Dangerous Redemption: A Single Parent Forbidden Romance Novel (Paths To Love Book 4)

by Grahame Claire

  “You carry so much guilt. Everything you've done has left a mark on your soul. You've always had a tender heart.” Her palm flattened on my chest. “I love you, and it's time you stop beating yourself up over things that weren't your fault.”

  “What about the things that are?”

  Her lip quivered, and her eyes glistened. “You did what you had to do, and I know it was all for me, no matter what you say about the greater good. Let me bear the responsibility.”

  “No,” I said, clutching her arms. “You are innocent of everything. Do you hear me?” She nodded, though there was lingering guilt behind her eyes. I refused to let my sister suffer anymore. “Does it hurt you for me to be here?” I held my breath, everything in my world hinging on the answer to the question.

  “It would hurt far worse if you weren't here.”

  “Thank you for last night. For understanding.”

  “If anyone knows what it's like to have him torment every thought, every second, it's me. Even after all these years, he's always there, no matter how I try to get rid of him. But it's getting better. I can go for hours now without thinking about what a horror he was. On my honeymoon, I went an entire day without giving him one minute of my attention. Stone has helped me so much more than he realizes. I thought I couldn't ever love a man, that our father had stolen that from me, but I was wrong. Loving Stone fixes parts of me I swore were permanently damaged. Now that you're here, we can help each other heal.”

  My eyes stung as I tried to keep myself composed. “You have the strength of a thousand warriors.”

  “So do you. We can’t let him lead our minds to destruction because that’s what he wants. Don’t you see? And we can’t give him that, right, el hermano?”

  Our eyes met in the mirror. I placed my hands on her shoulders and dared to look into the depths that plagued me. It was difficult not to look away, but I faced him, and this time, I saw myself and something I hadn’t dared wish for before: hope.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Carlos

  I rang the bell and waited impatiently.

  Showing up without invitation or announcement might not have been my best move, but the answer would have been a definite no if I’d asked. The events of last night were still too fresh. Too real. I needed a distraction.

  Gabriel threw open the door, and Holly was right behind him.

  “Hey, Gabriel,” I said. But when I saw Holly in painted-on jeans and an emerald, slinky top that dipped modestly, I was mesmerized.

  “Hey, Mr. Carlos.” I blinked and realized he’d been watching me look at his mom.

  “Your mother looks beautiful,” I said when she was close enough for me to bend and kiss her cheek. It warmed, the flush I was growing to crave tinting her delicate skin.

  “Thank you.”

  “Whatcha got?” Gabriel asked.

  My arms were loaded with bags, and I waggled my eyebrows at him, eliciting a giggle. “These are for your mom.” I presented a bouquet of red Peruvian lilies to Holly. They’d reminded me of her blush, and it made another appearance now.

  “Thank you,” she said, accepting them as if they were precious. “Aren't they pretty, Gabriel?”

  He nodded. “Red is my favorite color.”

  “Mine too,” I said, reaching into another bag. “And this is for you.” I pulled out a stuffed cowboy toy that was a pretty close twin to the Lego one he'd given me. I'd seen it in a store window and couldn't resist, especially since it was holding a puppy in its arms. A chocolate lab.

  “He's got a dog!”

  Holly shot me a cautionary look, but it wasn't nearly as lethal as some of the others she'd given me. Her face softened when Gabriel clutched the toy.

  “I'm not handing over dinner until you invite me in.”

  “We've gotten everything we want from you. Good night.” The door slammed in my face, only to reopen to the two of them in a fit of giggles.

  “Think you're funny, do you?” They moved aside, and I stepped across the threshold, making myself at home by heading straight for the kitchen. The floor plan of the apartment was open with one massive living, dining, and kitchen area. While it wasn’t as large as my sister’s, I liked the arrangement.

  “What's in those bags?” Once the food was on the counter, I picked him up and set him next to it.

  “Why don't you see for yourself?” My sister had been thrilled to find me out of bed and acting like a halfway normal human being, so she was more than willing to give up that Gabriel’s favorite food was Mexican—cheese quesadillas to be exact. I can’t lose it again. I need to be more in control. I hadn’t seen Stone since the incident, thank Christ, as I had no idea what he’d have to say. Probably kick me out of their home in fear I’d endanger his wife. It had felt so real, though. The sight of him. The sound of his voice. I had no idea what I was going to do, but if it happened again . . . no. It can’t happen again. He was dead. The motherfucker was dead and wouldn’t ever be a threat again. I had to believe that or I’d be a danger to everyone.

  “Chips!” he exclaimed, pulling out a clear plastic bag. He fumbled with the next container he retrieved, and I caught it before the contents went everywhere.

  “Where would you like to eat?” I asked Holly, who was resting her hip against the counter and taking in Gabriel and me as we unpacked our dinner.

  “The table,” she answered with a hint of sass. She straightened, her nipples tightening until they were visible against the fabric of her shirt. I let my eyes drop for only a second, so she'd know I saw her physical reaction to me. She busied herself, getting plates out of the cabinet without another word. She seemed more open to the idea of me spending time with them, infinitely more so than before. What had changed her mind?

  I peeked inside the bag Gabriel had been unloading. “Clear.”

  He cocked his head. “What's that mean?” I tilted the sack toward him, and he peered inside. “It's empty.”

  “So it's clear,” I said, and his eyes lit with understanding. “Usually it refers to a room. Like if your mom thought there was somebody in her bedroom, I checked it out and didn't find anyone, I'd say 'clear.'”

  Tossing the empty bag aside, I moved the other one within his reach, and Gabriel immediately dug inside. Four Styrofoam containers later, and he shouted, “Clear.” I grinned and we high-fived.

  “Let's see what we have,” Holly said, taking over.

  “Are we moving too slow for you?” I asked, my hands automatically going to her hips and tugging her against me.

  She glanced at me over her shoulder. “Something like that.”

  I kissed her hair, and her fingers slipped from the tab on the Styrofoam container. “Show us how it's done then.”

  In minutes, she had our feast of fajitas, quesadillas, and tacos on the table. Gabriel said grace, and my hand went into my pocket to finger Mama's rosary. The second he finished, he dived for the cheese dip, and a glob of it landed on the wood table. I wiped it up.

  “I love cheese dip,” Gabriel said, and I had this odd sense of pleasure. I wanted to make this kid happy, even if it was through food. His new cowboy was sitting in the chair right beside him, which penetrated through my stone of a heart. I’d been isolated for so long, but these two were showing me maybe my soul needed some goodness, that they could see me through the tragedies I’d faced.

  Holly caught me taking that in, but her expression was impossible to read. I picked up a taco shell and scooped ground beef into it, then garnished that with lettuce, tomato, and cheese. “Anything else?” I asked, and she appeared startled. My hand hovered over the dish of sour cream, and she shook her head.

  “No sour cream.” I filed that nugget away and put the taco on her plate. “Thank you.”

  I served Gabriel and then myself.

  “Are you going to stay?” he asked, and I nearly choked at his directness. “I heard Miss Muriella tell Miss Ruby you weren't going back to Nic-Nica—”

  “Nicaragua,” I finished. He sounded it
out a few times until he could say the world perfectly. “That's right. I’m staying in New York.” I looked at Holly as I spoke, gauging her reaction. She'd closed off some since dinner started, and that frustrated me.

  “How did you learn to speak English so perfectly?” Holly asked, suspicion in every syllable.

  “My father made me learn. He was obsessed with American celebrities. I had a live-in tutor from the States who taught me not only the language but also the culture. My father felt it was good for business.” I couldn't speak of him without the bitterness creeping in, and I immediately regretted mentioning anything about our livelihood. His livelihood, not mine.

  She latched right onto it. “What do you do?” As in present tense. I could answer that without shame.

  “I'm currently having a parcel of land cleared to grow quinoa. We're in the beginning phases, but the labor is already in place. Once we begin producing, the money will be used to provide housing for the people of my country.” I'd already experimented with it in other places, and the crop was profitable. This was a way to give back to all those my father had stolen from. I wanted to eliminate the other cartels and eradicate the drugs, but I wasn't naïve. There was simply no way to stop it. While I'd cut off supplies to the best of my ability, eventually someone would find their way around it.

  “So you'll be an absentee farmer?”

  “Something like that. For now, it's best I stay away.”

  Her brow furrowed and smoothed so quickly, I almost missed it. “Meaning one day, you'll return.”

  “Never permanently.” She appeared satisfied by that response. “You can never go home.” That seemed to resonate, her eyes alight with perfect understanding. I wanted to know why she couldn't either.

  “Why?” Gabriel asked, alarmed. “I never want to leave home.” I flashed Holly an apologetic look. I was going to have to choose my words more carefully.

  “Baby, you never have to.” He relaxed, and she took his hand. “What have I told you?”

  “As long as we're together, we're home.”

  “That's right.”

  “Could Mr. Carlos be home with us since he can't go back to his?” he asked hopefully. If Gabriel kept this up, he might unearth the heart I thought had disappeared when I sent my sister away.

  I could have swooped in and saved Holly from having to answer the question, but I was curious as to what she had to say, so I remained silent.

  “I’m sure Mr. Carlos still has to decide where he’ll settle. He’s only just moved to New York.” She looked at me with a plea to agree with her, and it made me think of how she’d said he gets attached to people easily. I swallowed down the hope I’d felt momentarily and followed her lead.

  “Your mom is right. And don’t forget my sister, Muriella. Can you imagine her sad face if I left her?” I threw in a poor me pout, and Gabriel laughed. Even Holly’s face brightened. I popped a chip in my mouth, swallowed, then asked, “How long have you worked for Mulaney?”

  The light on her face dimmed. “About six years.”

  “Did you know the Jacobs before you started the job?” She seemed comfortable around them from what I’d witnessed.

  “No.”

  Her tense, clipped answers disturbed me on two levels. I didn’t particularly care to see her in distress, and I didn’t like her shutting me out. For some reason, I wanted to know everything about her.

  “You’ve known Miss Jacobs my whole life,” Gabriel chimed in.

  Her features softened when she looked at him. “Since you were in my tummy.”

  He cocked his head and stared at her stomach almost as if he couldn’t believe he’d ever been in there. I wondered what was going through his curious mind.

  Instead of asking, I tried to piece together a timeline. “Was this your first job out of university?”

  “I didn’t go to college,” she snapped. I wanted to curse for very obviously insulting her when I hadn’t meant to. But before I had the chance to apologize, she continued, “I’d just gotten a job at a high-end boutique for the holidays. Miss Jacobs likes things . . .” She paused as if searching for what to say. “Just so,” she finally settled on. “After an hour of attending to her, she pretty much told me I was her new assistant. I left the store with her and haven’t looked back.”

  Damn. “That was a huge leap of faith.”

  “It was meant to be.”

  We finished dinner, feasted on churros for dessert, then cleared the dishes.

  “I want to show you something, Gabriel,” I said, drying my hands on a dish towel. “Do you have a jacket?”

  “Yeah—”

  “Gabriel,” Holly warned.

  “Sorry, Mama. Yes, sir.”

  “Thank you,” she said. “It's hanging in the closet by the front door.”

  * * *

  The three of us put on jackets and went to the elevator lobby. I instructed Gabriel to press the up button. Inside the elevator car, I pushed the top button.

  We exited on Daniel and Vivian's floor, and I led them to the stairwell, motioning for Holly to go up first. I held Gabriel’s hand as we ascended the stairs.

  My sister had strung vintage lights around the roof’s perimeter, and I'd made sure they were on before going to Holly's for dinner.

  She looked at me in disbelief. “Did you do this?”

  “I wish I could take credit, but Muriella and Vivian are responsible.”

  Gabriel went straight for the big round chair bed and climbed on it. There were chaise lounges, a sectional sofa, and regular chairs. I couldn't wait until it got warmer. I really wasn’t used to this type of cold. But as I looked at Gabriel and saw the joy and innocence in his expression, I wondered what this space was to him. Was he used to this? At dinner, he told me they’d just moved from Houston, which wasn’t cold like this. That was a familiar feeling. Would he want to come up here and play when it was warmer? It made me think of my backyard before Mama died. The fun Camila . . . Muriella and I had on our swing set. Maybe Muriella could get Gabriel a swing set to play on. Maybe I could be here and push him and hear his laughter.

  “Amazing, isn't it?” I wanted to wrap my arms around Holly, but I wasn’t sure if she’d allow that. Yet.

  “It's fantastic.”

  “There's grass,” Gabriel observed, wonder in his voice. “How does it grow?”

  “We'll ask Muriella,” I said as he wandered toward us. I picked him up so he could see over the edge of the building.

  “There's the Empire State Building, Gabriel.” She pointed at the landmark. “It's the one lit up in red, white, and blue.”

  “Miss Muriella said we could go sometime.”

  “I'll take you,” I volunteered. “I've never been either.” Holly tensed, but I bumped her hip in reassurance. I wasn't some fucker who was going to disappear once I got what I wanted.

  “You don't have to—”

  I shushed her with a finger against her lips. I didn't like the uncertainty I saw in her eyes. “You cold, Beauty?” She nodded. “Let's get back inside.”

  * * *

  When we returned to her apartment, she put a sleepy Gabriel to bed, then joined me in the living room. After sitting on one end of the sectional sofa, I tugged her down beside me. It was too familiar. Too intimate. Too soon. And I didn't give a fuck. It was what I wanted, and damn if I wasn't going to do as I pleased until she told me otherwise.

  Holly twisted to face me, folding one leg on the sofa with her shin against my thigh. “You're making a lot of promises.”

  “Ones I'm going to keep.”

  “I'm not just talking about going sightseeing. This—tonight—it would be so easy for Gabriel to get used to that.” Guilt flashed across her face.

  “What about you? Could you get used to it?”

  “Yes, but I know nothing about you, and I don't take risks when it comes to my son. He's such a gift.”

  I reached for her hands, twining our fingers together. “I won't lie, Beauty. I don't know anything ab
out children and even less about relationships, but I do know when I'm with the two of you, something in here”—I pointed at my chest—“feels alive. I've been a dead man walking for a very long time.”

  “My experiences with relationships aren't very good either,” she confessed, and I immediately had the urge to severely punish whoever had hurt her.

  I brushed her cheek with my knuckles, our hands still joined. It helped to quiet the demons that threatened to take over. “I'm going to do everything in my power to change that.”

  She wanted to believe me, but life had made her wary. “Tell me why you're here. In New York, I mean. Because I don't think you’re being completely honest.”

  “To get my sister back. I think she might be my only hope.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Holly

  “How did you lose her to begin with?”

  He drew in a long breath. “I lost her by circumstance.”

  I’d expected him to evade my questions, but Carlos surprised me. There was an air of vulnerability about him that made me want to hold him and stopped me from pressing further. I didn't need anyone to take care of me, but when he was around, I felt like I could relax a little. I didn't have to constantly look over my shoulder or worry about Gabriel. Where I came from, when someone did you a favor, you owed them, and they would get paid. It was hard for me to grasp anyone doing something out of the kindness of their heart. Everybody wanted something, but Mulaney, and all the people she'd introduced me to in the past few days, didn't seem to. They'd all been so nice, treating Gabriel like a little prince. My experience with men was that they always walked away. Carlos would be no different. I could take it, but Gabriel didn't deserve that kind of heartbreak.

  There was another side to the coin. The game of what-if. What if he was different? What if I could finally fill the void in my son's life? It wasn't so bad while he was little, but eventually, he'd need a man to teach him the things I couldn't. I hadn't realized how hungry we both were for that missing person. Needs I'd ignored for too long had resurfaced with a vengeance. Gabriel had latched on to Carlos because he needed to be around a man. Just be one of the guys. Even at a young age, it was ingrained in him. Women needed girl time. Men needed guy time. And children needed both.