I couldn’t stop staring as he spoke low on the phone near the windows with his back to us. The call didn’t last long.
His expression was unreadable when he turned around. Oh, no. They’d found Jason, and he was dead. You don’t know that. Stop expecting the worst.
“Have you ever played checkers, son?”
My brain tripped over the first time I could remember anyone calling Gabriel son. It was just a term to most people, but to me, it held weight. I didn’t mind Donato calling him that, but I only wished he meant it in a grandfatherly way.
“No, sir.”
“Do you have a set?” Those hawk eyes landed on me. He was intimidating, yet there was something about him that was trustworthy.
“I don’t think so,” I said.
“Then we’ll play next time.” The promise didn’t seem to be made lightly.
“Who wants dessert?” Valentina rose and pushed her chair under the table.
“Me,” Gabriel shouted.
“Me too,” Carlos agreed.
They took off for the kitchen, leaving Donato and me out of earshot.
“He escaped from the yard. Someone dressed as a guard released him. They left in a vehicle found abandoned about five miles away. For all practical purposes, he’s vanished.” Donato slipped his phone back into his pants pockets. “Do you have any idea where he might go?”
I lifted and lowered my shoulders. Jason was practically a stranger. I didn’t particularly want to know where and who he hung out with.
“We’re not close anymore.” I glanced at Gabriel, and that was all I needed to say.
He nodded once. “He will be found.”
I wrapped my arms around my middle. “But will he be dead or alive?”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Carlos
“There’s been no sign of him.”
Twenty-four hours of nothing. About Jason. About Eduardo. The silence was driving me mad, but Holly and I had been getting through it as best we could.
“It’s not that difficult to disappear when you want to.” Muriella rocked on the porch I recognized as Miss Ruby’s house. If anyone understood the truth of those words, she did.
Another apology was on my tongue for the turmoil I’d put her through, but she silenced me with a look.
“When will you return home?” I’d come to New York to spend time with my sister. We video chatted every day, but it wasn’t the same as in person. While I preferred she were here, the Jacobs family needed her.
“Soon. Miss Ruby is much better.”
“I’m happy to hear that.”
She took a sip of water. “How is everything with Holly? You’ve been clammy when we’ve spoken.”
“Clammy?” I shifted on my barstool.
“Yes. As in not very forthcoming with information.”
“I need advice.” If Muriella wanted me to open up, then that was what I’d do, no matter how out of my comfort zone it put me.
She looked at me like I'd grown two heads. “O-kay.” She dragged out the word as if she hadn’t expected me to concede so easily.
“I want to stay in the city.” She lit up at my revelation. Fuck. What if I couldn’t? What if I had to run? I didn’t want to get her hopes up.
Her face fell. “Then what’s the problem?”
“I might not be able to.” Worry lines creased around her eyes, and I was desperate to put a smile back on her face. “If I could . . .” I drummed my fingers on the island, searching for the right words. “You need to have time with your husband without either of your siblings crowding you. I've briefly discussed purchasing an apartment here in the building with Daniel—”
“Why haven't you said anything?” she interrupted, appearing a little hurt.
“We just spoke about it last night,” I justified, and Muriella looked placated. “But there are two other people to consider. It's fast, and if I even thought about bringing up moving in with Holly, she wouldn’t take it well. I know how I feel, and I know what I want. I'll do whatever she wants to make that happen.”
“You should stay with us until you and Holly and Gabriel spend more time together. You're going to have to be patient so she can warm to the idea of you being a permanent fixture in their lives. You've seen for yourself that she doesn't take risks when it comes to her son.” She held up her hands when I opened my mouth to object. “I know you mean well, but you've just started your life over. I'm not saying not to date her, but you need to tread carefully.”
“I keep telling myself everything you're saying, but I can't see my life without them. Not now. Not twenty years from now. Not ever.” I absently spun the glass of water in my hands. “I'm not good enough for her, but maybe someday I can be.”
“You are good enough for her. All I'm saying is to have a little patience.”
“Her brother and parents are drug addicts,” I blurted. These were Holly's secrets to tell, but I trusted my sister to keep them. Guilt over her family was eating at me, and I needed to get it out to someone.
Understanding washed over Muriella's features. “You aren't responsible,” she said quietly.
“Not directly, but . . .” I was unable to finish the sentence. “You're too quick to forgive me. I'm grateful, but that doesn't mean you should.”
“Hush. I won't hear another word.” She leveled me with a stare. “It doesn't really matter whether I've forgiven you when you haven't forgiven yourself.”
“That's asking the impossible.”
“Then how do you expect to be a father to Gabriel or a husband to Holly? A man she can depend on?” My eyes widened at hearing her put me in those two roles. “Oh, don't look at me like that. Isn't that what you're telling me you want?”
“It is exactly what I want.” Saying that out loud made me feel like a burden I hadn't known I was carrying lifted. “I love them, Muriella. How do you fall in love with two people so quickly?” I asked, bewildered.
“The heart knows what it wants.”
“How am I supposed to tell Holly about my past? She flipped out about the gun, and when she finds out who I am, she'll never let me near either of them again.” I dropped my head into my hands.
She stopped rocking. “Do you think I wanted to tell Stone about what happened to me?”
“It's totally different. I chose the things I've done. You didn't.”
“They're still there, no matter what,” she pointed out, but she wouldn't win this argument. Muriella was innocent. I was not.
“How am I supposed to tell her I love her and then keep secrets? I want out, but I'm in too deep. If something were to happen to either of them because of me . . .”
She appeared ready to come through the screen to shake me. “What do you mean you're not out? I thought it was over.”
I sighed. Shit. I hadn't wanted to drag her into this, but my big mouth had just ensured she'd be in the know. Because she wouldn't let it go.
“I'm not getting into specifics, but I got involved with some people, foolishly believing someday I might be able to take them out. Before, I didn't really care if I died. I'd be with Mama, and I could watch over you. But I don't want to give you up, and Holly and Gabriel mean everything to me. I'm going to have to keep supplying a notoriously dangerous man if he figures out I'm not dead. And someone I trusted to help me execute my plan betrayed me.” So far, Eduardo hadn’t outed me as being alive and well. I wasn’t sure why, but at any time, he could use the information to his advantage.
Muriella’s brows dipped in a V. “What do you need from me?”
“To stay out of it and trust me. I feel like I've escaped hell but somehow brought it with me.” Admitting what was on my mind wasn't a relief at all. There was worry in her eyes, and I'd put it there.
“Just be careful.”
Muriella didn't like it, but she understood some things had to be done. There always seemed to be a trade-off, a sacrifice to be made. Though I was tired of having to decide between the lesser of two evils, I would continu
e to do it when it concerned my family, which now included Holly and Gabriel, whether they accepted it or not. I better understood now why the men in our world kept their women in the dark in regard to business and why the women turned a blind eye until they no longer could. It was how generations had survived. Hiding the truth from Holly was yet another way that made me like my father.
“How do I tell her how I feel without scaring her?”
“You show her by continuing to do what you've been doing. Then, when you tell her, she'll believe you.”
That made sense, but it would take more time than I had the patience for. “I have to tell her at least some of the truth,” I determined.
“You have to trust she isn't easily scared. Give her a chance to make up her own mind.” She paused and gave me a stern look as if she was making certain I heard her. “Don't wait to talk to Holly. The longer you do, the more difficult it will be.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Holly
Thwack.
A soccer ball hit me in the shin, and Gabriel burst into laughter.
“You're supposed to kick it, Mama.”
We were up on the rooftop deck for a quick round before it was time to put Gabriel to bed. He needed to burn off some energy, and he loved playing so much I couldn't say no. I wanted the fresh air to clear my mind of Jason for at least a few minutes.
“I'm so frozen I can't move my legs,” I said, shivering.
Carlos scooped the ball into his arms. “Come on. We better get our beautiful lady inside, where it's warm.”
I let him dote on us like we were the most important thing in his world because I needed it. Over the past few weeks, I'd come to consider him part of our family, and the three of us together felt like what I'd wanted from the time I was a little girl. I didn’t have to pretend we were in love and he adored our son, because he was making me fall for him with everything he did for us.
I’d let down my guard and enjoyed the evening, as I seemed to be doing more and more, forgetting I was supposed to keep Carlos at a distance. I didn't want to. I wanted more of this, and that scared me. I was afraid to take a chance, but deep down, I knew he was the one for Gabriel and me. He was why I was breaking all of my rules.
“Can we play tomorrow?” Gabriel asked.
“I don't see why not.” Then Carlos deferred to me with a look. I liked that he didn't try to make decisions about Gabriel without consulting me first. “Is Miss Ruby gonna be okay?” Gabriel asked as we tromped down the stairs to the elevator lobby.
“I think so, baby,” I said, brushing my fingers through his hair while we waited for the elevator. “Mulaney says she’s almost back to her old self.”
“Can we go see her?” Gabriel asked hopefully.
“You've got school, but she knows we're thinking about her.”
“Can I ask Jesus to make her well?”
A choked sound came out of my throat as it clogged with tears. This boy had the kindest soul.
Carlos pulled something out of his pocket and held it out to Gabriel. “Hold this in your hand while you pray.”
“What is it?”
“This was my mother's rosary. I keep it with me everywhere I go. It's supposed to help you keep up with prayers as you say them, but I like to hold it when I pray or need strength,” Carlos explained patiently.
I was surprised he would keep such a thing with him, yet it seemed exactly like something Carlos would do. He had a tender heart, but I didn't think he realized it.
“Like Mama's necklace?”
I pulled the gold chain with the cross from under my shirt.
“It's exactly like that,” he said.
Mrs. Michaels had been a great teacher. I wouldn’t have survived or learned to survive had it not been for her careful attention to her students. To me. The brown paper bags in my backpack when we returned from PE were filled with a healthy lunch. Somehow, she'd known my home life wasn't the best, that my parents were negligent, and even at six, I was doing the best I could to fend for myself and my two-year-old brother. Mrs. Michaels had taken off the necklace and given it to me, telling me it had kept her alive when a car accident should have killed her. She hoped it would do some good for me. I hadn't been without it since.
“Is your mama in heaven?” Gabriel asked, and I had the urge to scold him for being so blunt, especially about a sensitive subject, but Carlos answered before I could open my mouth.
“Yes. She's an angel.”
I touched his shoulder in support. His voice was pained when he spoke, as though the wounds from the loss of his mother were still fresh. I wasn't sure what I'd feel if my own mother were to die, but I imagined it would be nothing akin to what he experienced. His hurt became mine. I wanted to take it away in much the same way I did when Gabriel hurt. Gabriel dropped to his knees, clutching the rosary in his palm. Carlos mimicked him, and I followed, the three of us on the floor in a circle. We held hands while Gabriel bowed his head and said a sweet prayer for Miss Ruby. I wasn't religious per se, but I felt I owed it to Gabriel to give him the option so he could decide what he believed for himself when he got older.
After we’d put him to bed, Carlos led me to the living room, and we sat on the sofa, facing each other. His hands sought mine as if he needed them for support, and he looked somber.
The evening had been too perfect. “What do you have to tell me that I'm not going to like?”
“Probably quite a few things.” There wasn't a trace of humor in his voice.
I sat up straighter and braced myself for the worst.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Carlos
I didn't want to tell her who I was. When I was with her and Gabriel, that part of me didn't exist anymore. Instead of facing it, I used distraction.
“Who is Gabriel's father, and why isn't he in the boy's life?” Okay, so that wasn't exactly what I'd meant to say. But it was out there, and I wanted to know.
Holly yanked her hands from mine, her expression turning stormy. “We're talking about you. Gabriel is off-limits,” she said stiffly.
I tried to pretend that didn't sting, but it did, like a motherfucker. “I need to know what I'm up against. If you don't tell me, that makes it harder for me to protect you.”
“We've done just fine on our own.” Holly's chin lifted, green eyes flashing.
“I can see that, but you aren't on your own any longer.”
“No, Carlos. My son is my responsibility, and if you can’t accept that—” Holly stood, shutting me out as if all the progress I believed we'd made over the past few weeks was negated in an instant.
I stood and wrapped her in my arms. I needed to feel her, breathing deep as her scent filled my nose. I let all my walls crumble. If I had any chance, I had to let her see it all. “I'm stalling because I'm afraid.” Her breath hitched. “When I tell you the truth, I'm terrified you'll want nothing to do with me, and I can't let that happen. Not when I've felt like a whole person for the first time since my mother died, and that’s because of you and Gabriel. “
Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. “I need to be sitting down for this, don't I?”
I sank down on the sofa, arranging Holly so she was between my legs.
“My father was the head of one of the largest drug cartels in Central America. Now that he's dead, technically that's my position.” I paused, letting her absorb that for a moment. “The life I've led isn't one I wanted. It was done out of necessity.”
I told her the rest, leaving nothing out.
“About a month after I shipped Muriella away, I turned to my old comforts. I snorted enough cocaine up my nose that my heart should have exploded. Looking back, I think I wanted to die.”
Holly's lips parted, a puff of shocked air slipping out, but our hands remained joined, and it was a lifeline for me.
“I reached into my pocket for my cigarettes, but all I found was Mama's rosary. As jacked up as I was, something inside woke when I touched it. It was as if my mother was tellin
g me my duty to protect my sister was far from over. That if I kept up this self-destructive behavior, my father won. I still drank, but I never touched the powder again.”
She touched my face. “I know what an addict looks like, how they behave, because I've lived around them all my life. You aren't one.”
“My abuse of drugs isn't the problem.”
“You're a drug lord,” she surmised, though I didn't hear the disgust I’d expected.
“I thought I’d be done with it once I eliminated my father, but this isn't a life you simply walk away from. That world doesn’t let you. The things I've done, the people I've associated with . . . I'll always be tied to it.”
“What do you mean, 'eliminated'?”
“Exactly how it sounds. It's the cause I've been dedicated to since I was sixteen. He located my sister several weeks ago and nearly got her back, so I had to speed up the timetable for his demise,” I answered, and she appeared stunned. “I'd rather not get into specifics with you for your own safety, but know this: when I came to New York, it was with the hope of having a relationship with Camila again. Muriella. I never expected you and Gabriel. It's changed everything for me, but there are things I still have to do, and I want to keep you as far away from them as possible.” I didn’t know what she was thinking, though I saw her mind working.
“So you will continue your family business?” Her tone was neutral.
“The world believes I died, along with my father. My new identity as an American citizen is Marcos Santiago. I don’t like hiding. I prefer to face things.” I clutched her hand. “But if I have to hide to protect the people I care about, I’ll do it.”
“If you aren’t found, will all your troubles be over?” she asked hopefully.
I hated to dash her optimism, but she needed to know everything. “The man who assisted executing my plan isn’t who I believed him to be. That was the phone call I took the other day. I don’t know what he’ll do with the information that I’m not dead, but it could be very valuable to him.”
Dangerous Redemption: A Single Parent Forbidden Romance Novel (Paths To Love Book 4) Page 17
