’t be there with you.”

  He took a step toward her. “You can’t mean that. I know I haven’t said it, but I love you, Sarah.”

  She shook her head. “It’s no use, Alex. There’s no future for us. I don’t want to see you again.”

  He reached for her, but she flinched. Her heart pricked at the hurt expression in his eyes. “You’re sure about this?”

  “Positive. Now please leave and don’t come back here again.”

  He let out a ragged breath before he pushed past her and bounded down the steps. She didn’t turn around, but she heard his horse gallop out of the yard. Then she walked back in the house and leaned over the bed to check her mother.

  “Mama, can you hear me?”

  There was no response except labored breathing. So far she’d been unable to get any food down her mother today and that concerned her. Maybe she could get her to take some of the soup she’d made earlier. She went into the kitchen and returned with a warm bowl of broth, sat down, and attempted to feed it to her mother. Nothing she did could coax her to open her lips and swallow. Most of it trickled down the side of her face and onto the bed.

  After a few minutes Sarah gave up and set the bowl aside. She scooted her chair closer to the bed and clasped her mother’s hand in both of hers. She sat quietly for a few minutes lost in thought before she began to speak.

  “Mama, do you remember the time when I was a little girl, and you and Poppa took me to downtown Memphis shopping? We rode a streetcar and got off at the corner of Main and Beale. The first thing I saw was a store on the corner with dolls in the window, and I ran toward it. I was pointing out which doll I wanted for Christmas when I heard voices shouting in the distance. I was so scared, but you took me by the hand and led me to the edge of the sidewalk. I saw a large group of women in the middle of the street walking toward us. Some of them carried flags. Some held signs, and all chanted at the top of their voices.

  “For a minute I was scared, and I looked up at Poppa. ‘What is it, Poppa?’ I asked.

  “He grasped my hand and pointed to the women. ‘It’s all right,’ he said. ‘It’s a group of suffragists marching.’

  “That word sounded so strange to me, and I struggled to say it. ‘What’s a suf–suf–suffragist?’

  “He just smiled at me in his patient way like he always did and said, ‘They’re women who want our lawmakers to give them the right to vote like men.’

  “Of course at that age I’d never given a thought to the fact that women couldn’t vote, but it dawned on me that one day I would be a woman. So I asked him. ‘Why can’t women vote, Poppa?’ “He reached up and ran his finger over his mustache like he did every time he was going to tell me something really important. ‘Well,’ he said, ‘I suppose because men who have the power have never passed a law that allows them to vote.’

  “I remember I propped my hands on my hips, cocked my head to one side, and looked up at him. ‘Do you think women should vote, Poppa?’ I asked.

  “He never avoided any of my questions, and he didn’t that day either. ‘I certainly do. Women have been trying for about forty years to get the lawmakers to change the law,’ he answered.

  “As far as I was concerned, that settled the matter. I crossed my arms over my chest and gave a curt nod. ‘When I’m grown, I’ll make them change the law, Poppa,’ I said.

  “I can still hear how his laugh echoed across Beale Street. He dropped down on one knee and chucked me under the chin. ‘I think you could. I feel sorry for the lawmakers if you get after them. You’ll be a formidable adversary.’

  “I’d never heard that big word before and asked him what it meant.

  “‘It’s someone who opposes something and works to change things,’ he told me.

  “I knew I could do that, so I smiled. ‘Then I’m going to be an adversary and get Mama and me the right to vote like you, Poppa.’”

  Sarah tightened her hold on her mother’s hand. “I haven’t forgotten that promise, Mama. As long as I live, I won’t give up working to give women the right to vote. I want you to know that.”

  There was a slight pressure from her mother’s fingers, and then her hand relaxed. Sarah sat by her bed without moving as the afternoon gave way to night. When dark shadows covered the room, Sarah rose and lit the oil lamp on the table beside the bed then took up her post again. Just after the clock struck nine o’clock, Sarah heard a peaceful sigh, and she leaned closer as her mother took her last breath. She sat on the edge of her chair for a few minutes and studied how peaceful her mother’s face appeared in death.

  The reality of what had occurred struck her, and she eased back into her chair and closed her eyes. Her father was gone, and now so was her mother. But they weren’t the only ones. Today within the span of a few hours, she’d lost her mother and the man she loved. She felt as if her heart had been gouged out and thrown away.

  She leaned her head on the back of her chair and let the tears roll down her face. Now she truly was alone in the world. All she had left was a promise she’d made years ago. She cried until she felt exhausted, but she didn’t move from her chair.

  She sat there until the clock struck six o’clock the next morning. Then she rose from her chair, walked to the backyard, and began to toll the bell that would alert her neighbors to her distress. She stood there, her hands wrapped around the bell’s rope, and pulled without stopping. A horse galloped down the road and came to a stop in the front yard, but she didn’t quit pulling the rope. She heard running footsteps coming around the side of the house, and she wished Alex would appear. But it was Mr. Jenkins instead. When she saw him, she finally let go of the rope and collapsed against him.

  Chapter Nine

  Sarah sniffed the fresh scent of approaching rain and glanced at the smoky haze hovering in the air. Dark clouds rolled across the sky, and a hot wind stirred the leaves on the trees at the edge of the cemetery. Horses snorted and shook their harnesses in warning of an impending storm.

  Uncle Charlie and Aunt Clara sat on either side of her under the canopy covering the grave. The mourners had followed them from the church after the funeral and now stood outside the tent. She glanced at the familiar faces and was suddenly struck by the thought that she would miss the people she’d come to know here.

  There had been a steady stream of visitors bearing food and well wishes after her mother’s condition became evident the night of the party, and she had found the friendships her mother had told her awaited her in the small community. Now they gathered to offer her comfort.

  She heard Brother Hughes read a scripture verse and then say a prayer, but she didn’t listen to his words. All she could do was stare at the simple coffin sitting atop the grave. Her gaze drifted to her grandparents’ graves next to it, and a tear ran down her cheek. Mama’s wish had been fulfilled that she would rest in the cemetery where members of her family were buried.

  She jumped at the touch of someone’s hand on hers and looked up into Brother Hughes’s kind eyes. “We’ll be praying for you, Sarah. Remember that God’s with you.”

  Sarah stared at him and didn’t respond. Those same words had been said to her at her father’s funeral, but so far God hadn’t bothered to show up in her life. She closed her eyes, bit her bottom lip, and wished she could wake up and this would all be a dream. But it wasn’t.

  She felt the pressure of Uncle Charlie’s hand on her elbow. “We have to go now, Sarah. The workers are going to fill the grave. We can come back later.”

  He led her into the open air, and they stopped as, one by one, the people filed by to offer their condolences. Her heart skipped a beat when she caught sight of Ellen and Alex at the back of the line.
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br />   When Ellen reached her, she put her arms around Sarah and hugged her. “I’m so sorry, Sarah. I wish I could take away some of your hurt, but I know I can’t. I remember how I felt when I lost my mama. I’ll be praying for you.”

  Sarah straightened and stared into Ellen’s eyes. “Thank you, Ellen. You’ve been so kind to me since I came to Richland Creek. I’ll never forget you.”

  Ellen patted her cheek and smiled. “That sounds like you’re leaving.”

  “I am. I’m staying with Uncle Charlie and Aunt Clara tonight. Then tomorrow he’s taking me to Mt. Pleasant to catch the train to Memphis.”

  A flicker of sorrow crossed Ellen’s face. “You take care of yourself.”

  “I will.”

  Ellen stepped aside, and Alex moved in front of her. He swallowed as his gaze drifted over her face as if trying to memorize every feature. “You’re really leaving?”

  Her chin trembled, but she didn’t flinch from his gaze. “Yes.”

  “Where will you be?”

  “I’ll be at The Simpson School for Girls. It’s in Mrs. Simpson’s large Victorian house on Adams Street.”

  He nodded. “I know the area.”

  “And you’ll be at Mr. Buckley’s offices on Front Street. Do you know where you’ll live?”

  “I’ve rented an apartment on Madison Avenue.”

  They stared at each other for a moment, but there didn’t seem to be anything else to say. Sarah stuck out her hand. “Good-bye, Alex. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. If I need a lawyer again, I’ll contact you.”

  He took her hand in his and squeezed it. “Good-bye, Sarah. I wish you the best.”

  She pulled her hand away and turned to Uncle Charlie. “Please. I want to go now.”

  He nodded and took her by the arm. As she turned away from Alex, she felt as if the life had drained from her, and she clung to her uncle’s arm for support. She wanted to look back, but she didn’t.

  She felt the stares of the silent crowd boring into her all the way to the buggy. Uncle Charlie helped her and Aunt Clara in. Then he climbed into the driver’s seat, gathered the reins in his hands, and clicked them on the horse’s back. As they slowly moved out of the churchyard, Sarah could feel Alex’s penetrating gaze burning into her back, but she forced herself to face forward.