Forgotten Child

by Kitty Neale

  Tina listened as the woman continued to speak, and it was as though a huge weight lifted from her. Until Paul came along she had thought she hated all men, had wanted to punish them by fiddling their change, blowing their money on clothes and luxuries. She now realised that in truth she had been punishing them for her own feelings too, for what her father had once aroused in her, for the poison of self-loathing that had crept into her mind. In betraying Jenny, had she unconsciously been punishing her too? Had she hated it that her friend had found happiness while she was still floundering in a pit of putrid self-loathing?

  ‘I’m afraid our session is over now, Tina, but we’ve made tremendous progress. So much so that you may feel you won’t need to see me again. Give yourself a day or two. See how you feel, and if necessary we can make another appointment.’

  Tina felt drained as she rose to her feet, guessing she must look a mess. She had cried so much that her eyes probably looked dreadful and her make-up ruined, yet somehow it didn’t matter.

  ‘Yes, all right and…and thank you.’

  It was cold outside, but Tina hardly noticed. She still had things on her mind, and had been tempted to confess the awful things she’d done since she got away from her father, but was now relieved that the session was over before she’d had the chance. It wouldn’t change anything. What was done was done, but she would never do such things again. She felt free, liberated, as if the canker in her mind that had driven her had been cut out.

  ‘Hey, gorgeous, do you want a lift?’

  ‘Paul! What are you doing here?’

  ‘I knew you’d be coming out around now and as I’m finished for the day we can go home.’

  ‘But it’s only four o’clock.’

  ‘With all the hours I’ve put in lately I think my DI decided to cut me a bit of slack.’

  She got into his car, smiling at him, but in return he frowned. ‘Tina, you’ve been crying. Are you all right?’

  ‘I’m fine, in fact more than fine. That may have been my last session.’

  ‘That’s terrific, though I still wish we could prove what your father did to you. I’d like to nail the sick pervert.’

  ‘I know, but I just want to forget him now, to put it all behind me,’ Tina said as they drove off. She meant it. How she felt now was thanks to Paul; in fact she had a lot to thank him for, not least the flat she now lived in, above his in Battersea that had somehow miraculously become available two weeks after she’d moved back to London. Paul said he’d had nothing to do with the previous tenant moving out but, as the man was a friend of his, Tina somehow doubted that.

  ‘I’m bushed, and sick of living on sandwiches. We thought our inside man had a sniff of something, but after weeks of watching and waiting it came to nothing. We’ve got enough to do the bloke for stolen cars, stuff like that, but the DI wants him to go down for more than that, and for a lot longer.’

  ‘What bloke?’

  ‘Now, you know better than to ask me that. Sod it, forget work. How do you fancy going out for dinner tonight?’ Paul asked, as usual taking nothing for granted.

  Tina wasn’t surprised that Paul was tired. He worked long hours, sometimes long into the night and it wasn’t always possible to see much of each other. Yet when they did he never took liberties and she was growing ever more fond of him.

  ‘How about staying in and I invite you up to my place for a meal?’

  ‘What? Blimey, Tina, that’s a first.’

  ‘I know – but it doesn’t mean it’s a first time for anything else.’

  ‘If you’re saying what I think you are, you should know me better than that.’

  ‘Yes, I do. Sorry,’ Tina said. Yet maybe, just maybe, she thought, she was ready to take that next step. Paul was so hesitant around her, so frightened of scaring her off, but tonight she would try to let him hold her, kiss her. She had to move forward, to stop allowing what had happened in the past to ruin the rest of her life. With Paul, she was beginning to feel she could do just that.

  On Saturday evening Marcos was sitting in the drawing room. A fire was glowing, the curtains drawn against the night, and he was admiring what Jenny had done with the room. He had of course given her free rein, and she hadn’t disappointed him, the cushions toning perfectly, and tasteful ornaments strategically placed. None of those statues of the Madonna, crucifixes, lace tablecloths, and the other sickening paraphernalia that the hags had favoured.

  Jenny had class, taste, and Marcos was pleasantly surprised that she was still refusing to see her parents. There’d been one big mistake with the telephone – they weren’t ex-directory and so Jenny’s father had been able to find their number. Marcos had been furious and the bloke he’d instructed to sort out everything to do with the telephone line and utilities paid for his slip-up with a split lip. Of course if Jenny hadn’t hung up as soon as she’d heard her father’s voice, it could have been worse, the man getting more than just a split lip. It had driven the idiot to sort it out and very quickly; they had a new number now, this time ex-directory.

  Jenny’s father hadn’t given up though, he’d been to the house, but it had been left to Marcos to tell the man that she didn’t want to see him. Marcos had also told Edward that he was just making things worse, that he still needed time to talk Jenny round, and that until then it would be better to stay away. So far it had worked, but for how much longer?’

  ‘Here’s your coffee,’ Jenny said as she placed it beside him.

  ‘Thank you, darling, and that casserole was delicious.’

  ‘The cookery course is starting to pay off, the driving lessons too. My instructor said that after a few more I should be ready to take my test.’

  ‘In that case I’ll see about getting you a car.’

  ‘Don’t you think you should wait to see if I pass first?’

  ‘I’m sure you will,’ Marcos said, pulling Jenny onto his lap, ‘but it doesn’t matter if you have to take it again. In the meantime it will be an incentive to see your own car in the garage.’

  ‘You spoil me,’ Jenny said, kissing him.

  Marcos felt a familiar stirring. He was still a very happy man who looked forward to taking his wife to bed, knowing that he pleased her. He wanted only one thing now, to hear Jenny say that she was pregnant, that he was going to be a father.

  Obviously aware of what he was feeling, Jenny stood up, saying with a mischievous wink and a smile before she left the room again, ‘Later.’

  Marcos was content, but then his mellow mood was broken by the buzz of the new gate system. Who the hell was that? He wasn’t expecting anyone. He went into the hall, finger on the intercom.

  ‘Yes, who is it?’

  ‘It’s Robin. I’ve come to see my sister.’

  Blast, Marcos thought. He could hardly deny him entry. ‘Come on in.’

  He waited until he heard the sound of a car engine and opened the door to see a ratty old Citroën pulling up.

  ‘Nice motor,’ he said sardonically as Robin climbed out.

  ‘A present from Pater and preferable to travelling by train. I suppose you’re Marcos.’

  Pater, Marcos thought, what a pretentious twat, but he hid his thoughts with a smile. ‘Yes, that’s me, and it’s nice to meet you. Come inside, I’m sure Jenny will be pleased to see you.’

  Robin made no comment, but Marcos saw his eyes widen, even more so when they went into the drawing room.

  Yes, he’s impressed, Marcos thought, and he was pleased. ‘Take a seat. I’ll find Jenny,’ he said, hating this invasion of his privacy.

  Robin looked around at the room and then sat down on a sofa. His mother had told him about the house, but even so this was more than he’d expected. He’d arrived home last night, and though he’d already heard about it on the telephone, his mother told him again what had happened, his father saying that he couldn’t understand why Jenny was still behaving like this towards them.

  A vision now walked into the room and Robin blinked. This couldn’t be J
enny, this glorious creature. Yes, she’d always been pretty, but now she was beautiful – perfectly dressed, perfect make-up, perfect hair. She was a woman now, no longer a child.

  ‘Hello, Robin.’

  ‘Jenny, you look fantastic,’ he said, rising to his feet.

  ‘Thanks. Are you home for the weekend?’

  ‘Yes, but if I hadn’t been told to wait, that you might refuse to see me, I’d have come before this.’

  ‘Nonsense, I’m sure Jenny is very pleased to see you,’ Marcos said as he came to stand beside Jenny, an arm around her waist. ‘Isn’t that right, darling?’

  ‘Of course, and do sit down again, Robin.’

  Robin hadn’t known what to expect, but found it awkward, as though his sister had become a formal stranger. ‘It’s been a long time, Jenny.’

  ‘Yes, it has indeed. Can I get you anything? Tea? Coffee?’

  ‘No, nothing thanks. I’m fine.’

  At last Jenny sat down beside him, while Marcos took a chair by the fire, his dark brown eyes studying him. There was something in them, deep, unfathomable, and for some reason Robin felt intimidated. He’d come here for two reasons. One was to see his sister, the other to find out what the hell was going on, and he wasn’t going to let some daft feelings he had about Marcos stop him.

  ‘Jenny, I know you have good reason to feel the way you do, but I promise you, Mummy really is a different person now.’

  ‘Robin, she may be your mother, but she isn’t mine.’

  ‘I know that, but she wants to be.’

  ‘You might believe that, but I don’t. You’ve always been blind, taken in by her act, and now Dad’s the same. He’s taken her side too.’

  ‘Jenny, there are no sides, it’s just that a lot happened when you left, including my accident, and it somehow drew them closer.’

  ‘What accident?’

  ‘That isn’t important now; suffice to say that for a while they thought they were losing me.’

  ‘Dad didn’t mention it.’

  Just then, the telephone rang. Robin thought he saw a look of annoyance cross Marcos’s face as the man said, ‘I’ll have to get that.’

  Robin watched him leave the room, and then spoke to Jenny again. ‘My accident was a long time ago. Dad was so overwhelmed, so happy that he’d found you I doubt it crossed his mind. Now I don’t know all the ins and outs of what happened the last time you saw them, but what went wrong, Jenny?’

  ‘I wasn’t taken in by your mother’s act, and when I supposedly upset her she turned on the crocodile tears. Dad was annoyed with me, told me I should give her a chance.’

  ‘Dad’s right. You should give her a chance.’

  ‘Oh, you’re as bad as him.’

  ‘Jenny, we both know exactly what Mummy did, how she drove you from home, but we were also there to see the change in her, her contrition, and believe me it was genuine.’

  Marcos came back into the room and Robin fell silent.

  ‘Who was that on the telephone?’ asked Jenny.

  ‘Just a business associate,’ he said, sitting down again. ‘Robin, you were saying something about an accident before we were interrupted.’

  ‘Yes, a nasty blindside, broken bones, but thankfully no lasting effects.’

  ‘I’m glad to hear it. Did Jenny tell you she’s taking driving lessons?’

  ‘No, we’ve been talking about my parents,’ Robin said, determined to continue. ‘Jenny, please, I know things went wrong, but won’t you give them both another chance?’

  Jenny was quiet again, but at last she spoke. ‘Yes, all right, but I’d prefer them to come here. Is…is that all right with you, Marcos?’

  ‘I suppose so,’ he said.

  ‘Perhaps dinner then…tomorrow,’ she said a little hesitantly, looking at her husband.

  ‘Jenny, that’s great,’ Robin said, elated. He couldn’t wait to tell his parents the good news. He had told them he was coming here, knew they were hoping he could make a difference, and though he had other things to tell Jenny, not least about his girlfriend Julia, it could wait until tomorrow. ‘I hope I’m included in the invitation?’

  ‘Of course you are, silly.’

  For a moment Robin saw a trace of how Jenny had looked at sixteen and remembered what he felt for her, what he had wanted. He flushed with shame. Those feelings had died now, but he felt a surge of affection as her playful punch brought back other childhood memories, games they’d played, Jenny always running to him for comfort when she had fallen over.

  ‘Great, I’m off now,’ he said, ‘but I’ll see you tomorrow.’

  ‘Make it around two o’clock,’ Jenny said.

  It was Marcos who showed him out, but had Robin looked back he would have seen the worried look on Jenny’s face. Neither did he notice that Marcos’s face was etched with annoyance. Instead he drove home feeling pleased with himself, sure that everything was going to be fine now. After all, it had to be.

  He hadn’t told his parents of his own plans yet, and didn’t want to until it was absolutely necessary – but when he left university he’d be leaving the country. Julia’s father had already offered him a job with his company in South Africa and it was too good an opportunity to turn down.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Marcos had known that Jenny’s estrangement from her parents wouldn’t last indefinitely, but he was still annoyed that she had invited them to dinner.

  He had made his feelings plain, giving Jenny the cold shoulder last night in bed, and had hardly spoken to her since they had got up that morning.

  ‘Marcos, please, I told you last night, I won’t make inviting my parents round a regular occurrence. It’s just that I felt I’d be more confident on my own ground.’

  ‘If you feel like that, why bother to see them at all?’

  ‘I…I miss my…dad.’

  ‘Oh, so your father comes before me, does he?’

  ‘No, of course not.’

  ‘You know how hard I work during the week, hardly arriving home before seven and how much I therefore value having the weekends to ourselves. It seems you didn’t give that a thought.’

  ‘I’m sorry, really I am, and I promise it won’t happen again.’

  ‘See that it doesn’t,’ Marcos snapped, but then, seeing Jenny’s eyes flooding with tears, he decided to relent. He’d said enough to ensure that she wouldn’t make the same mistake again. ‘It’s all right, I forgive you, now come here and give me a kiss.’

  Jenny was still feeling a little shaky. Marcos was usually wonderful – loving, generous and kind, if a little touchy at times. Now, though, she had become aware that there was another side to him, one that she feared, and it was as though the man she loved disappeared at times to be replaced by another.

  Thankfully Marcos was acting normally now, charming her parents and Robin when they’d arrived. To her relief, dinner had turned out perfectly and, laying the meat platter on the dining room table, she now said, ‘Marcos, would you carve while I fetch the vegetables?’

  ‘Of course, darling.’

  ‘Can I help, Jennifer?’ Delia asked.

  ‘It all right, I’ll give her a hand,’ Robin said, following Jenny to the kitchen. ‘I wanted a chance to speak to you alone; to say thanks for this and to ask you to give Mummy a real chance this time.’

  Jenny handed him a dish large dish of mixed fresh vegetables. ‘I’ll try to be open-minded.’

  ‘Fair enough,’ he said, smiling.

  ‘Go on, take that through. I’ll bring the gravy and mint sauce.’

  ‘This is lovely, Jennifer,’ Delia said.

  ‘Smashing roast potatoes,’ her father commented.

  ‘I tried several ways of cooking them, but Edna’s turned out to be best.’

  ‘Is she a friend of yours, Jennifer?’ Delia asked.

  ‘No, she’s our daily.’

  ‘Goodness, a daily. Aren’t you lucky?’ Delia enthused.

  ‘Jenny, did you have to tell us t
hat?’ her father said, chuckling. ‘Your mother will want one now.’

  ‘Marcos mentioned yesterday that you’re learning to drive, Jenny,’ said Robin. ‘How’s it going? Have you hit anything yet?’

  ‘Trust you to ask that. But no, I haven’t. I’m taking five lessons a week so hopefully it won’t be long before I can take my test.’

  ‘That’s wonderful, Jennifer, well done,’ Delia said. ‘It took me ages to learn to drive. I don’t suppose you need it, but if you feel like a bit of extra practice between lessons I’d be pleased to help. We could use my car.’

  Delia’s smile looked genuinely warm, her offer a kind one, and for the first time Jenny began to wonder if she really had changed. ‘Er…thank you. I…I may take you up on that,’ she said.

  Robin lifted his eyes heavenward. ‘God help us, Dad, another woman driver on the road.’

  ‘Down to me, I’m afraid,’ said Marcos. ‘I suggested driving lessons.’

  ‘Good for you,’ Delia said, ‘and Robin, I’ll have you know I’ve never had an accident. There is nothing wrong with women drivers, and I’m sure Jennifer will be a good one too.’

  Jenny was pleased with the vote of confidence and smiled at Delia, receiving a wink and a smile in return. She didn’t know it then, but it was to be the start of a huge change in their relationship, one that would grow as time progressed.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  It was 1974 and a year had passed. Tina was lying quietly beside Paul, unable to believe that she’d actually done it.

  ‘I suppose I’ll have to marry you now,’ he complained, yet he was smiling.

  ‘Who said I want you to?’

  ‘Now listen here, minx, it was you who demanded my body. What if this results in a baby?’

  ‘Daft thing. Men can’t have babies.’

  He laughed, hugging her. ‘Seriously, Tina, will you marry me?’

  ‘I thought my first proposal would be sort of romantic, perhaps over a candlelit dinner.’

  ‘First! How many do you expect?’ Paul asked.

  ‘I didn’t expect that one, and anyway, you don’t have to marry me. There won’t be a baby. I’ve been taking the pill.’