by A. L. Wood
Nevertheless, I was, fifteen-fucking-times. To top it off I had Gage eyeing me throughout the entire day with answered questions in his eyes like daggers being thrown at my soul. I was under the impression that last night was the end of our discussion on any topic involving he and I. I get the feeling though that he feels today otherwise.
Just as the entire venue is cleared out, every band member including Natalie, Temperance and Layla are already headed back to the hotel, he finds me.
Gage.
Dreamy, mouthwatering, desirable, rough around the edges asshole, Gage.
“There you are, I’ve been searching all over for you.”
He’s got that look. The I-want-to-fuck-you-any-way-till-Sunday look.
Shit.
I straighten my posture and put on the best professional mask that I can muster. “What’re you talking about? You’ve seen me off and on all day if you needed something all you had to do was ask. What’s up?”
Chapter 14
The Walnut Creek Amphitheatre in Raleigh was insane, we sold out all 22,550 seats. The newly offered VIP package was a success and wasn’t as taxing as we all initially thought it would be. There weren’t any crazy fans, no one got grabby with their hands or overly drunk, actually it was pretty fucking awesome and I have no idea why we or the label didn’t think of doing it before.
The only downside for the night was that Abagail only spoke to me when she had to, she remained professional at all times. Did she forget that I fucked her less than 24 hours ago? My body sure hadn’t. After a show is when I would usually seek out an attractive female who only wanted the infamous one nighter, but since Abagail there hasn’t been any others. Something I would never tell her, she would only over think it, she’d find meaning where there was none.
The sick part of me wanted to punish her for ignoring me, of ignoring our attraction all day, of denying me what I wanted desperately- her. The healthy, sane and sound part of me couldn’t blame her, I told her I couldn’t be alone with her that I couldn’t control myself, I needed to be with her. Too bad the sickness inside of me won.
“There you are, I’ve been searching all over for you.”
“What’re you talking about? You’ve seen me off and on all day if you needed something all you had to do was ask. What’s up?” She asks.
She has no idea, what it is that is literally, up. Luckily I caught her as she was leaving to go back to the hotel, somewhere she thought I had already gone.
“You ignored me every time I was around you today. I just wanted to see you, without anyone else around.”
“Um..Okay, doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose of not being alone with me though? When you think about it, it does. I mean, you did switch rooms to get away from me, after you forced your way into being my roommate. Why the sudden change?”
Enough talk. This I do not say out loud, talking isn’t going to get me any closer to my end goal then actions will.
We’re outside the venue, I wouldn’t be able to see her if it weren’t for the lights lit around the back entrance of the venue. She’s exhausted, and I shouldn’t be holding her up. I should be offering her to join me on the ride back to the hotel where she could get some rest. I shouldn’t be pulling her around the side of the building, a building that’s still housing stragglers that have to finish working the clock.
I really shouldn’t be pushing her back to lay flat against the brick wall and I definitely shouldn’t be kissing her.
But the sickness consumes me.
“Gage,” She says in between my kisses.
I won’t let her voice her doubts or ask more questions. Instead, I remove all doubts with my tongue and answer all questions with my touch.
We’re out in the open so I can’t undress her, I wouldn’t put her in that situation, if we were caught. Instead I unbutton her jacket, letting the folds of fabric fall away to reveal a white camisole underneath. I swipe my tongue over her jaw and down her neck, dipping my tongue in between the cleavage of her breasts the black bra has made.
She wraps her hands around my neck, her chest heaving up and down.
“I want to fuck you. Right now. Right here.” I say in between kissing her swollen lips and tracing the line of her shirt.
She moans, lightly melodic.
“Yes Abby? Do you want me to take you?”
“Yessss.” She replies as I pull her skirt up and rip her pantyhose down, followed by her panties.
I swipe my finger over her slit, wetness meets my fingertip. I bring my soaked fingertip to my mouth and taste her tantalizingly sweet juice. Her breath hitches. This turns her on. This time I insert one long finger into her, when I bring it back out I place it on her lips.
“Taste yourself Abagail.”
She hesitates a mere second before devouring my tongue. I want to wait, but I can’t, not only for the sake of getting caught, but because I need inside of her.
Now.
I pull a condom out of my jeans pocket and quickly unbutton my jeans. My cock falls out, thick and hard. Abagail rips the condom out of my hand and coaxes it over my length. I wrap one of her legs around my hip while she inserts the tip of my cock inside of her.
She’s wet, warm, and tight as a glove. She’s nirvana. My nirvana.
I slam into her, her back meeting the bricks behind her back. I grip her thigh for momentum, thrusting in and out of her. She grabs at my shoulders, then my ass. Pulling me into her warmth.
With my free hand I brush a feather like touch against her clit, knowing that I have to take her there soon, or else I’ll finish before she’s found her release and I want to cum as I feel her pussy clenching around my cock.
“Cum. Now.” I demand while rubbing her clitoris.
As she does, I find release simultaneously. We remain upright, barely. Our foreheads touching one another’s, catching our breath. She looks at me, again questions swirling in her eyes. I’m ashamed, not for finding pleasure with her, but that I did so and I’m still not able to come up with any answers for her.
“You good to walk?” I ask her while pulling out.
She rights herself before answering. Of course, as I’m zipping my jeans and tossing the condom in a nearby garbage can. “I’m good. We should be getting back before someone comes looking for us.”
So fucking ashamed.
“Yeah, we should.”
Chapter 15
It wasn’t unanimous, but the vote won out to have time off in Oklahoma. So while on our way to Oklahoma City, where Steele’s Army will be performing at the Chesapeake Energy Arena, is when I realize the odd depth of my feelings for Gage. Someone I didn’t want to fall for, someone I never saw myself being with, someone I never thought to take any risks for. It hit me this morning, crystal clear. I was lying in my bunk, the one I had originally chosen when I was first on the bus. The one right below Gages.
I was thinking back on last night, of his passion, passion that I could feel with every movement, emotion he wanted to deny in the bright light of day. As soon as we sat inside of the limousine, it was as if what we did never happened. I was back to being the tour manager, and he was back to being a bass player for Steele’s Army.
It was uncomfortable, I wanted to ask him what it meant. If he had decided he wanted more, if he could move past whatever it was holding him back. But I didn’t, I left those questions unasked, hoping that he’d bring it up. But he didn’t.
When we reached the hotel, he went his way and I went mine, with not so much as a goodnight or another word spoken even. This morning after doing my routine wakeup calls everyone boarded their bus, I tried boarding the road crew bus, Gage pulled me on to his, and we headed out. The drive is a little over 1,200 hundred miles, equaling a little over 19 hours.
A little over nineteen hours on a bus with Gage.
Nineteen hours of thoughts.
Nineteen hours of recollections on every word he’s said to me.
Nineteen hours dissecting every look he’s given me.
Nineteen fucking hours of over-thinking.
Nineteen hours to come to the conclusion that I, Abagail Reynolds, have fallen. I’ve fallen so far into the depths of love that I think if Gage doesn’t join me, I may go under.
We’ve long since arrived at the arena, our buses are stationed outback, near the backstage entrance. I’ve already checked in with the label, letting them know that the tour is going as it should, and the band has been easy to work with. Not that I’ve had to ask permission to make any of the changes that I’ve made. They’re all resilient on their own, never needing me. They dress themselves in their own clothes, get their own food and drinks, they go to the bathrooms by their selves, and they never complain. About anything.
Hands down the easiest band I have ever been on the road with.
Jason and Zepp have joined everyone else outside, where tables have been set up and tents pitched with buffet tables of food gathered. Everyone has taken a break from setting up to eat. Meanwhile, Gage lingers on the bus, and I can’t shake the feeling that it’s to get away from me.
That what he accused me of last night, which I was doing, he is now doing. Ignoring. Hypocrite.
My cellphone dings. New Message.
Gage: My favorite color is blue. Ocean water, skyline, cotton candy, electric- blue.
Me: I love ranch. On everything, pizza, burgers, chicken- ranch goes with everything.
Seems as though he wants to stay away from me, he can’t stop thinking about me.
Gage: Ranch is okay with chicken wings or on a salad, other than that I’m out, you can have all the ranch in the world.
Me: I like blue too.
Gage: How’s your day?
Me: Who are you?
Obviously I know who it is, but I want him to say it. To tell me, that he thinks about me, that he wants the same as I.
Gage: I’ll tell you soon enough. Talk to you later.
Me: Bye.
And just like that, he shuts himself off again. I’ll be damned if I allow him to get away with it.
“Gage, you should get something to eat. Tonight is going to be a long one.” I say while stepping aboard the bus.
“I already grabbed a plate. Just finished eating actually.” He says standing up to throw his now empty plate in the garbage.
“You could have joined us.” He doesn’t even glance in my direction.
“Nah, I’m good. Matter of fact, we have to go do the sound check.” He says while sidestepping me to get off the bus.
Running away.
I follow him off the bus, the guys already headed back into the venue. I overhear Jason tell the guys that he’ll be right there while Gage gives him an angry look.
“You all right Abby?” He asks me.
“I will be. Just trying to remember your words, ya know? He doesn’t make it easy.”
“He never does. However, I promise you, the fight will be worth it. Skeletons, remember?”
“Why don’t you just tell me? It would be much easier. Gage talking is going to take handcuffs and pliers most likely. I’ll have to pry his lips open for him to share anything with me.”
“It’s not my place Abagail. I wish I could help you, but know that even though I can’t share his past- I’m always here.”
I give him a quick hug, as thanks. Gage is the only one I know here, besides Jason. The other guys have spoken to me, but not like Jason has. He’s accepted me, let me in. It’s like everyone else is keeping me on the outside of the fence, too afraid to unlock it and allow me entrance into their lives. Not that I can blame them, when it comes to their lives, their families, what they do. As far as they know or think- I followed Gage here.
“Sound check.” He says while patting my back.
“Yup.”
He walks into the building. As I watch his retreating form, thinking about how much my life has changed the last few months, weeks, hell, days, Natalie approaches me.
“I’m got to be real with you, up front, no bull. I see you.” She says confidently. The most she has spoken to me since meeting her. I’m floored, and surprised at the same time.
“I wish I had someone say this to me when I was where you currently are. Our stories differ, but it doesn’t matter. Love is all the same, everyone feels it, even if they don’t want to. It can hurt you like no other, it can also heal you. It has the power to change your life, for the better, even the worse. Embrace it, reach your hands out, grab onto it and take it. My story is a long one, it’s filled with pain and happiness, but nothing will changes the fact that I would do it again, and again, and again, to be where I am now. My heart is full and complete. Ryan and I still have our days, but we still love one another- even more than before. I’m not aware of Gage’s story, of what brought him to where he is now, but I know who he is. He’s gentle hearted and kind, he doesn’t often love, but the people he does are lucky, he cloaks those he loves with his spirit and charm and protection. He cares deeply, and you affect him. I know he’s not much of a talker- or sharer for that matter, but you’re it. You’re what he needs, I can see it. I see he’s fighting it too, fighting how you make him feel. Not that you need it, but I thought I would give you some advice. Love him anyway, let him fight his feelings, because whatever war he wages on love with himself, he’ll lose, and you’ll still be there. Hold out, because the end will be all the more rewarding.”
She doesn’t give me time to reply before she walks back over to Layla who’s holding Temperance. Layla gives me a knowing look, and I give her one back.
One filled with resilience and gratitude. I needed that.
Chapter 16
Something’s off with her and I can feel it, as much as I want to deny it, I know what it is. She’s overthinking, looking for a meaning that isn’t there, a meaning of us. Of what we are, of what she wants us to be. Something that will never be. Our show in Oklahoma went off without a hitch, Abagail is proving to be quite the tour manager.
I was aware that she lacked experience with more well-known artists that she was used to musicians who had just started off, more of a mother hen when it came to introducing people to the road. She was used to taking care of everyone, with everything. She wasn’t used to not being so needed when it came to the band.
We’ve been doing this for years, and we’ve all found a way to get on without succumbing to the perils of being on the road. Excessive drinking, drugs, sex without protection. We’re all found what works for us, and Abagail hasn’t adapted. At first I thought that was the only reason behind her acting so oddly. I would catch her staring at me for long periods of time, then staring out the window in a dreamlike state. I don’t know why I brought her on the bus, I probably shouldn’t have. Subconsciously it was my way of apologizing for being such a dick the first day she joined us, my apology for last night. For getting carried away, knowing that she had a weakness for me and using it to my advantage.
I didn’t make false promises, although if she had forced my hand, my lips would have moved promising whatever it is that she wanted, just to feel her. She doesn’t know of the power she holds over me, I may be her weakness but in turn she is mine. A weakness I have to overcome that I have to deny. A relationship isn’t in the cards for us, not only because of my past, I know I would carry it with me, using it against her. But also because our careers, she doesn’t work for the band, she works for the label, meaning she won’t always be our tour manager. She could end up on the road more than I am, we wouldn’t be able to have a relationship, with my trust issues, I wouldn’t be able to allow her to go.
It just wouldn’t work.
I don’t want to come out and tell her, because what if I happen to be wrong. Maybe I’m overthinking and she’s not feeling that way at all, then I could be bringing up a conversation that she and I never needed to have.
Instead, I’ll have to keep my distance, pretend that she and I have nothing between us. That I’m void of any feeling other than distaste for her.
“Jason did you s
ee that woman last night? The sexy brunette with our bands name tattooed on her chest?”
“Yeah, I saw her.” Jason mumbles.
Abagail stares at he and I in question.
So what do I do?
I lie.
It’s for the best, really.
She and I- not going to happen.
Can’t happen.
“You took off, but she propositioned me last night. Too bad you weren’t around, because I was game. She wanted the both of us, but I couldn’t find you. So she left.”
“Gage.” Jason warns.
Her lip quivers.
That quiver is almost my undoing. Almost.
“What? Usually you’d be into something like that, but you took off running. Not fair, cock block.”
Too far. I had to take it too far.
She shoots imaginary daggers at me with her eyes, all the while I can tell it hurts her. The nervous twitching of her hands, the biting her lip, her leaving the table to climb into her bunk. I accomplished what I set out to do.
Remind her that her and I are nothing.
Chapter 17
Home, I’ve never had one of those. Don’t mistake my parents not being here for me as an example that I grew up unloved, or beaten, because I wasn’t. I was cherished, I was loved, I was cared for. I just wasn’t their primary focus. Their careers were number one, we moved so many times in my life I never knew the feeling of home. It became the normal for me, to pack and unpack, I got used to not making friends, of not settling because I knew we’d always end up moving. It’s funny really, how life turns out. The issues I had with my parents growing up, about their dedication to their careers in the military, and I turn out to have the same drive as them with my own career.
They wanted me to follow in their footsteps, I couldn’t, military isn’t for me. I’m not that brave or courageous, I wouldn’t be able to handle it, but I respect the people that can, I appreciate what my parents and all others do. The reason they and I don’t talk right now, is because they didn’t want me to go. They’ll move past it, someday, and hopefully understand why this is my destiny.
