by Dani Lovell
"Oh wow, how festive! I love snow, especially at Christmas, I'd love to do that."
"Well, maybe, one day, you will."
I reach over and rest my hand on the back of Daniel's gorgeous neck, stroking his short hair. "I hope I will."
Daniel takes a turning off the highway towards the airport and my stomach flips. I feel sick. I can't bear leaving him. As he finds a spot to park in, I tell myself that it's ok, we might be at LAX, but I still have a little while until I need to leave. He turns the engine off and looks at me with a gorgeous, sad smile on his face. "Well, we're here." He shrugs.
I simply nod and look down into my lap, if I continue to look into his beautiful turquoise eyes, the floodgates will open and that'll be all I do for the next... well, I don't know how long.
Daniel reaches for my hand and brings it to his lips. "Look at me, baby," he says against my knuckles.
"I don't want to cry, Daniel," I whisper, but the tears are already flooding my eyes and as one drops down into my other hand, he lifts my chin and leans in to press his soft, soothing lips against mine. I instantly wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back.
"We'll be ok, baby. I'll make sure to find an urgent reason to come straight to the London office for a meeting," he says with a small smile.
"Really? I hope so."
"I'll do my best." He nods as he runs his thumb along my bottom lip. "Let's go get you checked in so we can have a moment to say goodbye, before you go through to the lounge."
"Ok," I respond, reluctantly.
I notice Tilly and Luke as soon as we near check-in. They're standing facing one another, talking quietly. It's so odd that they're not horsing around. Tilly doesn't have her suitcase so she's obviously checked in already, so I head straight to the desk, clutching Daniel's hand as he wheels my case behind him.
After check-in, we stroll over to a wall and Daniel leans his back against it, holding me in his arms. I wrap mine around his warm torso and rest my head against his chest. The sound of his breathing, the rhythm of his heart thumping under my ear, the soft thread of his polo shirt beneath my cheek, I notice every tiny detail and try to lock it all in so I'll remember it when he's not there.
His arms are wrapped so tightly around me, his cheek resting on the top of my head and we stand in silence, enjoying each other's warm embrace. My eyes close and I try to forget where we are for just a tiny, split second, so I can enjoy my boyfriend without the heart ache of knowing I'm leaving for good.
"I love you so much, baby," he whispers and I pull my head back to look up at his darling face.
"I love you, too."
He smiles and leans down to kiss my lips. "Now, you promise me? No assholes."
"I promise. And no gold digging whores?"
"Cross my heart, baby. Please, please look after yourself, I want you in one piece when I come for you."
"Of course. But Daniel, please don't wait for me. It's not going to happen and we both know that."
"Shh, baby. Don't," he says as he pulls me in close again.
"Tilly is waiting for you sweetheart."
"No!" I cry, "No, Daniel... we haven't had enough time!" The panic in my voice evident as I plead with him. Tears cascade once again, only this time, I start to sob. My body convulses against his as I break down, knowing that I need to leave. It's so, so unbearably painful, I feel like my heart is ripping through my chest, all I want is him. "I don't want to go, please, Daniel."
"Bea, I don't know what to say sweetheart, I don't want you to go either." He holds me tightly, soothing me, like a child, with a gentle rocking motion.
"Bea, darling, it's time to go," Tilly says in a gentle, caring tone as she rubs my back.
"Uh huh. Just two minutes, Til, ok?" I manage to mutter from the fabric of Daniel's shirt, my face buried in his neck.
"Ok doll, I'll be right here," she replies and I hear her step away.
"Baby, I want to know the minute you get home, ok?"
I nod.
"And make sure you eat; eat and sleep all the way home. You don't want jet lag."
"I'll try. I'm opening my gift first though," I say with a sniff as I look up into his perfect face. His eyes are awash with emotion.
"Good. I hope you like it."
"I'll love it, Daniel. Like you." I stand on tiptoes and gently touch my lips to his for our last kiss. His arms tighten around me and he lifts me from the ground as we lose ourselves, momentarily, in the connection. I keep my lips against his for as long as I can, tears trickling down my cheeks. Eventually, we unwillingly end the kiss, and Daniel returns me to my feet.
"Off you go, baby. Remember to text me when you're home. I love you so much, sweetheart, so, so much." He clutches my hands as we begin to separate our bodies, our lives.
"I love you too, I'm going to miss you so much, I can't bear this, I don't want to leave you."
"I know you don't, baby, I don't want you to go either."
"Good luck Daniel, with everything."
"I'm going to see you soon, ok? Please don't be sad."
I step away from him and pull his hands to my lips to kiss. "I'll try, I can't promise though. I love you."
"I love you too, baby. Have a safe flight."
"Bye Daniel..."
"Bye bye, baby." I reluctantly, painfully let go of Daniel's hands and step back, turning towards Tilly as I start to break down again, the tears pouring down my cheeks. Tilly wraps her arm around me, her eyes welling up too, as we walk away from our men.
I turn one last time as we walk, he seems so far away. He still looks beautiful, waving gently with a small smile. Luke stands with him and watches us as we go. Daniel blows me a kiss and I send one straight back, as I take in his beautiful features for the last time, before turning and heading deeper into the airport.
~~~~~~~
Take-off was horrific. I felt as sick as a dog and it was unbelievably bumpy - I'm sure it's not normal for it to be like that. We seemed to be dragging along the runway on the back wheels for about half an hour, I'm surprised that we got off the ground at all. All I wanted, the whole time, was that hand, that caring, masculine, soothing hand, to comfort me. Thank god we're airborne now, just turbulence to deal with.
Tilly is sitting right behind me, thankfully, and we have been trying to console each other. I don't think I'm doing a particularly good job of it, honestly, but I can't really tell how Tilly is feeling, she's not as open a book as I am. I can tell she's not herself but she's not admitting to anything, apart from being sad to leave Gemma and Jack.
My eyelids are swollen and my head aches from the non-stop crying; I don't seem to be able to switch it off once it starts these days. I probably look like a deformed panda but I couldn't give a shit right now, I feel crap and the general public will just have to deal with my ugly mug.
As soon as the aircraft is on an even gradient, I ask the cabin crew to turn my seat into a bed and I change into my airline pjs before curling up under the covers, clutching Daniel's delicious smelling jumper. I think back to our wonderful time together and how amazing Daniel made me feel, all of his compliments, his undivided attention, constant kisses, his wonderful gifts... and I suddenly remember the gift in my handbag.
I practically jump off the flatbed to grab my handbag and pull out the little ribbon-wrapped box and card. I sit, cross legged in my aeroplane pyjamas and place the gift box in front of me, wiping a tear from my face.
I slowly open the envelope and pull out the card. On the front is a picture of a jumbo jet, flying through a beautiful blue sky with fluffy white clouds dotted here and there. At the bottom, Daniel has hand-written: Where it all began...
I smile and open the card, bracing myself for the deep ache that will torture my body the moment I have read it. I am immediately excited to see just how much he has written, and his handwriting is beautifully neat. Of course it is, Daniel is perfect, through and through.
'My beautiful Bea,
At the moment, I'm sitting at my br
eakfast bar and you're in my bathroom doing your
make-up. I
miss you already. I can't wait for you to finish so I can see you, even though you've only been in
there for a few minutes. How will I cope without you?
If you managed to wait until you left before you opened this, then I know you'll be feeling
sad right now and you can be sure, wherever I am, I'm so miserable, missing you. You're the best
thing to have come into my life in... forever, and I don't know how I'll manage to carry on,
every day,
without you here.
A moment ago, you told me that you love me. I have never felt a feeling like it in my life, I've
never wanted anything as much as your love, and you gave it to me, just like that. I think the
one thing that I want now, even more than that, is for you to be by my side. I love you so, so
much. I don't think it's possible to express how much I love you. And all this happened in ten
short days. It was so easy, baby, and I fell hook, line and sinker.
I won't give up trying to find a way for us to be together and trust me, baby, we will be together.
I know that you'll enjoy getting back to Bear's and also seeing your friends and family. Tell them
all about me and that I'll be sure to meet them, real soon.
Have a good flight, sweetheart, let me know when you're home safe. Now get those sexy airline
pajamas on and cosy up in your bed, make the most of the night flight. I wish I was there to
wrap you in my arms. Don't forget to dream about me, I'll be dreaming of you, every night.
Thank you so much for a truly wonderful few days, I have never been so happy, as when you
were curled up in my arms (apart from when you told me you loved me, of course).
I love you so much, my beautiful, BEAUTIFUL Beatrice.
Always,
Daniel xxxxxxxx'
I press the card against my chest as if it somehow makes him closer to me. How can I possibly have anymore tears left in me? There's an endless supply and they are freely pouring down my cheeks.
Tilly pokes her head into my space. "What's up cherub? You ok?"
I nod and sniff, and hand her the card.
"Oh darling, he wrote you a note! That's so sweet. Can I read it?" she asks and I nod.
I watch as her eyes move from word to word, frowning a little more with each line. She puts her fingertips to her mouth as the tears well in her eyes. I'm glad I'm not the only one who becomes emotionally unstable at the drop of a hat. I know she's about to sob when her nostrils twitch and she takes a sharp, deep breath in.
As she finishes reading Daniel's last few words, she shuffles out of her bed and comes around to crawl onto mine. "Oh Bea, I can't bear how hard this is for you. What an incredible letter, he loves you so much."
She wraps her arms around me and kisses my cheek, before wiping the tears from my cheeks and then her own. We both sniff together and let out a giggle.
"What do we look like, eh?" she asks with humour.
"He got me a gift too." I pick up the box and show her.
"Oh! Open it, open it!" I tug at the pretty red ribbon and it slips off the box. I remove the lid and a small bundle of tissue before I see his gorgeous gift for the first time.
"Oh..." I whisper, holding my hand over my mouth.
It's a thin, delicate gold chain with three different gold pendants: The first is a small, yellow-gold doughnut and I let out a little giggle, knowing exactly what that represents; the second is a white-gold aeroplane, how perfect; the third, a rose-gold cupcake.
Each pendant is very small, about the size of a pea, but they are so intricately designed, the aeroplane even has little windows and doors. The cupcake has a corrugated edge, just like a cupcake case, and has swirly icing with a cherry on top. He knows me so well. It's absolutely stunning and I love it to bits.
I silently turn the box to face Tilly and she tilts her head, frowning with a smile. "Bea, it's gorgeous. It's so you, he knows you so well!" She knows what each pendant represents, I told her about the super-hot doughnut and chocolate sauce sesh and the other two speak for themselves.
"I know, that's exactly what I was thinking. I love it. Will you put it on me please?"
She fastens the clasp at the back and I immediately close my fingers around the precious pendants. The chain is just long enough for me to hold them up and see them.
"Do you want to try to get some sleep darling or shall I stay and chat?"
"To be honest, Til, I'm not very good company. I can't think about anything but him, so I might try to catch a few winks, give the swollen eyelids a chance to relax."
"Ok, doll, I'm going to do the same then, but if you need me, I mean it, wake me up. Ok?"
"Thank you, I will. Please let me know when you need me though Til, ok? You don't have to be strong just because I'm weak as shit, I will do my best to be there for you too. I love you."
"I know, thank you. I love you, too, but I'm fine."
~~~~~~~
Mmm... I'm so cosy, curled up in Daniel's nice warm bed, against his chest and wrapped in his arms. He smells so good. I snuggle into him but I can't feel his soft skin, so I reach out. My hand hits the seat back and immediately, I am brought back to the present, to the monotone hum of the aircraft engines. My stomach churns and I draw my knees to my chest with a quiet whimper. Oh god, how will this ever go away, it hurts so much.
"Ma'am, can I get you anything?" asks a stewardess, making me jump.
"Oh, um, could I have a cup of tea, please?"
"Of course, can I get you something to eat?"
Oh good god, no. "No thank you, just tea."
I sit up and cross my legs underneath me as the pretty stewardess returns with a steaming hot cup of tea. I put it down and pull a pack of face wipes and a mirror out of my bag to clean up the panda eyes that I'm no doubt sporting right now. I'm shocked at the face that looks back at me, I look like absolute and utter shit, nearly as bad as I feel.
The cool, refreshing wipe obviously does nothing to help my agonisingly knotted stomach, but at least I look a little better. I'll try to get back to sleep after my tea but I must remember to put some mascara on before we land; the rule still applies, no matter how crap I feel.
My tea pre-occupied me for all of four minutes, but as nothing other than sleep can stop me crying, I think I'll try and get a little more. The last thing I need, on top of this miserable, dull ache, is hideous jet lag.
I curl back up in the surprisingly comfortable bed, hug Daniel's jumper close to my chest and play with the pendants on my necklace. I let my mind wander to the first time Daniel and I met, on an aircraft the same as this. His beautifully handsome face took my breath away.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
MONDAY 24TH SEPTEMBER
"Oh Daniel, mmm..." I moan as Daniel tenderly kisses my neck, his hands caressing my breasts, his fingertips lightly squeezing my hardened nipples. Papers underneath me rustle as we move together, writhing in anticipation.
"Oh, baby, I love you so much," he says, as he eases himself into me, exquisitely slowly. He sweeps a pencil pot and some papers off the desk as he leans down to press his lips against mine.
"We need to pick up the pencils," I mumble, breathlessly against his lips as he thrusts into me, forcefully. It feels so good... but the pencils...
"It's ok, baby, let me make love to you."
"No, pencils first..."
"Shh, baby," he says as he rolls onto his back, taking me with him. The soft, white bed sheets below my knees are satin. I could have sworn we were on his desk, must be one of those desks that doubles as a bed. I ride him slowly, it's incredible, he's so deep and hard and with every rock I can feel myself getting closer and closer. I look down to find Daniel's beautiful eyes, but I can't see them, his face, a blur. I blink a few times to clear my vision but I still can't see him.
"Daniel,
I can't see you, I need to see you."
"I'm right here baby," he says as he clamps his big, warm hands on my waist and rocks me faster, back and forth against him.
I can feel him, I can smell him, but I can't see his darling face. I know, somehow, that if I pick up the pencils, I will be able to see him again.
"Daniel, I need to... oh yes..." I'm getting closer, the waves inside building stronger and stronger. "Oh, god, it's so good! I need to see your face!" I cry, desperately.
"Baby, look at me," he shouts, letting go of my waist to clutch my face and, suddenly, he comes into view. His delicious mouth, his unbelievable turquoise eyes, his chiseled jaw... god, he's so handsome.
"Oh, Daniel! Oh I love you so much, oh yes... oh..."
"Ride me, love me, baby, oh god, yes... yes!" Daniel shouts loudly as he comes hard and fast inside me and I immediately detonate around him silently, it's so strong and goes on and on and on. I look into his piercing eyes and he smiles at me, gorgeously. "I've got my beautiful girl. I love you."
~~~~~~~
"The pencils!" I shout loudly, waking myself with a jolt, the pulsating orgasm ripping through my body. Oh, wow....holy fuck. Hang on... am I... did I just...? I frown and rub my eyes, remembering clearly, the very odd but very pleasant dream I was having. I have definitely just come, I still feel the aftershocks. Christ, I hope I didn't make any noises.
Daniel's beautiful smile is the clearest part of the dream. I smile, thinking how he'd love to know, that not only did I dream about him, as he asked, but I had an orgasm doing so. What was with the weird desk-bed? And the pencils? Bizarre.
"Hey, sweetie, did you sleep well?" Tilly's head appears over my seat back.
"Hi, Til. Um... yes I did actually." I smile and frown, such an odd dream. "I had a sex dream and... you know..." I raise my eyebrows and rock my head from side to side by way of explanation.
"Oh my god, did you... you know?"
I nod and giggle and Tilly follows in surprise.
"That's hilarious! On an aeroplane!"
"I know! Shh!"
"I'm going to ask for something to eat, we need to pack up the beds for landing soon, the stewardess just told me."
