Max lifts our joined hands and brings my knuckles to his lips.
“Ok. Have a good night and we’ll speak tomorrow ... rally girl.”
I exit his car and run into the house: everything is quiet and the whole house is shrouded in darkness.
I know Chaz is home because his car’s in the driveway.
I leave my high heeled shoes in the living room and climb the stairs to the first floor.
There's no light coming from under Chaz's door, so he must be asleep.
I open the door and quietly slip into the room, letting my eyes adjust to the darkness around me.
It's not pitch black: the full length window that lets out onto the balcony is open and the moonlight filters into the room through the gauzy white curtains that are billowing in the light sea breeze that keeps this fall night from being suffocatingly warm.
I see Chaz’s form lying on the bed, his even breathing tells me that he’s asleep.
I need him by my side, I need the comfort that only he can provide.
So I slide my black silky dress off my shoulders, letting it pool on the floor, around my ankles.
I take my underwear off and move the light comforter to slide into bed next to Chaz.
My boyfriend is lying on one side and I surround his waist from behind with my arms, feeling his warmth and the hard muscles of his stomach.
My hand moves slowly down to his crotch, finding him hard and rubbing my hand up and down his length.
It's amazing how boys get hard when they sleep, I find it fascinating and a little strange.
At first he doesn't wake up but he moans softly in his sleep, until I hug myself to him tighter and my naked breasts touch the smooth skin of his back.
“Abi?”
His voice is low, still shrouded in sleep but even like this, it sounds soft and sweet like his scent of honey and spice.
“Are you all right, angel?”
“I don't wanna talk, Chaz. I just wanna be with you. I need you.”
He turns to face me and takes my lips in a sweet kiss but I don't want sweet, I can't handle sweet tonight.
I need to feel like I belong to someone, I need to feel wanted and needed and I need to feel pain.
Physical pain to match the pain I feel inside, all the way into my soul.
One will wash away the other until I feel numb and my mind will be able to rest.
So I take control of the kiss, increasing the pressure and the pace, crushing my lips onto his in a bruising kiss, using my teeth to bite him, to make him feel my need.
He kisses me back hotly and when I grab both his hands and I place them on my breasts, he squeezes my flesh and I beg him to do it harder.
Our fronts are touching and I feel him getting harder with each kiss and each touch.
I don't want to drag this out, I need him now so I manoeuvre to turn us so that he's on top of me.
He’s impossibly hard and aligned against my opening but when I push my hips towards him and his tip touches the soft skin at my entrance, he obviously finds resistance even though I’m wet.
He hesitates for a second.
“Abi, are we safe?”
My breathing is so fast both because of the turmoil I feel inside and because my body has always responded to Chaz with the utmost excitement.
“We are.”
“Angel, let’s slow down, I can ...”
“Chaz, I need you now.”
He doesn't make me ask again and he thrust into me, breaking through the physical barrier that seems to be so important to so many people but always felt like a burden to me.
And it hurts.
It hurts like hell because Chaz is big and because I met his movement by raising my hips, so he didn't enter me gradually.
But that's what I want, I don't want gentle, I couldn't handle it tonight.
So I don't want him to let me adjust to his invasion, I spur him on to take me hard and fast as if with every thrust, with every jolt of pain, my emotions were washed away, cleansed and then discarded.
Because this I’m choosing.
I didn't choose most things in my life but this moment is mine and no one else’s.
“Harder, fuck me harder ...”
I breathe against the skin of his shoulder and he moans into my hair, going deeper, lifting one of my legs high against his hip, making me feel as if I was being ripped in two.
“Abi, it's too fast. Stop moving. If you don't stop, I won't last ...”
“Harder, Chaz. Please ...”
He gives me what I demand and I relish every single thrust, hard and punishing until I feel him throb inside me and gushes of warm, wet fluid tell me that this is over.
Then I finally kiss him softly, running my hands all over his back to soothe the scratch marks I left there just moments ago.
Chaz looks a bit confused and not every trace of sleepiness is gone from his eyes.
“I love you. Go back to sleep. I’ll clean up and I’ll be right back.”
He brushes a sweaty strand of my hair away from my forehead and I see that his eyes are already closing, succumbing to the sleep I interrupted.
When I get back onto my feet, my knees almost give in.
I feel sore and all of my lower belly is throbbing with a dull ache.
I clean myself with a wet cloth and don't look into the mirror: I feel ashamed of the way I used Chaz tonight.
I’ve been feeling ready to make love to him or Pryce for a couple of weeks now but what I made him do tonight had very little to do with love.
If he’d known that this was my first time, he’d never have taken me the way I made him.
He’d have made it special, he’d have given me pleasure.
I know that he would've never given me pain, not even if I asked.
I guess he assumed that I did it with Pryce and I used that misconception to take control of my own life.
I love who I want, I fuck who I want.
And if that happens to be a former pop star, a known bad boy that Daddy disapproves of, it's my choice, not my father's.
And I had chosen Chaz, Pryce, and Reece even before I learned about my dad's plan to use me as a business asset.
Let’s see how valuable an asset I am when his business partner learns about my reputation.
I cross the room and Chaz is sleeping soundly: I place a soft, light kiss on his forehead and after putting on one of his shirts, I walk out to the beach to calm down enough that I’ll be able to get back into bed and fall asleep.
I’ll make it up to Chaz, I swear.
I love him with all my heart, the same way I love Pryce and ...
“Reece!”
I call out to the tall figure that I see advancing towards me with his blonde hair glowing like a halo in the moonlight.
He takes me into his arms when he reaches me.
“Baby! I’ve called you thirty times in the last hour to tell you that I was back.”
“My phone just died when I got here, sorry.”
“No, baby. I’m sorry. About the way I behaved, about not believing you, about your mom and that I wasn't here for you today ... I’m so sorry. Please, forgive me.”
20.
Strategy
Reece
WHEN SHE RUNS INTO my arms, my heart starts making happy leaps.
I’ve been trying to call her from the airport, I can't believe I couldn't be here for her on such a sad day.
I see it in her eyes that she's in pain and it kills me that I contributed to give her that by not believing her and by being an asshole to her this whole time.
I’ve been a fucking bully and what I thought she'd done isn't much of a justification.
I should've protected my heart without playing with hers.
So I ask her to forgive me, holding her in my arms and drying her tears with my thumb at first and then with my lips.
“Please, forgive me ...”
I keep whispering, hoping that if I keep asking her, she'll say yes.
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But I’m ready to atone for not trusting her, regardless if she wants me as a boyfriend.
If she felt that she couldn't trust me now, I’d have to accept it.
But Abi has a big loving heart, even when I thought that she was lying to me, I noticed it in every thing she does, in how she treats other people.
“Yes I forgive you, Reece.”
I hug her tighter and ask her out again.
“Baby, before I decided to be a complete fucking douche, you agreed to go on a date with me. Is there any chance that we could ...”
She smiles but it doesn't quite reach her eyes.
“Yes, I’ll go on a date with you.”
“Look, my dad has political events going on every Saturday this month and on Friday nights we have the last three games of the playoffs, with a potential final for state championship right before Thanksgiving, so I’ll be swamped. Of course we’ll hang out every day but I want to make our first date special. So, since Chaz and Pryce will both be away for Thanksgiving during the day, what do you say we spend it together and make it a day long date?”
She nods.
“My father and Eva are getting married that day and there's no way in hell I’m going. So yeah, it's a date.”
And then I kiss her.
Her lips are soft and wet and salty because of all the tears she's been crying and when I brush my lips on hers, I try to be gentle and make her feel how much I care about her.
When I tease the seam of her lips with my tongue, she opens her mouth to my kiss and this is different from the only other brief kiss we’ve shared before, during the earthquake.
That night her lips were hesitant, I didn't know that was her first kiss.
Now she responds to my kiss with everything she has, exploring me as much as I explore her.
We kiss each other breathless, until our lips are bruised and swollen.
I feel my heart explode with everything I’ve been keeping in when I was being guarded because I didn't trust her.
I wanna tell her that I’m in love with her and that's why I was being such an asshole.
Because I hated myself for feeling this way about someone I thought was using me.
But I don't say any of it: this isn't the right time.
Right now she needs me and this is about her, not me.
“What were you doing by yourself on the beach, baby?”
She looks away for a second, suddenly uncomfortable.
“I couldn't sleep and I didn't wanna keep Chaz up. But now I feel so tired.”
I smile at how cute she looks when she yawns and I realise that I’m absolutely exhausted too.
Being on the campaign trail with my dad was physically and mentally draining, especially because I was thinking about Abi the whole time, about how I needed to say sorry and make things right between us.
“I could definitely do with some sleep. Especially with a certain pretty girl in my arms ...”
She smiles, running her hand down my cheekbone and cupping my jaw.
“Reece, don’t take this the wrong way but Chaz fell asleep with me by his side and ...”
“If you don't wanna sleep next to me, I get it. But Chaz's bed’s big enough for the three of us. And I know he won't mind if I join you guys. And I’m not trying to take advantage of the situation, for that there's always time.”
I say the last part with a teasing glint in my eyes, trying to make her smile a little and she does, nodding her head.
“Ok, then. I really want you both by my side tonight.”
She takes a step towards the house but I scoop her up in my arms and carry her up the staircase that brings us up to the house.
Chaz doesn't wake up when we get into bed and Abi scoots next to him.
We fall asleep almost instantly and while I hug Abi's waist, I feel Chaz's arm settle right under mine and my last conscious thought before drifting away to sleep is that this feels right.
Chaz
WHEN I OPEN MY EYES, she's there by my side, her long blonde hair fanned around her head on the same pillow I’m using.
Reece is in bed with us too and we're both hugging Abi's waist.
‘So this must mean that Abi forgave him.’
I think with a sense of relief.
I know that Reece needs her as much as I do, so I’m happy that they worked out their differences.
They must've been up late talking because they're sleeping soundly, so I slip out of bed as quietly as I can, grab my notepad and go sit outside on the balcony, tipping my face up to enjoy the morning sun.
As soon as I close my eyes, images of last night start playing behind my eyelids, vivid as if I were just seeing them right now.
I was with Abi.
We had sex and it was completely different than how I’d have imagined it.
I know that she already did it with Pryce and I’m not mad that I wasn't her first, it really didn't matter to me which one of us she'd choose for that.
I know that she loves me as much as she does my brothers, so that's all that mattered to me.
But the way she was last night was totally different than the other times we’ve been intimate.
Maybe I shouldn't have had sex with her, knowing that she was coming from her mom's memorial.
I’ve gotta admit that the reason why I went through with it is both selfish and considerate towards my angel.
Of course I wanted her, I’ve wanted her since I laid eyes on her at Lissa's party.
And I hadn't got laid in months because after I started having feelings for Emily, before she chose, I couldn't bring myself to hookup with any random chicks.
So there was all that but also I saw something in her eyes, she wanted it and she needed me that way last night and if I’d said no out of concern for her emotions, it could've gone down the wrong way.
She was so beautiful and hot and way more aggressive than I expected.
I tried to slow down, to make sure that I took care of her but she wanted to be fucked hard and I’m a little ashamed to admit that she was so tight and she felt so good that when she begged me, I completely lost it.
I was rough and I know it didn't last long, she couldn't have possibly got much out of it.
I think I owe Abi some real love making, I need to be with her the way I imagined, kissing her everywhere and taking care of her.
Only the thought of being with her again causes my body to wake up and I feel a stirring in my shorts.
My mind keeps going to that tight heat, to the softness of her body and the savage way her nails raked my back every time I plunged deep inside of her.
My emotions are all over the place, I feel excited, worried and guilty at the same time.
But one thing is for sure: I love Abi with all my heart and there's nothing I wouldn't do to see her happy.
So I open my notepad and read the verses I wrote before.
The look in her eyes
The dream that she is
When I see her smile
She makes me believe
The touch of her skin
The kiss of her lips
The tease in her sway
The way that she quips
Her beautiful soul
Her big loving heart
Not even my flaws
Will keep us apart
She loves like she lives
She doesn’t hold back
Her innocent kiss
I’ll never forget
My pen flies on the paper and I write:
I pray all the gods
The ones from above
That she chooses me
And gives me her love
She makes me feel whole
When she calls my name
Her beautiful love
Erases my shame
Stay always with me
I swear I won’t lie
I love you too much
Without you I’ll die
I snap the notepad shut and close my eyes inhaling
deeply: I’ve written a song.
It just needs a hook but it's a song.
I hadn't written anything since the car accident that ended my career.
I know I’ll never play the guitar again, not like I used to.
I could've kept singing but the truth is that the pop star life was destroying my soul.
But what if I could write?
I can still play enough to work out the music to these words.
I don't know if I want the world to ever hear this song because right now it's so intimate, it’s for her.
I definitely wanna sing it to my angel and then maybe, one day I’ll be ready for others to hear it.
Abi
“HE SAID WHAT?”
Aubrey is horrified when I tell her about the conversation I overheard in Dad's office.
She takes my hand and her blue eyes darken when she comes to a bitter conclusion.
“If you’d told me something like this a month ago, I’d have called you a liar. But after he lied to us for seventeen years, keeping us apart and I heard the way he spoke to you and Alex the other day, nothing seems too much for that man. I’m so sorry, Abi. You don't deserve any of it.”
I appreciate her sentiment but this doesn't solve our problem.
“He put me between a rock and a hard place. If I go to that wedding, I’ll have to fend off the attentions of a slimy, self-entitled asshole who doesn't have a problem potentially marrying someone he doesn't even know for money ...”
Aubrey shrugs.
“Unless he’s really gay like his father thinks. Then maybe he won't be interested in marrying you.”
“Maybe. But honey it's either I go to that wedding and act like Dad’s prized mare or I stick to my guns, tell him to go fuck himself and his multi billion dollar deals but we don't get to see each other for almost a year, until you turn eighteen. However we look at it, it's an impossible choice.”
“Unless ...”
I haven't known Aubrey for too long but I know that the look on her face means that she's got an idea.
“Unless what?”
“What if we caused such a scene at the wedding that his business partner wouldn't find either of us a suitable match for his son?”
I shrug.
Beverly Hills Prep Academy The Complete Boxset : A Light Bully Romance Page 54
