I see terror flash in her eyes before Abi lowers her head, defeated.
She walks Chaz and Pryce to the back gate and then goes to her room in the pool house slamming the door so hard that the noise reverberates loudly in the warm LA night.
19.
Shatter
Abi
EVA HAD A BLACK ARMANI dress delivered for me to wear for the memorial and the reception.
It looks more like a cocktail dress than something you'd wear at a funeral but I put it on without arguing.
Does it really matter what I wear?
Death is a really odd affair: you face it alone and everything else, all that's left doesn't matter anymore to the dearly departed.
The gut wrenching rest is for who’s left behind: the memorials, the headstones, the flowers.
For me this day is more about facing the end of my hopes that one day, somehow, she’d get better and she’d come home.
That one day I’d have a mom, that she’d listen to my hopes and dreams, to my secrets.
That she’d share my happy and sad moments.
That she’d be the one person in the world with whom I had a connection that could never be severed.
Now it’s all gone.
I’ll never have that and that little empty corner in my heart will never be filled.
I feel tears pressing at the side of my eyes but I deny myself that comfort.
Not until later, not until tonight.
I’m not gonna give my father the satisfaction to see me weak.
To him I’m this thing, this burden.
I’m to be controlled, managed not loved.
I’m not Aubrey.
That's what hurts the most: the love I saw in his eyes when he looked at her, the way his voice softened when he spoke to her or about her.
But I understand.
I’ve known Aubrey for three days and she's this sweet, bubbly, funny and slightly foul mouthed creature that you can't help but want to be around.
It's not her fault that our father doesn't want me.
And it's not her fault that he’s using her as a tool to control me.
That was genius, I have to give it to him: I’m eighteen, so he can't tell me who I can see or where I have to live.
I have a sizeable trust fund and a considerable amount of shares in RGS, so he can't cut me off financially.
Right now the only thing I want and that he can take from me is my sister.
And I saw the terrified look in Aubrey's eyes when he issued his threat to keep us apart.
I know I should've walked away from him once and for all but I couldn't lose the sister I just found, not even temporarily.
Not when I just lost my mom.
I spoke to Chaz and Pryce on the phone last night and told them not to try to show up at all today and cause a scene.
I’ll have Alex, Ayla and Aubrey there and I’ll somehow get through the day and then I’ll get Alex to drive me back to Chaz's after.
I asked Aubrey to go to the hotel for tonight, so that I can sneak out undetected once everything is over.
I’ve been also trying to call Reece but I keep getting his voice mail.
He’s been texting me as much as he can while he's on the campaign trail and I didn't tell him anything about what's going on by text, I know he’d be worried.
And I wish he were here, I really do.
Out of my boys, he’s the one who’s been through something similar and I know he’d understand how I feel.
I don't care anymore about what he did in the school cafeteria.
He was angry and he thought I’d betrayed him.
Sure that doesn't justify how harshly he lashed out but I actually understand his reaction, so since he's sorry, I’m ready to put it all behind us.
The funeral is as hard as I thought it would be and the press that crowds the church and the few approved journalists that follow us to the cemetery make it even harder.
My dad is taking advantage of this as a publicity event and I hear him refer to Mom as his ‘ex-wife’.
I guess he must be worried about what the press will say when he marries Eva in less than a month.
I go through the church service in a daze: Alex and Ayla each hold one of my hands giving me strength.
I was offered the opportunity to say a few words about Mom but I can't.
I can barely keep myself upright and control my tears.
I do however throw the first fistful of soil on Mom’s coffin: my dad doesn't get to do this.
He doesn't get the dramatic photos, that is why he’s even here in first place.
After the priest has done with the burial rites, Dad is surrounded by journalists and by a lot of people wanting to give him their condolences and I can't stomach it, so I step aside with my siblings and Ayla and this is when I see him.
Max is standing slightly behind the big group of people surrounding my father and Eva.
When our eyes meet, he approaches me.
I know that we haven't been exactly on the best of terms and that our truce and our decision to try and be friends is only recent. But when our eyes meet, something inside me thaws and when he opens his arms, I walk straight into them and let him hold me for a moment, taking comfort from his solid frame and inhaling his wintergreen and rainfall scent.
“What are you doing here?”
I whisper and he gives me a little smile, his brown eyes warm and devoid of the usual fight in them.
“Pryce and Chaz called me. They told me how they got their dumbasses banned from the day and asked me to come here to support you. So I’m here. For you.”
I inhale shakily, the fight to keep my tears at bay becomes harder but I try to keep myself together because I know that once the floodgates open, it’ll be like a tsunami.
“I thought you guys weren't really talking to each other and that they hated you.”
“It's complicated. Look, you're heading to the reception, right? Do you think your dad will have a problem if I drive you? And we can talk a little. If you want.”
Alex steps in and shakes Max’s hand.
“Don't worry, if you wanna go with him Abi, go. Take your time. I’ll tell Dad that Max is my guest if he even notices him.”
I thank my brother and Max and I walk quietly to his car.
We don't talk until he drives off and he stops atop a wide overlook on a hill, with a couple of food trucks parked there.
He runs to one of them while I look at the view of the ocean, letting the fresh air and the cold metal of the railing that secures the look point seep into my body.
Max walks back to me and hands me a cup with a straw.
“I heard that you like strawberry milkshakes and that food truck happens to make the best in town.”
I don't think I could eat anything, my stomach seems twisted in a burning knot right now but I taste the shake and I nod.
“You're right, this is delicious. But Max ... while I’m actually really happy to see you, what's going on with the guys? I thought things were still bad among you?”
He sighs and leans against the metal railing, his elbow touching mine.
“We still don't really talk and we aren't friends but I recently saw Reece. After that unfortunate moment you two had in the cafeteria. I knew he lashed out because he thought that you’d chosen me because of that stupid poll, so I set him straight that we’re just friends and while I was there ... I apologised about not believing them. I still don't know if I do Abi, but I took the first step in what I hope will at least be a cease fire. I think our relationship is too damaged for it to ever be repaired and I don't know if I want it to be repaired. If they did what I fear they did ... but I’m tired of hate. I guess we’ll never know what happened and we'll have to move forward taking responsibility for our own behaviour on that night.”
I open my mouth to talk but Max silences me by placing a finger on my lips.
“I know that you believe them and a huge part of me wants to too bu
t deep down I still don't. But I’m not here to talk about that. I’m here for you, Abi. Because they can't be and you need someone in your corner today. I’m here because I wasn't lying when I said that I wanna be friends and this is what friends do. They support each other.”
I take another deep breath and attempt a smile.
“And is this how you cheer your friends up? With milkshakes?”
Max flashes me one of his million dollar smiles and winks at me.
“Today, yes. Consider me your rally boy.”
My smile widens just a little.
“You wanna be careful. If this rumour gets around school, you'll get a reputation ...”
He lifts my face to make me look at him with a finger under my chin and then he smiles.
“Nah. I’m a scary enough motherfucker that they wouldn't dare. Go on, we have a reception to go to and then I’ll take you wherever you wanna go.”
His hand cups my jaw and his brown eyes have a soft light in them when they skim down my face and stop on my lips.
For one second I think that he's about to kiss me. And I wonder if I want him to. We’ve kissed before in that Seven Minutes in Heaven party game but this would be different.
It's not a game and I’m beginning to see a different side to Max than what he shows to the rest of the world and I don't hate him.
But I’ve no time to think about what kissing him would mean between us and between me and the other guys because the hesitation ends and his lips brush lightly against my temple.
“Come on. Let's get this shitty day over with.”
On the way home, I think that I’ll have to thank Pryce for calling Max.
I know for sure that it wasn't easy.
THE RECEPTION LOOKS more like a regular party than a funeral reception, if it weren't for a framed portrait of my mom at the entrance, you’d have no idea that this is a somber occasion.
I see a signing book on a table by the portrait: in lieu of flowers, my dad is asking for donations to a charity that helps drug addicts.
I know it seems quite obvious but I can't help thinking that this is a not so subtle way to remind everyone that we’re saying goodbye to an alcoholic and drug addict, not a loving wife and mother.
I find Alex and Ayla in the formal living room with Aubrey.
They all have plates from the buffet table and Max excuses himself to go get us some food.
Alex makes a similar observation to the one I did when I saw the signing book.
“I don't know any of the people in this room. I think they're all business contacts. Leave it to Dad to turn his wife's funeral into a business opportunity.”
We keep mostly to ourselves, settling down on the terrace outside and I appreciate how doting Max and Alex are, after Max brought me food, Alex gives me a glass of orange juice.
“Thank you.”
He whispers in my ear that it's a screwdriver.
“I thought that you could use something a bit stronger, sis.”
I don't drink anymore alcohol but after that drink and a couple of sodas, I definitely need to use the bathroom, so I excuse myself to go find one.
The one right outside the living room is occupied and so are the next two I try on the ground floor.
I can't really wait, this is now an urgent need, so I climb the stairs and have more luck with one of the bathrooms on the first floor.
I do my business, wash my hands and then decide that I’ve had enough of today. That I need to be with my boys, to be able to cry, if I can.
I text Reece again but notice that my last two messages haven't been read, so I sigh and walk down the corridor and towards the stairs.
The sound of muffled voices coming from a slightly cracked door attracts my attention when I think I hear a masculine voice say ‘Abilene’ so I stop, trying to listen in and using the door to hide behind.
It's my father's study and one of the voices I hear belongs to him.
The other one is a tall guy in an expensive looking suit with short grey hair.
Both men are holding tumbler glasses with an amber coloured liquid in them and are deep in conversation.
“So we're in agreement that you’ll give our proposal a much needed boost?”
My father is the one asking the question and the other man nods.
“Of course. I need to tread carefully though because this is a fifty billion dollar deal in just the first two years but I can't be seen playing obvious favourites.”
I keep the scoff I feel coming bottled up or they'll know that I’m here: of course the asshole wouldn't waste an opportunity to close a business deal, not even today.
But his next words are the ones that make the small hairs at the back of my neck stand up.
“And once our families are merged, you’ll partake in that fortune. To Abilene!”
My father raises the glass and the two men drink.
“Too bad that she's so young or I’d marry her. She's way too pretty for my son. He's a fucking useless loser. I even think he might be gay. He's never brought a girl home.”
My father's voice hardens and I can't see his face from my hiding spot behind the door but I can imagine the glacial stare he must be giving his business partner.
“Are you sure that this will work? If your boy doesn't like girls ...”
The other guy laughs.
“Don't worry about that. He’ll do as he's told. This deal will make us the richest men on the planet, easily. But it’ll work best if we can merge our companies and I won't sign mine over to you unless we’re family. What about Abilene? Surely a girl this pretty will have plenty of suitors?”
Now it's my dad's turn to laugh.
“I wouldn't worry about that! She's basically a nun. She lived in a convent until a few months ago. And all it will take to get her to do what I say, is the threat of not letting her see her little sister. That gives us eleven months, until Aubrey is eighteen and my threat won't have any weight any longer. Before then, I’ll find a way to have control of her and her shares in a different way. The best option would be if your boy managed to get her pregnant or made her fall for him so hard that she’d marry him straight after she graduates high school. There's a clause in my father's will that her RGS shares will revert back to me if Abilene gets married before the age of twenty five. The old man wanted to make sure that his granddaughter would go to college. That would make things easier for our merger and it wouldn't matter if their marriage broke up. And with her share, I’d have shareholder majority and wouldn't need to even talk to my son anymore. I hate that asshole!”
“You don’t seem to like your eldest kids too much ...”
Dad admits it openly but the reason is the one that hurts the most.
“Yeah. They remind me of their mother way too much. They look like her, especially Abilene. This is why I couldn't bear to have them around. They think I didn't care about their mother but she was the love of my life. However, Janet was a fragile creature and the responsibilities of motherhood destroyed her. Especially after she had Abilene. It was all too much. She took my wife away from me and she's her mother's spitting image. That’s why I hate her so much. But at least like this, I’ve found a way for her to make up for all the grief she caused by being born. Cheers.”
My eyes fill with tears and I run back downstairs to find Max.
“I need to go. Now!”
I grab his hand and start dragging him outside.
“Hey, Abi. What's wrong, darling? You haven't even said goodbye to Alex and Ayla. He's gonna leave soon ...”
“I’ll text him. I need to get out of here, now!”
MAX DRIVES ME TO CHAZ's house and I literally clam up, trying to retreat into my seat in his Tesla, hugging my knees to my chest and not uttering a word.
I’m spinning out of control, drowning in a sea of pain.
Today I lost both my parents. Not that I’ve ever had parents to begin with, just the idea of parents.
I used to wonder why I grew up with no
family and whenever I told myself that it wasn't possible that my dad hated me, I tried to find excuses for why I’d been sent to St. Mary's and forgotten about for most of my life.
But it turns out that it was true, that he really did hate me, more than I imagined in my worst nightmares.
And he wants to use me for his business. This is all I am to him at this point: a pawn.
My trust fund and my RGS shares are what sets me free from him and this web of hate and neglect that he's weaved around me my whole life.
I only have Alex and Aubrey as a family and my boys and Gabbie.
I know that if he discovered that I’m spending the night at Chaz's, he’d forbid me from seeing Aubrey but I’d find a way.
I’ll think about my sister tomorrow and we’ll agree on what to do.
I can't be without my boys and I won't go to that wedding, and help him get richer at the cost of my life and happiness.
But happiness is something I’ve never really known, for most of my life I’ve only felt loneliness and pain.
And pain is all I feel right now, it's like those circles that propagate in the water when you throw a stone.
It all started with the idea of losing Mom and then every single event in the last few days made things worse, added one more circle and then one more until the ripple effect is so widespread that I’m starting to doubt that I’ll ever feel anything else.
Max stops in Chaz's driveway: I know that Pryce was going to some kind of sports event with his dad, so Chaz is home alone.
“Abi, are you all right? Did something happen? You look upset ...”
I take his hand into mine and make one last ditch effort to keep those tears from falling.
If I cry in front of him now, he’ll never let me leave his car and I know what I need to do to feel whole again.
“Max, I’ll be all right. It's been a hard day today and I can't tell you how much you being here has meant to me. Can I call you tomorrow? I just need to get some sleep and I’m sure that the morning will bring some relief.”
Beverly Hills Prep Academy The Complete Boxset : A Light Bully Romance Page 53
