Mafia Casanova

by Robinson, M.

The truth meant I lost her.

  The truth meant setting her free while burning myself alive.

  It meant not seeing Naz again.

  It meant walking out of her life when all I’d ever wanted was to be in it.

  I would have taken anything.

  Any crumb of attention I would feast on.

  Instead, she wanted the truth, when all I ever wanted to do was lie to her, to keep her safe.

  To keep his memory safe.

  To create this illusion that everything was perfect when, in reality, it was all completely fucked.

  “The truth,” I repeated.

  “God, you can’t even do that for me, can you? You say you love me, you’ll protect me, you’ll keep me safe, and yet you can’t even trust me with your truth, you can’t even—”

  “It was fast.” I locked eyes with her. “It was necessary.”

  She gasped, throwing her hands over her mouth like she was afraid the sob would be too loud if she didn’t mask it with her fingertips.

  I took a step toward her. “You want the truth still?”

  Tears slid down her cheeks at her slow nod.

  “Despite asking for Tristian’s forgiveness before he took his last breath, I liked it. I reveled in his death even though it pained me to have to kill him. He was my brother. I sacrificed you, Naz, myself… for him.”

  She averted her eyes.

  “Nope.” I was on her then, my hands jerking her fingers away from her mouth; I caged her against the wall, cupping her jaw with my hand. “You want the truth, you get all of it. Next time remember that.” I dropped my hand. “Look at me.”

  She met my eyes. Her lower lip trembling. I just wanted to kiss it away, to take away the pain, to tell her that I had to no matter what.

  Would it have changed things if I was honest in the beginning?

  Probably not.

  But there was something to be said about being honest in the end. Maybe that was why they called them happy endings. It wasn’t that everything worked out perfectly. It was that when the story finally closed, you knew you had done everything you could to own up to your truth. And in the end, how could that not be happy? When you’ve said your peace, it was your only choice. Sadness and anger were for liars.

  I was done being a liar. Being forced to lay it at her feet, a sacrifice I’d never come back from. I might as well slit my wrists and stab my own heart, watching myself bleed.

  “My truth,” I rasped, “is that, no matter what, I will always fucking put you first. You and Naz. Even if it means I kill my brother.” I shook my head. “My truth? My truth is the night you came running to your father with Naz, I went out and looked for him. I found him at our dive bar with this woman I thought I recognized.”

  “You knew he was cheating on me?”

  “Not at first. But once I started doing some digging, I realized who she was married to. One thing led to another, and it took me a year to figure out the truth of his indiscretions.”

  “What did he do?”

  I nodded toward the couch. “You’re going to want to sit down before I tell you the rest.”

  Her expression quickly turned to worry; she looked like she might pass out. I helped her toward the sofa, crouching down in front of her so I could stare into her eyes.

  She was going to need all the support I could give her with what I was about to disclose.

  “Romeo, you’re freaking me out. How bad was it?”

  “Enough for me to kill him.”

  Her eyes widened, and I kissed the inside of her wrist, wanting to feel her pulse against my lips before I ripped the ground out from under her.

  “He was going to kill you for twenty-five million dollars.”

  Her mouth dropped open, her face paled, and I never wanted to take away the hurt in her eyes more than I did in that moment.

  “What…” she whispered all in one breath.

  “He was cooking the books for Ivan Drozdov without our knowing. When I found out, it was just a domino effect. Tristian told him that he would kill you if he made him a made man and gave him twenty-five million dollars.”

  “Wow. I saw the wire transfer. I guess now I know my worth.”

  I grabbed her chin. “You’re worth all the money in the world.”

  Her eyes lit up.

  Hope.

  I hadn’t seen it in so long.

  “Ivan was using Tristian. Once Tristian killed you, Ivan was going to turn on him and save face to our family by telling us what he was capable of for a title and money.”

  “He was sleeping with his wife?”

  “Yeah. That’s what made Ivan turn on him.”

  “I can’t believe this.” She shook her head. It was evident she was overwhelmed, and I couldn’t blame her. It was a lot to take in, and it was about to get much worse. “He was going to kill Naz for twenty-five million as well.”

  “Oh my God!” She shot straight up, I went with her. “You can’t be serious?!”

  “I’m so sorry, Eden. He only just decided that a few days ago, when he found out Naz was mine.”

  It was blow after blow that I was delivering, and I hated myself for it, but she needed to know the truth. I knew Eden, and she wouldn’t stop until she got to the bottom of it. It was better for her to hear it from me, the man who’d actually killed him.

  The force of my statement had her stumbling back, but I caught onto her waist.

  “You know?” she muttered in a low tone.

  I nodded.

  “How long have you known?”

  “Since I first met him. It’s why I stayed away. I thought Tristian was a better example of a father. I never imagined he’d stoop that low.”

  “I don’t know what to say…”

  “I made a choice. I chose you. For the first time in my life, I chose you, Eden, and I won’t apologize for that,” I paused, wanting my words to truly sink in. We both know he wasn’t himself anymore. The old Tristian died a long time ago; I just killed his shadow to prevent him from killing you or my son.”

  Eden swayed on her feet, her hands moving to my shoulders as she righted herself. But she was unable to hold her body up, and her knees crumpled. I held onto her waist harder.

  I could do that for her.

  “I killed him,” I repeated. “I killed him to save the only two people I’ve ever loved. And I’d do it again. To keep you safe, I’d burn the world, Red.”

  I tightened my grip, catching her before she collapsed into a heap on the office floor, lifting her into my arms, sitting her on my lap instead while tears streamed down her face in rapid succession.

  “Would it have mattered?”

  I held her tight. “Would what have mattered?”

  “Had you chosen me the first time, would we still be in this predicament? Would he still be dead?”

  I hesitated. “I don’t know, Eden. All I know is what’s done is done, and we’re responsible for our own choices, our own mistakes. As humans, we’re compelled to own up to the good and the bad. In the end, I don’t think Tristian was able to do that, so he dug deeper and deeper until he couldn’t see his way out, and then he used the end to justify his present actions. He used his jealousy of me and love for you as a weapon.”

  Her breathing had evened out as she laid her head against my chest.

  “Does it make me a horrible person, then?”

  “Does what?”

  Her hands shook as she wrapped her arms around me and clung to me like her life depended on it. “That I feel safer in the arms of my husband’s killer? That I’ve always felt protected even when I couldn’t see you because I knew you wouldn’t let anything happen to us. That—” She sniffled. “That I kept your son from you for five years.”

  My chest twisted with pain.

  “It got harder and harder the older he got. His mannerisms, down to the way he narrows his eyes and stares to the side when he’s thinking really hard.” Eden pulled back, her eyes blurry. “I didn’t know what to do!”

>   “Eden—”

  “You’d said you just wanted to fuck me, and I was marrying your brother. So many times, I told myself not to walk down that aisle, that we had something, that you were pushing me away. And then the more I thought about it, the more I realized that in your stupid head, you had no choice. You were convinced I was safer without you in my life when I’ve only ever been safe because you’re in it. I let Tristian raise him as his own because I was scared of what would happen if either of you found out the truth.”

  I listened to every word she was sharing, eager to see where she was going with this. I’d often wondered why she never told me, especially at night, when I was alone in my cold penthouse, thinking about her and what could have been in my bed. It had become more difficult to be around Naz the older he got. I could see everything she was saying about him.

  My son didn’t even realize it, but he was exactly like me.

  “I was going to leave him,” she blurted out of nowhere. She grabbed her shirt and lifted it up to her cheek, wiping away the makeup.

  It was only then that I noticed what she was hiding underneath it.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

  “Heroes are imaginary, but villains are real.” —Best villain quotes

  Romeo

  With the backs of my fingers, I skimmed the nasty bruise that was healing on her cheekbone.

  “The last time I saw Tristian, he hit me. I followed him to his office that morning, and I saw him with that woman… with Ivan’s wife, I guess. He looked so happy. I don’t think I remember the last time he looked at me the way he was looking at her. It hurt. A lot.” She bowed her head; however, I held up her chin. Making her gaze at me.

  “No more shame between us.”

  She thought about it for a second. “I decided that day I was going to leave him. That I couldn’t stay with him just because I didn’t want to break up Naz’s family. This last week has opened my eyes to so much I didn’t see. Naz knew what his father had turned into, and it makes me feel like a horrible mother. How could I not protect our boy?”

  “Loyalty is a powerful emotion, Red.”

  “I was so blinded by my anger with Tristian blowing me off once I confronted him. He didn’t care about what I saw, what I felt; I didn’t know the man that was screaming at me. And I hadn’t for the last year.”

  “What happened that night you went to your father’s house?”

  Her eyes went wide again, almost like she was reliving it all over again. “He was drunk. He was upset I had dumped out all his liquor. Before I knew what was happening, there was a gun in his hand and over my heart.”

  My head jerked back. If he wasn’t already dead, I’d kill him. Part of me wanted to bring him back to life just to kill him again.

  “Eden, you should have told me.”

  “I thought I was doing the right thing. I’d betrayed him, and I thought I deserved it. I wanted to tell you about Naz. I swear it. I was going to tell you after I left Tristian, but you ended up taking care of it. When I told him the truth about Naz, he lost it and attacked me. He left me on the floor in this office, beaten, scared… I never imagined that he wouldn’t ever come home again.”

  “This was never his home. You were never his home. Neither was our son.”

  “Our son. You say that so easily? You’re not upset with me?”

  I shook my head. “No. I could have said something to you, but I once again chose my brother as the better man for you. I was wrong. If I could go back to that night I claimed you, I would have never left you. Please tell me you know that?”

  “I do now.”

  “From the first time I laid my eyes on our son, I knew he was mine. The way he looked at me, the way he smiled. The dimple. I expected Tristian to confront me about it, but he never did.” I cupped her face with my hands. “This life, it takes pieces of your soul away, and if you’re not careful, you turn into someone you don’t recognize anymore. Tristian wasn’t meant for this life, and as much as I’m loathe to admit it, that’s the reason I thought he was better. I imagined myself coming home to you only to have you resent everything I did and all the reasons I did it.”

  She glared at me through her tears. “That wasn’t your call to make.”

  God, she was pretty. “I know that now.”

  “I still hate you.” Her words held no punch. If anything, I almost took it as a compliment and, for some reason, found myself smiling as she locked eyes with me.

  “I know.”

  “And I may have prayed your perfect hair would fall out or that you’d age horribly so that when I saw you again, my heart wouldn’t skip in my chest, but I think even if all those things had happened, I would have still been drawn to you when I knew I shouldn’t have been.”

  I tilted her chin toward me, joking, “I hate you too.” Trying to lighten up the mood.

  It was heavy.

  I didn’t want to see her tears any longer.

  Be the reason she was sad.

  Upset.

  Heartbroken.

  I wanted to be the man she deserved.

  The father Naz needed.

  I yearned to be with him.

  My loves.

  My whole world.

  My family.

  She smiled. “I know.”

  “I’m sorry for everything, Red.”

  She looked down, then reached for my hands. I questioned if she saw blood there like I did despite the millions of times I’d cleaned them.

  Did she see the souls I’d taken?

  Did she know these very hands strangled the life out of the man that was out to kill her?

  Did it matter?

  It did.

  It always did.

  Because it was Eden.

  And everything she thought mattered.

  Slowly, she lifted my hands to her face, cupping her cheeks as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I missed this.”

  “Can I ask you something?”

  She tilted her head. “Maybe…”

  “Did I hurt you? That night?”

  “What night?”

  “When I ruined both of our lives and tried to push you out of my heart, my soul. Did I hurt you?” I searched her eyes for any hint of emotion. Hating myself that I didn’t know at the time that I had selfishly fucked her, knowing I was losing her. I didn’t think at all to take my time to truly cherish the only woman I wanted to cherish.

  To love.

  To own.

  For now and forever.

  Her face flushed. “N-no. I mean, yes… at first it hurt, but I didn’t want to tell you, not when I finally had…” She averted her eyes. “Not when I finally had you. Not when I’d waited so long to taste your kiss. Feel your hands on me. Your dick inside of me. That night at the bar when you became captain all those years ago and you left me with Tristian. It was you I wanted to take me home. It was you I wanted to start a relationship with. It’s always been you. I’ve loved you my entire life, Romeo Sinacore. I knew what you were doing; I could see it in your eyes.” She lifted her face and pinned my gaze with hers. “I think that’s what hurt the most, how easily you gave me up. Gave me away.”

  These confessions were breaking my heart. I had to remind myself we were long past that, and she was in my arms. I made so many mistakes, and I was sure I wasn’t done making them.

  But for her.

  For Eden.

  My girl.

  My Red.

  The mother of my child.

  I’d try to not fuck it up.

  I waited too long for her.

  This was always how we were meant to be.

  Together.

  No matter what life would throw at us.

  “I survived six years off the way I felt when I was inside of you, Eden.” My voice cracked as I slowly pushed her down against the couch, my body hovering over hers. “But somehow, in these last few minutes, I’ve forgotten the way my ex-best friend used to feel, I forgot the way you used to press up against me, and I
think I need reminding of why it was so hard to push you away in the first place…”

  Her body trembled beneath mine. “Because I’m addicted to a Casanova like you?”

  “No… because I’m a sinner, stumbling, bleeding into the garden of Eden, it’s the only place I find my salvation… In you.”

  Tears welled in her eyes, and I lowered my mouth, pressing a brief kiss against her lips. “I lied that night I took your virginity, and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my whole life.”

  I spoke my final truth against her mouth, “I love you. I’ve always loved you, and I always will.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

  “See, madness, as you know is like gravity, all it takes is a little push.” —Heath Ledger’s, The Joker

  Eden

  It didn’t feel real, the words he said, the way his lips felt against mine. He finally said the words I’d been dying to hear my entire life.

  I used to dream about this.

  When things were bad, I’d imagine Romeo storming into our home, taking Naz and me away, telling me he was wrong.

  That he’d been wrong.

  I was his.

  I had only ever been his.

  We’d kiss.

  And life wouldn’t hurt so much anymore.

  I wouldn’t flinch in fear whenever Tristian gave me a condescending look of hatred for not being good enough. For not being what he needed.

  Wanted.

  Couldn’t live without.

  Romeo’s eyes searched mine; he was asking a question without speaking.

  I answered without even breathing as I pressed my mouth against his, parting my lips, inviting him in, welcoming him home.

  To me.

  To us.

  We were finally one again, and there was no place I’d rather be than in this moment lost with him.

  In him.

  He was my everything.

  This felt right.

  It finally felt right.

  Us.

  I clung to the front of his shirt for dear life while he welcomed my kiss, his eyes completely focused on me. His heated gaze was almost to the point that I looked away.

  I turned my head slightly, only to have him grip my jaw roughly with his fingertips and bring me back to his hypnotizing stare.

  “You.” Awe and determination washed over his face, almost as if a hunger began burning inside of him.