Gabe

by Ruth Cardello

  What will I leave behind?

  He’d never wanted to be encumbered with a wife and children, but the thought of dying without either wasn’t what he wanted.

  “Your father made this himself, didn’t he? He didn’t hire it out.”

  “You’re right,” Gabe said in surprise.

  She smiled and ran a hand over the remaining slats of the wooden ladder. “I knew it was made with love. Your mother helped him design it.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Because it has curtains.”

  “I never noticed them.” But there they were . . . the tattered remains of them anyway. “I bet you’re right.”

  She touched his carved initials. “Why did you decide not to keep the ranch?”

  Gabe leaned a shoulder against the tree and looked down at her. “My father included an occupancy clause. I’d have to stay here for a month. There’s too much going on at work for it to be worth it.”

  “How do your brothers feel about you not keeping it?”

  “It’s really none of their business. Dad gave something to each of us. I’m not getting involved in what they do with what they inherited. They know better than to try to tell me what to do with mine.” She held his eyes long enough that he eventually confessed, “My mother’s sister is the reason I’m here this weekend. She’s hoping I keep it.”

  With her hands behind her, she rested her back on the tree beside his arm. “But you don’t want to.”

  He bent so his face hovered above hers and growled, “Even if I wanted to keep it, it doesn’t make sense to.”

  She licked her bottom lip. “I couldn’t let it go. Not with everything that’s here.”

  He bent closer. “I’ve gotten as far as I have by staying focused and keeping my life uncluttered.”

  “That’ll make a depressing epitaph.”

  “Really? What will yours say?”

  A corner of her mouth twitched with a hint of a smile. “It all went to hell, but she meant well.”

  He chuckled.

  She smiled.

  He pivoted to stand in front of her and placed a hand on the tree beside her head. Even though she was smiling, there’d been a twinge of sadness in her voice. “Are things that bad?”

  She touched his cheek gently. “Yes, but not when I’m with you.”

  Their connection shook him. He wanted her, but it was more than that. Refusing to overthink it, he groaned and claimed her mouth with his.

  Chapter Eight

  Three months of being utterly alone. Six months on the run. Years since a man’s touch had brought her release. She didn’t want to say no anymore. Not with Gabe. He deepened their kiss. There was no more thinking, only an urgency to experience him. She ran her hands up his flat stomach, across his chest, and encircled his neck. Arching brought her breasts fully against him, and she sighed at the pleasure that rocked through her.

  He kissed his way across her cheek and neck. “God, you taste so good.”

  She licked her lips. “So do you.”

  With the sure moves of an experienced man, he lifted her shirt over her head between kisses, keeping her too mesmerized to protest. Her bra followed it to the ground. He cupped her breasts and they warmed beneath his adoring gaze. “So perfect.”

  She would have protested that she wasn’t, but the ability to speak disappeared when his mouth closed over her nipple. “Oh, Gabe.”

  He paused just long enough to say, “I love the way you say my name.”

  “Gabe,” she said again, breathlessly as she dug her hands into the back of his hair. His tongue was magic. She couldn’t get enough of it. When he moved his attention to her other breast, she sought his manhood. Fully aroused, it easily filled her hand. She stroked it, loving the size of him.

  He groaned and kissed his way back to her mouth. She took his tongue in, circling it with hers. His hands caressed her breasts, gently at first and then with skilled firmness that fueled the flame inside her.

  She wanted more of him and began to frantically unbutton his shirt. Her fingers fumbled in their haste. Without breaking their kiss, he helped her finish and dropped his shirt onto the grass. Her hands went to the clasp of his khakis, and he covered her hand with his. “Are you sure?” he asked raggedly.

  If she wasn’t before, his question made up her mind. One night with a man like him was worth the heartache she’d feel the next day. “Shut up and kiss me,” she said, intending it as a joke, but it came out as a desperate request.

  He complied eagerly, unfastened her jeans, and slid them down along with her panties. “Gorgeous.”

  She felt beautiful in that moment. Beautiful and sexy. Young and free. Yesterday didn’t matter. She wasn’t thinking about tomorrow. There was only Gabe and the pleasure his mouth and hands brought everywhere they caressed.

  She slid his pants down, loving how his shaft jutted against her eagerly. He stepped back long enough to spread his shirt out on the grass beneath the tree house. She guessed his intention and lay across it. He sank to all fours between her legs. “I want to hear you say my name as you come, and you will. And you’ll call it out when you’re begging me to take you.”

  Josephine would have made a joke about his level of confidence, but when his tongue found her clit there was nothing funny about the pleasure that ripped through her. This was no fumbling boy. His tongue danced over her, dipped within her, brought her exactly where he’d promised to take her.

  She cried out his name when she came and grasped his shoulders desperately. The waves of heat spreading through her weren’t enough. She wanted him, needed him inside her. He reached for his pants and the short time it took for him to sheath himself in a condom felt like an eternity.

  The wait proved worthy. He positioned himself between her legs, held his weight with one hand while using his other to lift one of her legs to his chest. His first thrust was gentle. His second was deeper. Each one that followed was faster and more forceful until she was writhing beneath him, meeting each thrust eagerly and begging him not to stop. There was no rush to this claiming, but she wasn’t sure it could be called lovemaking. It was rough, primal. She’d never lost control during sex, but her previous experiences paled in comparison. Some part of her knew she was digging her nails into his back, but she didn’t care. Waves of pleasure rocked through her again and this time he was right there with her, calling out . . .

  Josie.

  Because that’s who he thinks I am.

  A tear slid down her cheek. He kissed it away then groaned as he came. “Holy shit,” he said. He took a moment to remove his condom then pulled her to his chest. “Holy shit that was good.”

  She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes.

  “Josie. Are you okay?”

  She shook her head and kept her eyes closed.

  “Look at me,” he urged.

  She covered her mouth with her hand, and tears that she fought to hold back spilled over. “I can’t. I can’t do this.”

  He hugged her. “Josie.”

  That only brought more tears. She opened her eyes but couldn’t raise them to his. “Stop. Stop saying my name. Stop being so nice to me. Stop kissing me. Just stop.”

  He sat up and gave her a light shake. “You wanted me as much as I wanted you.”

  “I did,” she said and pulled away from him, reaching for her bra and shirt, “but I didn’t know I would feel this way.”

  “What way? Talk to me.”

  She shook her head again and continued dressing. There was no way to tell him without telling him everything. How could she explain that she’d thought being with him would make her feel less lonely, but hearing him call her the wrong name drove home how alone she actually was? He’d had sex with the woman he thought she was. Not me.

  And instead of feeling better, she felt like she’d lost another piece of herself. She grabbed her shoes and started to walk away.

  He pulled on his pants, chased after her and pulled her to a halt by
her arm. His voice was tortured and deep. “If I hurt you—”

  “You didn’t.”

  “Someone did.”

  She looked into his concerned eyes and imagined what he’d say if she tried to explain. Would he believe any part of it?

  And how would she begin to tell him?

  Oh, sorry about the tears. I do that every time I lie about who I am to a man and then sleep with him. It’s silly really. Why the lie? Nothing too big. Just a small misunderstanding involving a breached government contract, a company that may or may not want me dead, and the fact that I have enough possibly explosive material hidden in the back of the main garage to permanently put myself on a terrorist watch list. Besides that, really, there’s not much going on.

  He gripped her upper arms. “How can I help you if you won’t talk to me?”

  “Leave,” she said quietly.

  His hands tightened on her. “What?”

  “I don’t want to have dinner with you tonight. I want you to go. Please. Go tonight. Go now.”

  He dropped his hands. “Is that really what you want?”

  She hugged her arms around herself. “Yes.”

  “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I hate that I did.” His face was tight and pale.

  “You did nothing wrong. It’s my problem. Not yours.”

  He pocketed his hands and hovered. “Do you need anything? I could find someone for you to talk to. It doesn’t have to be me.”

  Tears welled again in her eyes. “I’m fine. I would leave if I could, but I can’t so—”

  “I’ll walk you back.”

  She nodded and waited while he gathered up his things and put his shoes on. She’d never felt more lost or confused than when she left him on the steps of the guest house. After closing the door behind her she sank to the floor and hugged her knees to her chest.

  I took something beautiful and made it ugly.

  Gabe thinks he took advantage of a woman who has been abused.

  I’d be afraid this will land me in hell, but I’m already there.

  Once again in a suit and tie, Gabe repacked his luggage as guilt crushed down on him. He hadn’t lived a perfect life. Yes, there were things he’d done he wasn’t proud of, but nothing like this. He’d never sunk so low that he couldn’t look himself in the mirror. He felt physically sick that he’d allowed lust to overpower his sense of decency.

  Josie had trusted him. She’d told him she wasn’t ready for more. All the signs had been there that she needed time and patience. But I plowed ahead because I couldn’t keep my hands off her.

  Gabe was normally good at damage control, at least when it came to business. He could spin almost anything into a win, but there was no winning in this situation.

  I hurt her.

  A few days ago he would have said he was a good man. Maybe not one who remembered someone’s birthday or brought soup to the sick, but he’d always fought a clean fight. Women had come and gone in his life, but he liked to think he’d always left them in as good or better a place than he found them. People envied Gabe, they didn’t hate him.

  They would if they’d seen Josie’s tears. I did that. I should have made sure she was safe. I should have realized that a woman who pulls a gun on a stranger needs protection more than she needs a lover.

  He approached his car then grimaced at the ding on the door. He shook his head in self-deprecation. Yesterday, I thought a marred paint job was a big deal. Now I wish that were the only damage I’d done this weekend.

  Before getting into his car he walked over and placed a folded piece of paper in the door of the guest house. He almost knocked, but she’d asked him to go. If I see her, I’ll want to hold her until I know she’s okay. But that’s not what she wants.

  He sat in his car for a few minutes waiting for her to open the door of the house, but she didn’t. Eventually he revved the engine and peeled out, not caring what damage the gravel did to the car as it flew up in his wake.

  Because he couldn’t bear the silence of the ride, Gabe called Hunter.

  “Hey, I’m driving back from the ranch,” Gabe said slowly.

  “Aunt Claire told me you’d headed down there. I thought you were staying until tomorrow.”

  “I was.”

  “Still letting it go, I bet. I told her a weekend wouldn’t make a difference. The tax write-off idea was genius. You always did know how to work the system.”

  “So you don’t actually care if I keep it.” It wasn’t a question.

  “Are you asking for my opinion?” Hunter sounded surprised.

  “Yes. I would need to delay the occupancy part while I organized my office as well as figured out a few things, but I’m considering keeping it. I rode down to the canyon, and it wasn’t what I expected.”

  “Wait, you rode down to the canyon on what?”

  “An ATV I found in the garage.”

  “You weren’t afraid it would wrinkle your suit?” Hunter teased although not in a mean fashion.

  “I have other clothes.” Now. “Being at the ranch brought back a lot of memories. It actually made me miss Dad. Imagine that.”

  Hunter whistled. “Are you drunk?”

  Am I normally that much of a jackass that I’d have to be drunk to say I miss someone? “No, just thinking. A few years from now some of us will have families. The ranch was a good place for us when we were children. It might be good to keep it for the next generation.”

  “Are you pregnant?” Hunter asked with a laugh.

  “I don’t know why I thought talking to you would help.”

  “Sorry,” Hunter said in a more serious tone. “I’m just not used to you coming to me for advice. Visiting the ranch sounds like it really affected you. If so, you should keep it.”

  “I couldn’t understand why Dad would leave it to me, but you and I are old enough to remember what it was like to be there when Mom was alive. We were all different then.”

  “Because we were kids.”

  “Not just that. We were close, and it felt like we always would be.”

  “Shit, Gabe, are you okay?”

  “I’ll be back in my office by tonight. Work will improve my mood. It always does.”

  “Let’s get together soon for a drink.”

  “Sounds good.”

  “Call me if you need me, Gabe. I’m serious.”

  “I’m fine, Hunter. Keep out of trouble.”

  “Now that is something I can’t promise,” Hunter answered with a chuckle and hung up.

  Gabe decided work was the perfect salve. He listened to emails as he drove and dictated his response to several of them. Some would have to wait until he spoke to his team. Others required information that was on his computer.

  My laptop.

  Shit.

  I left it at the ranch.

  A glance down at the GPS revealed he was halfway to his apartment. He pulled over at the first rest stop to confirm that he had indeed forgotten to pack his laptop. Shit. Returning for it the next week wasn’t an option; he had too many confidential files linked to it and too much work in progress on his desktop.

  He could send someone else for it, but that seemed ridiculous. Although it would be a real pain in the ass, it made more sense to turn around and add a few hours to the trip. It didn’t matter what time he got in. There was no chance he’d be able to sleep anyway. And there’s no one waiting for me there.

  I’ll drive back to the ranch, grab the laptop, and go. It doesn’t have to be more than that.

  Unless Josie comes out when I return.

  She might after she reads my note.

  Chapter Nine

  There wasn’t time to feel sorry for herself or sorry in general. As soon as Gabe was down the driveway, Josie called for the moving truck. Thankfully it was available. She arranged to be picked up and taken to the rental office, then she would drive herself back to the ranch. She’d leave behind the older car she’d bought for a few hundred dollars.

  She quickly darkened h
er hair to jet black and chose equally dark contact lenses. To go along with the new identity, she put on a conservative flowered dress. She had enough cash to stay at a hotel for a short time, which would give her time to find a new place.

  Julie. That sounds like a nice name.

  A couple hours later, she loaded the last of the boxes into the back of the truck and was thankful the sun had set. The air had cooled and felt good on her warm cheeks. She wiped sweat from her forehead and sat on the steps of the guest house. All that was left to load was the bike and she would be done.

  She pulled Gabe’s note out of her back pocket and held it on her lap.

  I have to read it.

  I don’t want to, but how can I not?

  There’s nothing he could have written that would make me feel better. On the other hand, I can’t imagine I could feel worse than I do.

  I didn’t have to let him leave thinking he’d hurt me. Even if I couldn’t tell him the truth, I could have made up another lie—one that would have made him hate me instead of himself.

  She closed her eyes briefly then, after taking a fortifying breath, opened them along with the note.

  Josie,

  I don’t have the words to express how sorry I am. You trusted me, and I didn’t honor your trust or you the way I should have. I could tell you that I’ve never wanted a woman as desperately as I wanted you, but that would sound like I’m trying to excuse my actions. There is no excuse.

  You don’t have to tell me what you’ve been through, but please let me help you. I’ll hold off sending my team to work on the house. I have to make a decision about the ranch soon, but I’ll put it off as long as I can.

  If you need a place to stay, I’ll help you find one.

  I never meant to hurt you. If you believe nothing else, believe that.

  You deserve better than I brought this weekend, and I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I hope that you’ll let me make things easier for you.

  You don’t have to face your demons alone,

  Gabe